NEED TOO RANT

[BlueDiamond]

Hiya guys and gals

Now as some of u know I lost my mum a year ago (1 yr wed 13th) which devastated me a great deal. Now someone I considered to be a good friend hasnt been near or by in all the time my mum passed, now another mutual friend had a birthday party for her son yesterday and this considered friend drove all the way to clacton and yet never been too see me,(we live about 2 miles apart) now I contacted this person and told her how hurt I was and you know what her hubby said to me ( which I thought was quite low of him) you never bothered to come and see her when she miscarried ( she lost baby in sept after my mums passing in the July. Now whilst I understand this devastated her as well I thought that was well below the belt(told him so as well)...........So come on ppl what do you think about that???? tell me what your thoughts and feelings are, I need words of wisdom tbh. Thanks in advance for reading xxx Julie xxx

 

[suepat10]

Hi Julie

Without knowing both of you personally, I'm finding it difficult to comment on your exact circumstance BUT someone once sent me a couple of quotes which were something along the lines of:

Friendships are not always for life, don't be surprised or upset when one has run it's course. Try and remember it for the good times you had rather than the bad ones. A friendship is a 2-way process and when one person moves on it is not what it was.

Sorry I can't be of anymore help xx

 

[jema]

Not sure if I can offer any words of help, but I have suffered both traumas and they are different!
I had an ectopic pregnancy in 2003 and had to have 1 fallopian tube removed, which halved my chances of ever conceiving and I had taken 2yrs to conceive my ectopic baby.
I lost both my parents, to whom I was very close, 5yrs ago. They passed within 12weeks of each other, leaving me 2 funerals to sort as well as their house (my childhood home)and other affairs as my older brother just went to pieces.
I can honestly say I wouldn't wish either on anyone, but the ectopic was definately easier to cope with than the loss of my parents. I still think about baby occasionally, but my parents are in my thoughts every day. Thay had a huge impact on my whole life and were my 2 best friends in the whole world!

If your friend has chosen to avoid you because you didn't visit, she needs to understand why you didn't go. I imagine it was because the thought of seeing another person suffering a loss, whilst still trying to come to terms with your own, was far too difficult, and at the risk of sounding disrespectful, sometimes you just don't want to have to worry about someone else!

I must add I now have 3 gorgeous children who I'm sure my Mam and Dad would have loved - they only ever met my eldest daughter.

 

[starr]

Theres so many ways of looking at this, maybe the friendship did just run its course ,,,,it happens , sadly ,people change,just like in a marriage ,some end, some last forever,or it could be that she didnt know how to comfort you or help you ,in the very early days , and then after each day it got harder for her to contact you ,then the sad loss of her baby ,more weeks pass,becomes harder to call you,then the defences kick in,because they feel bad ,they turn it into ,you wasnt their for me .!,,,which is sad but i know it happens ,i know families that have split for years for no real reason,other than time goes by,and no one talks things through,really her hubby dont need to be involved,and ofcourse he will protect and agree with his mrs,maybe drop her a line ,saying how you feel and that you miss her freindship , or ,what i probably would do is leave things as they are ,and enjoy the people who were there for me when i needed them,and vice versa its irrelivant why we hurt ,theres no degrees of emotional pain,or heartache,friends should be there ,no matter what ,its no consolation but we all care for you and some of us know how your hurting over your mum,im sure she would have all the right advice for you love ,what would she say to you? x,,,,

 

[penelope1008]

I agree with Starr sometimes we can't handle others grief and stay away, and it becomes more and more difficult to approach that person in this case swiftly followed by their own grief that you weren't able to support her with because you were still dealing with your grief or you didn't know. Misunderstandings and resentments start and time let's it fester. May be one day you will both be able to forget the wrongs you each feel and find your friendship again may be not. Either way don't let the negative past colour the old good times you shared nor stop you reaching out to your current network of friends. Try to let it go not easy I know move on for your own sake.

 

[Claire.R]

Works both ways huni, if she was a good friend she would of been to see you when you mum passed away, but then seeing her point too that she was upset you didnt visit her. Friendships run both ways chick.... hope you sort things out. If it bothers you, write a letter to her xxx