Help needed please. I'm due for a bypass 23rd July (hopefully) and I'm wondering how other bypassers prepared their families for the risks and aftermath (good/ bad) of the op? If anyone is able to share their stories/advice I would be really grateful. I have 2 kids (10 + 2) so there is a lot to think about. Debs xx
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Preparing the Family for my op?
- Thread starter deq
- Start date
j.u.s.t.l.i.z.
Runs Srh Support Group
hi debs im a bander, when i told my family i was just up front and honest with them explaining why i needed to have this done, my mum didnt quite understand it all but was very supportive towards me still, my son was very little at the time but i wanted to be honest with him so i explained exactly what was going to happen to me and what life after would be like for mummy in terms he could understand for his age then, hes now 8 and fully understands the ins and outs of wls and has also met other banders. another way to prepare people that dont understand what wls is about is to provide some reading material for them to read, for example pick a few positive threads off this site from experienced bypassers and print them out as reading others experiences can help people around us be ready and prepared for how it will be for you after surgery.
good luck
liz x
good luck
liz x
HI
I have an eight year old boy and I told him Mummy was having an operation to make her tummy smaller inside so I couldnt eat bad foods or as much he didnt question it but he did think I was coming out of hospital a size 10 !!!
On a practical note I stocked up the freezer for them with food and spag bol mince, casseroles, easy to cook food wrote a big rota for what everyone does on what day and where they have to be at what time !! I have 2 other kids but younger.
In terms of hubby he read all the material the hospital gave me and he seemed to understand it would be tough mentally for a while.
I also got up to date on everything round the house made sure I had everything I needed and all my purees cooked and frozen in little pots
I was a girl guide !!!!!!!
I have an eight year old boy and I told him Mummy was having an operation to make her tummy smaller inside so I couldnt eat bad foods or as much he didnt question it but he did think I was coming out of hospital a size 10 !!!
On a practical note I stocked up the freezer for them with food and spag bol mince, casseroles, easy to cook food wrote a big rota for what everyone does on what day and where they have to be at what time !! I have 2 other kids but younger.
In terms of hubby he read all the material the hospital gave me and he seemed to understand it would be tough mentally for a while.
I also got up to date on everything round the house made sure I had everything I needed and all my purees cooked and frozen in little pots
I was a girl guide !!!!!!!
Lisa J
CRYSTAL PALACE FC!
my partner has been very supportive as he knows how unhappy i am with my weight so telling him was fine, my mum was quite shocked and hardly spoke about it and when i did she changed the subject, now its nearer my op(wed 13 may) she has become more supportive, i know it's just cos she's so very worried though. i have a 7 year old little girl and i've told her im going away on a training course it's going to be so hard leaving her, i couldnt tell her the truth because she's such a worrier i dont know what she's gonna be like when she's gets older!! so all in all apart from the difficulty in leaving my daughter my family have all been fine with it.
lisa xxx
lisa xxx
baby jayne
New Member
Its a tough one for families and it must be terrible for them on the day of surgery.
My children are 19 and 17 and they know I am having a Gastric Band Op, but I have told them that I am not going to tell them when.
This may seem strange but its because my Daughter has MS and stress can bring on symptoms, so I told her a while back that why I want the Op and told her all about the Op (played it down a bit) and she is obviously not wanting me to have it but understands why.
I told her it is a while of (that was in March) so when I go in I am down first, it is a Saturday so she will be having a lie in and hopefully I will be done and back in my room before she wakes up...fingers crossed. I haven't told my Son the date incase he accidently slips up and she finds out.
I have had a few morbid thoughts of what if's and thought of writing letters just incase...but can't bring myself to. Has anyone else thought of or wrote letters?
My children are 19 and 17 and they know I am having a Gastric Band Op, but I have told them that I am not going to tell them when.
This may seem strange but its because my Daughter has MS and stress can bring on symptoms, so I told her a while back that why I want the Op and told her all about the Op (played it down a bit) and she is obviously not wanting me to have it but understands why.
I told her it is a while of (that was in March) so when I go in I am down first, it is a Saturday so she will be having a lie in and hopefully I will be done and back in my room before she wakes up...fingers crossed. I haven't told my Son the date incase he accidently slips up and she finds out.
I have had a few morbid thoughts of what if's and thought of writing letters just incase...but can't bring myself to. Has anyone else thought of or wrote letters?
bondgirl
Member
Hi Debs
Good luck with your operation
I had a gastric Bypass in March 2007 at the time my two children were 13 and 11. I was very ill with my chronic asthma having to go on a nebuliser 3 or 4 times a night before the op and only had a 33% chance of survival I didn't scare the kids by telling them this only that it was my only hope of getting better.
My children were worried that I wouldn't come out of it but I assurred them I wasn't leaving them and this was the best chance I had of seeing them grow old. now I know my health reasons were pretty drastic and it was difficult for the kids but I also told them that hospital was the safest place in the world to be when you are sick.
As I'm a single parent I'd already spoke to my sister about the posibility of me not surviving and how I wanted her and her partner to take care of my children should anything happen.
I wrote my sister a letter whilst in my hospital bed however when it came to writing the kids one I couldn't as I knew if I did I'd have walked out before having it done.
I had my operation was successfully discharged within 40 hours if I remember rightly.....was driving after 8 days and I have to say for me it was the best decision I've made in my life.
Remember why you are having this operation, its best not to frighten your family but ensure you have someone you can be very blunt with ie for me it was my sister, she knew all the worst that could happen and was the one who needed to be prepared.
Don't know if any of that helps but it worked for me...good luck hunni
Good luck with your operation
I had a gastric Bypass in March 2007 at the time my two children were 13 and 11. I was very ill with my chronic asthma having to go on a nebuliser 3 or 4 times a night before the op and only had a 33% chance of survival
I didn't scare the kids by telling them this only that it was my only hope of getting better. My children were worried that I wouldn't come out of it but I assurred them I wasn't leaving them and this was the best chance I had of seeing them grow old. now I know my health reasons were pretty drastic and it was difficult for the kids but I also told them that hospital was the safest place in the world to be when you are sick.
As I'm a single parent I'd already spoke to my sister about the posibility of me not surviving and how I wanted her and her partner to take care of my children should anything happen.
I wrote my sister a letter whilst in my hospital bed however when it came to writing the kids one I couldn't as I knew if I did I'd have walked out before having it done.
I had my operation was successfully discharged within 40 hours if I remember rightly.....was driving after 8 days and I have to say for me it was the best decision I've made in my life.
Remember why you are having this operation, its best not to frighten your family but ensure you have someone you can be very blunt with ie for me it was my sister, she knew all the worst that could happen and was the one who needed to be prepared.
Don't know if any of that helps but it worked for me...good luck hunni
mermaid2708
new year...new me!x
i wrote a letter for my 17yr old son and left it with a close friend to give him just incase the worse happened...it has since been destroyed. i discussed the op endlessly with him and he has been a tower of stregnth. it has always just been the two of us and part of my reason for waiting til he was this age for me to have the op was that even though the loss of a parent is always a horrendous thing to go through i knew he was sort of ready for me to make this decision to do something for me. its hard to explain...hope i have not confused you!? he has been so supportive and is so proud of me...he says its the best thing i have ever done. but i have always been aware that he does not become a sort of 'stand-in partner' and i have not physically relied on him too much...i have roped in friends and family for that! saying that though he has become quite independant over the last few months since my op...but we do still have big cuddles...and i hope that never stops! sorry for my rambling x
Bonita
New Member
I've had no problem with my family, they understand the need to have this done as my mother a very large lady died very young due to weight related diseases.
My sons are all grown up with young families of their own, we haven't said a lot to the little ones because we don't want them worrying for nothing. I too thought about letters for my boys but thought better of it, they know I love them.
With regards to hubbie, he's been very supportive, but after a very sharp lecture from my doctor is under no illusion as to the seriousness of what we are doing. I sometimes think he's more frightened than I am..
My sons are all grown up with young families of their own, we haven't said a lot to the little ones because we don't want them worrying for nothing. I too thought about letters for my boys but thought better of it, they know I love them.
With regards to hubbie, he's been very supportive, but after a very sharp lecture from my doctor is under no illusion as to the seriousness of what we are doing. I sometimes think he's more frightened than I am..
thinkbethin
New Member
Hi, my kids are alot older than yours so they understand the need for me to have this op. My parents and siblings are all for it as well even though they're going to worry. My hubby is worried but knows this is the best thing to help us grow even older together.My best freinds little girl though (whom I idolise and vice versa) is a different matter. She's very bright and picks up on conversations even though she'a only 4. She'said she did'nt want me to go to hospital cos she'll miss me so I explained that I was having some special cream put on my tummy. then the doctor was going to put some little holes in my tum but it would'nt hurt because of the special cream lol. then he is going to have a look through the holes and make my tummy better so it would get smaller and then we could go horse riding together. She was happy with this and now can't stop talking about "when Gaynors tummy is better we can go horse riding but 1st the doctors got to!!!" and explains it all to everybody. As for the letters, there's no way I could sit and write any. i know if I even tried then I would back out of having this op. It would break my heart and I just know I could'nt do it. the thought of it upsets me. Hope this helps xx Gaynorxx
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baby jayne
New Member
Gaynor are you having band or bypass?
PinkyButtonz
New Member
Hi Debs,
I have a 19 year old daughter. It must be difficult when they are younger.
My daughter and I discussed the good and the bad. Bad meaning the possiblity of me dying. She understands that my life expectancy is already greatly reduced because of my weight, high blood pressure, diabetes, high cholestrol.
My mum was the one that has taken the news that I want a Bypass the toughest. I explained the above to her and she is now coming around to the idea.
After watching a programme last night about a women having Bypass op, she gave me the idea to write a Will, not that I have much to leave. I plan to get things in order just encase the worst happens.
My brother has been a huge support and came with me for my 1st consultant appointment.
All the best with your op.
I have a 19 year old daughter. It must be difficult when they are younger.
My daughter and I discussed the good and the bad. Bad meaning the possiblity of me dying. She understands that my life expectancy is already greatly reduced because of my weight, high blood pressure, diabetes, high cholestrol.
My mum was the one that has taken the news that I want a Bypass the toughest. I explained the above to her and she is now coming around to the idea.
After watching a programme last night about a women having Bypass op, she gave me the idea to write a Will, not that I have much to leave
. I plan to get things in order just encase the worst happens.My brother has been a huge support and came with me for my 1st consultant appointment.
All the best with your op.
thinkbethin
New Member
Baby Jayne, I'm having band next monday.Thats if it does'nt get cancelled at last minute lol
halve me
New Member
hiya! i too have young children, my girls are 8 and 5 and i have a supportive hubby who was great. i told my girls that i was going to have an op that would help me be able to do more with them and be able to run around and play with them more. like starry my youngest daughter was expecting me to come out of hospital already slimmed down! when i got home from the op they were very cautious about coming near me and did look me up and down like she wondered why i was still huge!! i just tried to play the op down to them not making a big thing about it.
i had thought i would write letters before my op but could never put pen to paper, i guess that the thought of doing that was too much for me to take and i didnt write anything in the end but warned my hubby where the policies etc were!! we discussed what could go wrong and he was fully understanding of my descision as i felt if i did not put myself through the op the chances were i wouldnt be there for him in a few years.
good luck with your journey
x
i had thought i would write letters before my op but could never put pen to paper, i guess that the thought of doing that was too much for me to take and i didnt write anything in the end but warned my hubby where the policies etc were!! we discussed what could go wrong and he was fully understanding of my descision as i felt if i did not put myself through the op the chances were i wouldnt be there for him in a few years.
good luck with your journey
x
j.u.s.t.l.i.z.
Runs Srh Support Group
lol kids do think like that, well some adults have had the same reaction and expect to see a skinny you next time you see them.
its expected that children can think that way but from an adult its just crazy
Rising_Sun
Chugging along
My kids beat me to it actually. I have 5 year old twin boys who recommended WLS to me in their own way. I'll explain. I was recently telling them off for racing ahead of me and out of the school gates because I couldn’t run fast enough to keep them safe on the road. I knew I had been watching a lot of the American WLS programme "Family Fat Surgeons" when my boys told me I needed to go to family fat 'sugars' because they could make me middle sized. As early readers 'Sugars' is how they read the word surgeons. They sussed that if I were middle sized I could run with them. In their world, people are small, middle sized and big and fat. I just watched the programme, never explaining to them why I watched it but they obviously processed the information and decided this was something mummy needed. I asked them some questions about how the family fat sugars can help me. This is what I got: “Well you have to go to hospital and you have to be very brave. If you are brave they will give you a sparkly sticker. Then they put you on a bed and take the food out of your tummy. Then you go home and get middle sized. After that you go back to say thank you.” My kids only concern with me going to family fat ‘sugars’ was about who would look after them while I was in hospital but once they were assured that daddy could do the job as well as mummy, they are happy for me to go and get ‘middle-sized’.
I did ask the questions before about how others had prepared their families but thankfully this conversation with my kids came before I had worked out what to tell them.
I did ask the questions before about how others had prepared their families but thankfully this conversation with my kids came before I had worked out what to tell them.
baby jayne
New Member
Plus that is so funny!! Kids hey they think well more than we do and speak their minds!!
Well at least it saved you a job telling them, hope you get middlesized soon hun lol.
Well at least it saved you a job telling them, hope you get middlesized soon hun lol.
That's the thought of thing I was thinking of, you know letters and things. I know you called it morbid and well none of us want to think along the what ifs but this surgery is one hell of a risk. I know its nowhere near the risk of continuing at this weight (my BMI is 64) but for me I think some thought of getting affairs in order must be made. i suppose its a personal decision of how we go about it. Good luck for your band, and I hope your daughters condition si good at the moment. Love Debs xxx
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