Cowgirl
Licks the lid of life!
“You’ve got such a pretty face!”.
That’s what people say to me. Only the face mind, they can’t say “You’re so pretty” as a package!
Just the face. OK?
Right, now that we’re clear on that I’ll tell you why. It’s not because I have 3 arms, 1 leg and a tit and a half, its because I’m fat, overweight, obese, chunky, plump, larger, plus size or what ever other label society wants to throw at me! I am 28 right now and I’ve always been a big girl! Lovely, adorable chubby baby that you could really get hold of and squeeze her legs or grab her chops! Except that never went! But once you start school no one is interested in grabbing your legs and squeezing you with affection because you’re chubby! They would rather take the piss or just be plain nasty because they are too frightened of what fault you might see in them. But you get used to it, almost immune from the cruel actions of others and you even gain the talent to see when it’s coming. So what do you do about it? Smack every person in the mouth and use your weight advantage to knock their teeth out or you sit in doors crying everyday. NEVER!!!
You learn to fight back with words, you see everyone’s imperfections and take note of them for ammunition just in case they make a dig at you, then your prepared. One word and you can fly around and bowl them over with embarrassment because you’ve made them feel worse about themselves than you felt at their comment. You also have the power of others laughing at what you have said as well. Nothing draws a crowd better than a good slanging match and when you’re winning, you’re the hero. Not that this is the way it should be. What did your mother tell you?
“Just ignore them and walk away”.
Well that’s all well and good if you can get away from them. Chances are that you walk away saying nothing then they follow you and carry on humiliating you in front of the whole playground. No, if you do that you become the victim. Fight fire with fire right? An eye for an eye? It totally depends what level you take it to! You fight back too hard and you become the bully, you don’t fight enough you remain the victim. Where’s the happy medium? Truth is there isn’t one, it’s dog eat dog from the time you can talk until you’re 6 foot under no matter what you look like.
Not that I have ever been short of friends. I have always been very popular at school etc. Bubbly, confident, fun loving, but don’t call me fat! It’s like a red rag to a bull for an overweight person!
But what do you do when you become an adult. You can’t play the kid card anymore and tell them to stop looking or you’ll get your brother on to them, life just doesn’t work like that after the age of 16!
When you become an adult, you begin to hide your torment, you hold it in and do not let it show. If I can look like I don’t care what you said, then your don’t get the reaction you were looking for and then you feel the prick, not me. But as you grow up, you’re far less likely to be called silly names by people, they just use insults in different ways thinking you don’t mind!
My favourite one starts with “I’m not being rude but…..”
Of course you’re going to be rude or you wouldn’t feel the need to announce that you don’t mean to be rude before hand!
Oh and you have never thought the things that people suggest to you, never in my life have I had the inclination to diet, cut out fatty foods, only eat when I’m hungry, eat smaller portions or exercise more!
You haven’t got to be Jeremy Kyle to work that out. But people feel the need to tell you.
These are some of the best I’ve had in my life:
“You don’t really need that do you?”
No I don’t really need it, but I want it!
“Don’t spoil all your good work”
Look in the mirror and stop whining at me.
“I’m just trying to help you”
No you’re not, you’re trying to preach to me.
I don’t go around saying impertinent things to people no matter what their problem.
I don’t tell the super skinny that they need a few roast dinners to put on a few pounds.
I don’t tell bald people that their face lacks character because all people see is this big shiny space where their hair used to be.
What ever happened to live and let live?
God knows whoever came out with that load of b*llocks.
Well I’ve made a choice. A life changing choice. A choice that has made me sit up and face my fears, demons and enemies. At the age of 28, 5 foot 4 inches and 19 stones, I have decided to embark on the world of surgery. I am going to have a gastric band fitted inside me, around my stomach to make it smaller and assist me in losing weight. Easy option? No, I used to think people who had obesity surgery were taking the easy option. I obviously like food and eating or I wouldn’t be overweight in the first place.
Once I have this done I will never be able to eat a proper meal again. Never be able to go out and have a 3 course meal. A starter would be my limit. I will never be able to eat like everybody else ever again.
That’s a bit scary thinking I may have 50+ years to go yet! But is it worth the sacrifice to be healthy and happy? It is to me.
I don’t know how I’m going to feel, or how this will effect me, but I’m willing to share my whole journey with you, the good, the bad, the vomit, the pain & the will power!
Tuesday 28th October is my op date
I hope you enjoy it, here we go…..!
That’s what people say to me. Only the face mind, they can’t say “You’re so pretty” as a package!
Just the face. OK?
Right, now that we’re clear on that I’ll tell you why. It’s not because I have 3 arms, 1 leg and a tit and a half, its because I’m fat, overweight, obese, chunky, plump, larger, plus size or what ever other label society wants to throw at me! I am 28 right now and I’ve always been a big girl! Lovely, adorable chubby baby that you could really get hold of and squeeze her legs or grab her chops! Except that never went! But once you start school no one is interested in grabbing your legs and squeezing you with affection because you’re chubby! They would rather take the piss or just be plain nasty because they are too frightened of what fault you might see in them. But you get used to it, almost immune from the cruel actions of others and you even gain the talent to see when it’s coming. So what do you do about it? Smack every person in the mouth and use your weight advantage to knock their teeth out or you sit in doors crying everyday. NEVER!!!
You learn to fight back with words, you see everyone’s imperfections and take note of them for ammunition just in case they make a dig at you, then your prepared. One word and you can fly around and bowl them over with embarrassment because you’ve made them feel worse about themselves than you felt at their comment. You also have the power of others laughing at what you have said as well. Nothing draws a crowd better than a good slanging match and when you’re winning, you’re the hero. Not that this is the way it should be. What did your mother tell you?
“Just ignore them and walk away”.
Well that’s all well and good if you can get away from them. Chances are that you walk away saying nothing then they follow you and carry on humiliating you in front of the whole playground. No, if you do that you become the victim. Fight fire with fire right? An eye for an eye? It totally depends what level you take it to! You fight back too hard and you become the bully, you don’t fight enough you remain the victim. Where’s the happy medium? Truth is there isn’t one, it’s dog eat dog from the time you can talk until you’re 6 foot under no matter what you look like.
Not that I have ever been short of friends. I have always been very popular at school etc. Bubbly, confident, fun loving, but don’t call me fat! It’s like a red rag to a bull for an overweight person!
But what do you do when you become an adult. You can’t play the kid card anymore and tell them to stop looking or you’ll get your brother on to them, life just doesn’t work like that after the age of 16!
When you become an adult, you begin to hide your torment, you hold it in and do not let it show. If I can look like I don’t care what you said, then your don’t get the reaction you were looking for and then you feel the prick, not me. But as you grow up, you’re far less likely to be called silly names by people, they just use insults in different ways thinking you don’t mind!
My favourite one starts with “I’m not being rude but…..”
Of course you’re going to be rude or you wouldn’t feel the need to announce that you don’t mean to be rude before hand!
Oh and you have never thought the things that people suggest to you, never in my life have I had the inclination to diet, cut out fatty foods, only eat when I’m hungry, eat smaller portions or exercise more!
You haven’t got to be Jeremy Kyle to work that out. But people feel the need to tell you.
These are some of the best I’ve had in my life:
“You don’t really need that do you?”
No I don’t really need it, but I want it!
“Don’t spoil all your good work”
Look in the mirror and stop whining at me.
“I’m just trying to help you”
No you’re not, you’re trying to preach to me.
I don’t go around saying impertinent things to people no matter what their problem.
I don’t tell the super skinny that they need a few roast dinners to put on a few pounds.
I don’t tell bald people that their face lacks character because all people see is this big shiny space where their hair used to be.
What ever happened to live and let live?
God knows whoever came out with that load of b*llocks.
Well I’ve made a choice. A life changing choice. A choice that has made me sit up and face my fears, demons and enemies. At the age of 28, 5 foot 4 inches and 19 stones, I have decided to embark on the world of surgery. I am going to have a gastric band fitted inside me, around my stomach to make it smaller and assist me in losing weight. Easy option? No, I used to think people who had obesity surgery were taking the easy option. I obviously like food and eating or I wouldn’t be overweight in the first place.
Once I have this done I will never be able to eat a proper meal again. Never be able to go out and have a 3 course meal. A starter would be my limit. I will never be able to eat like everybody else ever again.
That’s a bit scary thinking I may have 50+ years to go yet! But is it worth the sacrifice to be healthy and happy? It is to me.
I don’t know how I’m going to feel, or how this will effect me, but I’m willing to share my whole journey with you, the good, the bad, the vomit, the pain & the will power!
Tuesday 28th October is my op date
I hope you enjoy it, here we go…..!
