Mourning the loss of her “fat friend” - WLSurgery.com

JayHobbs · 13th May, 2011

I have the most fantastic best friend. We have been besty mates since we met at the age of 11yrs old. We are both now 43yrs old and still as close as ever! We have shared so many good times and bad times and have always been there for each other.

Even though we have always been opposites. Emotionally, mentally and physically.

She was/is 6ft tall, angular, blonde and skinny. I am/was short, round, dark haired and fat. She has always had a fantastic appetite and can eat whatever she pleases where I only had to look at a biccy or cake and gained 10 Llbs.

We took a lot of ribbing during our school years, being called names like: French & Saunders, Little & Large, etc.. and the other kids used to whistle the theme tune to Laurel & Hardy when we walked down the corridors. We were always involved in drama at school and played up to the comical appearance we had when we were together. We have always laughed at and accepted our differences.

During our teens we were inseparable. Even now we still speak most days on the phone and meet up 2-3 times a week. I was even present for the birth of her daughter (16 years ago) and am classed by both of her kids as “parental unit number 2”

On the day of my op she had written me a really long, touching letter that helped me through the stay in hospital. I found it really emotional and can never thank her enough for the support she has given me on not only my Op but throughout my life.

She mentioned in her letter that she would miss her “chunky” friend but was looking forward to meeting and getting to know her new “skinnier” friend.

She made me giggle last week, when she told me that she has a few “larger” girls in the office she works with. They have a brilliant relationship and she keeps them informed of my progress. They have all been interested and supportive. Last week she was joking with them that because I had now had the bypass and was losing weight, she was going to be mourning the loss of her “fat” friend and needed to find a replacement and she would be grooming them for the position.

What I am trying to say is that although the dynamics of our friendship are changing, the friendship remains strong. We are both getting excited about the coming changes. There are so many things we can hopefully soon start to do together, things we have missed out on, like clothes shopping/swapping. Long shopping trips around town. Zumba Dance Classes Walking ect... I have already dropped a shoe size, so this weekend I am going to raid her wardrobe for shoes/boots I can borrow... she doesn’t know it yet...ha ha ha

**Mini** · 13th May, 2011

WOW!!!

You are truly blessed with a wonderful friend and I loved reading your story and think you have the gift of story telling as you held my attention all the way through as I held my breath waiting to see what was coming next...Brilliant!!! Very inspirational and well done

JayHobbs · 13th May, 2011

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mini

WOW!!!

You are truly blessed with a wonderful friend and I loved reading your story and think you have the gift of story telling as you held my attention all the way through as I held my breath waiting to see what was coming next...Brilliant!!! Very inspirational and well done

Ohhhh Mini thanks for that. Now I have a massive smile on my face >>>>

As for the story telling, that is something I have been toying with for a few weeks now. I would love to write my life story! well my previous lifestory, as a "fat" bird.

There have been so many touching, emotional, painful, and funny incidents that I'd love to have a record of before the memory starts to fade too much.

I have been toying with titles like: "From Birth to gastric Bypass" hee hee..

Thankyou for your uplifting comment Mwaaaaaaaaa
Jay
xXx

Montana · 13th May, 2011

What a great post and a great story! It's very reassuring that these relationships don't always have to go bad when one goes through a major change.

The reason I say that is because a friend of mine recently underwent a massive change courtesy of the atkins diet, unfortunately though the slimmer she got, the bigger the change in her personality which reached a point where I couldn't be around her anymore. She became judgemental of others and me, would make comments about my weight and would b*tch about and backstab everyone around us. I've never quite understood why this happened and ever since it's worried me that I too will become like that after I've had my op without even realising!!

Your story brings great reassurance that things dont have to be like that and that if the friendship was genuine in the first place then it will carry on like that through thick and thin!!

H x

**Mini** · 13th May, 2011

Jay if your post above is anything to go by I will be first in line to buy your book that is for sure as you have a unique voice and very witty!

JayHobbs · 13th May, 2011

Quote:

Originally Posted by Montana

What a great post and a great story! It's very reassuring that these relationships don't always have to go bad when one goes through a major change.

The reason I say that is because a friend of mine recently underwent a massive change courtesy of the atkins diet, unfortunately though the slimmer she got, the bigger the change in her personality which reached a point where I couldn't be around her anymore. She became judgemental of others and me, would make comments about my weight and would b*tch about and backstab everyone around us. I've never quite understood why this happened and ever since it's worried me that I too will become like that after I've had my op without even realising!!

Your story brings great reassurance that things dont have to be like that and that if the friendship was genuine in the first place then it will carry on like that through thick and thin!!

H x

Hi Montana.
Thankyou for reply.

It does sound to me like your X-friend still has a lot of issues and is transfering her resentment of her dieting and missing food onto others. Also sounds like those re-formed smokers who preach and get on thier "pompus pulpit" when they have managed to quit!

I don't want to change my personality either, although I welcome some of the positive effects like having more confidence to go out more and be seen in public. I still want to be me!

I have re-assured my friend that I will still be the same person, I may have to buy a "fat suit" though as she will miss my special "cushion hugs" as she has always called them

Jay
xXx

**Neen** · 13th May, 2011

I think that's brilliant, I was worried when I read the title of your thread thinking it would be a sad one but how brill that she is excited for you!
I had a skinny friend in secondary school and I was the tubby one (we looked like the number 10 standing next to each other!) and we got on really well.
It's great that she embraces your WLS and your coming transformation with no jealousy or selfishness..I'm sure your slim hugs will do her just as nicely!
Really lovely to hear about such a supportive mate, it restores your faith in people x

JayHobbs · 13th May, 2011

Thanks Neen.

Loved the number 10 description,,, excellent!

Isn't it funny how opposites attract! To be able to fully appreciate and embrace our differences makes us better people I think.

They used to say "Beauty is only skin deep". Just in my case it was/is a bit deeper than others.

Friendship is one of the most rewarding relationships we can have.. Far too precious to risk losing

Jay
xXx

**Neen** · 13th May, 2011

I'm really chuffed for you! I think a genuine mate who will stick with you through literally thick and thin is like goldust!

john m · 13th May, 2011

yip me 2 ,i thought ooo no she lost a friend but its a luvly story and well worth the responce ur getting and am a guy lolsoppy git aint i

dolly48dd · 13th May, 2011

Thank you don't we all wish we had a friend like you have.xx

phatmomma · 13th May, 2011

Do you know what Jay and i say this with the firm belief that i am right... Your friend didn't have a fat best friend, she had you. As children we love without question, unconditionally, whether it's a parent/grandparent, sibling or the slightly chunky girl we sit next to in class and skip with at playtime...

You were that chunky girl and you will be the skinny girl i'm sure. I'm 100% positive you will still be 'best friend' no matter what size knickers you wear....

You and your friend are truly blessed, never lose that love cos it's priceless xx

wencho · 13th May, 2011

that made lovely reading

**ditzeeblonde** · 13th May, 2011

What a fabulous post... thanks for sharing. x

tranquil_butterfly · 13th May, 2011

Great post.

tranquil x

13th May, 2011	#1 (permalink)
JayHobbs Slowly Shrinking JayHobbs's Profile Albums JayHobbs's Photo Gallery Join Date: 9th July, 2010 Location: COSELEY. Nr Dudley/Bilston West Midlands Posts: 311 Thanks: 109 Thanked 29 Times in 29 Posts Rep Power: 82 Consultant: Dr Khan.Walsall Manor (Surgeon: Ms Hietmann) Funding: NHS Surgery Type: Gastric Bypass - Open Surgery Date: 1st April 2011 (12 noon - 15.30) Height: 5' 7" Gender: Female Start Date: referred to weight loss clinic October 2008 Start Weight: 290lb Current Weight: 180lb Goal Weight: 154lb Goal Date: December 2012 BMI Information: Start BMI: 45.4 Current BMI: 28.2 Goal BMI: 24.1 Statistics: Total Weight Loss: 110lb Weight to Lose: 26lb % Lost: 37.93% %EWL: 84%	Mourning the loss of her “fat friend” I have the most fantastic best friend. We have been besty mates since we met at the age of 11yrs old. We are both now 43yrs old and still as close as ever! We have shared so many good times and bad times and have always been there for each other. Even though we have always been opposites. Emotionally, mentally and physically. She was/is 6ft tall, angular, blonde and skinny. I am/was short, round, dark haired and fat. She has always had a fantastic appetite and can eat whatever she pleases where I only had to look at a biccy or cake and gained 10 Llbs. We took a lot of ribbing during our school years, being called names like: French & Saunders, Little & Large, etc.. and the other kids used to whistle the theme tune to Laurel & Hardy when we walked down the corridors. We were always involved in drama at school and played up to the comical appearance we had when we were together. We have always laughed at and accepted our differences. During our teens we were inseparable. Even now we still speak most days on the phone and meet up 2-3 times a week. I was even present for the birth of her daughter (16 years ago) and am classed by both of her kids as “parental unit number 2” On the day of my op she had written me a really long, touching letter that helped me through the stay in hospital. I found it really emotional and can never thank her enough for the support she has given me on not only my Op but throughout my life. She mentioned in her letter that she would miss her “chunky” friend but was looking forward to meeting and getting to know her new “skinnier” friend. She made me giggle last week, when she told me that she has a few “larger” girls in the office she works with. They have a brilliant relationship and she keeps them informed of my progress. They have all been interested and supportive. Last week she was joking with them that because I had now had the bypass and was losing weight, she was going to be mourning the loss of her “fat” friend and needed to find a replacement and she would be grooming them for the position. What I am trying to say is that although the dynamics of our friendship are changing, the friendship remains strong. We are both getting excited about the coming changes. There are so many things we can hopefully soon start to do together, things we have missed out on, like clothes shopping/swapping. Long shopping trips around town. Zumba Dance Classes Walking ect... I have already dropped a shoe size, so this weekend I am going to raid her wardrobe for shoes/boots I can borrow... she doesn’t know it yet...ha ha ha Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter Mini, smilergem, ditzeeblonde and 26 others like this. __________________ No regrets Loving the changes! ↓ Video of my journey so far: ↓ http://youtu.be/KIOPWdYTlec

13th May, 2011	#2 (permalink)
Mini Admin Mini's Profile Albums Mini's Photo Gallery Join Date: 29th April, 2006 Posts: 2,313 Thanks: 105 Thanked 386 Times in 352 Posts Rep Power: 1000 Gender: Female	WOW!!! You are truly blessed with a wonderful friend and I loved reading your story and think you have the gift of story telling as you held my attention all the way through as I held my breath waiting to see what was coming next...Brilliant!!! Very inspirational and well done Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter tranquil_butterfly and big fat mama like this. __________________ Tutorials

13th May, 2011	#4 (permalink)
Montana Likes to post Montana's Profile Albums Montana's Photo Gallery Join Date: 10th May, 2011 Location: Nottingham Posts: 264 Thanks: 13 Thanked 21 Times in 20 Posts Rep Power: 9 Consultant: Mr Ahmed Funding: NHS Surgery Type: Gastric Bypass Surgery Date: 23rd December 2011 Height: 5' 10" Gender: Female Start Date: Some point in the 1990s! Start Weight: 343lb Current Weight: 271lb Goal Weight: 168lb BMI Information: Start BMI: 49.2 Current BMI: 38.9 Goal BMI: 24.1 Statistics: Total Weight Loss: 72lb Weight to Lose: 103lb % Lost: 20.99% %EWL: 42.5%	What a great post and a great story! It's very reassuring that these relationships don't always have to go bad when one goes through a major change. The reason I say that is because a friend of mine recently underwent a massive change courtesy of the atkins diet, unfortunately though the slimmer she got, the bigger the change in her personality which reached a point where I couldn't be around her anymore. She became judgemental of others and me, would make comments about my weight and would b*tch about and backstab everyone around us. I've never quite understood why this happened and ever since it's worried me that I too will become like that after I've had my op without even realising!! Your story brings great reassurance that things dont have to be like that and that if the friendship was genuine in the first place then it will carry on like that through thick and thin!! H x Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter Mini and angiemason like this. __________________ 14th Apr 2010 - Dietician Appt 1st Jul 2010 - Dr Referral 28th Sept 2010 - 1st Appt 6th Apr 2011 - 2nd Appt 23rd Apr 2011 - Funding Approved 1st May 2011 - Listing Date 19th Dec 2011 - Pre-op 23rd Dec 2011 - Surgery Day 2012 - The start of a new life!!!

13th May, 2011	#5 (permalink)
Mini Admin Mini's Profile Albums Mini's Photo Gallery Join Date: 29th April, 2006 Posts: 2,313 Thanks: 105 Thanked 386 Times in 352 Posts Rep Power: 1000 Gender: Female	Jay if your post above is anything to go by I will be first in line to buy your book that is for sure as you have a unique voice and very witty! Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter __________________ Tutorials

13th May, 2011	#7 (permalink)
Neen WLS Moderator Neen's Profile Albums Neen's Photo Gallery Join Date: 14th July, 2008 Location: Dorset Posts: 5,814 Thanks: 4,243 Thanked 1,464 Times in 1,332 Posts Rep Power: 1292 Consultant: Mr Wellbourn Funding: Private Surgery Type: Gastric band Surgery Date: 18th July 2008 Height: 5' 2" Gender: Female Start Date: aged 13 and a half! Start Weight: 350lb Current Weight: 219lb Goal Weight: 126lb Goal Date: In this lifetime would be good BMI Information: Start BMI: 64 Current BMI: 40.1 Goal BMI: 23 Statistics: Total Weight Loss: 131lb Weight to Lose: 93lb % Lost: 37.43% %EWL: 61.3%	I think that's brilliant, I was worried when I read the title of your thread thinking it would be a sad one but how brill that she is excited for you! I had a skinny friend in secondary school and I was the tubby one (we looked like the number 10 standing next to each other!) and we got on really well. It's great that she embraces your WLS and your coming transformation with no jealousy or selfishness..I'm sure your slim hugs will do her just as nicely! Really lovely to hear about such a supportive mate, it restores your faith in people x Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter lamornamiss, tranquil_butterfly, JayHobbs and 2 others like this. __________________ Come join the banders Chat here--Mazza's Band Food Tips Here

13th May, 2011	#8 (permalink)
JayHobbs Slowly Shrinking JayHobbs's Profile Albums JayHobbs's Photo Gallery Join Date: 9th July, 2010 Location: COSELEY. Nr Dudley/Bilston West Midlands Posts: 311 Thanks: 109 Thanked 29 Times in 29 Posts Rep Power: 82 Consultant: Dr Khan.Walsall Manor (Surgeon: Ms Hietmann) Funding: NHS Surgery Type: Gastric Bypass - Open Surgery Date: 1st April 2011 (12 noon - 15.30) Height: 5' 7" Gender: Female Start Date: referred to weight loss clinic October 2008 Start Weight: 290lb Current Weight: 180lb Goal Weight: 154lb Goal Date: December 2012 BMI Information: Start BMI: 45.4 Current BMI: 28.2 Goal BMI: 24.1 Statistics: Total Weight Loss: 110lb Weight to Lose: 26lb % Lost: 37.93% %EWL: 84%	Thanks Neen. Loved the number 10 description,,, excellent! Isn't it funny how opposites attract! To be able to fully appreciate and embrace our differences makes us better people I think. They used to say "Beauty is only skin deep". Just in my case it was/is a bit deeper than others. Friendship is one of the most rewarding relationships we can have.. Far too precious to risk losing Jay xXx Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter Neen likes this. __________________ No regrets Loving the changes! ↓ Video of my journey so far: ↓ http://youtu.be/KIOPWdYTlec

The Following User Says Thank You to JayHobbs For This Useful Post: Show me >>
Neen (13th May, 2011)

13th May, 2011	#9 (permalink)
Neen WLS Moderator Neen's Profile Albums Neen's Photo Gallery Join Date: 14th July, 2008 Location: Dorset Posts: 5,814 Thanks: 4,243 Thanked 1,464 Times in 1,332 Posts Rep Power: 1292 Consultant: Mr Wellbourn Funding: Private Surgery Type: Gastric band Surgery Date: 18th July 2008 Height: 5' 2" Gender: Female Start Date: aged 13 and a half! Start Weight: 350lb Current Weight: 219lb Goal Weight: 126lb Goal Date: In this lifetime would be good BMI Information: Start BMI: 64 Current BMI: 40.1 Goal BMI: 23 Statistics: Total Weight Loss: 131lb Weight to Lose: 93lb % Lost: 37.43% %EWL: 61.3%	I'm really chuffed for you! I think a genuine mate who will stick with you through literally thick and thin is like goldust! Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter __________________ Come join the banders Chat here--Mazza's Band Food Tips Here

13th May, 2011	#10 (permalink)
john m Regular Member john m's Profile Albums john m's Photo Gallery Join Date: 23rd April, 2011 Location: newcastle Posts: 94 Thanks: 6 Thanked 11 Times in 11 Posts Rep Power: 32 Consultant: mr balapuri Funding: NHS Surgery Type: gastric bypass Surgery Date: 17/4/2011 Gender: Male Start Date: after birth Start Weight: 350lb Current Weight: 260lb Goal Weight: 180lb Goal Date: as long as it takes,as long as am loseing Statistics: Total Weight Loss: 90lb Weight to Lose: 80lb % Lost: 25.71%	yip me 2 ,i thought ooo no she lost a friend but its a luvly story and well worth the responce ur getting and am a guy lolsoppy git aint i Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter Miss hungry likes this.

13th May, 2011	#11 (permalink)
dolly48dd Likes to post dolly48dd's Profile Albums dolly48dd's Photo Gallery Join Date: 6th April, 2011 Location: North East Posts: 674 Thanks: 39 Thanked 107 Times in 107 Posts Rep Power: 66 Funding: NHS Surgery Type: sleeve Surgery Date: 15.4.11 Height: 5' 9" Gender: Female Start Date: 5.4.11 Start Weight: 392lb Current Weight: 260lb Goal Weight: 140lb Goal Date: when ever BMI Information: Start BMI: 57.9 Current BMI: 38.4 Goal BMI: 20.7 Statistics: Total Weight Loss: 132lb Weight to Lose: 120lb % Lost: 33.67% %EWL: 59.1%	Thank you don't we all wish we had a friend like you have.xx Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter __________________ I can do it. Yes i can. Jan 2nd 2011 =176kg. April 20th 2011 =162kg. June 20th 2011 =135kg. August 1st 2011 =130kg. August 24th 2011 =125kg. October 15th 2011=120kg.

13th May, 2011	#12 (permalink)
phatmomma Im always here! phatmomma's Profile Albums phatmomma's Photo Gallery Join Date: 16th July, 2009 Location: Wolverhampton Posts: 7,637 Thanks: 145 Thanked 1,682 Times in 1,543 Posts Rep Power: 1520 Consultant: Mr Khan Funding: NHS Surgery Type: Gastric Bypass Surgery Date: 10th June 2010 Gender: Female Start Date: sometime in the last century Start Weight: 291lb Current Weight: 212lb Goal Weight: 164lb Goal Date: whenever it happens Statistics: Total Weight Loss: 79lb Weight to Lose: 48lb % Lost: 27.15%	Do you know what Jay and i say this with the firm belief that i am right... Your friend didn't have a fat best friend, she had you. As children we love without question, unconditionally, whether it's a parent/grandparent, sibling or the slightly chunky girl we sit next to in class and skip with at playtime... You were that chunky girl and you will be the skinny girl i'm sure. I'm 100% positive you will still be 'best friend' no matter what size knickers you wear.... You and your friend are truly blessed, never lose that love cos it's priceless xx Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter tranquil_butterfly, JayHobbs and angiemason like this. __________________ *Julie xx* I may not be called Cinderella but i'm chuffing well going to the Ball!! Goals: To use the cross trainer for 10 minutes solid... (in progress) = (done 11/8/11 going for 15 now ) To run for 10 minutes solid..(in progress) To start exercising seriously! - Done July 2011

13th May, 2011	#13 (permalink)
wencho Likes to post wencho's Profile Albums wencho's Photo Gallery Join Date: 15th April, 2011 Location: newcastle Posts: 438 Thanks: 12 Thanked 27 Times in 27 Posts Rep Power: 21 Consultant: dr woodcock Funding: NHS Surgery Type: gastric bypass? Surgery Date: 28/12/11 Height: 5' 6" Gender: Female Start Date: 12/04/11 Start Weight: 269lb Current Weight: 199lb Goal Weight: 143lb Goal Date: asap!!!!! BMI Information: Start BMI: 43.4 Current BMI: 32.1 Goal BMI: 23.1 Statistics: Total Weight Loss: 70lb Weight to Lose: 56lb % Lost: 26.02% %EWL: 61%	that made lovely reading Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter __________________ Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools week 1 = 4.4lbs week 2 = 2.2lbs week 3 = 3.4lbs week 4 = 4.1lbs since op (9weeks) ....14.3kg ....31.5lb

13th May, 2011	#14 (permalink)
ditzeeblonde Moderator ditzeeblonde's Profile Albums ditzeeblonde's Photo Gallery Join Date: 31st May, 2008 Location: South of England Posts: 3,186 Thanks: 1,045 Thanked 717 Times in 682 Posts Rep Power: 969 Funding: NHS Surgery Type: RNYGB Height: 5' 6" Gender: Female Start Weight: 299lb Current Weight: 162lb Goal Weight: 154lb BMI Information: Start BMI: 48.3 Current BMI: 26.1 Goal BMI: 24.9 Statistics: Total Weight Loss: 137lb Weight to Lose: 8lb % Lost: 45.82% %EWL: 94.7%	What a fabulous post... thanks for sharing. x Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter __________________ .

13th May, 2011	#15 (permalink)
tranquil_butterfly Forum Master tranquil_butterfly's Profile Albums tranquil_butterfly's Photo Gallery Join Date: 3rd July, 2009 Posts: 3,272 Thanks: 645 Thanked 929 Times in 864 Posts Rep Power: 836 Consultant: Mr Amir Khan Funding: NHS Surgery Type: Failed gastric bypass operation - band fitted instead Surgery Date: 17 November 2010 Height: 5' 4" Goal Date: When I get there	Great post. tranquil x Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter

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