Beating the ADDICTION

[ryanrara]

I am addict. A full on addict. I always have been, from a very young age. In my life I have been addicted to different things at different times. I am a food addict, that's for sure. My addiction lead to ruining my body and having no other option but to have weight loss surgery, which I had 15 months a go. I have lost an awesome amount of weight. Yet 15 months down the line my addictive person in me has found loop holes, and I have been putting myself on the path of destruction and ruining this great weight loss gift. I am a gambler, sadly not a successful one, since I was 19 I have loved my time and lost plenty at the casino. I can't control my finances, and if I clear £2000 a month, I spend double. i have been like this my entire life. I am a mess with money. I am addicted to spending. I am an all or nothing person. All good or all bad, no happy medium. Last year, at the age of 30, I allowed myself to become addicted to marijuana - something I spent along time of my life against. And couldnt do it half measures, a spliff here or a spliff there, no almost overnight I became a weed head, a heavy marijuana smoker. The shame of my parents finding this out and having to talk to me about this, luckily made me see sense and I stopped this overnight a while back. Literally overnight. Again ALL or NOTHING. After messing up an awesome job a few months ago, I came back to my parents. I had enough sense to ask my doctor to refer me to a mental health team. He did. I got put on a horrible drug called Quataipine. All this has done is make me box my problems and store them in a place in my head, spend hald my days feeling dopey and pushed me to eat and eat and eat. In two months I have put on a stone and a half, I had weight loss surgery and eating a packet of biscuits a day or drinking 4 latte's a day and endless amount of coffee at home is surely going to make me gain weight. My fault, no one elses. Again ADDICTION. I am a coffee addict, unhealthily. 5 weeks a go I had a seizure/fit and tests are being done, etc and I find out the why hopefully next Thursday when I see a neurologist. But if I am honest with myself, which it's about time I am, I most probably have diabetes, and that caused the fit. I have a problem with sugar and again the addictive me comes through. I had a gastric bypass and rule of thumb is no sugar, ever, and if you have too much sugar you tend to dump (a Weight loss surgery term meaning you feel ill, go white, get tired, sweats). Now I can easily have 2 mars bars straight after each other and not dump. 4 mars bars and I might. But generally I can really push the boundaries before I get the same effect other Weight Loss Surgery people do. But just because I can push the boundaries doesnt mean I must. But I do, every day. Every bloody day. If I don't sort myself out soon I will end up ruined for life. A week a go, I stopped my tablets, my quataipine (head tabs), just stopped them. Not the the right move, or the right way to do it. But like I said ALL or NOTHING. But you know what stopping them may be the best thing I could have done. Because now all of sudden I see reality. I can admit to being an addict, to having a genuine problem. My shrink says i have Adult ADHD and he was going to discuss it with me again in April. I realise now it makes so much sense and this is most probably the reason for my addictive ways. So I am now going to tackle this. Coming off my tabs was a silly move because one doesn't just stop them. However I feel stronger now than I have in a very long time. And suprise suprise I cant manage half the food I could manage this time last week. It is amazing how overnight things are different. The tabs were initially prescribed because I was in a mental crisis. I am seeing my doc Wednesday and no doubt he will insist I go back on them, or half the dose, etc. I will I guess. But now I take charge of my life. I had such a brilliant interview last week for a dream job, DREAM JOB. And whether I get it or don't, I can walk away saying I nailed that interview. I nailed it!!!! And it gave me the courage and strength to know I am worthy of such a job. So regardless of the outcome, that interview gave me so much. I am going to get on to my shrink tomorrow, immediately and say I cant wait until April, i need to see him asap. I need a new tablet, one where I dont eat a ton because of it or feel doped up. And he needs to treat his diagnosis of my adult ADHD. I also want to see an addictions nurse and tackle my addictions in every way. Head on. Any way I needed to share this, I have been going through a lot in my head this past week and posting this on here, and some other secret groups, is itself a next step of facing my addictions and tackling my demons and securing a happy life going forward

 

[Butterfly38]

Hi Ryan , just read your post and wanted to say well done for admitting to your problems and for being so frank about them. I hope
You get all the help you need.
It's so easy for people to judge but unless they have walked in your shoes then I don't see how they can. I've been in a similar situation and am
On medication but the lowest dose now. I wish you all the luck in your journey and pray u get the help to need!! Megan x

 

[Cicca]

I am addict. A full on addict. I always have been, from a very young age. In my life I have been addicted to different things at different times. I am a food addict, that's for sure. My addiction lead to ruining my body and having no other option but to have weight loss surgery, which I had 15 months a go. I have lost an awesome amount of weight. Yet 15 months down the line my addictive person in me has found loop holes, and I have been putting myself on the path of destruction and ruining this great weight loss gift. I am a gambler, sadly not a successful one, since I was 19 I have loved my time and lost plenty at the casino. I can't control my finances, and if I clear £2000 a month, I spend double. i have been like this my entire life. I am a mess with money. I am addicted to spending. I am an all or nothing person. All good or all bad, no happy medium. Last year, at the age of 30, I allowed myself to become addicted to marijuana - something I spent along time of my life against. And couldnt do it half measures, a spliff here or a spliff there, no almost overnight I became a weed head, a heavy marijuana smoker. The shame of my parents finding this out and having to talk to me about this, luckily made me see sense and I stopped this overnight a while back. Literally overnight. Again ALL or NOTHING. After messing up an awesome job a few months ago, I came back to my parents. I had enough sense to ask my doctor to refer me to a mental health team. He did. I got put on a horrible drug called Quataipine. All this has done is make me box my problems and store them in a place in my head, spend hald my days feeling dopey and pushed me to eat and eat and eat. In two months I have put on a stone and a half, I had weight loss surgery and eating a packet of biscuits a day or drinking 4 latte's a day and endless amount of coffee at home is surely going to make me gain weight. My fault, no one elses. Again ADDICTION. I am a coffee addict, unhealthily. 5 weeks a go I had a seizure/fit and tests are being done, etc and I find out the why hopefully next Thursday when I see a neurologist. But if I am honest with myself, which it's about time I am, I most probably have diabetes, and that caused the fit. I have a problem with sugar and again the addictive me comes through. I had a gastric bypass and rule of thumb is no sugar, ever, and if you have too much sugar you tend to dump (a Weight loss surgery term meaning you feel ill, go white, get tired, sweats). Now I can easily have 2 mars bars straight after each other and not dump. 4 mars bars and I might. But generally I can really push the boundaries before I get the same effect other Weight Loss Surgery people do. But just because I can push the boundaries doesnt mean I must. But I do, every day. Every bloody day. If I don't sort myself out soon I will end up ruined for life. A week a go, I stopped my tablets, my quataipine (head tabs), just stopped them. Not the the right move, or the right way to do it. But like I said ALL or NOTHING. But you know what stopping them may be the best thing I could have done. Because now all of sudden I see reality. I can admit to being an addict, to having a genuine problem. My shrink says i have Adult ADHD and he was going to discuss it with me again in April. I realise now it makes so much sense and this is most probably the reason for my addictive ways. So I am now going to tackle this. Coming off my tabs was a silly move because one doesn't just stop them. However I feel stronger now than I have in a very long time. And suprise suprise I cant manage half the food I could manage this time last week. It is amazing how overnight things are different. The tabs were initially prescribed because I was in a mental crisis. I am seeing my doc Wednesday and no doubt he will insist I go back on them, or half the dose, etc. I will I guess. But now I take charge of my life. I had such a brilliant interview last week for a dream job, DREAM JOB. And whether I get it or don't, I can walk away saying I nailed that interview. I nailed it!!!! And it gave me the courage and strength to know I am worthy of such a job. So regardless of the outcome, that interview gave me so much. I am going to get on to my shrink tomorrow, immediately and say I cant wait until April, i need to see him asap. I need a new tablet, one where I dont eat a ton because of it or feel doped up. And he needs to treat his diagnosis of my adult ADHD. I also want to see an addictions nurse and tackle my addictions in every way. Head on. Any way I needed to share this, I have been going through a lot in my head this past week and posting this on here, and some other secret groups, is itself a next step of facing my addictions and tackling my demons and securing a happy life going forward

Very frank and brave. I can associate with a bit of what you've said, I dare not have a cigarette as I know I'd become addicted, I like the smell of them but never had one. I never really get in to drinking socially because I know for sure I wouldn't control it. I try to channel my compulsive behaviour in other ways, through work or trying my best in all the other things in my life. Life isn't easy, no ones perfect. One thing I know is that the answer is no where but within us - finding peace with our selves.

Anna x.

Sent from my iPhone using WLSurgery

 

[Angela1310]

We all have addiction issues, hence why I became so over weight!
Stopped smoking 30 to 40 a day put on 8 stone! i couldnt control or stop myself. Addiction hell yes
Seriously good luck you can get back in control and you will. You are being very brave fighting back against yourself. x

 

[borogirl]

Hi I agree with Amanda. I can't focus on one thing before moving onto the next. I can be in the middle of decorating (which I do a lot) whilst obsessing about other houses for sale. I used to change cars every 6-12 months and I shop non stop. Mainly for Christmas presents , even fretting over missed sales. I got most of 2013 Christmas pressies on Christmas Eve 2012. My friend bought me a book, how to be soebd less and live more! That's sad. So I think we all have demons. Pleased that you are positively looking forward through a clinician and a new job. Xx

 

[Fading Grace]

It's great that you are facing your problems face on and that you are determined to tackle them with gust!
Good luck with the job, I'm sure if you get it, it will encourage you to go in the right direction in your life

 

[sicknote]

Hi, just wanted to say good luck with your job interview but like you said head held high even if you didin't clinch it this time, theres approx 33 people for every 1 vacancy so its tough out there at the moment x thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, as i know there are more than most that can i dentify with at least 1 or more things you have mentioned xx all the best xxx

 

[amanda577]

How did the job interview go ryanara??

 

[Fuffs]

Only just saw this Ry. Well done for facing it all. You will get there. I am free most day times on school days. Lets do coffee soon xxx

 

[lucylee]

Well done for admitting your problems that is always the first step to recovery. I also have an addictive personality and its all or nothing. I started smoking marijana and then stopped overnight like yourself but then replaced it with smoking cigarettes but then stopped that overnight aswell. Now i have gone to food unfortunatley which is noone elses fault but my own and im on strong painkillers for a knee problem. I have admitted my addiction and am on my way foward. I am waiting for a gastric bypass and have finally realised i have stuff to look foward to such as i want to become a midwife and when i lose weight my knee problem will hopefully get alot better. So dont feel like your alone.