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Debs ramblings about her NHS sleeve...
- Thread starter Debs!
- Start date
Debs!
Active Member
Well yesterday I had my last 'stage' of pre op prep. The anaesthetist was a warm and easy to like chap. I had an ECG as part of the appointment. I also had blood pressure, blood and urine tests also. All were ok. They confirmed my prior blood test had shown my vitamin D was low - In fact it was at 29. Deficient is at under 30 apparently so my GP had put me on a 3 month intense course. Hopefully that will work.
At the end of the appointment it was confirm I had the 'green light' for surgery. I was given the diet booklet. I am not allowed to do the milk diet as I am on metformin for being pre-diabetic. So it's the very low calorie/low carb diet.
That's it now. Just waiting for the letter to give me my operation date and the date to start the liver shrinking diet.
It remains quite, quite surreal.
At the end of the appointment it was confirm I had the 'green light' for surgery. I was given the diet booklet. I am not allowed to do the milk diet as I am on metformin for being pre-diabetic. So it's the very low calorie/low carb diet.
That's it now. Just waiting for the letter to give me my operation date and the date to start the liver shrinking diet.
It remains quite, quite surreal.
Debs!
Active Member
Today, 26th March I went to see my GP to update them and discuss my existing medication. I have only been with this surgery for a year so I don't really feel that I have developed and close relationship with the doctors as yet - I still have to overview everything before we can get to the reason I have gone to the surgery. That said, they are quite lovely and very approachable - I much prefer their manner to the last surgery I was with.
My GP and I agreed together to truncate me off the pregablin and to see how I manage with the pain before the op. He also reduced the amitriptyline I take at night with a view of getting me off that completely also by the time of surgery.
My GP was very supportive about the whole thing. He mentioned he would be maintaining a maintenance dose of vitamin D once my intensive dose ends in May and he would be adding calcium to this once the surgery hard been done.
He then arranged for me to have a glucose tolerance test at the hospital on the 31/3/15 just to see how that is. I am prediabetic as my HbA1c has been between 44 and 47 now for some years - with diabetes being at 48. He said the metformin I take might have kept that just under the limit but he is keen to see if the glucose tolerance test confirms a diabetes diagnosis or not.
Taking my A-Z vitamins now religiously just to try and optimise how nutritionally nourished my body is going into this surgery in the hope that the more I work with the process, the better my recovery and with luck, the better the outcome.
I am still harbouring those niggling fears of serious surgical complications and stuff - but winning the battle each day so far.
My GP and I agreed together to truncate me off the pregablin and to see how I manage with the pain before the op. He also reduced the amitriptyline I take at night with a view of getting me off that completely also by the time of surgery.
My GP was very supportive about the whole thing. He mentioned he would be maintaining a maintenance dose of vitamin D once my intensive dose ends in May and he would be adding calcium to this once the surgery hard been done.
He then arranged for me to have a glucose tolerance test at the hospital on the 31/3/15 just to see how that is. I am prediabetic as my HbA1c has been between 44 and 47 now for some years - with diabetes being at 48. He said the metformin I take might have kept that just under the limit but he is keen to see if the glucose tolerance test confirms a diabetes diagnosis or not.
Taking my A-Z vitamins now religiously just to try and optimise how nutritionally nourished my body is going into this surgery in the hope that the more I work with the process, the better my recovery and with luck, the better the outcome.
I am still harbouring those niggling fears of serious surgical complications and stuff - but winning the battle each day so far.
Debs!
Active Member
Well, like an excited child I am checking the post every day to try and find a letter with Walsall NHS emblazoned in the franking zone. To date, nothing!
I am mightily grateful that I am on the brink of a hopefully life changing operation which is being provided by the NHS at a time that the NHS is on it's knees. I am also aware that whining about the wait is really unjust and not really going to change things a bit but logic aside, I dooooooo wish I knew what the date was - however far away! I am clearly a control freak!
I have not been able to book anything holiday wise for the summer as I have no idea if I will be well enough to travel anywhere. If I book, knowing I have surgery ahead and then not be well enough to travel, I am unsure if my travel insurance will compensate as I had the surgery after the booking was made, knowing there may be post operative risks. This is the sorts of nonsense that fills the small space that is my head!!!!
The house is now overflowing with little plastic tubs and lids which I repeatedly reassure my teenage daughter will all be needed as I need to keep my tiny meals in them in the freezer. She made the point I have enough plastic tubs to stock to local Iceland - and she is correct. Sigh - I guess I am slowly going crazy - well crazier.
In reality all this faffing is my body and brains reaction to my anxiousness about my decision to have surgery. My conscious mind believes its the right thing to do. But I am acutely aware - just by reading thread's in this forum; that for some people surgery brings ill health both physically and mentally. So I guess this frustration is linked to the internal fears I have about will I be one of the relatively small number of people who are very unwell post operatively.
I am finally beating this ruddy cold! Tomorrow is my last day at work and I will then be retired.
Hopefully I will hear soon - I'd really like to be in the April 2015 surgery group!
I am mightily grateful that I am on the brink of a hopefully life changing operation which is being provided by the NHS at a time that the NHS is on it's knees. I am also aware that whining about the wait is really unjust and not really going to change things a bit but logic aside, I dooooooo wish I knew what the date was - however far away! I am clearly a control freak!
I have not been able to book anything holiday wise for the summer as I have no idea if I will be well enough to travel anywhere. If I book, knowing I have surgery ahead and then not be well enough to travel, I am unsure if my travel insurance will compensate as I had the surgery after the booking was made, knowing there may be post operative risks. This is the sorts of nonsense that fills the small space that is my head!!!!
The house is now overflowing with little plastic tubs and lids which I repeatedly reassure my teenage daughter will all be needed as I need to keep my tiny meals in them in the freezer. She made the point I have enough plastic tubs to stock to local Iceland - and she is correct. Sigh - I guess I am slowly going crazy - well crazier.
In reality all this faffing is my body and brains reaction to my anxiousness about my decision to have surgery. My conscious mind believes its the right thing to do. But I am acutely aware - just by reading thread's in this forum; that for some people surgery brings ill health both physically and mentally. So I guess this frustration is linked to the internal fears I have about will I be one of the relatively small number of people who are very unwell post operatively.
I am finally beating this ruddy cold! Tomorrow is my last day at work and I will then be retired.
Hopefully I will hear soon - I'd really like to be in the April 2015 surgery group!
clairemp
Member
Hi Deb,
I'm sorry that you haven't heard anything yet, it must be driving you crazy!
I understand re: NHS funding and feeling guilty. I found myself hiding the paperwork that the dietician gave me last week because it had BARIATRIC SURGERY written all over the front! Pathetic of me really but I do not want people judging me.
Hope you hear very soon!
Claire
I'm sorry that you haven't heard anything yet, it must be driving you crazy!
I understand re: NHS funding and feeling guilty. I found myself hiding the paperwork that the dietician gave me last week because it had BARIATRIC SURGERY written all over the front! Pathetic of me really but I do not want people judging me.
Hope you hear very soon!
Claire
Debs!
Active Member
Well I've now finished work. Will look for a new job after having a few months off (hopefully to recuperate from surgery!)
I've been guilty of call hospital twice but deflated as each time I picked up an out of hour message saying the person covering the admin co-ordination is out of the office. The first message said until 1/4/15. Called that day to get a updated message to say not back till 7/4/15. Arghhhhhh. I am so impatient. Must learn some to be less wound about it all!
In the meantime I am having a bad 2 weeks. Leaving a job done since 1983 and the concerns about the drop in income now I live on the pension rather than a salary may have stressed me back to overeating. Or perhaps because my surgery is imminent it's a case of one last Indian meal, one last Chinese Buffett,
One last --------- fill in the gap to suit!
All these one last event are NOT helpful. I don't need a last goodbye. The ruddy stuff has been quietly killing me for years - I don't need to shove any more in.
Have to get a grip. Honestly. Apparently WLS is easy. Grrrrrr
Happy Easter
I've been guilty of call hospital twice but deflated as each time I picked up an out of hour message saying the person covering the admin co-ordination is out of the office. The first message said until 1/4/15. Called that day to get a updated message to say not back till 7/4/15. Arghhhhhh. I am so impatient. Must learn some to be less wound about it all!
In the meantime I am having a bad 2 weeks. Leaving a job done since 1983 and the concerns about the drop in income now I live on the pension rather than a salary may have stressed me back to overeating. Or perhaps because my surgery is imminent it's a case of one last Indian meal, one last Chinese Buffett,
One last --------- fill in the gap to suit!
All these one last event are NOT helpful. I don't need a last goodbye. The ruddy stuff has been quietly killing me for years - I don't need to shove any more in.
Have to get a grip. Honestly. Apparently WLS is easy. Grrrrrr
Happy Easter
siana58
New Member
Well I've now finished work. Will look for a new job after having a few months off (hopefully to recuperate from surgery!)
I've been guilty of call hospital twice but deflated as each time I picked up an out of hour message saying the person covering the admin co-ordination is out of the office. The first message said until 1/4/15. Called that day to get a updated message to say not back till 7/4/15. Arghhhhhh. I am so impatient. Must learn some to be less wound about it all!
In the meantime I am having a bad 2 weeks. Leaving a job done since 1983 and the concerns about the drop in income now I live on the pension rather than a salary may have stressed me back to overeating. Or perhaps because my surgery is imminent it's a case of one last Indian meal, one last Chinese Buffett,
One last --------- fill in the gap to suit!
All these one last event are NOT helpful. I don't need a last goodbye. The ruddy stuff has been quietly killing me for years - I don't need to shove any more in.
Have to get a grip. Honestly. Apparently WLS is easy. Grrrrrr
Happy Easter
Try not to have one last anything (she says, ironically thinking of the last time she had "one last".....LOL), but I didn't before my LSD and I was so ridiculously proud of myself it really spurred me on. Another thing, my food bills are tiny compared with what they used to be, even at 6 weeks post op and likely buying more expensive stuff (but less of it) BUT no rubbish and wine!
I had to sit on my hands the other night listening to someone describe WLS as "a cop out" and "easy", she is no Twiggy and was working her way through a second bottle of wine, I know she is pre-diabetic and has other health issues ...... whats that all about?
Debs!
Active Member
The friendly advice from well meaning friends is getting almost irritating but I keep telling myself it's well intended - because it is. The latest was ' wouldn't you rather do it properly rather than taking a short cut '. I almost burst trying to contain my rant!!
I've been in tier 3 since the summer of 2012. Every month I've attended the clinic - having to use annual leave sometime to cover the time off. I am going to go on a liver shrinking diet then have an operation to cut away 80% stomach for life. Easy? Really?!?
I am trying now to get back from this stupid self sabotage period of 'one last'. I am finding this part quite maddening as my own stupid behaviour is annoying me. I am almost 48 for pity's sake.
It does give me insight though. I never feel I am worth it. I appear super confident but my self esteem is dreadful. So I don't spend time or effort on myself and caring for yourself enough to and loving yourself enough to eat well isn't a natural thing.
I will overcome this head generated torture!
Happy Easter
I've been in tier 3 since the summer of 2012. Every month I've attended the clinic - having to use annual leave sometime to cover the time off. I am going to go on a liver shrinking diet then have an operation to cut away 80% stomach for life. Easy? Really?!?
I am trying now to get back from this stupid self sabotage period of 'one last'. I am finding this part quite maddening as my own stupid behaviour is annoying me. I am almost 48 for pity's sake.
It does give me insight though. I never feel I am worth it. I appear super confident but my self esteem is dreadful. So I don't spend time or effort on myself and caring for yourself enough to and loving yourself enough to eat well isn't a natural thing.
I will overcome this head generated torture!
Happy Easter
BFB
New Member
The friendly advice from well meaning friends is getting almost irritating but I keep telling myself it's well intended - because it is. The latest was ' wouldn't you rather do it properly rather than taking a short cut '. I almost burst trying to contain my rant!!
I've been in tier 3 since the summer of 2012. Every month I've attended the clinic - having to use annual leave sometime to cover the time off. I am going to go on a liver shrinking diet then have an operation to cut away 80% stomach for life. Easy? Really?!?
I am trying now to get back from this stupid self sabotage period of 'one last'. I am finding this part quite maddening as my own stupid behaviour is annoying me. I am almost 48 for pity's sake.
It does give me insight though. I never feel I am worth it. I appear super confident but my self esteem is dreadful. So I don't spend time or effort on myself and caring for yourself enough to and loving yourself enough to eat well isn't a natural thing.
I will overcome this head generated torture!
Happy Easter
Hi Debs,
Some people haven't got a clue. It's just ignorance. I, rather embarrassingly, used to think it was cheating, or the easy way out. But when I really looked into WLS, I realised it was a massive decision and probably one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. It's far from easy, it's a massive mental challenge, the physical side of it, friendships, relationships, everything will change and none of us will know exactly how it will affect us until we go through it. But we reach the decision to save ourselves, to give us a better, healthier life. We could just carry on, stuffing our faces, but no, we taking a leap of faith, putting our lives in the surgeons hands and hoping that our lives will be better, healthier and happier. And I think we should be applauded for that. We're brave really!
I can totally sympathise with the 'one last' thing. One last McD*nalds, one last battered sausage, etc!! I reached a point where enough was enough. I'd had a million quarter pounders with cheese, a million battered sausages, a million cans of coke.......I know what they blimmin taste like. I've had enough of them to last me a lifetime! I'm sick to death of them!! My op is next Monday and I've been on the LSD for the last 2 weeks and I can honestly say I've not missed any of the crap I used to eat. I know what it tastes like.
I drove past the Chinese takeaway a few days into my LSD and felt a bit sad that I didn't have 'one last' Chinese. It's a sort of grieving for my old life and the old food that USED to make me happy and comforted. But I've had my fill. I'm so excited about this op and all the nice healthy food that I'm planning to eat. Sure, I can still have a bit of some of the old food but I really don't want it (at the moment). I feel so grateful that I'm having my op on the nhs that I don't want to waste this opportunity. They're trusting me to fulfill my end of the bargain and I don't want to let them or most of all myself down. I've been fat all my life, it's time to change. I am worth it. And you my darling are worth it too. Start small, like painting your nails, or wearing makeup everyday (if you don't already), get a facemask on or get your feet in a foot spa. Set aside half an hour here or there to just read, or relax or go for a drive just for some time to think. Put it in your diary so it's like a proper appointment.....with yourself.
Have you had any counselling? I've paid for a session a few weeks ago and I intend to carry on every month or two post op. I've read quite a lot on here about post-op head f**ks and depression etc. I want to do as much as I can to make this work. Maybe ask for a referral if you haven't already?
I really hope you can get yourself out of this 'one last' sabotage. You can still have things post-op, just not in the quantities. I will taste battered sausage again!!! Hurrah!! Even if it's just the once and I end up bringing it back up lol
Good luck.........you ARE bloody worth it. Repeat after me......I am worth it, I am worth it.........
xxxxWell said BFB
I think you hit the nail on the head when is it enough, its why we all got in this persition in the first place fastfood even the microwave meal was quick and easy. i was dieing for a Chinese right now but i know that i cant have it i cant have that lifestyle.
something has made us all wake up and says thats it other wise we wouldn't be going to see the hospitals and seeing shrinks etc but the only fix is your brain.
I think you hit the nail on the head when is it enough, its why we all got in this persition in the first place fastfood even the microwave meal was quick and easy. i was dieing for a Chinese right now but i know that i cant have it i cant have that lifestyle.
something has made us all wake up and says thats it other wise we wouldn't be going to see the hospitals and seeing shrinks etc but the only fix is your brain.
Debs!
Active Member
Hi Debs, Some people haven't got a clue. It's just ignorance. I, rather embarrassingly, used to think it was cheating, or the easy way out. But when I really looked into WLS, I realised it was a massive decision and probably one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. It's far from easy, it's a massive mental challenge, the physical side of it, friendships, relationships, everything will change and none of us will know exactly how it will affect us until we go through it. But we reach the decision to save ourselves, to give us a better, healthier life. We could just carry on, stuffing our faces, but no, we taking a leap of faith, putting our lives in the surgeons hands and hoping that our lives will be better, healthier and happier. And I think we should be applauded for that. We're brave really!
Hi BFB
Yes I've had counselling - I was in tier 3 for over 2 years and had monthly CBT - 25 sessions in all.
Even whilst that is a decent amount - I recognise that learned behaviour of 47 years doesn't just stop!
One of the things I've chosen to 'keep in mind' post surgery is the risk of not managing my head hunger and/or the very real risk of a period of depression.
You might ask why as surely being healthier and lighter will mark me happy??!
Well having been obese for 30 years, I've used food as a medication for sadness and to accompany happiness. I've used food to make boredom interesting and to be my friend when I am lonely.
So, having the very thing I turn to when life gets tough taken away means the thing I've always relied on mentally to help me cope will no longer be my saviour.
I suspect this will make me low, and I will have a period of regret until I wade thought it all.
I am prepared that this is likely to happen. That's why I've start this diary - so when I feel despair I can review my own thoughts and refocus on why I am trying so hard to change
X
Debs!
Active Member
Well I have managed to speak with Joy in patient access at the hospital today. She sounded so stressed and rushed of her feet. She is managing the entire bariatric list alone at present due to staff sickness and I felt genuinely sorry for her as the despair was clearly evident in her voice.
She confirmed I am in the next batch and ready to go ahead. She said it would not be April, as right now they have no further theatre confirmations but they would be provided soon and she would call me.
Any frustration I felt melted having recognised just how slammed this lady was and I ended up saying I really hope she is ok!
So April will not the month I join the loser bench but should not be long now.
Thankfully!
She confirmed I am in the next batch and ready to go ahead. She said it would not be April, as right now they have no further theatre confirmations but they would be provided soon and she would call me.
Any frustration I felt melted having recognised just how slammed this lady was and I ended up saying I really hope she is ok!
So April will not the month I join the loser bench but should not be long now.
Thankfully!
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Debs!
Active Member
Oh diary, I am still climbing the walls. Not because things have gone wrong but just as a reaction to not know what's happening. I am now very sure I am a control freak!!!!
It's six weeks since pre op and I've not had the phone call as yet to say start the liver shrinking diet - your surgery is scheduled.
If anyone has a spare tub of patience can you mail it to me?
Thanks
Grumpy Plumpy Debs!
It's six weeks since pre op and I've not had the phone call as yet to say start the liver shrinking diet - your surgery is scheduled.
If anyone has a spare tub of patience can you mail it to me?
Thanks
Grumpy Plumpy Debs!
kimw
New Member
Debs
I feel for you, it seems so unfair that we are left hanging on too frightened to make any plans incase a date comes through, I missed my holiday and various parties worried that I would either spend all that money and not be able to go or worse eat and drink to much and then someone say the ops off you've gained too much weight, but all of that was in my head, in the end I went on holiday and gained a bit and no one was bothered, it happened and I am certain that yours will. Keep your chin you will get there. Kim x
I feel for you, it seems so unfair that we are left hanging on too frightened to make any plans incase a date comes through, I missed my holiday and various parties worried that I would either spend all that money and not be able to go or worse eat and drink to much and then someone say the ops off you've gained too much weight, but all of that was in my head, in the end I went on holiday and gained a bit and no one was bothered, it happened and I am certain that yours will. Keep your chin you will get there. Kim x
Blondie43
Member
Hi Debs, I can totally sympathise. This was me a few weeks ago, the time i'd been told I would be having my op changed and I hadn't a clue what was happening. Then out of the blue I got my date just over a week ago. I'm now on the LRD and my op is 13th May! Keep believing it will soon come.
Aud xx
Aud xx
Debs!
Active Member
Thanks everyone for not making me feel I am going mad!
I know I am being quite silly and the day will come.
Like others have said I just cannot plan anything.
My daughters GCSE's start in May and I don't want to be too ill to be able to be self sufficient by then. I am just making problems in my mind as opposed to just taking a chill approach!
Of coarse when stressed its not unusual for me to lean on my source of support...... FOOD!
Hope you're all doing ok. Thanks for stopping by ?
I know I am being quite silly and the day will come.
Like others have said I just cannot plan anything.
My daughters GCSE's start in May and I don't want to be too ill to be able to be self sufficient by then. I am just making problems in my mind as opposed to just taking a chill approach!
Of coarse when stressed its not unusual for me to lean on my source of support...... FOOD!
Hope you're all doing ok. Thanks for stopping by ?
