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Things fall apart.

Tyraboots

New Member
Let me preface this by saying I am eating like a dump truck through these months.

Rant begins, any input greatly appreciated.

From the beginning of the summer holiday events have been unfolding around me. Out of the blue my dad had a nervous breakdown. Well not out of the blue really. Both he and my mother had had health issues this year. He had a pacemaker put in and then a prostrate gland operation. My mother on the other hand had a far more dramatic brush with death. She was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, only to be told two weeks later that they had made a mistake, she didn't have cancer, just old scarring on the lungs from TB she had as a child!
So that bullet dodged, she went back on the fags and driving us mad!
So my father suddenly had this nervous breakdown. To appreciate the implications of this you have to understand what a strong individual he is. I have suffered acute depression for years. He belongs to the 'pull yourself together' school of philosophical thought. When I was in labour, he reminded me that people 'give birth in trees' during floods:sigh:
He took to his bed and announded he wanted to kill himself. We managed to get him the help he needed and he has, so far responded well to drug treatment.
I started to feel optimistic, and decided to put into action my plan to take me and my daughter to India, for a month of travelling. In India, I always got my head together, maybe my depression would lift and I would feel normal again.
My weight has plateaued for two months now.
Two weeks ago my best friend found a lump in her breast. She fell apart. Again, this is a strong together person. Friday we went to the hospital with her, and it was bad news. She has her masectomy on the 30th. I see her several times a day. Sometimes she is up, sometimes down. It's a nightmare.
I don't understand why this is all happening now. Of course it is causing me to eat again. I even eatr through the dumping.
 

Mixman

New Member
Would your friends and family appreciate you causing yourself harm purposely whilst they are being harmed?

Stop doing this to yourself! Your friends and family need you in the bestest of health right now!
 

suesian

New Member
i agree with mixxy you are self harming but my heart goes out to you ,you really have had a rough time sending you a big hug x
 

Amrac1

New Member
You have had and are having a terrible time. However through all this you have to remain strong for everyone but most importantly for yourself. You are worth it and all your friends and family I'm sure would agree. Emotional eating will not help anyone get better or feel better but it will make you feel like crap again. So look after yourself first. Easy to say I know but come on you can do it!!!
xxxxxxxxxx
 

sugga

New Member
So sorry to here about all the terrible things that you are having to cope with. Please try and stay strong love. We have all put this weight on mainly during the stressful times in our lives when we go for the food, but this wont be helping your weight loss. Remember that if you get ill then you wont be there to support your family and friend. My heart goes out to you and the wonderful caring person you are. Hope this has helped love x
 

cherry

New Member
i just want to send a massive hug and say keep strong sweetpea, for some un known reason these things are sent to test us hey, is this weird world we live in!

i hope your friend makes progress after her op and beats this terrible disease...

i send my love xxxxxxxxx
 

J-Mo

New Member
I really feel for you. I realise you, your family & friends are going thought a tough time but look how well your doing!!!! Please do not jeopardise your weight loss by over eating.

You need to be strong for them so comfort eating & piling on the weight isn't the answer as I know my depression goes hand in hand with my weight gain. You've done fantastic!!

Take care :hug99:
 

angie790

New Member
I am so sorry for the really terrible time you and your family are going through.

You said your Dad was of the 'pull yourself together' brigade...very unhelpfully, I used to be of that opinion too when I was much younger, but once life threw so many things at me, I have come to realise that we are all very different, and what one person can take in their stride, is enough to knock someone else over the edge.

What I do believe in though, is someone's desire to want to help themselves. I honestly believe that unless a person truly wants to change/improve things, then it doesn't matter what support/advice/help others throw at them.

I say this with your parents in mind: your Dad is getting the help he needs, but it may take a long time for him to become 'himself' again. He has a certain part to play, in wanting to get better. It may well be this 'pull yourself together' attitude has in fact masked his true feelings for a long time, so I'd imagine it won't be overnight. All I can suggest is that you offer him as much support as you feel you are capable of, then other family members & friends must do their bit also. As for your Mum, it's very much the same really isn't it? Unless she wants to stop smoking, what can you do? People don't stop smoking/drinking/gambling because their families want them to....bar strapping her down or breaking all her fingers, I don't think there is much you can do, other than quietly voice your concerns for her health, plus everyone else's while she is merrily subjecting them to passive smoking, and perhaps withdraw your company as much as you feel you can, in protest. However, I am quite sure none of this will make her stop unless she really wants to.

Your poor friend: a truly terrifying situation. The strongest of people are just as likely to fall apart in the face of their own mortality as weaker ones, yet it is still early days. I'm not saying this to diminish what she is going through, but it is quite understandable to be up & down so soon after a mastectomy. Again, all I can suggest is be there, offering support in whatever capacity you feel capable of.
As for you, well you are still trying to fight your own demons too, and you are having a bad blip at the minute. I think maybe you need to take stock, and really think about how far you have come. The jumping through hoops & waiting for the surgery, the fear of the surgery itself, the initial euphoria after the op & the forces that drove you to have WLS in the first place: health, mobility, to be there for your daughter & family, plus many other things I am sure. If you don't want to be right back where you started, then you will have to make some changes too. I think you may have to get a little bit selfish (aka looking after you too in all of this) & try to give yourself enough space to begin with small changes to get back on track. You can't be superwoman & be everything everyone needs. You will have to decide where you can be the best help for each person, accept you are doing all you are capable of, then take a step back, otherwise things will take their toll on you too. xxxx
 

ladylite

New Member
So sorry to hear you are going through all this. I think that you shouldnt be so hard on yourself.

You are bound to turn to your old friend for a bit of comfort, but now you need to get back in control for yourself, as you deserve it for yourself.

Good luck hun, chin up and big cyber hugs coming your way.
 

Bev

New Member
Hello love....
I am thinking of you, but coming in probably from a different angle... I hope this may be of help to you and try it and see....

There are issues around you from so many angles and yet you are standing right there in the middle...

If I were in your position, I would look out of the situations and firstly put you and your wellbeing first, since you are no use to anyone if you are going backwards... there's no point in doing all that you have done to do that and it's a case of fighting on precious... try and fight on...by your going backwards, it makes things worse, so don't reach for food, but work out an action plan.

I have had cancer, I have worked in mental health (sorry to bore everyone again with this) and I've also been a big gal for many many years...

Having recently in the last five years lost both of my parents who lived with us... through lung cancer... smoking has been a lifelong issue with my parents and I can fully understand you... fortunately they put me off as a child and I have never smoked in my life after being reared in smoke.

Step outside your problems, get in the bath or somewhere to clear you thoughts and set your plan out firstly for you.... you deserve it...

Call in support for your dad with all of his issues and pass some of this stress over to professionals or others, don't carry it alone....

Your mum has had a major shock and needs to come to terms with that, but she is probably feeling a lot like you and feeling swamped so can't the two of you do a girlie trip or something for the two of you....

You have to take positive steps to beat this and it's not easy but we are with you...

I'm so sorry for your friend too... but again, you can't take it all on your shoulders, so you will have to share this stress... look to your friends support network and share....

If you have family support who can also help with your parents, it's a great thing...

Sorry to go on... if you want to message me anytime, I'll always make time for you.... but

I'm thinking of you first and foremost right now and hoping that you can start with you and by supporting yourself to keep on track....

Sending love and hugs and always here at your side... we all need others at times and just talking can make things seem so much easier...

Much love and hugs, Bev xxx
 

dottychic

New Member
Cant really add anything to whats already been said, some really good advice, just wanted to send a massive (HUG) and say I am thinking of you X
 

SOON SLIM SUE

types with one finger
sorry to be the bore of the group.
I know you are a believer. Is god is testing your strength!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

tray

New Member
with all the heartache you have had, and are still having, it is no wonder you have turned to your oldest freind. food. when we have this op it only help our stomach to eat smaller, it doesnt help how our brains work .. i to have turned to bad habits due to feeling really down . and no matter how many people say you can do it, you dont need the food, there not you hun ,only you can sort that out, same as me, even tho u might be eating some of the bad things, its still noway near as much as you would of been eating pre op. so dont beat yourself up . you are having a bit of a blip and im sure you will get back on track . depression is a bloody hard thing to over come . im also bipolar , and even tho you know your not meant to be eating the crap, you just feel compelled to eat it, and yes it is some sort of self harming, due to you feeling so crap about your life, try and talk to someone close, who you know you can tell anything to . and maybe they can help you get back on track with there support hun xxxx
 

Tyraboots

New Member
Thanks people. All great advice, it is self harming I never really thought about it like that before. Hopefully when the masectomy is done and dusted her mood will lift, and mine too. I'm a bit absorbent when it comes to other peoples problems. But every life affects another doesn't it.
 

hsmel

New Member
Oh dear I hope all begins to get better - I have had issues over the past couple of years with both my parents ill health and to be honest I found it one of my worst 'eating triggers'. It is a form of self harm but you have come so far on this journey dont let anyone else spoil it at this stage. xx
 

phatmomma

New Member
Tyra i'm so glad to see you back. I have been wondering how your trip with your daughter was going and hoping you would find some peace on your journey...

Firstly can i say how pleased i am that your mother is not terminal, what a wonderful peace of news that i personally thinks needs celebrating once your father is feeling in a much brighter lighter place.

You really have had a roller coaster of emotions this year, first with the fight for your surgery and having the surgery, worrying about your own mortality when you are a mother with a dependant child. Then to survive and flourish with your gastric bypass is yet another ride of emotions both up and down.

Finally your poor friend who when we first look at it, it all seems very doom and gloom, however, i for one am thankful that unlike some people she has found the lump and am praying to him upstairs that the mastectomy and whatever treatment she may need after will kill any nastiness lurking...

Now for your dad, god bless him it's hard being 'old school'! To always be the emotionally strong one in the family and to have to hold it all together. (i did laugh at your giving birth in trees story). I am sure you have got him all the help he needs and there will soon be a massive light shining at the end of his and your tunnel and he will turn a corner and return back to his old self!

I would seriously if i was you, ask your doctor to refer you to a counsellor. a) it could help you 'release' some of this pressure you have been under & b) talking to a counsellor may help you realise why you are turning to your old friend food (like we all do) and get your head back on track...

I'm sending all the love and good karma i can your way and am hoping the sun breaks out over the storm clouds for you all very soon xxx
 

hsmel

New Member
'I would seriously if i was you, ask your doctor to refer you to a counsellor. a) it could help you 'release' some of this pressure you have been under & b) talking to a counsellor may help you realise why you are turning to your old friend food (like we all do) and get your head back on track...'

Phatmomma you are always so on the nail with your advice.
 

scorpion

Six Month Post Op
tyra hope you find a way to deal with these things that doesnt make you feel worse afterwards.
i think that the nhs should automatically give us some help with dealing with life issues following the op, after removing the major crutch that supported us for many years some form of info on how to cope when things get on top of us would be good.
i cant give you any advice on how to cope
 

BUNNYRIOJA

[url=http://tickers.wlsur
Sorry to hear what a hard time you are having, I hope things start to look up for you, be kind to yourself you too have been through a tough time and adjusting to the changes you have had to deal with is really tough.

I know how hard it can be, my Dad was told he has only a few months to live in August, I fell apart and have found it really hard to get back on track, especially as my old coping method was to stuff myself silly and it's not an option for me. I know the feeling that each time I get up the next thing comes along to bash me back down. You arn't alone I can really understand how tough it is.

Bunny xx
 
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