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All the new attention is screwing with my head

Loving the Loop

Loving the Loop

Well-Known Member
I know people mean well and are just trying to be supportive, but I am only 2 weeks post op and I am struggling with the attention my surgery and weight loss has generated already.

I know this is my own insecurity coming out, all my life I have been shy with little self confidence and very overweight, not sure if I am shy because I was overweight or overweight because I was shy, the old chicken or egg questions I am always the quiet one in any group, the one who never leads a conversation and just wants to be anonymous.

I visited work yesterday, not due back for another 2 weeks at least, and it seemed like everyone stopped me and told me how well I looked and that they could already see a difference in me. Now I know they were all being genuine and supportive and that I am probably coming across as a proper ungrateful arsehole , but it was really freaking me out being centre of attention and having to talk about myself in every conversation.

After all I am still 340lbs after all, I am still morbidly obese and still only see the same fat person in the mirror in the morning.

I consider myself blessed to be given this 2nd chance and intend to use it to use it to try to change my life, but to do that I know I need to find some way to cope with these feelings as I don't want to slip into old habits of taking comfort in eating.

Sorry if this post comes over as a bit self pitying but its just where my head is today and thought this was the safest place to let off some steam and maybe get some advice.
 
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Its never easy hunni..... the head is the hardest part hmmm right now am back in a cycle of emotional eating myself but right back at the beginning I found the attention difficult too but just wanted to say it soon passes...bit like todays news becomes tomorrows chip papers :)

I discovered down the line that my fat was covering up sooooo many issues and its something I had to go thru and deal with ...........as much as I wanted to curl up and hide.... I saw a councillor which helped massively, it certainly brings any hidden issues to the fore..... get yourself some help thru as no doubt it will continue to crop up for a while..... eventually I found it all empowering as you will too.... x x x x good luck hunni...... oh ps well done too x x x x
 
Loving the Loop said:
I know people mean well and are just trying to be supportive, but I am only 2 weeks post op and I am already struggling with the attention my surgery and weight loss has generated already.

I know this is my own insecurity coming out, all my life I have been shy with little self confidence and very overweight, not sure if I am shy because I was overweight or overweight because I was shy, the old chicken or egg questions I am always the quiet one in any group, the one who never leads a conversation and just wants to be anonymous.

I visited work yesterday, not due back for another 2 weeks at least, and it seemed like everyone stopped me and told me how well I looked and that they could already see a difference in me. Now I know they were all being genuine and supportive and that I am probably coming across as a proper ungrateful arsehole , but it was really freaking me out being centre of attention and having to talk about myself in every conversation.

After all I am still 340lbs after all, I am still morbidly obese and still only see the same fat person in the mirror in the morning.

I consider myself blessed to be given this 2nd chance and intend to use it to use it to try to change my life, but to do that I know I need to find some way to cope with these feelings as I don't want to slip into old habits of taking comfort in eating.

Sorry if this post comes over as a bit self pitying but its just where my head is today and thought this was the safest place to let off some steam and maybe get some advice.
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I so know where you are coming from I had my bypass 3 months ago and all people what to talk about is how much weight I've lost, what I eat, do I feel full and what is my weight and clothes size. Sometimes I feel as though I don't exist as a person.

People think its a easy option having weight loss surgery but it so isn't, it can be very hard at times but I just keep positive and look to the future and feel lucky I got my op as so many others don't .

Goodluck with your journey :)
 
I also dont like the attention! Not that i am getting a lot ! ;) but still all those 'you are looking great' and 'oh youve lost weight' or 'you look so much healthier' just drives me insane.

I am almost a year post op! I still hate the attention. I just irgnore it most of the time. I just learnt to squeeze a smile and say thank you. Most of the times i still dont believe people say and mean it. (Thats anothet issue). I still see myself as a fatty.. And plus all the saggy skin.. And othet things i can see..

I've always felt that i am so much more than my weight (gain or loss). I do have other things happening in my life and more interesting things about my personality rather than just the weight loss!

I am a private person and dont feel comfortable discussing things like that!

Dont get me wrong i dont get too worked up about a short and modest compliment.. But when people just cant stop talking about it and keeps going on and on.. Even with good intentions.. Drives me crazy and i think my body language shows that i feel uncomfortable.

And now almost a year out its old news for me. Yes i've halfed my body weight.. But still its nothing new anymore so can we just get passed it and move onto some other topic.., :)
 
Llora said:
I also dont like the attention! Not that i am getting a lot ! ;) but still all those 'you are looking great' and 'oh youve lost weight' or 'you look so much healthier' just drives me insane.

I am almost a year post op! I still hate the attention. I just irgnore it most of the time. I just learnt to squeeze a smile and say thank you. Most of the times i still dont believe people say and mean it. (Thats anothet issue). I still see myself as a fatty.. And plus all the saggy skin.. And othet things i can see..

I've always felt that i am so much more than my weight (gain or loss). I do have other things happening in my life and more interesting things about my personality rather than just the weight loss!

I am a private person and dont feel comfortable discussing things like that!

Dont get me wrong i dont get too worked up about a short and modest compliment.. But when people just cant stop talking about it and keeps going on and on.. Even with good intentions.. Drives me crazy and i think my body language shows that i feel uncomfortable.

And now almost a year out its old news for me. Yes i've halfed my body weight.. But still its nothing new anymore so can we just get passed it and move onto some other topic.., :)
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well said Llora :)
 
It depends what mood I'm in as to whether I can take it. Some of my friends don't know about my surgery but when I saw some of them, they didn't notice or did but didn't say anything which was a bit gutting. I'm proud of myself for going through with it and sometimes I do like to talk about it. Sometimes, I just don't!

I do think a lot about moving away once I'm at goal and living somewhere where no one knew me before. Just start again as a more regular sized person who was never morbidly obese. Cause we are more than just the weight. I have visions of going to a party and being introduced as the girl that lost 20 stone or whatever. :eek::eek:

But I suppose in time, people will forget and it will just be the new normal. It is a massive mental journey, dealing with everything, our own issues, and other people's thoughts on the whole issue of surgery, how much we lose, whether people say that we've lost too much and we're not 'us' anymore. So many changes to deal with.

But maybe if people stop mentioning it, we'll be annoyed that they've forgotten our amazing achievement!! :D:)
 
I can understand how your feeling the way I see it not many people know someone that has done the WLS bit only know what they have seen on tv and read in the press and both not always nice so that may cloud their thinking plus people are naturally nosey some thing its the easy way , costing THEM money or maybe they might be thinking of doing something similar themselves and are watching the reaction of others others may think how brave to realise you have a problem and have resolved to sort it , people will soon get very bored of asking you about the process and move onto the next poor sod just ride it out and focus on yourself
 
As someone who deals with the great british public every day I get more than my fair share of weight loss comments & it drives me insane! It used to really bother me but I now realise that people are just interested & want to comment & ask questions. So I have a selection of 'practised answers' so I don't have to think about what the other person is saying & I can then let it wash over me.
 
Thanks ladies, I know its something I will have to come to terms with, I'm hoping in the weeks ahead when I start feeling the differences myself it will be easier to deal with the interest.
Its nice knowing I am not the only one who has had these thoughts and that I'm not being crazy. Thanks for the support everyone.
 
I am nearly a year post surgery and I to struggle with the attention and comments that I recieve, both outside work and also at work. I had a review with one of the bariatric consultants and he said that if I wanted the physcological support was there if I wanted it.

I am half way through a programme of six weekly appointments with her, and they are really helping, I would suggest contacting your team to see if seeing the bariatric physcologyst is a option or someone similar to them. The appointments have certainly helped me, it's worth a try
 
Read a really good book "Because I Was Fat: How I Lost 224 Pounds In 10 Months With Gastric Sleeve Weight Loss Surgery" about a guy that lost loads of weight and also hated the attention it generated at work, so recommend this for an interesting read.

I have my first day back at my office tomorrow (been on holiday or working from home) since my op (with the exception of 2 days) and in a way I too am dreading the comments. Not because I don't want them, but because them telling me I have lost weight is like them saying... "finally you got rid of some of that fat" I know I was big (21st) and I know i needed to lose weight, but people feel they have a right to comment on your weight as long as it is going down.... heaven forbid someone said "Oh you've put on a shed load of weight" haha.

Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that I too am not really looking forward to it totally. However, I shall simply smile and say thankyou. I have no intention of revealling how much I have lost, or how much I have to go as numbers, but instead (like the book said) say "A bit" and "A bit more" respectively.

Try and feel proud of yourself for your loss, as WLS isn't a miracle cure it is just another tool that is available to us, and your loss shows that you are using it well. Your opinion of yourself at the end of the day is the only one that matters, and tbh, some ppl in work are just jealous anyway that you have been successful at something where perhaps they have not.

EDIT: Also my work colleagues don't know I have had WLS, so another reason comments might come as I have lost just under 3 stone in 8 weeks
 
Will look for that book, EBN, I was in at the office yesterday for an hour and everyone is was great but I was glad to get away, hopefully when I go back next week some of the curiosity value might be over.

I just want to get back into the routine of work and not have every conversation about the surgery and how I am doing. I know there will soon be something else for people to talk about and I'll be old news, cant come quick enough so I can just concentrate on losing the weight.

Like you say, I also have a little voice in my head reading an ulterior meaning into even the nicest comment. "you look great" becomes "you don't look as fat", "You can see the weight coming off already" becomes "You're not as fat as you used to be"... you get the just.

I plan to nod and thank people and try to steer the conversation to other subjects. I already know this is going to work and its the best thing I have ever done, so I am already in a good place mentally about myself and what i have done, so going to just try and go with the flow and take the comments at face value if I possibly can.

Thanks for feedback, I am so glad I found this forum, reading other peoples stories and knowing there are lots of us going through this together is a great support
 
Loving the Loop said:
Will look for that book, EBN, I was in at the office yesterday for an hour and everyone is was great but I was glad to get away, hopefully when I go back next week some of the curiosity value might be over. I just want to get back into the routine of work and not have every conversation about the surgery and how I am doing. I know there will soon be something else for people to talk about and I'll be old news, cant come quick enough so I can just concentrate on losing the weight. Like you say, I also have a little voice in my head reading an ulterior meaning into even the nicest comment. "you look great" becomes "you don't look as fat", "You can see the weight coming off already" becomes "You're not as fat as you used to be"... you get the just. I plan to nod and thank people and try to steer the conversation to other subjects. I already know this is going to work and its the best thing I have ever done, so I am already in a good place mentally about myself and what i have done, so going
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Hi gc028 your post hasn't come through very well, did you want to share something?
 
I was going to say I agreed with everything you said! People at work say some awful things...like you are that really fat lady that lost weight! Or you must feel better or wow you must have been so unhappy before! And the extra attention from men is unbelievable!!!
 
I hope I don't get any attention from any men, might want to put the weight back on ;).
 
Its a funny old world we live in. I was at my 6 yr old nephews birthday party yesterday and I became the centre of attention if I was told once I was told several times that I am fading away funny when I am still 14 stone and then it was how much weight have I lost, what size are my clothes and at one point I was told to stand up and do a twirl and I did. Don't know what I was thinking really bizarre day felt so strange cringe worthy at times. Felt sorry for my nephew it was his party not my fat loss party.:rolleyes:
 
All I want is to get my weight down to a normal range, to be healthy and not have people looking at me and judging or making me uncomfortable. People commenting all the time is the exact opposite. But I am making my peace with it as I know it wont go on forever, and so far it has all been supportive and positive.
Ist day back at work today, with the LSD & op I have lost nearly 2.5 stone since I saw most people last so it is a difference and people do notice, but I just wonder if they would say "you look great" if they met me for the first time at 24st like they have been.
It is what it is, part of the journey and I am sooooo happy I am on this journey.
 
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