My Ramblings...

[A.Positive]

It's not the pouch I am concerned with, it's the stoma Jem. Once that is gone, you stand no chance.

I am freezing!! Utterly freezing. At present I wearing 3 pairs of socks,2 ssets of pyjamas, 2 wooly hats, a scarfs and a dressing gown. It's crazy! I haven't been out since we saw each other. I am too afraid that I will pick up a bug and it will take me down hard or that a strong gust of wind will carry be off to some foreign country! You may laugh but it am sure I have heard of such things occurring to people who weigh as little as me. Haha!

I have been devouring my Spirulina fruity ice cubes like there is no tomorrow. This damn flu has me as dry as the desert. Spirulina isbthr highest form protein you can get but I have mentioned this before I am sure. It's how I managed to shock the dietician with my protein levels.

How are you doing Jem? I spoke with Cathy number 2 and she says I don't need to come in on Monday so an appointment as been made for me in January instead unless I get desperate.

 

[A.Positive]

Oh and I realise that herbal tea isn't particularly calorific either just more so than water at about 4 calories. Ha! Every little helps.

 

[chrisa]

Just keep plodding on Alex thats all you can do. Keep moving on till the body responds to what has happened to it. It has been severely violated and no wonder you have picked up a flu bug you immune system will be at an all time low. I am freezing 99o/o of the time. Nice hot bath then put my fluffy socks and thick woolly boots on to keep the heat in fleecy jim jams and fluffy dressing gown. I AM LIKE THAT EVERYDAY, NO JOKE. I am perished a lot, when I get really cold I can feel it in my gums even they get cold its mad. I think of it as my body is busy trying to absor nutrients and just doesn't have enough energy left to heat the body as well so our heaters stay on the blink so to speak. xxxxxxx

 

[Bear]

How are you doing now? Are you managing to eat?

 

[A.Positive]

Merry Christmas all! I hope you are enjoying the festive season and not letting the food demons get the best of you. And by that I mean, I hope you are allowing yourselves a real if you want it and not feeling guilt or going overboard. I know it isn't easy, my husband bought a vast selection of biscuits and crackers and cheese and for 5 minutes while he set them out in true buffet style, I was so angry. I wanted some! "What have I done to myself", and all that jazz! And then I started to Chuckle at myself and asked myself my usual "get a grip" question. "What kind of person do you want to be"? The answer, well part of it, is a person that does not let food control them.I then reminded myself of my Vegan, clean eating pledge. I then went off to meditate and thankfully calmed my mind.

I am still on liquids but can manage a bit more throughout the day. My weight seems to have stabilised and 6.12 stone which for me, is excellent! I was given a Cusinart Soup Maker for Christmas, and have been cooking up some incredible creations over the last couple of days and really enjoying them. I decant the soup in to 170g glass jars (I didn't realise how small that portion was. Scott, the Aussie Dietician says a Muller Light 180g pot should be my portion size for life), it's like a little factory in here! Ha!

I think I may have developed a fear of moving on to the next stage. If I am honest it feels a lot like it did with my Sleeve. I cannot bear the feel of food going down. I think this is something that is all part and parcel of WLS. Is it Are you all eating "normally"? I can feel every movement of it and it moves so slowly and is so uncomfortable. I end up having to heave it up because it won't budge and that that is food just a touch thicker than pureed. My nurse said I should try to move on to just a teaspoon of pureed food and see how I go.

My restriction is astounding! I was always let to believe that at this stage you would not feel any. I wonder what it will be like when I am actually eating!?

All in all we are all well. We have had such a lovely Christmas. My husband has worked his socks off (even harder than usual and I didn't think that was possible) to buy us some amazing treats. He wanted to make up for a crappy year. He really didn't need to and is usually very sensible with gifts but I understand why he has done it and I was speechless at his thoughtfulness.

I still spending a lot of time in bed on the sofa, there just isn't the strength for much else. Thank God I can leave the soup maker to do its own thing and beep when I need to come and blend it's contents together. Ha! I haven't not been out of the house since my surgery, almost 6 weeks ago now. Walking up the stairs is like climbing Everest and taking a shower is just as hard. That being said, it warms me through nicely. I adore that part of it! It's so bloody cold!!

Anyhoo, enough of me bleeting on. Take care all and enjoy any New Year gatherings! Xxx

 

[chrisa]

Merry Christmas I have been watching for a message from you. I think if I am totally honest Alex I can still feel most of my food go down and that is nearly 3 1/2 years out now. I was very fearful and stuck to my hospital directions like glue I felt sick an awful lot but was never actually sick. I think may be if there is a fera there you need tyo be coaxing yourself to try the next stage otherwise your tube will stay very narrow now that most of the swelling will have subsided. Pleased your weight has stabilised. YOUR BODY IS BECOMING USED TO TRYING AND THEN REJECTING, bit like bulimia really in some aspects. Do you have a psychologist, because you may need help to get over this if you cannot school yourself through it. Its a difficult time but to live and operate a daily life you have to eat. Good luck with it all and never forget we are here for you we are not trying to tell you what you need to do as you know your own body but want to help you through if we can. All the best for 2015 it certainly can't be worse than this year has been for you. xxx

 

[Lilacglittergirl]

Great to hear from you Alex, and that Christmas seems to have been positive for you. It is still early days in lots of different ways - and add that to what you have been through this year, please do not 'judge' where you are at against normal post bypass stories. Chrisa is right tho, it is really important you get through the fear and discomfort of transiting back to solid food. I have to say that I was very straightforward with my experience, totally committed to being in the zone and ready to face the fears and get on with it - yet that time I found extremely distressing and challenging. I was retching after everything I ate for weeks and getting more and more upset and negative, then one day it was OK. here I am nearly 18months post op and eating everything just not much of it, and avoiding those things that I know have extreme consequences. You must get through this stage and yes, the gurgling which is audible to people around you at times (!) will be for life, etc and must just be accepted as part of the territory that comes with being bypassed. In my experience, in time all the anxieties and fears give way to such a positive and empowered place. Your journey of course is going to be so much complex but one day you will be in a stable place. Just give it time, and as Chrisa says seek support to get you through the unpleasant transition back to normal diet. Good luck with the vegan diet - I am veggie and have moments when I struggle to get the right proteins into my diet. I don't want to challenge your conviction but are you sure this is the right time to make the switch? Maybe going vegan could be your reward for getting to target ... just saying. This is said with true concern and support. xxxx

 

[Bear]

Good to see you're stil your normal positive self Alex.

You mentioned previously that they would put you on tube feeds after your bypass. Your weight has now gone down from 7st7lbs to 6st 12lbs in 2 months. It's no wonder you are so depserately tired. I don't know what the implications of tube feeding are, but can it be done on a temporary basis just to get some energy in and help you through the psychological side of eating again?

Happy new year to you though and I hope 2015 sees your health return fully.

 

[Smallerme]

It is good to hear from you. I'm glad you're starting to recover from the bypass physically. It sounds like 2015 needs to be now focused on tackling the mental demons that the rough sleeve journey left you with so you can move onto eating food again. Have you thought about accessing help via eating disorders services? Some of the therapies used for tackling the fear of eating for anorexia may be useful to you. I can feel my food going down, it's now the norm so I don't take much notice of it anymore after 14mths, but yes I presume it's always going to feel different to how it was pre-op and that's sleeve not bypass.

What kind of things are you adding to your soups? Flax, coconut oil etc?

 

[femfrankie]

It is good to hear from you. I'm glad you're starting to recover from the bypass physically. It sounds like 2015 needs to be now focused on tackling the mental demons that the rough sleeve journey left you with so you can move onto eating food again. Have you thought about accessing help via eating disorders services? Some of the therapies used for tackling the fear of eating for anorexia may be useful to you. I can feel my food going down, it's now the norm so I don't take much notice of it anymore after 14mths, but yes I presume it's always going to feel different to how it was pre-op and that's sleeve not bypass.

What kind of things are you adding to your soups? Flax, coconut oil etc?

I'm freezing freezing freezing!! Sooooo much so it sometimes hurts ....I was the girl who wouldn't bat an eyelid about going out in minus degrees with a tshirt on two years ago. People comment on that past fact when they see me dressed for the artic now .. I remember when blah blah blah...
I too feel the food going down but you get used to it. There are times when I accidently swallow too quick and feel it bump down and I think well that's going to fill me up for a bit
You sound like you are getting over the worst of the bypass op now so fingers crossed the rest will fall into place with or without the help of a third person in facing up t thise food demons
Here's to a healthier 2015 for you hun xxx

 

[robina]

im not quite a year post op but it does get better
when i first made the slow transition thru the stages i used to get the frothies a lot, i kept a towel near by at all times in case it hit
now while i can sense the food going down it doesnt trigger that off any more

the cold i dont think ill ever get used to, i went hiking up hills in the peak district in snow one november in shorts and a t shirt without thinking about it, cant even sit in my heated house like that now

 

[A.Positive]

You guys are the best. So much encouragement in one place is just what the doctor ordered! Ha!

I will be honest and say that today was hard mentally. I spent most of it camped out on the sofa while my son and his pal played video games in a bid to keep my kind active. It was a good laugh and I learnt a thing or two about PlayStation games. Who knew you could purchase them online through your system and then download it straight to your system?! Not I! I feel like a relic at the grand old age of 32. just to think as a child I was an avid game player. Now I know nothing!

I made some more soup today, a butter bean, kidney bean, coconut milk, sautéed onion and mushroom concoction. I added some Chinese 5 Spice too. It was nice for the first two sips and then I was bored to tears with it! I soldiered on though until my nose began to run and I knew I had to stop. That full feeling lasts a good while eh?

I think in time my "fear of food" will pass. I just need to bite the bullet and say down to my first soft meal. I have already planned it; scrambled tofu!

I can't go back on my Vegan pledge now although I fully understand where you are coming from and it has been something considered. Now I know the truth about animal cruelty and where food really comes from, I cannot let it pass my lips. I feel physically sick at the thought of it and see sweet little animals being abused while I cook animal based dishes for my family. No, I can go back. I have done so much research and have a truck load of books here to assist me. I could actually open a small Vegan library! Hah! I have a list as long as the Magna Carta. It isn't that hard at all to be honest (well I don't think so), I just need to get over myself and eat this stuff!!

Although I am not losing weight, I am definitely getting smaller. My neighbour says I look smaller each time he sees me and I can see it when I look in the mirror. Bones, bones and more bones and breast that have just about camouflaged themselves into my chest area. If it were not for the nipples, you would think you were looking at my back at first glance. I'm a mess! But I laugh at it, what else can I do?

I have plenty to of superfoods on hand. China seeds, Flaxseed, Acai Berry Powder, Maca Root Powder, Caribbean, Raw-Cacao and the list goes on. I take it all and one day, as well as open my Vegan library, I am going to to open a Vegan health food shop! I have had to commondere two full sized cupboards to house it all. The expense is crazy but as my husband says, "if that is what you need, that is what you need".

 

[chrisa]

Your positivity is great at the moment so proud of you. YOu are mentally preparing your self now which is great you will over come this stage Alex and whats more you know you have to. You have all the healthy foods your body craves and needs so badly in its under nourished state. Hopefully your weight has stabilised now and you can start to build on that. Very proud of you.

All the best for 2015 YOU CAN OVERCOME THIS.

HERE IS A LITTLE PIC OF OUR EMMY JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS

 

[Andie1962]

You guys are the best. So much encouragement in one place is just what the doctor ordered! Ha! I will be honest and say that today was hard mentally. I spent most of it camped out on the sofa while my son and his pal played video games in a bid to keep my kind active. It was a good laugh and I learnt a thing or two about PlayStation games. Who knew you could purchase them online through your system and then download it straight to your system?! Not I! I feel like a relic at the grand old age of 32. just to think as a child I was an avid game player. Now I know nothing! I made some more soup today, a butter bean, kidney bean, coconut milk, sautéed onion and mushroom concoction. I added some Chinese 5 Spice too. It was nice for the first two sips and then I was bored to tears with it! I soldiered on though until my nose began to run and I knew I had to stop. That full feeling lasts a good while eh? I think in time my "fear of food" will pass. I just need to bite the bullet and say down to my first soft meal. I have already planned it; scrambled tofu! I can't go back on my Vegan pledge now although I fully understand where you are coming from and it has been something considered. Now I know the truth about animal cruelty and where food really comes from, I cannot let it pass my lips. I feel physically sick at the thought of it and see sweet little animals being abused while I cook animal based dishes for my family. No, I can go back. I have done so much research and have a truck load of books here to assist me. I could actually open a small Vegan library! Hah! I have a list as long as the Magna Carta. It isn't that hard at all to be honest (well I don't think so), I just need to get over myself and eat this stuff!! Although I am not losing weight, I am definitely getting smaller. My neighbour says I look smaller each time he sees me and I can see it when I look in the mirror. Bones, bones and more bones and breast that have just about camouflaged themselves into my chest area. If it were not for the nipples, you would think you were looking at my back at first glance. I'm a mess! But I laugh at it, what else can I do? I have plenty to of superfoods on hand. China seeds, Flaxseed, Acai Berry Powder, Maca Root Powder, Caribbean, Raw-Cacao and the list goes on. I take it all and one day, as well as open my Vegan library, I am going to to open a Vegan health food shop! I have had to commondere two full sized cupboards to house it all. The expense is crazy but as my husband says, "if that is what you need, that is what you need".

You should be really proud of yourself for being strong and keeping positive through this very hard time that you have been through.
I don't post very often but felt I had to when I read your post.
I hope that 2015 will bring a fresh chapter into your life where you can start to enjoy a healthier life With your family and put everything that has happened behind you.
When you are feeling better it would be lovely to meet up with you and other ladies on here so that we can all celebrate the hurdles that you have overcome as you are one amazing lady.
Androulla xx

 

[A.Positive]

Oh She has grown so much Chrisa! Her eyes and that hair! Haha! What a beaut!

 

[Lilacglittergirl]

Happy NY Alex, and hoping you can drop-kick 2014 into the history books, and have an awesome 2015 full of health and happiness. You so deserve it. Hugs a million. xxx

 

[chrisa]

Happy new year may it be the best yet for ya. Emmy will be 7 weeks old today exactly xx yes she is growing quickly and so is the hair lol xx

 

[A.Positive]

Happy new year to you all too, I hope 2015 is a magical year for all of you, even if it doesn't quite pan out the way you had anticipated.

I am well, I was gifted a very expensive, just utterly awesome slow juicer by a friend a couple of days ago which will help to supercharge my nutrition. I have ordered myself a food dehydrator, an Excalibur to be precise. It's the diamond of all food dehydrator and well, my future and my health deserve it. Ha! I am so looking forward to being able to munch away happily. It's going to be wonderful!

7 weeks old! Time flies doesn't it? She'll be walking and giving you all cheek before you know it.

 

[chrisa]

Well done starting the year off on a very positive note, keep logging in when ya can so we can help encouraging you along and just being a listening ear for you fears and concerns xx

 

[femfrankie]

Here's to a healthier 2015 for you Alex xxxx