Please help me convince my OH

[Emma7799]

Hi, I'm a newbie on here :0)
I am 34 and am now at my heaviest at 20.8 stone making my bmi 47.
I have been thinking about WLS for years and have my first consultant appt Wednesday at PRH Telford (private)
I initially wanted bypass then saw the price and looked at the band then researched and decided the bypass is worth the extra!
The only thing is now my husband has been looking on the internet and read blogs about how it has failed and ruined their lives.
I have lurked on here a while and read so many successful stories.
How do I convince him it is a good thing? Anyone else had similar problems?
TIA

 

[Lippyloirston]

Hi Emma and welcome to the forum.
I think it's worth remembering most stories that make it onto the internet are 'extremes' they have done exceedingly well or failed miserably with their weight loss. Most folk I think are somewhere in between. My surgeon has suggested if I use the tool I've been given I will loose around 1/3 of my starting weight.
As for convincing your hubbie, it's always great if they support you, but really this is your life, your body and therefore your decision.
Good luck and I hope you can reach an amicable solution. X

 

[Butterfly_lady]

Its your body so in the end your decision (money allowing) I know I made up my mind then I told my partner, he wasn't/isn't too keen but knows me too well to say anything.

 

[ClaireMarie]

I sat my husband down and went through all the reasons I wanted it, told him I'd rather die (it's how I felt) than continue living in constant pain, he relented enough to support me in the initial stages. He's since been difficult and I've lost patience, so he's been told if he can't support me he needs to move out of my way ha, I suggest you just lay it on the table I'm sure if he knows how important it is to you, he'll support you.

 

[flutterby1966]

I started at 20st8 and am now 9st6 with the help of my band. Yes surgery may not work ... But its a sure bet being overweight can cause just as many, if not more, health issues as well as cause you unhappiness. Ask him how many obese pensioners does he see?

 

[sukay]

good point about the pensioners

As for results, I am probably one of the ones who have lost one third of excess weight. Would love to lose more and at the moment am on track to lose another stone of the weight I put back.

 

[shelleymarie]

Let him read some of the stories on here. Even a lot of people who have struggles still don't regret the surgery, with determination, support and hard work there is no reason you can't be successful.

 

[Emma7799]

Thanks ladies,
I think he's just worried long term although he's now scaring me. It's funny how all the horror stories are by the daily mail lol!
It will be my decision and he knows I need to loose weight for god sake I struggle to walk (my feet are so painful)
I'm seeing the consultant Wednesday so will see what he says.
You're right about the pensioners tho !

 

[slaz]

I started at 20st8 and am now 9st6 with the help of my band. Yes surgery may not work ... But its a sure bet being overweight can cause just as many, if not more, health issues as well as cause you unhappiness. Ask him how many obese pensioners does he see?

One here if he looks in my direction! LOL:wave_cry:

 

[ThinnerJemima]

WLS if you have reached this point in your life where you know this is what you need is a complete no brainer, just don't get a band.

I've had a band and now a bypass, within 10 months of each other. The bypass I've had a shed load of problems with, and 4.5 months out can say I have felt human for just about a single week now. Would do it again in a heartbeat even if the problems were worse. Time passes, things settle, life goes on.

A bypass is much easier on living life, whilst being one of the most effective in wls.

BUT don't think that any of these are an easy magic wand, you will be making life changing eating habits forever. Your weight loss and maintenance will in part be determined by the changes that you make and the wls helps you with, but only you can keep them.

Many private hospitals do free seminars, try a couple of those and look into all the options with a surgeon based on your own eating habits. There is also a sleeve which has had great success.

There is a national register but only for NHS of what all the surgeons do, so you can see what they have done. Personally I think that this database is futile as it only shows NHS, not what your surgeon has done privately to show the complete and correct picture. It's on a website with dendrite in the name of it.

You cannot research enough in my opinion. A good book to get is 'Cut Down to Size' by Jenny Radcliffe. Clear and informative. Don't rush or let a private hospital salesperson rush you into a decision. Choose your surgeon and go to the most convenient hospital for you.

Good Luck

 

[femfrankie]

I'm almost seven weeks out and I love my bypass.. Going cruising soon and I'm ten and a half stone lighter than last years cruise (3 of those were lost post bypass/preop). Hubby has been beside me all the way and he's loving the new me

 

[Emma7799]

He's worried long term and complications that can arise - and tbh he's got me worried going on and on. I had made my mind up but now he's saying I'm being selfish because we have two young children and what if something happens. But he didn't care less or worry about the long term effects when I had my gall bladder out. Oh I don't know.....

 

[Jenny196]

My OH wasnt that keen on me having my surgery, I would suggest you sit down and talk frankly with each other. Explain why you want/need the surgery, what it means to you. Let him have his chance to explain his feelings to you, without judgment. As with a lot of people's OH, they are scared of who you might turn into, possibly leave them, that it might be they are scared that you won't make it through the surgery, (this was what most scared my OH, although there was other things that worried him). The best thing I can suggest is that you honestly communicate with each other. I ended up doing this on my own and there have been moments that I really could have done with the extra support. Ultimately this is your decision, but think it through fully, understand the risks, and that it is a tool for weight loss-not a magic wand! This is a life long commitment.

Good luck with your decision, and your journey.

Jenny x

 

[ThinnerJemima]

It's rare for people to die on the table nowadays, it's not rare for people to die of obesity related conditions.

My OH spent 3 months telling me I was going to die before I had my band, so I told him about the bypass a couple of days before surgery.

I've had a shed load of problems, readmitted, A&E, endoscopies (yes, plural). From my biggest 15 years ago I am half of me. I started WLS in size 20 knickers. Now a size 6/8 & lacey. I would do it again today.

I have my life back and the rest of my life to look forward to.

 

[shelleymarie]

He's worried long term and complications that can arise - and tbh he's got me worried going on and on. I had made my mind up but now he's saying I'm being selfish because we have two young children and what if something happens. But he didn't care less or worry about the long term effects when I had my gall bladder out. Oh I don't know.....

Not sure how much you weigh but how much are you there for your kids physically now? because I know most obese mum's struggle to keep up with their kids and then you have to think of their future. How much more you could give them and you would be amazed how quickly you will chasing them around without a care in the world. You know the risks related to obesity - cancer, heart disease, diabetes, stroke...the list goes on. There is always a risk with any surgery but I know I would rather take my chances on the table than against the risks of being morbidly obese. Maybe if your husband looked at the risks and complications of surgery and those of morbid obesity he might agree. It's not something to go in to lightly, but it's certainly not a selfish decision. It's brave and a decision that is positive for you and your family. Best of luck

 

[happy days]

Can totally relate to this. My hubby was

Totally against this but two years later its z different story xx

 

[Emma7799]

Not sure how much you weigh but how much are you there for your kids physically now? because I know most obese mum's struggle to keep up with their kids and then you have to think of their future. How much more you could give them and you would be amazed how quickly you will chasing them around without a care in the world. You know the risks related to obesity - cancer, heart disease, diabetes, stroke...the list goes on. There is always a risk with any surgery but I know I would rather take my chances on the table than against the risks of being morbidly obese. Maybe if your husband looked at the risks and complications of surgery and those of morbid obesity he might agree. It's not something to go in to lightly, but it's certainly not a selfish decision. It's brave and a decision that is positive for you and your family. Best of luck

Thanks shelleymarie - I weigh 20st 7lb ish and 5'5"
What WLS did you have you are doing amazing :0)
I think he is coming round to the idea very slowly and knows I'll make the decision. We chatted last night and I was honest about my 'secret' eating and he was quite disgusted on what I admitted I ate in one day. He doesn't understand being overweight he's slim build and a triathlete so has never worried.
I am surprisingly active for my size I actually did the London triathlon this year!!! But I am in constant pain in my feet and struggle to walk in a morning
He even tried ambushing my parents but when my mum agreed something drastic is now needed he backed down.
I am lucky that I am healthy, I have no other problems (besides being obese) so the surgery does not worry me so much.
I'm rambling now lol!
I will report back to you lovely ladies tonight as it's appointment day 4.55pm i can't wait .....eeeekkkkkk

 

[Emma7799]

My OH wasnt that keen on me having my surgery, I would suggest you sit down and talk frankly with each other. Explain why you want/need the surgery, what it means to you. Let him have his chance to explain his feelings to you, without judgment. As with a lot of people's OH, they are scared of who you might turn into, possibly leave them, that it might be they are scared that you won't make it through the surgery, (this was what most scared my OH, although there was other things that worried him). The best thing I can suggest is that you honestly communicate with each other. I ended up doing this on my own and there have been moments that I really could have done with the extra support. Ultimately this is your decision, but think it through fully, understand the risks, and that it is a tool for weight loss-not a magic wand! This is a life long commitment. Good luck with your decision, and your journey. Jenny x

Thanks jenny

Mine is convinced I'm going to die - I looked at the nhs stats and last year there were only 6 deaths for all bariatric surgery so the risk is tiny - probably more risk giving birth!!
We spoke last night and although I don't think he'll ever agree with my decision he will support me and as you say when he sees the benefits he'll see its for the best x

 

[Jenny196]

Hi Emma,


I'm really pleased you talked it through, with every surgery there is a risk, but as you say with Bariatrics the risk is very small. I wish you luck on your journey and if you have any questions please feel free to ask, there is a wealth of experience on here and Im sure we will all be happy to help.

Good luck

Jen x

 

[Jenny196]

Hi Emma,


I've just seen your previous post about your eating habits. I also have an eating disorder, but I've had treatment for this before having surgery,which although was a very long way to do it, 18months all in from original referral, I think this is the best way to do it, as if I was to binge after surgery I would put myself in serious danger. If you ever need to chat, feel free to get in touch.

Jen x