No support...........GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

[Meggie]

I'm guessing other people may or may not have been through this. I have only told two people so far and both have told me not to be so lazy and just to diet and exercise. I thought my sister would start to come around but she really isn't. The friend I have just told is about the same size as me so I thought she would understand. She is actually happy to be that size and confident at this size. I'm happy for her but I don't agree. I don't want to get diabetes or heart disease or die young!! I'm sick of being the size I am and am terrified of becoming bigger. Yes I probably could lose some weight but clearly it's not something I can do and I am just getting bigger and bigger.

Sorry for the rant. I'm terrified of going for the surgery and having no-one there to support me and to keep on eye on me after. I will have the surgery either way if possible but know how tricky it will be to do it alone.

 

[Bonita]

Whereabouts are you Meggie? Maybe some of the guys here can help you out a bit.

It might be worth trying to encourage your sister to go along to your hospital appointments too. I found that some of the people that said get off your butt and diet admitted afterwards that they were scared for me and didn't know how to say.

 

[Jezabelle]

If we were in the same area I would offer to help you. I'm sorry your sister and friend arnt being there for you ((hugs))

 

[rybens]

hiya i know just how you feel iv had the same reception from so called mates too

 

[tinkywinky]

I'm guessing other people may or may not have been through this. I have only told two people so far and both have told me not to be so lazy and just to diet and exercise. I thought my sister would start to come around but she really isn't. The friend I have just told is about the same size as me so I thought she would understand. She is actually happy to be that size and confident at this size. I'm happy for her but I don't agree. I don't want to get diabetes or heart disease or die young!! I'm sick of being the size I am and am terrified of becoming bigger. Yes I probably could lose some weight but clearly it's not something I can do and I am just getting bigger and bigger.

Sorry for the rant. I'm terrified of going for the surgery and having no-one there to support me and to keep on eye on me after. I will have the surgery either way if possible but know how tricky it will be to do it alone.

i can imagine how frustrated your are but try to remember the reasons you are doing this for. im sure you will get sooo much support from here. i know its not quite the same as close family or friends but we are here for you. what surgery are you having done. im banded. good luck. also given time they might become more supportive especially if you can involve them more with your appts.

 

[margaretmc]

Hi Meggie
I`m sorry to hear about your sister and friend hun but I think when it comes to the crunch and the day of your surgery I think they will be there for you . Can you take the both of them to a meeting with you so they can see and talk to people that have had the surgery . Good luck and take care .
Margaret xx

 

[thinkbethin]

I really wish I could come and look after you. I do think though that once you've had your op your friend and your sister will be there for you. When people don't know whats what then they fear the unknown. I'm sure if you told them how you're feeling and what you would need from them then I'm sure they'll help you out. Just sit them down and explain to them that YES you may be able to lose some weight but you can't keep it off and thats why you've chosen the help through surgery. Good luck and don't worry otherwise you'll start to doubt whether you're doing the right thing or not. You are doing this for a healthy and happier life and they need to understand that.

 

[quetiapina]

Hi Meggie, sorry that you are not getting support from those close to you.

As you say, and it applies to all of us here, if dieting worked for us - would we truly be going for/considering weightloss surgery. It is far from the lazy route to weightloss and means that we have reached the end of the line with yo-yo dieting etc.

I don't mean to be unkind but I know that when friends are overweight too they may feel insecure about you losing weight - even sometimes ( and I'm sure your friend is not like this but some are) jealous. Afterall, there is a comfort zone that people have with their friends - and to have this changed can take getting used to for people surrounding us.

Although it has caused me tremendous discomfort in the past (e.g group photo's where I look like Hagrid without a beard; or going out when I look like a mountain compared to everyone else.) most of my friends are very short and slim. As a result they are all very supportive, and although my closest friend was really worried, she has been great. My family were just a whisper away from actually saying "Thank god for that"!.

I really hope that they start to support you soon. You will have great support here x

 

[Meggie]

Thanks everyone. I really don't know what I would have done without all of your support. I know it may be true that my friend is jealous but it still doesn't stop it hurting. I have been terrified of telling anyone else after my sister's reaction and finally got up enough courage to tell her. I guess I'm just disappointed by the reactions I've had so far, and really don't know if I'm going to tell anyone else.

 

[candie]

I've only told my 2 best mates, my Daughter and Mum, and they have all been very supportive because they know it is literally the last resort for me
You will need some help after the op though hun.Is there nobody who can collect you and stay with you after the op?

 

[BlueDiamond]

Sorry to hear your not getting the support you deserve and need. I have only told 3 people, my 2 kids and my oh. all have been supportive, and thats all that matters to me (my nearest and dearest).

One thing I wanted to say was........you are doing this for you, no f**ker else, and this will have a major impact on your life (for the better) if other ppl cannot see that this will make you happier and healthier, well them ppl aint worth sharing your life with, your happiness and health comes above them all. Rule one - Think of yourself, cause if you dont no one else will.............(excludes e1 on here btw)

Its your life, you only get one, make it the life you want - sorry if this comes across strong to anyone - but thats my view

all the best - MeJulie xx

 

[katstofat]

like you came to the end i compleatly had enough of yo yo dieting because every time i ended up bigger. some people can lose it and keep it off others cant and if you cant you take wat help there is if you had a headache youd take a tablet if it wouldn go ,wls is our tablet i tried to explain it like this to my kids who were not to pleased at the thought of me having surgery i explained how much i hated myself and all the pains i had and how dificult it was to do the s.implest things like putting on knikkers washing my feet and the fact that socks and tights were definatly out of the question and all the other things that go with beeing a lard mountain, they say they now understand and are all for it now.good luck im sure wants they think about it they will come round

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

maybe go to a local support group xxx lotsa freinds and support to be had there hun as well as here xxx

 

[helen144]

HI

I have told anyone and everybody who would be sat around long enough to listen !!!

I have had quite a mixed reaction , my mum and dad and sisters have been really unsupportive right till the day I had my operation (last monday) they said i was being lazy, should diet, taking the easy way out and that I was being selfish risking my life having surgery, This really upset me and I gained alot of support from here, the amount of times I was in tears about it was countless, in the end i just told them im having this done with or without your support and its my decision I cannot diet I have tried and this is my last chance of living a healthy life with my children.
At one point I even threatned not to tell them the operation date !!

Now after having the operation they are much more supportive except my dad who believes I shouldnt have had it done yet he is the one who all my life has given me grief about my weight.

But as I see it yes if we lived in a perfect world everyone would support us but they dont just take heed from those that do and watch peoples attitutudes change as the pounds fall off!!!

I think sometimes they are just frigtned for you and once they know you are ok they will come round , but remember you always have us here to support you through this already very difficult journey.

keep your chin up

Helen xxxxx

 

[zns]

Im sorry they arent being supportive. Could it be that they don't really understand the whole thing and have a very media biased out look on it? Maybe if you can get some leaflets or something that would help? xx

 

[LizzieBee]

Hi Meggiemoo_d

At first, I decided to only tell a couple of people and since then have told everyone! No one has done the 'you're taking the lazy route' (to my face!) but I have had to counter the misinformation that people have about wls.

My ex told my children that I would fit for the rest of my life after having the op - WHAT????

Give them all the info - letting them have a look on here might help them see it from the 'fat' side and see the wonderful successes?

People do show their worries in different ways, some go quiet, some get judgemental, some can't deal at all and withdraw their support...

I had one friend ring me up at the weekend to cheer me on with my pre-op diet but at the end of the conversation he said quietly 'but what if you change and aren't the Liz we love?' Could this be your friend's and sister's worry? People do panic when faced with change.

Give them time, I know that nobody knew that my weight bothered me at all. Friends were all a bit shocked when I announced the surgery but started to understand when I reminded them that I was the one amongst them that did not play football on the field, avoided camping trips etc etc - they had never actually thought that my weight was the reason...

Lots of luck and try not to get disheartened.

Lx

 

[Caroline101061]

Attitudes like this really annoy me - its your body, your life and why the hell shouldnt you want to make the best of it. What I would say to them is 'walk a mile in my shoes cause I cant!' Empathy is the word here - imagine what its like to hate yourself, not want to go out, be ashamed, depressed etc - had you been able to diet and keep the weight off, you would have done it by now - its not easy, not a walk in the park and you are making permanent sacrifices but you are weighing them up against long term health problems and a shorter life expectancy and if they cannot be supportive then dont say anything at all. You will make friends at the Whittington Support Group and here of course - wait till you start losing the weight and looking even more fabulous - then see the reaction. I wish people would engage their brains before opening their mouths!

 

[Meggie]

Thank you for all of the comments. I don't think I'll tell anyone else until closer to the time. And then I'll see how I feel! I think it would be stupid of me to do it without the support I'd obviously need. We'll see I guess! Only a few months to go ( do you love my wishful thinking!!!!!!!).