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Ellzee, Journey to find the REAL me

Ellzee

Member
Good morning all, some of you might have seen me in the 'introduce yourself' section but I'm going to start from the beginning anyway.
My name is Laura and I thought long and hard over what to call this diary, after all I'm probably going to be coming back to it pretty often fo quite a long time. I've done a VLCD before, you could say successfully while it lasted as I lost 4 stone. While I was doing that I had a diary called journey to find the new me. So in 2012 I set of on that journey, lost over 4 stone and certainly found a new me. it felt amazing, I was more confident, less shy, willing to meet new people, willing to accept invitations for nights out as opposed to thinking 'oh no, I'll hide in my house instead and go next time when I've lost weight'. So its kind of sad, that 2 years later I'm sat here heavier than when I even started. Sadly, that seems to be the story of a fair few ex VLCDers.
So I decided to make changes for life, changes that I cant just drop because I've had a crap day and I'd really rather eat a takeaway tan make a healthy meal. I'm pretty sure that it isn't a new me I want to find, but just the real me. The me that I was when I was growing up without a care in the world, and the me I know I will be if I don't have to worry about people looking, laughing, staring and talking. So here goes......
I started my journey with Spire healthcare last October with a free mini consultation with a surgeon called Mr. Toh. He was lovely, but I decided I should at least give it one last attempt to diet the 'normal' way. My mum is a weight watchers leader who has done amazingly so I signed up but failed relatively quickly always having this in the back of my mind.
Come March I had decided to go ahead but after 6 weeks of trying to organise a date with Mr Toh and being messed about i get told he wont be offering surgery any more. Very odd.
So now I've been dealing with streamline surgical, saved myself £1k and gained an extra year of free after care. They've been amazing and I feel very comfortable with Mr. Slater who will be performing my gastric band operation next Friday.
This morning is milk-0 days. It starts here. I am quite scared about the milk diet but I'm going to do it and I'm going to do it well because I have to. I am not jeopardising this operation that I have forgone a big holiday for this year!!
I'm scared about the operation too, not the procedure but the way of life. I want to make those changes but its all so unknown at the moment. You can read all you like but you can never understand what it feels like.
My husband is amazing, so supportive and even took over making dinner last night when I broke down in tears because I didn't have any flour to make the bubble and squeak I had been looking forward to as my last supper. His mum had a gastric bypass 2 years ago, looks fantastic and he knows I am not happy how I am even though he loves me either way.
I haven't told work what I'm doing, or anyone other than my husband and parents. I don't know if and when I will but I cant be doing with peoples opinions on 'you don't need to do that'.
So anyway, sorry this is a bit long, I'll bring it to a close. My journey starts here. I'm 28, nearly 29. I've wasted my 20s yoyo dieting and I am hoping by the time I turn 30 I am a good way there to being the REAL Laura I deserve to be :)
I look forward to sharing my journey with you all! x
 

los in it

Well-Known Member
Morning laura
Great read; wishing you good luck with the WLS for june
 

Llora

Well-Known Member
Oh good luck Laura. Will follow your diary to admire your achievments. I am sure they will be great!

Some of the things you wrote sounds so familiar.. :)

i decided to tell only my husband and my mum too. Its not because i am ashamed or think that there is anything wrong about a person having a weight loss surgery. Just i think this suits my personality better. I would not tell all the world about me having any other kind of surgery anyway, so why should i tell them about this one? It is a medical procedure to help with medical condition. Thats how i see it. I know other people might choose to share with everyone around them, but it just shows people are different :)

Good luck again :)
 

TeddyGirl

New Member
Morning again.

Found it as I was playing about!

Good Luck today Laura.

Denise
XxX
 

Ellzee

Member
Thanks peeps! And well done Denise for sorting your internet and finding me over here. 1pt of milk down and I'm feeling ok. I have to drink 2L of water a day too so I'm making a start on that. Plus tonight I get an oxo cube to drink for the sodium, looking forward to that :) x
 

joanne7271

Shrink me please x
Hi Laura, good luck on your journey. what you have spoken about sounds very familiar! I havent told work either because I know ppl have preconceived ideas about why a person gets surgery and I am not going to justify my decision to anyone else.

My family and husband are supportive and thats all that matters at the end of the day.

I, like you, was worried about the food afterwards and thought life would never be the same again...... Having been through surgery recently I can tell you you do eat, just better, you may not want to eat what you do now and your portions will be a lot smaller.

What I find the hardest is that my head still wants to eat everything I used to but my tummy cant take it anymore...... weird!

Hope all goes well for you and I shall be following your thread in the future, Joanne x
 

Ellzee

Member
Thank Joanne, your stats look great you must be so pleased! It is nice to hear people who have had it done and still can eat, just sensibly. The vast majority of posts on here are very positive and encouraging. But some are quite worrying and you certainly can see the bad sides too.
But well done and I look forward to boring you all with my updates :) x
 

Georgie163

New Member
Best of luck to you Ellzee, so much of your story will ring true with many of us, I too have tread the VLCD path only to come out of it fatter than ever. Had my op in Feb this year and so far can say no regrets at all, just wish I had the funds to have done it sooner :)
 

emmahc1975

Active Member
Hi & welcome. We're all in the same boat here. I wish I'd had my band years ago! Good luck finding the new you
 

Ellzee

Member
Thanks Emma and georgie! It's great to hear you all not looking back afterwards! That's how I want to feel, I just can't wait to get started now and start to feel like that! x
 

Ellzee

Member
Thanks nikola!
So day 1 of the milk diet is almost over and I have to say it wasn't half as bad as I was expecting. I'm just starting to feel hungry now but that probably mainly in my head as I've been home alone and thinking about food all evening! But I beat it, I have no choice and I want to keep that determination for the next 8 days and after my op too. I stand by what I said, it's scary and exciting at the same time.
I'm an early riser and therefore always asleep early. So it's nearly time for me to start another day! Here we go all over again...!
 

Ellzee

Member
Good morning all! It's milk day 2 and I'm feeling positive! Last night was hard as I had my last milk quite early and didn't go to sleep til late, plus I was home alone and there was food everywhere on TV!! But I did it, the hardest day is done. Overall the day wasn't bad and I certainly wasn't as hungry as I thought I'd be.
Feeling a little hungry this morning but I know it'll pass.
Hope you all have a good day x
 

Mandijayne

Member
Good morning Ellzee

Good luck on your journey. I got my band 5 weeks ago so still getting used to it. Def best decision I've made! Xx
 

Ellzee

Member
Hi Mandy it looks like you're doing well! What are you eating at this point? Are you still on mushy foods or can you eat normal foods just in very small quantities?
I only ask because it'll be my birthday about 5 weeks after my op and I'd been saying for ages about a restaurant i want to go to. As I haven't told everyone what I'm doing I'm wandering if I'll still be able to go x
 

TeddyGirl

New Member
Hi Laura.

How has your day gone? I bet you are doing brilliantly!

Today started off grey but it's bright and sunny now, sunshine and heat are not the friend of the larger woman especially larger women of a certain age!

Have you given any thought to your style of clothes when you are slim? I am pondering moving into dresses? I tend to wear trousers no matter what size I am, but think I need a new style to go with my new size!

Like I say, I hope today has been bearable?

Denise
XxX
 

Ellzee

Member
Hi Denise! To be honest today has been a little harder, I've been a bit more hungry but definitely more headachy! I'm just enjoying my oxo cube now after giving in to some painkillers and I'm feeling a bit more human.
What is scary is how often I think to myself "just a little bit won't hurt". It's almost a constant battle and really has to be mind over matter. I have to prove to myself that I can do this, and like you with your running I am telling myself I don't deserve the operation if I cheat.
So no longer are our ops '27th/28th June' but now they are 'next Friday/Saturday'!! It feels so much closer now :) most of the waiting is done.
I'm awful with clothes, have no style and no confidence in choosing things that look good on me. I am definitely more daring in my choices as I lose weight, at the moment everything is black, but I don't make much of an effort with my hair or make up. I think when I feel better in myself I will want to make more of what I've got. It's a hard thing to learn though!
How are you doing? Are you still planning to do exante a few days before your op? x
 

TeddyGirl

New Member
Let's be honest Laura the milk thing is going to get harder, you are doing fabulously, you should be proud of yourself and by next Friday you will definitely deserve the band!! Plus you have paid your money so they will do it anyway I bet!

One of the things I hate about weight is how it affects my mood, if I had one wish it would be that the band keeps me level weight wise, how good will it be to hover within a few pounds? Rather than a couple of stone?!? I think I might need 3 wishes actually, the one that keeps my weight level, to lose weight would be my second wish and to stop thinking about food all the bloody time would be my 3rd!

This time next week Laura... We will be so close, you will have your check in time , thinking about it so will I. They told me that Mr Smellie is only doing a morning list, they said at my initial meeting that I would need to be there for 7am, which I am quite glad about, I could not bear the thought of waiting around at home till the afternoon! Did they give you any indication of your check in time?

I have read that Mr Smellie doesn't put any liquid in the band to start with, what's your mans way of working?

We have been plotting what we are going to be saying to people tonight, daughter is telling her BF we are off for a night away, then I will text her Sunday morning saying I have been up all night ill and we are going to come home!!! What a bloody faff!!! I am also telling people at work that the Wedding diet starts on July 1st and I am going to take the week off to get in the 'zone '! Least said soonest mended!!!

Stick with it Laura, are you planning an early night?

XxX
 

Ellzee

Member
I have to check in at 7.30am and I'm pencilled in for 8.30am op. Nice and early and hopefully home in the afternoon. My husband is on a course that week now and if it's still going he'll be out midday til midnight probably. I'm really hoping he'll finish earlier though. My mum is ready to take me but I have to worry about getting home to the dog too which is an extra stress I'd rather not have to worry about.
Your cover story sounds well thought out! I hate the lying part but it's only white lies and it's your prerogative not to tell if you don't want to. I'm still nervous about what to tell the in laws on our breakfast date Saturday morning. I'm always the first to order the large fry up! I can't bail because we only see them once in a blue moon when they're in the country. If I say I'm ill they'll get all excited about morning sickness....
I'm fairly sure that they put the band in empty but they said they have brought the first fill forward to 2 weeks now as most people found 4 was just too long, so I should be leaving the hospital with an appt for my first one. I hope I'm not queasy about that bit, as long as they don't tap it like they do for blood tests I'll probably be ok.
Not sure about the early night, my husband is out watching the football so I had planned on it but now he's started banging on about getting a taxi home and I know he wants me to offer to go get him. I want to stand my ground though, I said no from the beginning as if I'm hungry and shaky I don't want to drive. Especially as if have to drive his stupid car, so I told him to text me when he's done and if I don't reply within 5 get a taxi. I'm guessing he'll be getting a taxi!! x
 
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