Meltdown!

Knew it was coming, had a meltdown today, binged (as much as is possible with my pouch) and have had sickness and diarrhoea since. Floods of tears. What the hell am I trying to do? I wish they could fix your brain when they give you the bypass. Hate myself. Not happy at sz 6/8, not happy with the attention I'm getting putting strain on my marriage, not happy with all the skin sag. Can't stop crying.
Will I ever just be happy being me?!

OH NO im sorry your feeling so low... have you spoken to your gp a lot of people have suggested maybe a course of therapy or even anti d's could help the chemical imbalance.

I hope you feel better get some sleep x

Oh my heart goes out to you , it's such a lot for our brains to take in with the change in our bodies , I'm finding the attention difficult , I just want to be ignored and not have every one wanting to talk to me about how good I'm looking . Part of me want people to just talk to me about things and not about my physical appearance . But I know that I got like this when I lost lots of weight before . What I realised with lots of psychotherapy is that my fat was a form of protecting my self from others and also from myself . Knowing why helps a bit but I have to work so hard on my own inner thoughts

(((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))

Park it. Tomorrow is another day. Move on.

If you feel like a binge again, just remember how sh*t you feel right now!

We all have moments - don't beat yourself up hunni, please.

Love and light as always xxxxxxx

oh my dear ,im so sad to see your feeling this way,at least you have come to the right place to vent.
like all things this will pass
do see if your health team can help or come back on here for a cyber hugs and cyber tea and a good ear

Well even the strongest and the best people have breakdowns!

Hope you feel better tomorrow!

Awe bless ya, hope your feeling a bit more like your old self today xx

((((((nicola)))))

not much advice really, just wanted to stop by and say i hope you're feeling better, and that you can always pm me if you want a chat xx

Aww Nicky big hugs. Theses journeys are not easy ones. Listen you have done so so well . Your an inspiration to us all please don't best your self up. Wr all have bad days one way or another we are only human mistakes happen. We just got to get up dust off draw a line under it and move on. You have really done well. Sorry im not that much help as im still pre op but i too am fighting demons that want to keep me covered in fat . do really feel for you stay strong hun x

Oh Nicola, I really wish I could give you real life hug and make all this uncertainty and anguish disappear. Honestly.

The first thing I would suggest is sitting down with your emotions and thoughts and writing it all down. Don't try to over think anything or make the letter to yourself neat or perfect, just let it all flow. You may even want to doodle; do whatever feels right. Once you are done, look it over and see if you can find any precise connections between how you feel and your binging episode (fear, anxiety, guilt, shame. Where do these feelings come from? What is it about the attention you are getting that you don't like? And so on). How has the binge made you feel? God willing, you will be able to use what you have found to help you pause if the need to binge should arise again and hopefully stop yourself. It isn't something that works overnight and sometimes you may find that you take the pause and still binge but its a starting point.

Whatever you do, please, please don't beat yourself, being unkind to yourself when you are this fragile will only make it seem as if World War 3 is going on in your head. You need to remember that this is a steep learning curve and its still early days for you. In time and with help you will learn to cultivate ways of coping with all this Sweetheart. Are you seeing your teams therapist? What are are dealing with is normal and is in no way your fault. Keep talking to us.

xxx

Thanks everyone. I'm a psychotherapist - you think I'd be better equipped! lol

I've take antidepressants for 8 years now.

I've always had a tendency to get depression and anxiety though; I really didn't think the weight loss would screw my brain up as much as it has though!

Nicola, just because you are in the field, it doesn't mean you will automatically know what to do. I have three children (I have been a mother for 11 years) and I still get confused as to the best way to deal with certain aspects of motherhood.

I reallydo think it would be helpful for you to either speak with your GP in regards to your current medication (do you still find it gives you relief?) and/or being referred for counseling or seeing your teams therapist. At least with the latter option the entire team will be aware of your struggles and be more equipped to help you across the board. You need to be able to see the wood for the trees and trying to figure it out alone can be so hard.

How are you feeling now? xx

So sorry to hear you have been having a melt down I sometimes think its like a real bad bout of PMT Some ladies get it when they are older as they go through the change I suffered in my early 40. The positives are you have got down to a very low weight which means you have hit the target you set at the start of this journey. I think personally being over 3 years down the line now nothing anyone has said to you can and will prepare you for the way you are feeling. You will already know there is no magic cure. Talking things out is a really good thing to do also writing things down. Its a test of endurance. You have done amazingly well. I wish I could get down to 16 I WOULD BE OVER JOYED BUT I KNOW THAT IS NEVER GUNA HAPPEN FOR ME. embrace and accept their are some things in life we cannot control or begin to understand. This is a difficult journey for body and mind. WE all cope differently the worst part is finding a stratedgy that works for you. Takes some ME time out treat yourself have your hair or nails done, have a spa. I have gone back to nibbling sweet things but it has to stop. Onwards and upwards keep sharing you are doing fabulous my friend. xx

Thank you - yes I'm going to try and get some therapy. I'm back in clinic on 19 nov (my 1st surgiversary) and going to talk with nurse and dietitian.

Good for you keep shouting and talking get it all out in the open so that its not building up inside x Can I be really blunt and ask is this to do with trying to get pregnant. I know you have been trying and its sometimes difficult to watch and listen to others when you so badly want the same. if it is part of it there is no shame in it. If its nothing to do with that then please forget I said that. xxx

Nicola,

I'm sorry you're feeling so down about things but ask yourself ... is anyone really happy with their body? I have stick-thin model type friends (**rolling my eyes**) and they all have a part of their body that they hate too (although I can't for the life of me understand this!) You are your own worst critic, so the horrible depressing thoughts about your saggy skin will only be thoughts that you have ... no-one else will be taking a blind bit of notice.

Keep your chin up hun ...

and I envy your size 8/10 figure ....

xx

Thanks. I know that's the logical way of looking at things! But it's "feeling" it that's the struggle

Can you believe it's been a year? When you look back and think how we were during those early days; texting back and forth. You have come such a long way and believe it or not I can see a certain kind of confidence in you Nicola, something that wasn't there before. You will get to where you need to be my love. Huge hugs and "stay strong" vibes. X

I hope you're okay Nicola. xx

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Nicola my love, how are you doing?