Op 4 weeks away and I can't stop crying about it :(

4 weeks until my op and I feel like I should be excited not in a constant state of floods of tears...

I am seriously doubting if I even want this done. All I seem to read is how people are in pain when they eat, have crippling wind, can't tolerate lots of different foods, feel exhausted due to vitamin deficiencies, can't keep the vitamins down or swallow the size pills, shoulder pain, vomiting, constant nausea etc etc etc. Then to top it all off last night I read an article about a Gastric Bypass fatality and it's literally sent me into a melt down :cry: (**maybe I need to switch the internet off**).

Is it normal that the negative points drown out the positive reasons you're doing this for in the first place??

Why can't I just bloody control what I put in my mouth to prevent this even having to be an option?

If I can't control the tears now what on earth am I going to be like when they're wheeling me down to theatre! #fedup :sigh:

You have to do what you feel is right hun x Noone can tell you what you can or should cope with.

All I know when reading everyones posts, they are honest accounts.

There are side effects, some short term some long term. You have to imagine what you could cope/ live with.

What are the health benefits for you? Do they out way the risks.

Big hugs and thinking of you. Never an easy decision x

Hi there - sending a BIG HUG!!!!!
I had a sleeve on 3rd jan 2014, but I first visited the hospital dietician 5 years previously, and had been visiting throughout that time- I was just SO SCARED of having the op, I just kept postponing appointments!!! In the meantime I had a large blood clot on my lung, which then held up proceedings (which at the time I didn't mind!!!). I was eventually put on the waiting list last august (the op got cancelled in November - not by me though!!! Heheh). As the op date approached, I was still s**t scared! but also felt excited as I knew I was about to change my life for the better!!! I was lucky, and didn't have any wind pain, or much pain post op (and I don't think I have got the highest pain threshold!!!). It is 8 months tomorrow since I had my op, and it is the best decision I have made!!! I have lost 7stone 4 pounds, and gone from a 26/28 to a size 18 ( although did buy a pair of size 16 jeans at the weekend, and they fit!!). With hindsight I wish I had persued my op 5 years ago when I first attended the hospital!!!
I know it's difficult but please try not to focus on the negative, but look at the positives!!! Good luck!!! I am sure you will be fine, it is only natural to have fears and worries. Would it be worth trying to contact your hospital to possibly have a chat with someone (I have a nurse and a dietician that I can always ring if I need to) maybe they can answer some of you fears xx
Love salliebeth xxx

Salliebeth said:

Hi there - sending a BIG HUG!!!!!
I had a sleeve on 3rd jan 2014, but I first visited the hospital dietician 5 years previously, and had been visiting throughout that time- I was just SO SCARED of having the op, I just kept postponing appointments!!! In the meantime I had a large blood clot on my lung, which then held up proceedings (which at the time I didn't mind!!!). I was eventually put on the waiting list last august (the op got cancelled in November - not by me though!!! Heheh). As the op date approached, I was still s**t scared! but also felt excited as I knew I was about to change my life for the better!!! I was lucky, and didn't have any wind pain, or much pain post op (and I don't think I have got the highest pain threshold!!!). It is 8 months tomorrow since I had my op, and it is the best decision I have made!!! I have lost 7stone 4 pounds, and gone from a 26/28 to a size 18 ( although did buy a pair of size 16 jeans at the weekend, and they fit!!). With hindsight I wish I had persued my op 5 years ago when I first attended the hospital!!!
I know it's difficult but please try not to focus on the negative, but look at the positives!!! Good luck!!! I am sure you will be fine, it is only natural to have fears and worries. Would it be worth trying to contact your hospital to possibly have a chat with someone (I have a nurse and a dietician that I can always ring if I need to) maybe they can answer some of you fears xx
Love salliebeth xxx

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Hi Salliebeth. Well done on your achievement, that's a great weight loss.

I think half the problem is that in total I have probably spent an hour (if I'm lucky between 4 bariatric health professionals) discussing my current eating habits and how I will need to change. Now that I have the op date and reality is setting in, I suddenly have all these questions and no-one to ask (apart from you lovely people on this forum).

I guess I'll have the pre-op assessment appointment to speak to someone about all of my concerns (main one being that I wont wake up or I'll have some kind of major internal bleed afterwards if my kids jump on me too hard and that'll be the end of me!).

I put my one and two year old to bed tonight and just sat in their room and cried after they fell asleep thinking 'what if the night before my hospital admission that's the last time I'll ever put you to bed) :cry: I realise I sound very morbid but I just can't seem to help but fear the absolute worse

needtofeelnormal said:

4 weeks until my op and I feel like I should be excited not in a constant state of floods of tears...

I am seriously doubting if I even want this done. All I seem to read is how people are in pain when they eat, have crippling wind, can't tolerate lots of different foods, feel exhausted due to vitamin deficiencies, can't keep the vitamins down or swallow the size pills, shoulder pain, vomiting, constant nausea etc etc etc. Then to top it all off last night I read an article about a Gastric Bypass fatality and it's literally sent me into a melt down :cry: (**maybe I need to switch the internet off**).

Is it normal that the negative points drown out the positive reasons you're doing this for in the first place??

Why can't I just bloody control what I put in my mouth to prevent this even having to be an option?

If I can't control the tears now what on earth am I going to be like when they're wheeling me down to theatre! #fedup :sigh:

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It is absolutely normal to feel like this and notice the negatives rather than the positives about wls. But ask most long term post-operation members how they feel and they usually say they wouldn't do otherwise if they could go back in time. All of the things that you quote are not inevitable - I had my bypass six weeks ago - I didn't have any pain, I had a little wind pain, but Windeeze sorted it out. I have not needed any pain killers at all and have had no food problems other than boredom as I don't like so many things. Other than a reaction to the anaesthetic on the first day I have had no nausea and no vomiting. Already I can see a difference - I have collar bones and ankles and I can get into clothes that I haven't worn for years. I don't usually post about it because it seems unfair to those who have problems.
Oh and I cried in the waiting room before I was taken to surgery.

Only you can know if you want this - or are ready for this - but keep posting and we can help you with your decision xx

needtofeelnormal said:

Hi Salliebeth. Well done on your achievement, that's a great weight loss. I think half the problem is that in total I have probably spent an hour (if I'm lucky between 4 bariatric health professionals) discussing my current eating habits and how I will need to change. Now that I have the op date and reality is setting in, I suddenly have all these questions and no-one to ask (apart from you lovely people on this forum). I guess I'll have the pre-op assessment appointment to speak to someone about all of my concerns (main one being that I wont wake up or I'll have some kind of major internal bleed afterwards if my kids jump on me too hard and that'll be the end of me!). I put my one and two year old to bed tonight and just sat in their room and cried after they fell asleep thinking 'what if the night before my hospital admission that's the last time I'll ever put you to bed) :cry: I realise I sound very morbid but I just can't seem to help but fear the absolute worse

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Sallie...I had a bypass almost 4 years ago..the morning of my op my husband had to get me to the ward for 7.30am to check in.
Because it was very early in the morning,I had to leave my 2 young children in bed,and my sister came to look after them and take them to school.
Because I was very distressed that morning with worry I chose no to say goodbye and disturb them,and because I didn't want my children to see me so upset with worry.
When I was being wheeled to theatre I could feel myself getting upset..I got onto the theatre bed and cried and cried to the nurses..telling them I'd not said goodbye to my children,and I might never wake up.
The nurses gripped my hands and comforted me..I then drifted off to sleep.

Well..I survived!..lol..
I wanted to get home to my children so bad I did everything the nurses advised,and was checked out the next day.
Now I'm living the life I've always wanted when it comes to my children.
I can bend and play on the carpet..run on the beach..go on all the slides..and be a silly fun mum!

It's totally normal what your feeling x I hope this helps you x

I've not read the other replies but just wanted to say its quite normal to feel scared about taking a big step like wls. There are potential issues but most people dont have complications & the end result is a good weight loss. It's still hard work to achieve but my experience is that wls had given me a tool that has given me an opportunity to achieve significant losses in a quite short period of time & the mental confidence that I can maintain my new eating habits & my weight loss for life. So much better than the years of yo-yo dieting & mental distress i experienced previously.
There is plenty of information & support on this forum, you know yourself better than anyone, do whatever is right for you. Try to focus on what you can gain from doing this, think positive x

emma-louise said:

Because it was very early in the morning,I had to leave my 2 young children in bed,and my sister came to look after them and take them to school.
Because I was very distressed that morning with worry I chose no to say goodbye and disturb them,and because I didn't want my children to see me so upset with worry.
When I was being wheeled to theatre I could feel myself getting upset..I got onto the theatre bed and cried and cried to the nurses..telling them I'd not said goodbye to my children,and I might never wake up.
The nurses gripped my hands and comforted me..I then drifted off to sleep.

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Emma Louise - you have set me off again with the tears reading that (In a good way). Thank you. It's so comforting to know I'm not alone with these awful feelings :cry: I just want it to be all over and a year down the line so things have settled down.

Chrisyd said:

It is absolutely normal to feel like this and notice the negatives rather than the positives about wls. But ask most long term post-operation members how they feel and they usually say they wouldn't do otherwise if they could go back in time. All of the things that you quote are not inevitable - I had my bypass six weeks ago - I didn't have any pain, I had a little wind pain, but Windeeze sorted it out. I have not needed any pain killers at all and have had no food problems other than boredom as I don't like so many things. Other than a reaction to the anaesthetic on the first day I have had no nausea and no vomiting. Already I can see a difference - I have collar bones and ankles and I can get into clothes that I haven't worn for years. I don't usually post about it because it seems unfair to those who have problems.
Oh and I cried in the waiting room before I was taken to surgery.

Only you can know if you want this - or are ready for this - but keep posting and we can help you with your decision xx

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Thanks for sharing your positive experience Chrisy. Collar bones and Ankles in 6 weeks is defo a positive ha ha.

This forum has been so great. No-one knows I am having the Bypass done other than my Husband and Mother ... I feel like I am hiding a big secret but I just don't want anyone to know about it. I feel really embarrassed about it (at my failure and lack of control over the situation)

needtofeelnormal said:

Hi Salliebeth. Well done on your achievement, that's a great weight loss. I think half the problem is that in total I have probably spent an hour (if I'm lucky between 4 bariatric health professionals) discussing my current eating habits and how I will need to change. Now that I have the op date and reality is setting in, I suddenly have all these questions and no-one to ask (apart from you lovely people on this forum). I guess I'll have the pre-op assessment appointment to speak to someone about all of my concerns (main one being that I wont wake up or I'll have some kind of major internal bleed afterwards if my kids jump on me too hard and that'll be the end of me!). I put my one and two year old to bed tonight and just sat in their room and cried after they fell asleep thinking 'what if the night before my hospital admission that's the last time I'll ever put you to bed) :cry: I realise I sound very morbid but I just can't seem to help but fear the absolute worse

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I totally understand!!! I have 2 kids 9 year old boy, and 6 year old girl, and I think they were the main reason I kept dilly dallying!!! I kept thinking " what if I don't wake up" I spent loads of time before the op doing things and spending time with them - just incase I didn't wake up they would remember me!!! I know what u mean about bedtime - I did exactly the same!!! Once hubby had got me checked in on the morning of the op ( he went to work as I thought there was no reason in him wasting a day hanging around the hospital) I then saw the surgeon, and he told me because of my previous blood clot on the lungs, and me being on warfarin, my "risks of death or serious complication" went from 1 in 500, to 1 in 30!!!! Glad hubby had gone as I think he might of tried to talk me out of it!!! This really shook me up and upset me! But I thought " I have come this far........" I remember laying on the operating table once the anethatist had injected me, thinking "there is no going back now!!!" And I thought of my kids then!!!! Glad to say I am here, and I am now a more active mummy, and do things they have never seen me do before, like scoot on their scooters, ride my sons bike, and go on rides at Drayton mannor!!!! And I can tell they enjoy me being a bit daft with them!!!! It has given me a new lease of life, I enjoy it and I know the kids do!!!! Xx
Love salliebeth xxx

Salliebeth said:

I totally understand!!! I have 2 kids 9 year old boy, and 6 year old girl, and I think they were the main reason I kept dilly dallying!!! I kept thinking " what if I don't wake up" I spent loads of time before the op doing things and spending time with them - just incase I didn't wake up they would remember me!!! I know what u mean about bedtime - I did exactly the same!!! Once hubby had got me checked in on the morning of the op ( he went to work as I thought there was no reason in him wasting a day hanging around the hospital) I then saw the surgeon, and he told me because of my previous blood clot on the lungs, and me being on warfarin, my "risks of death or serious complication" went from 1 in 500, to 1 in 30!!!! Glad hubby had gone as I think he might of tried to talk me out of it!!! This really shook me up and upset me! But I thought " I have come this far........" I remember laying on the operating table once the anethatist had injected me, thinking "there is no going back now!!!" And I thought of my kids then!!!! Glad to say I am here, and I am now a more active mummy, and do things they have never seen me do before, like scoot on their scooters, ride my sons bike, and go on rides at Drayton mannor!!!! And I can tell they enjoy me being a bit daft with them!!!! It has given me a new lease of life, I enjoy it and I know the kids do!!!! Xx
Love salliebeth xxx

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OMG 1 in 30! I totally admire you for going ahead with it - I think I would have freaked and just ran out.

I am really lucky - I have no previous or current medical problems. My BMI was just over 40 (It has been a lot higher in my teenage years) which has made me eligible for the surgery. My surgeon told me the fatality rate was 1 in 100?? I think that's a lot!! :cry:

PS - I also love theme parks and thats a big positive being able to fit on the rides xx

I was embarrassed too and didn't tell anyone but my husband at first - but then I had some counselling and now I don't see not keeping weight off as a failure - it is circumstances. More people know now and I was surprised at how supportive they were as they had seen my struggle. I do wish I had found this site earlier - but better late than never . If you feel wobbly - contact us - we understand xx

just wanted to say its normal to feel this way but I see you had read other people entries and im sure after the first few weeks of discomfort 99% say its the best thing they ever did and most wish they had done it earlier
all I can say is think about why you wanted it and why you decided to get this far
good luck you have come so far

needtofeelnormal said:

Emma Louise - you have set me off again with the tears reading that (In a good way). Thank you. It's so comforting to know I'm not alone with these awful feelings :cry: I just want it to be all over and a year down the line so things have settled down.

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Hope your feeling a little better today and you realise your way of thinking is like most mothers x

Hi NeedtofeelNormal.

As others have said, what you are feeling is very normal in this situation.
On the subject of nerves because of the stories you have read on boards, please remember that people tend to post about the problems because they are seeking support, reassurance and advice. There are many many success stories but you tend not to hear so much about it when things are going well.

I am sure if you ask the question, people will also share their success stories with you. Bypass is not a simple option, no weight loss surgery is. There are challenges along the way and some people find the journey harder than others but in the majority of people the benefits outweigh the challenges.

I'm coming up 6 months out. I've lost 60lbs, my back and knee pain have gone. I am fitter and healthier than I have been in a long time. I had little pain after the op and recovered quite well. I've had one or two niggles along the way, but i've had to learn what my body likes in it's new world - a little nausea but I ate something too fatty or too sugary. Yes, I was tired, but it passes. It's all a learning curve but although sometimes I am frustrated by the challenges I am delighted with the way I feel and look now.

It's so natural to have these feelings but I tried to keep mine in check by reminding myself of all the things I had to gain from the op. I looked at lots of before and after success pictures and although I find this board very helpful and balanced in approach, I discovered that there are lots of other groups (particularly on Facebook) that focus on doom and gloom and they are just not helpful so I kept away from those.

Try not to worry, keep positive and focus on all the good things that will come out of the op you will be fine!
Good Luck!

I went for wls a couple of years ago and then changed my mind and tried (and failed) to lose weight. I then decided to go back and try again and had a sleeve on 23rd August 2014.

I was so positive during the two week liver diet and didn't find it anywhere near as difficult as I thought it was going to be, because I had a goal to aim for and new the importance of shrinking my liver before surgery.

I didn't have any fear regarding the actual surgery and the anaesthetic because I've had several surgeries and at bigger weights than this one.

When I woke up, I was in pain but the nurses gave me morphine and within 15 minutes, the pain was virtually gone.

The day after surgery, I refused the pain meds because I didn't need them - I was even able to lay on my stomach, with a drain in and go to sleep!

My main problem was after the surgery and once I'd got home. I suddenly realised I was facing another two weeks of liquids and I was already fed up of soup and yogurt. I felt like I'd made a mistake because I would never be able to eat the way I had before and watching the rest of my family eat their food, I developed a craving, not for junk, but for normal food that needs chewing, like ribs and chicken and even pork pies!

But as the weight began to come off, I realised that in a couple of months, I WILL be able to eat normal food, just in smaller quantities. I've also discovered that before, I never took the time to savour my food and instead, ordered take aways and gorged on ice cream and cakes whilst watching tv.

I am now nearly two stone down. My bra is too big, my wedding ring is very loose and my jeans are hanging on my hips. I'm now 18st 13lb and I can't remember the last time I was in the 18st range!

I could never have lost this weight without the surgery and I'm looking forward to eating normal food with the occasional treat, just in smaller quantities and with me taking the time to savour and enjoy what I'm eating.

If you're anything like me, you ate too much of the wrong food and didn't/couldn't curb your 'greediness'.

The surgery forces you to eat less but you still have to be strong and make sure the food you DO eat, is healthy and low in fat and sugar, but watching the weight come off is a HUGE incentive.

Hi needtofeelnormal I'm actually still in hospital as I'm typing, I had my gastric bypass on Tuesday 2nd I was the first op of the day. You are completely normal although I don't have children I have recently been reunited with a large extended family and I was panicking all over the shop before my operation. At some stages I went completely numb and robotic.
One thing I did do is write a 'just in case' letter that I could shred when I got home, it put my mind at ease in case anything went wrong.
I know it's hard but focus on the positives, the healthy life you'll have with your children etc. Personally I only had gas pains as I woke up from the operation since its just been the incisions that have been uncomfortable. If you need to talk let me know xx

It's normal. I had my bypass only 10 months after band and have a shed load of problems with it.

I would still rather be thin and hopefully better able to get my body to deal with diabetes and reduce my risk of future cancers. Being obese takes years off your life, this surgery will give you the chance to get it back.

I think everyone thinks like this at one stage or another. It's only human. Being a mother only amplifies it (or at least I think so).

PokeyKoala said:

Hi NeedtofeelNormal.

As others have said, what you are feeling is very normal in this situation.
On the subject of nerves because of the stories you have read on boards, please remember that people tend to post about the problems because they are seeking support, reassurance and advice. There are many many success stories but you tend not to hear so much about it when things are going well.

I am sure if you ask the question, people will also share their success stories with you. Bypass is not a simple option, no weight loss surgery is. There are challenges along the way and some people find the journey harder than others but in the majority of people the benefits outweigh the challenges.

I'm coming up 6 months out. I've lost 60lbs, my back and knee pain have gone. I am fitter and healthier than I have been in a long time. I had little pain after the op and recovered quite well. I've had one or two niggles along the way, but i've had to learn what my body likes in it's new world - a little nausea but I ate something too fatty or too sugary. Yes, I was tired, but it passes. It's all a learning curve but although sometimes I am frustrated by the challenges I am delighted with the way I feel and look now.

It's so natural to have these feelings but I tried to keep mine in check by reminding myself of all the things I had to gain from the op. I looked at lots of before and after success pictures and although I find this board very helpful and balanced in approach, I discovered that there are lots of other groups (particularly on Facebook) that focus on doom and gloom and they are just not helpful so I kept away from those.

Try not to worry, keep positive and focus on all the good things that will come out of the op you will be fine!
Good Luck!

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Hi Pokey Koala

Thanks for your reply and a massive well done on your weight loss - it's great to hear your positive outcome and the fact that you're reaping the medical benefits as well as cosmetic.

My husband has always insisted on taking no notice of Trip Advisor cos he said all people go on there for, is to share a negative experience and blow it out of context. People who have had a 'moderate to excellent' experience don't tend to take the time to report the positives - I guess this is the same with a Bypass lol. I have to agree tho, this forum appears to have a healthy balance.

I have joined some FB pages (but for some reason they all tend to be American). There has been some weird and scary stuff on there ....