Not sure i can do this, serious second thoughts

So I got listed for bypass or the mini this week whatever they decide on and it should be next month. I've made no secret I'm terrified of surgery, of something going wrong, during or afterwards and the worries I have for my family if something did! I know I'm not alone here I know we all worry but I can only speak for myself and how I'm feeling. One thing I have picked up on is where it's mentioned people on here say they have lost weight in the past but always put it back on. Well I have never lost it, now losing 2 and a half stone with slimming world (I know a lot more to go) I feel good, like maybe I should try.

I was originally getting a balloon as my weight was high, now although it's higher than it still originally was even with the 2 & half loss (first referred before getting pregnant 3years ago) they said that would still be balloon first and now instead done a complete u turn and straight to surgery. I think I'm so aware how dangerous it is for me this weight as it was drummed into me before it's got me feeling like this. I'm so confused and I don't want to discard bypass but if me waiting longer tryin to at least get some more weight off for surgery makes me less of a risk I'm thinking I should ask if maybe I could try that? Although yes I know there still risks.

Like I said I'm so confused It's constantly on my mind, im bursting out in tears a lot, I'm snapping at my poor family and today I was actually physically sick from worrying, am I just not in right headspace psychologically?

Also I joint slimmingworld mid August to lose weight for op, having the seminar first appointment end of June they quoted 12 - 18month for op it was dramaticlly reduced to only 6months, in my mind I didnt mind this and wanted the time to lose some weight and mentally prepare myself.

Sorry to go on I know I'm like a broken record when I have posted on here. Just stressed!

A lot of folks have the same fear as you, but its only you that can decide to go ahead with it, this is the way I looked at my operation, yes ok there is a very slight chance I will die on the table butttttttt the way I was so overweight (Well over 22st and I'm a shortie) I knew my time was seriously limited anyway, and what if I fell and broke my arm then needed an op? More chance of dying on the table as the op wouldn't be performed by specialist bariatric surgeons.
I almost half the woman I was and its not quite a year since my op, I think we all had the "what if I did one last try to lose the weight myself" thoughts I just knew from past experiences that I'd not keen it off.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do xx

Butterfly_lady said:

A lot of folks have the same fear as you, but its only you that can decide to go ahead with it, this is the way I looked at my operation, yes ok there is a very slight chance I will die on the table butttttttt the way I was so overweight (Well over 22st and I'm a shortie) I knew my time was seriously limited anyway, and what if I fell and broke my arm then needed an op? More chance of dying on the table as the op wouldn't be performed by specialist bariatric surgeons. I almost half the woman I was and its not quite a year since my op, I think we all had the "what if I did one last try to lose the weight myself" thoughts I just knew from past experiences that I'd not keen it off. Good luck with whatever you decide to do xx

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Thanks butterfly I think surgery is right way to go but I'm giving myself a few days to think about postponing for a few months, maybe till end of March as we are doing a course to help deal and support my autistic son from January to March anyways. I'm gunna try phoning my hospital and see if I can maybe speak to one of the nurses and explain my fear. Balloon would have been ideal but if it's best I will try shifting some more weight myself before op if they don't mind. Who knows I might be reassured I do feel I haven't been spoken to that much and giving the chance to ask questions. I should have after endoscopy but I was a bit shaken up by it and it's typical of me not thinking about what to ask then!

I understand what you mean about getting put to sleep I almost had to with last labour due to complications as I refused epidural beforehand but she came just as they where preparing me and it frightened me then as again I was told its a risk if I was to be put to sleep.

2nd chance Jo said:

Thanks butterfly I think surgery is right way to go but I'm giving myself a few days to think about postponing for a few months, maybe till end of March as we are doing a course to help deal and support my autistic son from January to March anyways. I'm gunna try phoning my hospital and see if I can maybe speak to one of the nurses and explain my fear. Balloon would have been ideal but if it's best I will try shifting some more weight myself before op if they don't mind. Who knows I might be reassured I do feel I haven't been spoken to that much and giving the chance to ask questions. I should have after endoscopy but I was a bit shaken up by it and it's typical of me not thinking about what to ask then!

I understand what you mean about getting put to sleep I almost had to with last labour due to complications as I refused epidural beforehand but she came just as they where preparing me and it frightened me then as again I was told its a risk if I was to be put to sleep.

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I wish you all the best with whatever you decide

Aww Jo!! It's understandable you have reservations, I think majority of us have to varying degrees. I know exactly what you mean about not feeling prepared. I was expecting to be done around feb/mar so when I got my date I freaked out and didn't feel prepared at all. I had also set myself a target that if I lost a certain amount of weight I wouldn't go ahead and I was only 7lb away from that. I was still really scared and unsure if I was doing the right thing when I was being wheeled to theatre!! I also agree that there isn't much opportunity to ask questions but you could try ringing and speak to the bariatric nurse, I'm sure they'd answer questions for you.

I almost talked myself out of it so many times between the endoscopy and surgery, it was the longest 4 weeks of my life!!

And remember you're in the best of hands, if they thought it was too high risk they would insist on a balloon first to lose the weight before surgery. But, you've already lost some and you'll shift a fair bit more on the LSD so they must be confident.

Only you can make the decision if it's right for you at this point but don't beat yourself up, it is normal to feel the way you do. Try and get some help answering your questions while you're waiting for news.

Take care and good luck x

Su2ie said:

Aww Jo!! It's understandable you have reservations, I think majority of us have to varying degrees. I know exactly what you mean about not feeling prepared. I was expecting to be done around feb/mar so when I got my date I freaked out and didn't feel prepared at all. I had also set myself a target that if I lost a certain amount of weight I wouldn't go ahead and I was only 7lb away from that. I was still really scared and unsure if I was doing the right thing when I was being wheeled to theatre!! I also agree that there isn't much opportunity to ask questions but you could try ringing and speak to the bariatric nurse, I'm sure they'd answer questions for you. I almost talked myself out of it so many times between the endoscopy and surgery, it was the longest 4 weeks of my life!! And remember you're in the best of hands, if they thought it was too high risk they would insist on a balloon first to lose the weight before surgery. But, you've already lost some and you'll shift a fair bit more on the LSD so they must be confident. Only you can make the decision if it's right for you at this point but don't beat yourself up, it is normal to feel the way you do. Try and get some help answering your questions while you're waiting for news. Take care and good luck x

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Thanks su2ie means a lot. I really do believe there more than capable and I'm mad at myself same time as other people would jump at this chance. I will try speaking to one of the nurses and write a few things down about any questions etc see if it will help me decide or put my mind at ease, my poor boyfriend getting it in the neck constantly but even offered last night to join SW to support me to get down a few more stone before surgery....all 11stone 2lbs of him....like I'm wanting him to lose weight!! Lol

How was the LSD for Sunderland? Haven't been told anything about that.

I know how u feel i was lying on the table waiting to knocked out... it took 15 mins to find a vein.. and i was in tears... i knew it was the right think to do i was overwhelmed by the 10 million thoughts that were racing through my head. It's not a nice feeling but try and think of the positives and the outcome you want to achieve. Like you i had never been able to achieve a weight loss before and maintain it i managed to lose 3.5 stone pre op but stuck. The surgeon made me aware that this is what usually happens and you just seems to stick and not be able to lose anymore than where you're at.

Just remember you're in the hands of some amazing surgeons who are experts in this field. Yes they may have done a u turn but they must have reevaluated your case again and decided surgery is the best way forward for you.

I hope this has helped you even just a little bit. I know its hard I'm only 2.5 wks out and I've lost over a stone already... i was so scared i would regret it and I don't. You really are in the best hands at Sunderland! Xxx

I had a band which is not as major but still. Series risks bi had list weight on my pre op phase and told my husband that I was just going to give the diet another go

He pointed out that if I could do this on
My own I would have by now

People who need this surgery are not capable of sustaining weight loss who would let themselves get into this truley miserable shape and be trapped inside all this fat if they could have done something about it!!!! It is a prison of sheer mental agony

So I paid my 6.5k ( which was major for me as I don't have any savings and need to work hard to repay this amount)

On the day the only thing that got me into theatre was knowing how disgusted in myself I would be if I chickened out and......I would loose my money. I was truly terrified. I had written instructions for my husband on what needed to be done in the event of my death and looked out our wills

doggylover said:

I know how u feel i was lying on the table waiting to knocked out... it took 15 mins to find a vein.. and i was in tears... i knew it was the right think to do i was overwhelmed by the 10 million thoughts that were racing through my head. It's not a nice feeling but try and think of the positives and the outcome you want to achieve. Like you i had never been able to achieve a weight loss before and maintain it i managed to lose 3.5 stone pre op but stuck. The surgeon made me aware that this is what usually happens and you just seems to stick and not be able to lose anymore than where you're at. Just remember you're in the hands of some amazing surgeons who are experts in this field. Yes they may have done a u turn but they must have reevaluated your case again and decided surgery is the best way forward for you. I hope this has helped you even just a little bit. I know its hard I'm only 2.5 wks out and I've lost over a stone already... i was so scared i would regret it and I don't. You really are in the best hands at Sunderland! Xxx

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Thanks doggy lover seems every day I feel differently about it today has been a good day but these comments help. Yesterday was probably the most I have panicked and I'm not sure why I got myself in a state like that!! I didn't think it would affect me like this before I have even had it done x

Sorry. I sent this too soon was not finished

You are in an amazingly fortunate position that the NHS will fund your op. The criteria on funding could change and you could be refused in the future

But.....this is a huge step for you, for anyone and you should be sure it's what you want to do before you decide. You just need to figure out if your fears are healthy normal fears which most of us have or if they are something else

Think ahead and try to imagine how you will feel next year if you miss the boat on this surgery

Good luck. Xxxxxx

Your right Kirsty I have tried to imagine myself fat in 5 years time (providing it hasn't killed me) and I'd be kicking myself. Just need to keep reminding myself why I'm doing this and the better life it could bring for me and my family. Apart from my weight obviously the only problems I have is asthma. I know other people go in with much more serious problems. Think I know what I need to do just need to get a grip x

2nd chance Jo said:

How was the LSD for Sunderland? Haven't been told anything about that.

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There were 2 choices for LSD, one milk based one food based. I chose the milk one as this is preferred and gives the best results apparently. I could have 2-3pints of milk, 2 diet yogurts, 1 bowl of veg soup (no lentis or potatoes) 2-3 pieces of fruit and no added sugar jelly. It's hard but effective!!
The other one is 1 Weetabix for breakfast, 2 crisp reads with small portion of lean meat or cottage cheese for lunch, lean protein. 1 potato and veg for dinner with 1 yogurt and some fruit I think.

I know it's a complete rollercoaster of emotions, especially when it seems to be happening so much more quickly than you expected but it sounds as if you've got a great support in your boyfriend, bless him.
Just stay focussed on losing as much weight as you can while you're waiting and you'll probably be surprised how much comes off (especially with the LSD!) and it will all help to make it safer.

Please try not to stress and focus on the benefits rather than the risks - easier said than done I know.

If you've got questions that I can help with feel free to fire away. I'm not a doctor or professional but I can tell you anything about my experience x

Su2ie said:

There were 2 choices for LSD, one milk based one food based. I chose the milk one as this is preferred and gives the best results apparently. I could have 2-3pints of milk, 2 diet yogurts, 1 bowl of veg soup (no lentis or potatoes) 2-3 pieces of fruit and no added sugar jelly. It's hard but effective!!
The other one is 1 Weetabix for breakfast, 2 crisp reads with small portion of lean meat or cottage cheese for lunch, lean protein. 1 potato and veg for dinner with 1 yogurt and some fruit I think.

I know it's a complete rollercoaster of emotions, especially when it seems to be happening so much more quickly than you expected but it sounds as if you've got a great support in your boyfriend, bless him.
Just stay focussed on losing as much weight as you can while you're waiting and you'll probably be surprised how much comes off (especially with the LSD!) and it will all help to make it safer.

Please try not to stress and focus on the benefits rather than the risks - easier said than done I know.

If you've got questions that I can help with feel free to fire away. I'm not a doctor or professional but I can tell you anything about my experience x

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Thanks su2ie i have been speaking to him today and said if its next month as it should be i will go through with it if not i would have to put if off till this course finishes, as due to my sons age we wont get another chance if we dont take it when it starts 16th jan.

In the mean time i'm going to STOP the googling and stick to this forum, i have not googled today and im a lot more chilled out.

I find it best to speak to people who are going through it so thank you very much.

My diet took a hit last 2 days because surprise surprise when i'm stressed i tend to pick at things and just was not focused on it but today im back on track oh i think i will go with the milk diet too by sounds of it.

Hi Jo. I have read a lot of posts like yours with people really worried and frightened about the surgery but most go through with it and are so glad they did. I am looking at having an op around end of Jan and I have thought a lot about this very thing. The thing is, I could die on the table but at the moment I am not living the way I want. I am moving to live on a houseboat i n Plymouth within a few weeks from now and will be seeing a lot more of my family. There are some little ones in my family and I want to chase them around and play catch and do all of those things. I want to have a zest for life which I don't have at the most. I want to go to Australia next September to see my sister, her children and her grandchildren. I couldn't do that at the moment. I will probably have to pay for my op and travel to belgium enabling me to afford it. You have a golden opportunity here and, if it was me, I would grab it with both hands and be eternally grateful for it. You can give up on it and that would be your prerogative but there are a couple of ladies on here who have done exactly that and have regretted it and then gone on to ask themselves why they didn't do it sooner. Perhaps one of these ladies could have a chat with you but please think very carefully before giving up this chance to live the life you have always wanted to.

Debbie

Sounds like you're a bit calmer today Googling too much can add to the freaking out that's for sure, I even went so far as to watch the actual op on YouTube!!

There's a support group at Sunderland, I think it's the last Thursday of every month but can't remember the time. It might be an opportunity to ask questions and get s balanced view. I've never been but I believe some of the surgeons, nurses, pre-oppers and post-oppers go so might be really useful for you. I'm thinking about going this month as I find it useful to get together with people who won't judge where you can talk about things openly. This forum is fab but it's great to be face to face with people sometimes.

Jo, I agree with Kirsty. The funding process appears to change all the time and you could be faced with a big 'no' when you're finally ready to go ahead. Yes, you're doing well on SW and you should be applauded for that. I also had the most success with SW so would endorse it. Sadly though, it took just one thing each time for me to lose motivation.

You're won't be the heaviest or riskiest patient these surgeons have operated on and I truly think they wouldn't commit unless they thought it was the best for you.

I guess there's nothing wrong in asking for the balloon, and yes in 6 months time you'll be lighter - but you'll still have the same concerns about anaesthetics and surgery etc.

No-one can make your decision for you. But if you're wanting opinions on what others would do, I say go for it and get it done while its offered. You'll have loads of years ahead to enjoy your child/ren.

Loads of luck whichever way you go. X

Thanks all I need to go ahead like you I kno SW is great but if I was that great I wouldn't need op! I will look into that support group I have not been told about it so far. My family and friends are supportive but it does feel like they can never exactly know how I'm feeling or the fears I have over surgery and it's nice talking to others who do x

2nd chance Jo said:

Thanks doggy lover seems every day I feel differently about it today has been a good day but these comments help. Yesterday was probably the most I have panicked and I'm not sure why I got myself in a state like that!! I didn't think it would affect me like this before I have even had it done x

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No problem! I got myself like that and I've had a few tears now and again post op when I've felt tired I'm not going to lie. The hardest part for me at the moment is taking all the medication first thing in a morning and last thing at night i have other meds to take on top too and you can feel full up from that. it's totally understandable to be having up and down days so close to your op. The night before i was in floods of tears and one of the nurses came in and had a chat which really helped me out. She said she'd had a look at my fill and couldn't believe i was only 23 and going through with it but that i would have so much energy after and a whole new life afterwards.
Don't be thinking you're not going to make it out the op they have to tell you that by law. They are a great team who will put you at ease all the way through your time at the hospital i don't think you do think it would affect you so much until it gets close to the date it is such a life changing thing and a big decision to make. Just think of the outcome that's all you can do at the end of the day good luck!! Xx

Thanks guys. I have decided just to wait for letter/call for the op. I'm hoping it will come soon just so I have a date and can start prepare things and just hoping once It's booked it'll soon be here and things can start to change, hopefully for the better for me. Im hoping at a pre op appointment I think u get?? I will have any concerns re-assured then, I know I'm so lucky to get this opportunity! I'm only 28 I have 3 children I'm doing it for them just as much as for myself x

Jo, you're in the right place for support from what I can gather and it's usual to have worries and anxieties before having surgery. I'm a private funder and had a sleeve last Friday in Manchester - I was constantly doubting whether I had made the right choice on the drive up there and on the way home after a two night stay I even mentioned to my dad whether I had done the right thing. I felt so overwhelmed and incredibly emotional but you have a wonderful support network here and in your family and friends but you need to make sure that whatever decision you make you make it for you and the fact that you'll have a much better life in the future. It will be hard, surgery isn't a quick fix, but after those initial few weeks after surgery you'll feel much better for it - you are in the best hands Wish you all the very best of luck xx