Life set backs. 6 months post op and onwards - all surgeries

[shelleymarie]

Hi All. I'm posting this in the Bypass surgery bit but if anyone else over 6 months no matter which surgery (or under really) out would like to post replies then please do.

So as I'm sure a lot of you have realised that life doesn't stop happening just because you are losing weight/have lost a load of weight. I whole heartedly admit that as much as I told people and myself that I knew being thinner didn't mean happiness, a part of me always thought it did. It doesn't because bad things still happen. I've talked about them in the daily bypass menu thread because I've made some lovely friends there who are nothing but supportive but I'm getting to the stage where I just want to be more positive but I'm struggling. To be honest I'm struggling with getting through the day. For those who don't know me, my friend died at the end of last October in a horrific car crash, I'm being evicted and I don't have the money to fund another private rental because the papers are right, I really was better off on benefits because I was too fat to walk than now I work (this crushes me because I so desperately hated being on benefits) and I will be losing a job I love with all my heart in a couple of months time as it's only maternity cover. I have a mother with bipolar that I live with and care for and I'm worried sick she will do something stupid as she can't cope with this eviction either and I have a dog with several health issues, all treatable but she is nearly 10 and with them I will NOT re-home her for her sake and mine but at this stage it looks like I will get stuck in a b&b so might have no choice. It's like everything is crumbling around me. I'm drowning and I don't know a way out. I am on antidepressants, despite coming off them post op when everything was rosy but other than that my doctors are useless, mainly due to only having locums at the moment which are scared to get involved, they do their best but they don't know me so it's hard for them to really help.

Anyway the reason I'm posting this in the 6 months out section, other than still desperately needing to talk about things because everyone keeps telling me it is going to be ok but I just don't see how, is because what I want to know is I know others must have had crap things happen since they lost weight/had surgery/even those at goal because life keeps happening no matter what we want or think. I know some of you have experienced much worse than me. How do you cope now? because lets be honest we know how we thought we coped before and although I have no desire to eat a ton of rubbish like before I do struggle to eat the enough healthy food as I struggle to care about myself enough at the moment. So I guess I'm not really looking for advice as such but input that this is all survivable, maybe post op coping mechanisms? That you guys have have made it through tough patches post op and still struggle on? that life won't defeat us at all? I know people go through much worse everyday and I do remind myself of that daily but when things seem desprate it's hard to still feel appreciative of what you have isn't it? I am very much so but it's not always enough to make me want to get up in the morning. Any replies appreciated. Thanks for reading x

 

[chrisa]

Well done Shelley is the 2st thing to say to you. once admitting it down to see is a big thing and really brings it out into the open. The best thing to do and I know its difficult is to take each day as it comes. Each day you need to try and list 10 things that are good/positive in your life. Once yous tart to think you will find them keep them with you all day and keep looking at them it promotes positivity. You can do it. I am not much further up the ladder from you am like a swan on the water but my feet are paddling like billio under the water just cant see them. I understand. xx

 

[penelope1008]

I thought I was coping with the changes in me, a depressive husband & a son with severe mental health problems, until I to broke down, I'm now on anti depressants & awaiting counselling. In the mean time I'm still hanging on holding down a job just, but somedays I go under somedays I still abuse myself with food sinking back into old coping mechanisms they may be not as rich @ fatty as they were but to many calories isn't good either. I graze & pick at foods I shouldn't because I let my head win. Its not easy coping & by the sound of it you have a pretty heavy load to carry so its no wonder you are sinking under it all. If your GP can't or won't help call your provider perhaps they can offer you some counselling. Citizens advice initially for advice & help with your eviction, finances & family issues at least pointing you in the direction of others who can help. You have my sympathy & admiration for all you are going through & managing to stay afloat. You are strong & surviving if you haven't already done so seek help for what you can & as Chrisa says find those positive nuggets in your life you can hang onto & hang on tight. Once you ask for help you will be amazed at what you can get & help you improve your situation both emotionally & practically. Good luck Hun hang on in there.

 

[JoJoTGirl]

I'm sad to read your thread and may not be musch use as I am not very far into my journey at all, but it seemed thoughtless to read and run. I admire your courage in admitting that you're struggling and hope that you can get some help and support to get you through the tough times immediately ahead. Best of luck sweetie. x

 

[Yvessa]

I went through fairly similar just after my op. and in all honesty it's just about keeping yourself a float. I could deal with all of it so just did what I could. Could family help with a deposit maybe? Or could you get a loan from the council to get a deposit? They should be available. I can understand how you feel. And yes life does go on and we don't have our old frenemy. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes it's bad. I don't really have an answer and I'm not sure anyone will. Is it possible for you to reapply for dla on mh grounds? Have you tried social services as you are a carer? Badger the council and keep making pone calls.

 

[Cath860]

Shelley I'm so sorry to hear that life is so tough for you at the moment. It seems grossly unfair when you have come so far with your op. I have always turned to food for comfort in the past so I sympathise hugely, it's very hard not to repeat a history which has always worked (at least in the short-term) to combat difficult issues. I have started doing housework instead of mainlining carbs - the house is a lot cleaner now! It does distract, which is the main point of the exercise I suppose.

I would love to be able to offer you some more practical help but I can't think of anything beyond what others have suggested - Citizens Advice/social services etc. As a fellow dog-owner I know how awful it would be to have to give up your dog - I would suggest contacting the Oldies Club if it comes to that - they would hopefully be able to find someone to foster her until your situation improves. Less drastic than a permanent re-homing.

Sending you a big hug xxx

 

[lyzzyanne]

Sorry to hear of your situation, when my daughter lost her home she had two cats and the cats protection people took them and cared for them until she was rehomed, It took 9 months and it was the thought of the cats that kept her going.

Is there any way of avoiding the eviction? you could approach Age uk and shelter to see if they could help. Shelter were invaluable to us when fighting the council for rehoming for our daughter they gave us the legal things we challenged them with.

Best wishes
xxxx

 

[ThinnerJemima]

Bl**dy Hell Shelley, I really hope that something good happens to you soon. As with many people in this thread you sound like you deserve it.

I thought that I was having a tough time in the past couple of months. I think not!

:grouphugg:

 

[shelleymarie]

I'm overwhelmed with your responses. I appreciate the kind thoughts, sharing your experiences with me. virtual hugs and practical advice so much. Thank you so much for caring and I will do all the things you have suggested. I will keep battling on as I've no choice not too, it's got to be all worth it in the end hasn't it. Thanks again xx

 

[Lynsey83]

I'm only two weeks into my journey but I could not read without saying something. To me you seem to be a fighter, you are going through so much and although some days you feel you just can't anymore, you always do. Do you have a friend or family member that can look after the dog for a couple of months? Have you tried other medications? I know this wont solve all your problems but when possible try to tackle one at a time. The council won't want to keep you in temporary accommodation for long as it costs them at least £50 a day! I had a close friend that I supported through being made homeless last year with her two kids they housed her in two months. I wish I could do more to help you. I hope you see some let up soon and even though I don't know you I'm sending you a big hug ?xx

 

[mr97]

As suggested above, Citizens Advice & Shelter are excellent. If you go to the C.A.B take down all relivant documents and letters re. your situation as they can photocopy them, when opening a 'case' to try and best help you.
I'm not 100% about this, but I think that as you are in the process of being evicted, you should qualify for maximum points on your local council's housing list. You should also be classed as a priority for any Housing Associations in your area.
Good luck.

 

[Yvessa]

I'm overwhelmed with your responses. I appreciate the kind thoughts, sharing your experiences with me. virtual hugs and practical advice so much. Thank you so much for caring and I will do all the things you have suggested. I will keep battling on as I've no choice not too, it's got to be all worth it in the end hasn't it. Thanks again xx

You do have to keep battling, but you're not battling alone. Even if we can't physically help, we are here to listen when you need us.

 

[Samsara]

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time at the moment as you are such a giving person in terms of your valuable contributions to this site I am still pre-op so cannot comment on how one copes post-op but when I am going through a really tough time (and I seem to go from one drama to another in life - leading to suicidal tendencies!) I try and say to myself "what is the worst that can happen?" and usually the worst that can happen is really not that bad or it doesn't ever get to that and we spend loads of energy and emotion worrying about stuff we have no control over. This helps me get things into perspective. I also agree with the posters above about going to the Citizens Advice Bureau. They are so helpful and calming and probably talking things through with them will help you see things more clearly in terms of what you can do to help yourself. I hope things pick up for you and I'm sending you hugs x x x

 

[Beth72]

Really hope things start to improve for you soon - been looking at your pics & wow, what a transformation! It's must be a huge relief not to have the added stress of being as overweight anymore, but unfortunately stressful events are inevitable & life can be very cruel at times; just sorry you seem to have several at once. There is some really good advice above.

You mentioned that the maternity job cover that you enjoy doing comes to an end in 2 months - now that you have some invaluable experience, maybe try to put your cv out there to see if there are similar jobs so that you can carry on. I find that having structure to my days & routine of a job really helps with my moods, mainly because I'm focusing on something else & haven't got as much time on my hands to worry about other things.

As has been mentioned in posts above, keep taking 1 day at a time & tomorrow is always a new day. Good luck with the housing situation & your dog - awful when a pet is ill x

 

[shelleymarie]

Thanks again everyone. It really does help immensely to know people care. I officially found out at work today that I really don't have a future there so I'm actively looking for a new job and have managed to secure myself a phone interview on Friday! So please keep your fingers crossed for me that it goes well and they offer me a second interview. I'll keep you all updated when I know anything about jobs or housing. My dog has been started on a new medication that seems to be helping so that is good as well. Maybe I can hope that things are starting to look up a bit. Thanks so much for your support xx

 

[chrisa]

May God Bless You Shelley, it is a horrid time we are living through at the moment. YOu are being very courageous and strong and will pray for you and your mam and animals tomorrow evening again. They will be praying for me too, thankfully, I am really starting to panic now, only 6 days to go til I am finished. My experience and qualifications seem to count for nothing, my age doesnt help being 47 either. Lets hope that we both have a much more positive future starting this next week where our problems will start to unravel and we see some light at the end of our tunnels. take care and stay strong, we have to because we are 2 of life fighters, its too easy to lay down n not get up, WE DON'T DO EASY!!!! XXXXXXXXXXXX SPEAK TO YOU TOMORROW XXXXXXXXXX

 

[Yvessa]

Thanks again everyone. It really does help immensely to know people care. I officially found out at work today that I really don't have a future there so I'm actively looking for a new job and have managed to secure myself a phone interview on Friday! So please keep your fingers crossed for me that it goes well and they offer me a second interview. I'll keep you all updated when I know anything about jobs or housing. My dog has been started on a new medication that seems to be helping so that is good as well. Maybe I can hope that things are starting to look up a bit. Thanks so much for your support xx

Get yourself out there hun. Think about training as well - there may be courses available for you to get some more transferable skills.

 

[penelope1008]

Stay strong Hun you are doing great, well done & fingers crossed for Friday. We are here with you every step of the way.

 

[shelleymarie]

Thanks again guys. I'm trying to sleep but struggling worrying about the interview tomorrow. Any tips? Any of you ever interview people? if so what sort of thing impresses you? I've always been pretty good at interviews but I've never done a phone interview so I'm a bit thrown off by the whole thing. Any tips appreciated. Thank you xxx

 

[mrsdiddles]

good luck on phone interview . you seem a strong person hope you get good news soon x x