Failure

[debbiejane]

dear alia welcome back firstly you are not a failure addictive personality is why a large proportion of us are here so we all understand . you have been very brave to come tell us all thats the first step ,it shows you want it to work so you can do it believe in yourself we are all here for you wishing you all the very best luv debbie :grouphugg:

 

[CCPM]

Hi Alia

Its a blip that weight gain, you can get back into it one day at a time. If you focus on the whole amount to loose you'll just get scared. Hour by hour, day by day and watch that build into weeks.

I know with 6 kids to run round after its difficult to find time to plan but you have to do that to ensure you're getting back on track. Have you still got the diet sheets for post op that you had? If so go back to them and look to see what you SHOULD be eating. Try to plan one day out and follow it, focusing on protein first, then veg, then carbs last. Cut the sugary stuff right out to start with.

Hopefully Nic will be along soon with her usual great advice and that will really get you started off on the right track.

You haven't failed, failure would have been giving up completely. Coming on here and telling us your problem has been really brave. Now employ that brave spirit to getting your diet under control.

You can so do this. PM anytime if I can help

M

 

[shelbell]

Hey Alia :hug99: well done for being brave enough to admit to your struggles. I agree with some of the others that the first step should be to go back to your surgical team and ask for help. Maybe some counselling might help as well, to get to grip with your food demons.

It's time to make a choice, do you want to carry on as you have been, or do you want to grab the problem by the horns and fix it?

 

[phatgirl]

Hi Alia. I was very sad to read about your struggle , really wished you could have let me know you were having a time of it. I often see your smiling face on my facebook newsfeed so know that I think of you. I am glad that you came on here and opened up so you can get the suuport you need.

Time for the support & tough love. Right so first thing is being honest with yourself about what has gone wrong, you can mark that as CHECK! Next is admitting it to others that can listen/support/help, also CHECK! Good going so far. Then there is the need to make a plan of attack, here are my suggestions:

1. Do the 5-day Pouch Test, here is a link: Surgical Weight Loss 5 Day Pouch Test I personally think it is a brilliant way to reset your eating patterns and strip away your carb eating habits.

2. Instead of removing all sweets from your eating thus creating a 'diet' mentality rather than a lifestyle change, go here Atkins Product, bar | Sugar Free Megastore, Carbohydrate Diet, shopping, chocolate, diet, food and buy some sensible sugar-free treats so that you don't have to quit cold turkey.

3. Record you food intake on one of the calorie counter sites so you know how many cals you are getting and if you are getting a good balance of protein, veg and fruit. If you need a link to one PM me (they don't allow you to post the link in the main forum).

4. Record your diet daily on this thread http://www.minimins.com/wls-recipes-forum/74487-gastric-bypass-daily-menus.html so that you are accountable and ask for feedback from others there if you have trouble thinking of daily menus etc.

5. Set small goals for yourself and try to include some that aren't weight/size based but things that effect your quality of life like exercise or outings with your kids/hubby that are difficult for you now.

6. Forgive yourself for the problems you have had and NEVER call yourself a failure. As long as you haven't given up, you can't fail because there is always tomorrow.

Okay, here is the tough love I promised. Get up, dust off the last couple of months and move on. Don't allow yourself to say 'I always fail', it is thinking like that which leads to failure. You must realise that the wls is only a physical tool that you must put to work, you have never seen a hammer build a house right? Your head is exactly the sames as it was pre-surgery because you have not done the mental work you need to do. So, if you need help to get your head straight, you MUST ask for that help. You have people here that are willing but maybe if that is not enough, then ask for a therapy referral. At the very least ask to speak to a dietician. You must make sure that you get your head right so that your body can follow.

Always know that you have someone to talk to here, you can message me here or on facebook. Just reach out your hand and you will find many hands reaching back, promise.

(((HUGS)))
Nic

 

[xmandyx]

Hi everyone

It's been a long time since I've stopped by minimins and a long time since I've given people an update on my story.

There is a reason why I stopped coming and this is actually incredibly difficult for me to write but after talking to a very nice lady (from this forum, you know who you are) I've decided to come back and tell you all whats going on with me and hopefully someone can help me feel better about myself and maybe I can try to move forward and stop feeling so isolated and alone.

Basically the situation is that I'm failing!! I felt so positive after my gastric bypass and initially the weight was falling off of me and life seemed for the first time ever to be on the right track but everything changed.

I always knew my excess weight was n't so much as down to how much I ate but as to what I ate and right down till hours before having my surgery I was questioning if this was right for me - but seeing as I had to have surgery anyway to correct a previous failed wls that was causing me huge problems I went through with it anyway - guess once they were in there they may aswell do the bypass too.

I've always been a sweet eater - I could go for days with out eating proper meals and just live in chocolate, icream, cakes and fizzy drinks. This was even more of a problem for me as when I had my first wls in 1999 a problem occured that meant I was unable to eat anything with any substance to it with out being sick or suffering hours later and start vomiting a thick black sludge (sorry too much information). It was discovered during my bypass in November that a ring that was meant to be round the top of my stomache from my previous surgery had actually slipped down some how and was round the bottom meaning food could go in but could n't go out - hence why all the sloppy stuff stayed down. So for 10 years I lived off sloppy stuff, at first thinking that it was just my surgery and that was how it was meant to be. I think that is what has added to my addiction to sweet foods and slippery foods. Yes there I said it, I am an addict, a sugar addict!!

Probaby 3 months ago I started slipping into some bad habits - I was always an all or nothing girl, not one wotsit - have to have a bag, not one piece of chocolate give me the whole bar! I started having the odd piece of chocolate here and there and here I am now, with out even seeing it coming, back to exactly how I was before - not eating meals, living off snacking on bad stuff and of course the side effect of that was initially a stop in the weight loss, now its no longer about weight loss but about the weight I'm gaining back!

I can't begin to tell you how bad I'm feeling,how depressed I am about the whole thing. I was never the person that needed to lose 10 stone - I needed to lose around 22 stone!! I had 6 stone off which yes is alot but for me barely touched the surface and I've now put 2 of that back on. I hate myself!! I put my family through so much having this surgery and here I am letting them all down yet again. I've stopped going out to avoid bumping into people that know I have had the surgery cause I don't want to have to explain to them or don't want to see the look on their faces that say - ha so much for losing weight bla bla.

It was my birthday yesterday and my mum came over and we started talking about something and suddenly I blurted out the troubles I was having - she could n't give me any answers, just said she had known for a few months now things were going wrong.

I need to lose weight for my health. I have 6 children to run around after and with that 6 stone off I felt so much better, I had cut my pain medication down by so much - I was on morphine due to severe back and joint pain, some days I was unable to hardly walk so I was feeling fantastic! Now the weight is going back on I'm really feeling it in my joints and in my mobility and most days I just want to cry for my failure.

I stopped coming here cause seeing all you beautiful people with your sucess stories was killing me. I'm so proud of you all, especially the girls I have on facebook. I've been watching your on going success and the pictures of your wls journeys and I so wish I was there with you. This is the story of my life, if there was one person that could fail at something it was going to be me. At this point in time I can't see that I'm ever going to be a healthy weight and my obesity will eventually kill me.

Yesterday I had a message on facebook from a lovely lady asking me about the gastric bypass and I decided to be totally honest with her and tell her my story as its not often people hear about failures with a gastric bypass (I assume people hide it as I did). Messages started passing backwards and forwards between us and with her help I have found a little bit of positivity and also some self help techniques. Monday has to be a new start for me otherwise I've gone through all this heartache and pain for nothing. I'm trying to summon all my strength to get through this cause I know once I start to lose the weight again the positivity will return and I can use this tool I have been given to get me a new life - one free of pain and misery!!

Thank you Helen - you may think you did little but you did so much for me yesterday and you have given me the strength to talk about whats happened to me instead of being so ashamed and hiding away and lying to people.

I'm sure I'll be judged because of my failure but I don't really care - I've admitted to myself there is a huge problem and I'm going to do all I can to try to get on track again!!

Alia xxxx

ALIA, ALIA, you are a ray of light to the rest of us. Please just read you little message, your ace, you have given many people so much insperation. I read your message, I cryed, I laughed, I felt the same as you, You are the only person who can change your situation, you have the abillaty to do this, you are strong because if you were not you could not have wrote the message you did, All you wanted to do was reach out and find someone who who help you and you have done that, keep smiling, keep your head up, deep looking foeward xx

 

[phatmomma]

Hi Alia, firstly welcome home, and i say home because home is a place where you are accepted for who you are (warts n all) and minimins is this place for a lot of us overweight people.

You are a lady with a hell of a lot of balls (not literally), it has taken amazing courage to come here and tell us of your troubles. Please stop thinking of yourself as a failure, you managed to lose 6 stone, so you put 2 back on, how many of us have dieted and lost weight only to put it all and more back on? I for one have. Stop looking at this as a failure but as someone showing you what you can do when you put your mind to it.

I too love sweet stuff, maybe you could make sure you have a really nice low/fat low sugar treat every day (eg s/free jelly with muller yoghurt on) to satisfy these urges. But first and foremost you need to eat proper food, maybe the jelly could be a light suppertime treat!

I do think a trip to a counsellor would benefit you, if only to help you see all the positivity that you do. I mean, 6 kids? Kudos to you, i cope with two at home (three when my stepdaughter is here) so i take my hat off to you.

But foremostly i want to thank you for reiterating to us all that our surgery (when/if i get it) is a tool to be used.

Get your head back in the zone, as a very clever person told me at the meet the other day, now that food is more about quality not quantity and because you can only eat such small amounts buy yourself something really nice for tea and look forward to it all day.

I have faith in you and know that by coming back here you want to succeed in this very important venture in your life. I'd be very proud if you'd add me to facebook and would like to make a friendship with such a lovely person as you.

My email is [email protected]

xxx

 

[gaelic girl]

Hi Alia
I know we havent "met" before but i'm really glad you have come back to minis. It's difficult to add anymore to the wonderful helpful replies you have received. I too think you are brave to be so honest and i admire you for that. Like you i have a huge sweet tooth and have a lifetime of addiction to beat. We are all human and sometimes we need support from others wether it be to "kick our asses" or provide some tea and sympathy so be it. We are all here to help you to get yourself back on track and as Elffie said if you want another "buddy" who is just starting out please feel free to email or pm me. Sending you a big hug full of best wishes xx

 

[dreamofbeingslim]

Hi Alia,

First of all well done on coming back to minis. Even though I have never spoken to you before you pulled at my heart strings in your thread.

You are not a failure by any means you lost 6 stone. Ok you may have put 2 back on but you have still lost 4 stone which is brilliant.

Try and think back as to why you wanted this in the first place and how excited you must have been when you were loosing the weight.

I am sure with the help and support you will get on here you will start to loose again because you can do it, you have prooved that to yourself.

((hugs)) ((hugs)) just remember we are all here for you if you are tempted to eat get on the computer and chat to us. Take care and start afresh on Monday.

 

[hopelesscase]

Alia you were failed by faulty WLS initially but you yourself were not a failure. You were left for 10 years to stuggle due to a failed WlS. If the people who should of been looking after you had done their jobs and kept a check on things after yr first surgery you wouldnt be in this predicament now.

Im so glad you have found your way back here. Yesturday had been and gone but today is the here and now and in real time that is all that matters.

Take care and know that we are all here for you for all the todays to come.
hc

 

[Snowcrystal]

Hi Alia

What a sad story...but you can have your happy ever after...find what inspired you to lose weight...I know health is the main issue but think about something else, a woman standing in a beautiful outfit, it's you; see the smile on your face, the radiant glow of happiness...But look around you and see how happy everyone around you is. It's because you're happy.

By coming back to Mini's and admitting you had a problem you lost tons of weight, the weight of burden you had been carrying around on your shoulders...That's gone now...Let's help you get back on the road.

(((hugs)))

 

[mells]

Alia

I think you are incredibly brave to admit your problem on here and you have told your mum. That has to be your first step, as others have already said you must contact your WLS clinic. You need help and support and you need it now. So please, please speak to them. If you cant get an urgent appointment then I then you should see your GP and ask for an urgent referral for councelling and or a dietician.

I said before that I think you have been brave telling us here what is happening with you and I mean it. You are helping all of us both post and pre-op. It is important that all of us realise that this isnt a magic wand, and that our addiction/disorder whatever you want to call it doesnt just disappear.

Lots of hugs from Mells

 

[Alia]

I'm sitting here on my bed with tears rolling down my face after reading all your posts and all the support and kindness you have given me. I should have never have ran away when things started to go wrong, maybe then I would have been able to correct things sooner - you guys here are amazing and I was given so much support when I first had my surgery that I should n't have expected anything different. All my life I've always ran away rather than face things head on and thats why I did n't attend my last meeting with my surgeon as I was so so embarrassed and down that I could n't face him knowing I was gaining weight instead of losing it.

I've taken a little something from every single post here and I'm going to get myself a little book and write them down along with a diet plan and strategies to help me cope. The tough love seems rather harsh at first but its needed and your all right, my wls is a tool, only I can make it work, its all down to me - think that harshness has made things sink in.

I've done so much thinking today and I'm feeling so motivated but I'm realistic to know that when monday comes it might be a different story.

The first thing as phatmomma said is I have to actually start eating food - I can't remember the last time I actually sat down and ate a meal. It has n't happened in months. I'm going to do some daily menus and stick to them but I'm thinking I should do the pouch test. I did get that off Nicky ages ago but never actually got round to doing it and I know she had great success with it.

Thank you guys all so so much, you've lifted me right up again and made me see the positives and made me start to see that I am not the failure and this does n't have to be the end - it can be a new start and yes its going to be a long haul but I have to get there - I owe it to myself after 10 years of hell and suffering!!!

Karlos I just want to say to you thank you for being so honest with me but I would like to point out that yes I have been given a fantastic tool for weightloss but that was given to me over 10 years ago and was done incorrectly which led me to 10 years of hell - total pain and suffering. My recent wls was done as part of a correction of the mess that was made initially so gastric bypass or not I had to have that surgery as there was no way things could be put back to how they were prior to my 'stomache stapling' so my surgeon had to do the best he could with what he had to work with. When he opened me up he found over 30 hernias where the previous care team had said they found no evidence of hernias!! I now have a fantastic tool and its up to me to break the cycle that was formed over 10 years of not being able to eat good solid food, thats a long chain to break and I think I actually was a fool to myself thinking all would be suddenly different after this surgery. I need to tell my brain that my stomache, all beit very tiny, is now working correctly so good food is a go go go!!

Bonita - the post it notes is a fab idea, I'm going to do that!!

Nic Nic Nic what can I say - I've followed your story so closely and seeing your pics on facebook you just look amazing, your a total inspiration and I'm going to draw on your success. You were and still are a fantastic support to me and all the ladies here and I think I'll be going back to basics like when we first had our surgeries and try to act like this blip never happened.

If any one wants to add me to facebook just search Alia Vahedi and you will find me.

Alia xxx

 

[Isis]

I'm sitting here on my bed with tears rolling down my face after reading all your posts and all the support and kindness you have given me. I should have never have ran away when things started to go wrong, maybe then I would have been able to correct things sooner - you guys here are amazing and I was given so much support when I first had my surgery that I should n't have expected anything different. All my life I've always ran away rather than face things head on and thats why I did n't attend my last meeting with my surgeon as I was so so embarrassed and down that I could n't face him knowing I was gaining weight instead of losing it.

I've taken a little something from every single post here and I'm going to get myself a little book and write them down along with a diet plan and strategies to help me cope. The tough love seems rather harsh at first but its needed and your all right, my wls is a tool, only I can make it work, its all down to me - think that harshness has made things sink in.

I've done so much thinking today and I'm feeling so motivated but I'm realistic to know that when monday comes it might be a different story.

The first thing as phatmomma said is I have to actually start eating food - I can't remember the last time I actually sat down and ate a meal. It has n't happened in months. I'm going to do some daily menus and stick to them but I'm thinking I should do the pouch test. I did get that off Nicky ages ago but never actually got round to doing it and I know she had great success with it.

Thank you guys all so so much, you've lifted me right up again and made me see the positives and made me start to see that I am not the failure and this does n't have to be the end - it can be a new start and yes its going to be a long haul but I have to get there - I owe it to myself after 10 years of hell and suffering!!!

Karlos I just want to say to you thank you for being so honest with me but I would like to point out that yes I have been given a fantastic tool for weightloss but that was given to me over 10 years ago and was done incorrectly which led me to 10 years of hell - total pain and suffering. My recent wls was done as part of a correction of the mess that was made initially so gastric bypass or not I had to have that surgery as there was no way things could be put back to how they were prior to my 'stomache stapling' so my surgeon had to do the best he could with what he had to work with. When he opened me up he found over 30 hernias where the previous care team had said they found no evidence of hernias!! I now have a fantastic tool and its up to me to break the cycle that was formed over 10 years of not being able to eat good solid food, thats a long chain to break and I think I actually was a fool to myself thinking all would be suddenly different after this surgery. I need to tell my brain that my stomache, all beit very tiny, is now working correctly so good food is a go go go!!

Bonita - the post it notes is a fab idea, I'm going to do that!!

Nic Nic Nic what can I say - I've followed your story so closely and seeing your pics on facebook you just look amazing, your a total inspiration and I'm going to draw on your success. You were and still are a fantastic support to me and all the ladies here and I think I'll be going back to basics like when we first had our surgeries and try to act like this blip never happened.

If any one wants to add me to facebook just search Alia Vahedi and you will find me.

Alia xxx

So glad to see you here just now and posting

Fresh start now eh?, new ideas and old ideas and strategies that will work for YOU!

As I said earlier, stick with us and let us hold your hand down this road...xxx

 

[kandeechops]

Well i don't think i can add anything that hasn't been said so i would just like to wish you all the luck in world - You come across as a wonderful person and i'm sure you will soon be back on track with the help & support of all your friends on here - You go girl you know you can do it
just one day at a time

 

[tesmaralda]

Alia you have made a brave decission to come and admit you are not doing so well. If people judge you for it then sod them, they are not worth a second thought. WLS is by now means an easy journey and trying to break the habits of a life time are hard, but you can and you will succeed at this. I say this because you have admitted your mistakes and been totally honest with yourself and you have done something about getting the support you need to be a success.

I am so glad to see you back on minis and will help whenever and however I can, just give me a shout either on here or on facebook I'm normally about on one or the other.

Wishing you all the very best for the future and sending you big hugs and don't be to hard on yourself, whats done is and can't be undone, tomorrow is another day. Draw a line under the past few months, draw up your stratergy for eating proper meals, and as they saying goes get back on that bike and start as you mean to go on.

 

[Roch]

Hi Alia i 2 think everything has been said but i 2 want to tell you that you are no way in any shape or form a failure in fact the opposite.
You have been brave to admit your going through a hard time and u need to change things and get some help and that is the first step to ur getting back on track losing weight.
Hun i only think a failure is when some one admits defeat and lies down and give up, that is not you at all in fact 100% opposite, yes u have had a blip but thats not the end of the world, with the support and advice you will get from all the fab MM crew i am sooooo sure in the coming weeks you will see the pounds dropping off you and we will put a smile back on ur face.
Take care hun and look forward to reading bout ur weight loss journey, luv Roch xxxx

 

[32bme]

Alia, good luck on the forthcoming days getting motivated is the first step and changing behaviours/habits are the dificult part but you will do it..........
your letter is so sad reminds me of ME

Mia

 

[mandym1]

I'm a little late as it has all been said, but I wish you all the luck in the world. You have been through a lot already but you can do this. Keep us posted how your getting on and dont be afraid to ask for help. Lots of hugs and will power heading your way xxx

 

[Roch]

Mornin just poppin by to say hi to ya and hope u have a good day and pls remember ur not alone you have allllll of usssss to hold ur hand along ur journey and thats a lot of hands xxxx

 

[gaelic girl]

Me too Alia take today as it comes and worry about tommorrow when it arrives baby steps as they say. As New Roch and Isis says there are loads of hands just waiting to help you along this road big hugs xx