Fallen off the wagon... I need help be brutal

[bichonbabies]

Hi everyone, haven't been on here for so long which is ridiculous really.

Well I have fallen off the wagon, I have been eating all sorts of junk. I seem to have lost my way. I have an ok level of restriction although I do sometimes eat past that. Silly really or I just take an hour and carry on eating. Which is a definite no no as I should stop after 20 bites and 20 mins I still remember the rules.

I am lucky that I haven't put weight on but I haven't lost any either. Im very active and used to loose steadily I did have a stall and think this pushed me over the edge and made me forget my way.
The saddest part is that now I'm over a year out and although I have done well I could have achieved so much more. I should and could have lost more I know that.
My dietitian suggested a face to face appointment and maybe a small fill. Which I have booked and cancelled twice!! WHAT is wrong with me!!

Also this is my biggest confession.... I have discovered chocolate!! in a big way and I have never liked chocolate. I would prefer a bag of chips or a greggs but I cant manage those so have moved on. I ate 3 snickers in 3 hours the other day and spent the whole night on the loo!! its pathetic why do i do it to myself. I think the only reason I haven't gained is because I am very active and I eat small portions (obviously) so when I eat the wrong things I am only eating a small amount of them. I need a kick start and would love to lose another couple of stone. Even if it was just 1 I would be happy.
I eat small meals and then snack snack snack Ill eat a tiny lunch feel full and then get it into my head I haven't eaten enough and then have a chocolate.

For instance yesterday I ate,

No brekkie ( I cant eat it)
Lunch I had a few mouths of mushroom risotto not a lot as was horrible
half a scone with butter and jam
dinner a jacket spud with cheese a fair bit i might add
chicken portion (tiny amount)
lots of coffee with 1 sugar in each
small choclate caramel bar
a chocolate tea cake

The day before
No brekkie ( i cant eat it)
3 chicken selects from mcdonalds (ate 2 i think) & cheese dippers ate 2 plus the dip
dinner cottage pie
Chrisps and a snicker
again lots of coffee and ribena with sugar

Friday
No brekkie
Lunch Mini fish and chips ( ate all the fish probably 3 chips)
dinner - sausage and mash. managed 3 sausages with the help of my dog so who knows what i ate.
a big bar of galaxy
monster munch x 2

Thursday
no brekkie
lunch 2 x toast which I ate in 2 sittings
bar of galaxy cookie crumble
dinner Chinese.... i had a chicken and mushroom curry with chips had 5 chips max and ate the onion and mushroom out of the curry and proabably 2 bits of chicken.

I love salad I love veg I love fruit I just don't bother. Its a busy time at work Im doing a huge amount of hours. However I have all the major supermarkets within 5 mins drive and I can pop out of work whenever so not really a good excuse there!

Help please xxx

 

[los in it]

hello,
I guess writing it all now should be a help to you as no one can beat you up more than yourself
it seems you know where you have slipped up and it something I guess I and others will do no one ever said doing this was going to be easy if anything its the hardest thing ever to be mindful of what you eat ,exercise regularly pick good foods and limit the treats so its good that you see where your going a bit off the plan and its more the case I think of been honest with your self and getting back on track you have done it once so it proofs that you can do it again
all the best

 

[Bear]

I agree with Los - write it all down, am sure it will be an eye opener for you.

I cannot even begin to give advice or to know how you feel as I'm just a week post op. But, having dieted for well over 20 years, every slimming club dictates..... WRITE IT DOWN.

And get back on here, reading peoples inspirational stories etc - it might trigger some new found energy for success in you.

 

[Stacey83]

The first step is asking for help so well done on that.

I'm only 5 months post op but would agree with the others - track everything that goes in. Ask your dietician what your calorie target is, how many from fat, how many from protein, how many from carbs - get yourself on my fitness pal (it's free so no excuses) and get tracking - it'll be the wake up call you need.

Also, what on earth are you doing at McDonalds? Fish and Chips? Come on, you haven't had WLS to eat crap - stop falling back on old behaviours, become accountable to yourself and realise how far you've come - it sounds like you're using food like an alcoholic and booze.

I'd suggest asking your team for some psychiatric help to deal with the emotions causing you to use food. At a guess sounds like you have a sugar addiction, get all sugar out the house! No sugar in drinks, no sugary ribena, no chocolate!

Get yourself some sweetener, some fresh fruit, some support and detox that sugar out of your system.

Ny biggest fear is falling back off the wagon, it makes me sick thinking about it. I don't mean to sound harsh but you have been given an AMAZING opportunity with WLS don't throw it away because chocolate tastes good, that would be ridiculous.

One day at a time, you can get back on track. No-one around this site ever talks about it but perhaps try Overeaters Anonymous? It's the same as Alcoholics Anonymous but for food addiction and there's hundreds of meetings around the UK every single day and it's a fantastic programme.

You can do it.

 

[alfiemoomin]

keep coming on here and bouncing off people who understand, do daiy food diary, be honest and before you know it im sure your gonna be right where you want and can be x im a pre-opper but im here for full peer support as i am detyerminded to not fail

well done for coming on and blurbing it out, that was a good choice
xx

 

[Angie E]

Hi there Bichonbabies,

Thanks for sharing, posting your thoughts. About 14 years I started writing about being over weight. I couldn't believe I was concern about being over at 14 stones, I'm 5'8. However 5 years later I wrote again in another diary stating I needed to loss weight because I was tired of buying in the fat shops and that 17 stones was too heavy to get pregnant and have a baby. I was able to loss 5 stones but put it back on again within a year. Last year I started writing again expressing my concerns about being overweight for health reasons my weight creped up to 21 stones, the heaviest I have ever been. You know my biggest regret is that I ignored the triggers that tells me I'm putting on the weight, the eating of the wrong foods, lack of energy and the buying of big sizes.
These are the triggers we all need to listen to and act upon. Seek help and keep a dairy starting with your thread as reminder of journey to a new you. Good luck. Axx

 

[alfiemoomin]

well said and i have listened to such trigger and turning things around before it gets worse x

 

[bichonbabies]

Thank you all, Ive have read all the comments and acted on them.

I went shopping last night and bought sugar free ribena (its going to be a shock but have to start trying)
I bought lots of fruit and healthy snacks.
last night I ate chicken and salad. I had a low fat ready meal at lunch, lots of fruit and water. Today I have eaten just fruit and a salad pitta bread. I've drank lots of water I def need to de-tox. I have just worked out that I haven't been to the toilet for days which will add to me feeling rubbish so visited the pharmacy too.
I know if I stick to it for a week ill be home and dry. I am a bit OCD before my op I had peanut butter sandwich's every day for lunch for 3 years. With the same crisps and a coke. So if get through 7 days ill stick to it its just the way I am.
Work had a BBQ earlier and I stayed away its all too bready anyway. I also made an appointment to see the dietetic for Friday too. As for excercise I do a lot already think thats the only reason I havent put any on. I did do double Zumba last night out of guilt probably hahaha. Ive also just talked work into getting a water machine installed tomorrow. So happy days
Thank you

 

[alfiemoomin]

may i suggest no more guilt becuase if you turn those thoughts round to be different you might break the cycle. i think its about saying is this food worthy enough to take the little room i have going? my body is precsious and needs only the best. belive it or not despite having some not so great foods i have recently learned to love the good stuff. i have always refused to eat tomatoes (raw or fresh ones), i could eat tinned. was convinced i didnt like them. well the other week after 38 years i ate 1 slice amongst other food, it was ok you know and i thoughts my word ive been a prat about food in some ways.

i think the surgery tool we buy or have gifted to us is only part of the solution. we haver to decide to give up on the old way of consuming food as part of the bargain. im not saying you will never ever eat a chocolate again but its about saying, i dont need to take precious room up every day with chocolate.

i aim to eat what my body needs firstly, then if and i doubt there will be any room, but if there is room ill have another type of food ie very low fat chocolate mouse, or yoghurt.

pack the crap into a little mental suitcase, send it packing and wave it off bon voyage style ha ha x

 

[bichonbabies]

I so know what u mean.. I hate tomotoes but I eat them now cut up small in a salad I also hated broccoli and carrots but I eat lots now
I feel more in the zone I've made a huge list of jobs I need to do in my house all housework related and have started to make my way through them. I gave the big pack of snickers away and kept busy when it got to chocolate o'clock I made a coffee and went and changed the beds.
I've ran again tonight but I do most nights I've been paranoid about loose skin (my friend has suffered terribly with loose skin)

 

[Crystalrainbow]

Glad to see you back on the wagon sweetheart :0 sometimes all it takes is recognizing it ourselves and once the words come out of mouths ..... thats the turn around point... so you really didn't need our brutal words LOL Maybe it all stems from the all or nothing nature alot of us seem to have...... i sound very similar in that respect, but have learned that i can have my cake and eat it (in moderation of course) Its about getting the balance right, a healthy mind, health body and a health attitude to food. I personally believe there is no reason not to have a little bit of choc once a week i treat myself, but have found lately sometimes i need the extra calories to keep up the pace with the exercising. So my advise would be to log your foods input - output to get you much needed burn..... but of course to keep you exercising at the rate you require too.... the more active we become to more fuel we need to keep us running......

So just be mindful, stay fit and healthy and above all find that balance to get to where you want to be
Sounds like your on your way already x x x x

 

[alfiemoomin]

absolutly brilliant i am thrilled for you xxx get in the zone and stay there... nothing feels as wonderful and the label healthy and active and happy person xxx if you dip again dont be a starnger, simply call on your cyber peers x

 

[alfiemoomin]

ps thanks Crystal xxx i know we all crave to be healthy as well as lighter, more agile and its not all about being slim x your threads are very encouraging. my journey begins after health worries and being bigger than i am personally comfortable with and a horrible back injury. before tis last period of weight gain i took up keeping fit and active, i felt on top of the word with it, i will be there again soon xxx

 

[Angie E]

Alfiemoomin - Well done for keeping fit and active, everything helps and good luck for next week and I'm one week behind you before having more Op.

 

[alfiemoomin]

Hi Angie.... another buddy brilliiant, ill keep you all posted.

this weekend ill be getting last items and packing for monday departure xx

 

[Angie E]

Alfiemoonin - how so excited. I plan to give the house a good clean next week and start food shopping for after surgery which is easy. I'm just looking for some comfortable trousers /elastic waist, joggers or something for me to wear when leaving the hospital. How are you coping with the pre-op diet?

 

[Banderbird]

Hey hun, don't beat yourself up. I'm not exactly strict with myself either!

One thing I would say about your diet is apart from the obvious absence of fruit and veg is the lack of fibre!

I'm guilty of that too, as I'm not keen on veg and don't eat breakfast. I need to find a way of eating more fibre.

Good luck and I admire your dedication!

 

[alfiemoomin]

i have some very loose crazy patterned trousers for return journey, harem pant type thing, all in the chops right now. xxx cant belive it 1 more day at work tomorrow and then its just weekend left..... yikes!