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Splitting up w/partner after WLS

helloeverybody83

helloeverybody83

New Member
Hello Everybody

Was watching a C5 show called (erm) I Lost Weight & Lost My Husband and it had a crazy statistic in like over 80% of people end their long term relationship after losing a large amount of weight (I *think* it said something about WLS specifically but can't recall/be sure...).

Anyway - it freaked me out a bit. Didn't say whether it's the newly slimmer partner or partner who tends to leave but I've been w/my partner for nearly ten years and have been big throughout (lost nearly 4st since GB last June).

Just wondered if anyone has any experience/insight in to this?

Ta xxx
 
I saw something like that (prob same programme) whilst I was thinking about having surgery last year. It scared me. I've been with my partner for 8 years & i know he likes me just the way i am (albeit upto 3 stone heavier than when we met at my biggest)
I ruled out the sleeve / bypass cuz of it & had the band cuz i was safe knowing if i wanted to stop loosing weight at any time even if i was still overweight then I could for the sake of the relationship.
Then I told him my plans. Surprisingly he said that he supported me 100% even tho he'd miss my squishy bits.
So now I'm gonna loose until I feel comfortable.
After all I'm doing this to make sure my children have an active upbringing & have a mum around when they're grown up

band fitted 16.01.14
 
80% is extraordinary stat. Im not sure how the programme makers would come by thoses figures. Undoubtedly relationships do breakdown after weightloss, but I categorically believe it is not 4 out of 5!
 
Very often these relationships are rocky, maybe one or the other partner uses the weightloss as an excuse to leave the relationship, so then the "I've not loved you for a while but was too weak to do anything about it" becomes, "You've changed since you lost weigh"
 
Butterfly_lady said:
Very often these relationships are rocky, maybe one or the other partner uses the weightloss as an excuse to leave the relationship, so then the "I've not loved you for a while but was too weak to do anything about it" becomes, "You've changed since you lost weigh"
Click to expand...
People do change sometimes when they loose weight. Gaining confidence etc. that shouldn't be a reason to end a relationship. Sounds like an excuse.
If some1 does split up with u for loosing weight then you're probably better off without them anyway.
I'm just so glad my other half is so supportive & whatever i end up doing will be done because I want to!

band fitted 16.01.14
 
emmahc1975 said:
People do change sometimes when they loose weight. Gaining confidence etc. that shouldn't be a reason to end a relationship. Sounds like an excuse.
If some1 does split up with u for loosing weight then you're probably better off without them anyway.
I'm just so glad my other half is so supportive & whatever i end up doing will be done because I want to!

band fitted 16.01.14
Click to expand...

Of course SOME people change after losing weight :)
 
I've know a few people from lighter life days who left their husbands after weight loss.

I do agree that it is most probably relationships that are already problematic. Weight loss definitely brings on confidence, maybe it means that the women are more confident to leave an unhappy partnership, that they now believe themselves loveable by others or feel confident enough to be on there own rather than continue in a virtually loveless marriage. My friend who left her husband knew he was having affairs for years but she tolerated them as she was too scared to be on her own, she got her sass back when she lost weight and left him. Best thing she ever did. But 80% is a massive stat - my guess is 98% of people that quote statistics are making them up! Lol
 
I can honestly say I was always happy but the weight loss has made everything even better.

Especially our social life and holidays and shopping, oh and in the bedroom!!
 
Ha - thanks girls. Yes, 4 out of 5 stat made me sit up and think 'eh!'.
I should have rewound it but afterwards it was too late and couldn't remember exact stat.

I made the mistake of mentioning it to my partner and now I think he's worried I'm about to run away. Haha x
 
When I was married (yes, done a lot in my 29 years, lol), I lost 14 stone (gained most back).

The weight loss did highlight the cracks in the marriage. Firstly, as he only met me when I was down/depressed out my weight and size, I rarely went out as I felt I had no clothes and his culture was very materialistic and judgemental, so didn't want to be the biggest person in room/photos.

BUT secondly, and most importantly - Looking back, If I'm honest, I didn't marry him because I loved him, I married him because he wanted to marry me and I thought 'no-one else will want me'.

As I lost weight, I went back to being ME. I am confident, outgoing and a social butterfly... Just 15 stone excess weight doesn't enable me to be myself.

My now-ex-husband, never met the REAL me. So he felt that 'I changed' because he could no-one control me and have a stay at home housewife, cooking and cleaning.

AND I began to see that I settled for someone that the REAL ME would never have kicked into touch after a couple of months of meeting. My low-self esteem made me stay when I should have left.


- I have an Auntie who lost 10 stone + and she also left my uncle, again she said it wasn't the weight loss, but because she settled for whoever would want her, she loved him but as a brother not a husband.

So I'm guessing the figures are high BUT it would be more to do with the realationhip and the people, than the weight loss - I suppose on the surface, people think they lost weight and then left.

If you two people really do love each other, then age/weight/height are all just numbers! xxx
 
Oh thanks so much for sharing that Angelfish! Really interesting. Sorry I've not been on for a couple of days... wasn't ignoring.

When I met my bloke he was a skinny rake and I was huge. My mum used to call us Timone & Pumba! Ha. He's put it on and I'm obs losing so we're meeting in the middle. x
 
helloeverybody83 said:
Hello Everybody

Was watching a C5 show called (erm) I Lost Weight & Lost My Husband and it had a crazy statistic in like over 80% of people end their long term relationship after losing a large amount of weight (I *think* it said something about WLS specifically but can't recall/be sure...).

Anyway - it freaked me out a bit. Didn't say whether it's the newly slimmer partner or partner who tends to leave but I've been w/my partner for nearly ten years and have been big throughout (lost nearly 4st since GB last June).

Just wondered if anyone has any experience/insight in to this?

Ta xxx
Click to expand...

Hi

What Im about to say is probably not very fair but Im going to say it anyway.. I know one of the guys on this program. Dave the guy from Worcester. Well his wife lost 10 stone after a gastric band. She looked stunning and stuck by him. He lost 6 stone after becoming a fitness freak and dumped her.
It was a lot of lies he was paid well by the TV show and didn't portray himself or his wife very nicely as thats what he was asked to do. It was very harshly edited and this upset them both. BUT they were paid enough money cushion the blow. There relationship had been over for years mainly due to there problems conceiving. As soon as their son came along they lost their fight for each other. His obsession with himself finished it (not just his fitness, it was his lack of interest in his son also) To be fair he's a complete nob head anyway and she could do a million times better than him.

I just wanted to put your mind at rest. Don't believe what you see. Ive lost a fair bit and my hubby has been amazing and he's loving the new me. Someone suggested I was his daughter last week and that was a bit of a kick but he did laugh it off. He has been a little insecure thinking ill be running off with a newer model but after lots of reassurance and cuddles thats passed.
The only thing he struggles with is that Ive lost my boobs but he's saving up
xx
 
Ha! Yes I'm in bother for having smaller tits as well... make sure you get some say in whether to have new ones won't you!

Thanks for explaining x
 
Been with my man for 25 years,and since I've lost the weight I think he thinks he's with a new women..lol
If your partnership is strong before the surgery it will only go on to be stronger.
I think people split up,due to problems being their well before surgery.
Oh and my boobs can be used for pancake day...as they are like 2 flat pancakes!!!
 
Lol!! I totally agree with you Emma!
 
Me too Emma ..My hubby is exactly the same and yes my boobies aren't the most voluptuous part of me any more :sigh:
 
i think if anything losing the weight has helped me and my husband get back to the happy go lucky people we once were and were loving it x x
 
Not personally, but a friend of mine had a drastic weight loss (310lbs down to 140lbs) and the smaller she got, the more the arguments with her hubby happened. Before they inevitably separated.

She says it's because he couldn't deal with the fact that she had become more confident and outgoing and men were taking more of an interest in her, even though all the while she never said to me she was interested in anyone else.
It's a shame cos it seemed to be all his insecurities bubbling to the surface, rather than hers.
 
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