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Lack of support

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nomadB

nomadB

New Member
Hi guys,
I'm booked to have a band fitted on 16th Jan at Dolan Park. As everyone here, I've thought long and hard about this and tbh, this is the last chance saloon for me as regards weight loss. So a few days ago I told my (thin!) sister because I wanted her to be my contact for the hospital should anything happen. She got angry at me and said that I was just being lazy. Now she refuses to talk to me about it. Then today I had to tell my brother's fiancee because she wants to go shopping for bridesmaid dresses which I've been trying to put off for obvious reasons. Again, she told me all I needed to do was exercise like she did (but of course, why didn't I think of that?!?!?!?!) and now she's putting pressure on me to tell my parents because she says she hates to think of me alone in the hosputal. She has a phobia of hospitals and I'm sure that's why she's freaking out about it! I've reassured her that I'll be fine but i'm worried that she'll tell my folks.

I know i'm a grown woman who can make her own decisions but having to battle everyone like this is just aggro that i do not need. Anyone else come up against this kind of opposition? All I want is someone to say they understand why i'm doing it and that they support me. Sorry for the rant xx
 
Hi I'm sorry you have had this reaction but it does seem to be the norm. My mother knew I was having surgery but not what kind. When she found out she went mad at me begging me not to go through with it, because of this (she lives in Spain and was coming over to stay with my brother) I had to tell him, then I had to tell the other one. My mum was just worried because she though I was going to die. People don't understand the process that makes us reach the decision to have surgery. If it was that easy to lose weight then the world would be full of thin people. It is their lack of understanding and sometimes the fear of the unknown. Explain just how long it's taken you to get to this stage and what you have had to do to get here and now you would like their support because you will need it and you couldn't turn to better people in you hour of need. Show them all the information you have on they can understand. As for your mum and dad do you think they won't support you either. How would they feel if God forbid anything went wrong and you hadn't told them. I hope that gives you. Something to think about and helps :)
 
I'm really sorry you've had this response. If I were you I'd still put your sister as your emergency contact. Regardless of how she is acting. She's your sister and she loves you!

I understand about not wanting your parents to know. Mine do not know and if I have my way. Will never know! They just think I've been on another diet. Had laser surgery on my cysts (have PCOS) and that is all.

The only people that know are my sister, two friends and work people. and it's staying that way.

When people ask how I've lost weight I will say smaller portions (true), no fizzy drinks (true) and no bread (true). I've lost 107lb and people have only just started to notice. (I was massive before).

You have made a choice for yourself. No matter what anyone thinks, you crack on. With or without others help.

I wish you all the luck in the world and look forward to hearing about your journey xx

Sent from my iPhone using WLSurgery
 
gosh, that's tough!its hard when you pick what you think is the one that may understand why your opting to have WLS and you get that response.i wish people could understand the thought process we go under when we make the decision to have WLS I would love there to be a video showing people all the hoops we jump in and out of the amount of people who we have to share our feelings with never mind the LSD!
I wish you all the best you know we have your back on here
 
Sadly wls seems to bring out the worst in some people. I've lost many friends and my family's reaction has varied widely! I still wouldn't change it one bit.
Be strong and do what's right for you. X
 
hi...thankfully my parents and brother were very supportive as they know my weight has bounced around for years and has been a constant issue. My husband was also great.
You will get negative reactions, people don't understand who have never been obese as its an addiction.
Don't even concern yourself with their views, this is for you.
I would be honest with your parents though, if they do find out from someone else I think this might be quite hurtful for them.
If they don't agree with your decision well that's up to them, but once you start losing weight and become much happier with yourself Im sure they will change their minds.
Good luck x
 
Thanks for the support guys. I explained to my sis in law my theory about her phonia and to be fair to her, she agreed that was probs the basis of her fear. She's said she'll support me but she's still worried about me.
I am going to tell my parents but I'd rather wait until after so I don't have to deal with them trying to change my mind! My mum's friend had a band last june and mum's been supportive of that. She is a lot bigger than me though. I know that once they see it working for me (crossed fingers!) then they'll be happy for me. Especially for the health benefits that it brings.

Helen, you're doing so well! Such an inspiration, i hope i can do as well. Here's to a thinner, healthier, happier future for us all! xxx
 
Thank you. I wish you all the best!! Good luck!! xx

Sent from my iPhone using WLSurgery
 
Hmmm tis a tough one.... everyone always sees the worse case scenario regarding wlsurgery..... i was up front with everyone....yes i had those weren't keen, but nobody who was dead set against it.... but frankly it was my decision and as long as i had the support of hubby that's all i needed. It is easy for those who don't have weight issues to say just eat less and exercise more .... its never that simple.... yes its right but the band will help to educate you and certainly help to get a grip on your weight..... don't be fooled mind lol a band is very much hard work and the ethos is the same 'eat less and move more' it's just like having a wee helping hand :) I am banded 11 months almost 7 1/2 stone down (so far) but its not been easy... there are plenty of successful bander's around and many who still struggle, unfortunately it never changes the head. Go into is sweetness with your eye wide open, if your in that right frame of mind nothing will stand in your way...... as Los says we have your back here hunni..... plenty of support all the way...... Its just a shame others can't be happy for you...... sounds like your Mum could be more supportive than you think, Her friend may have paved the way :)

Take care sweetheart, wishing you all the very best... do what's right for you :) after all its your life, and if your not happy , then its time to make the change..... happy new you x x x x x
Oh welcome too x x x x
 
Sooooo, i've had a chat with both my sis and sis-in-law-to-be (!) and it's all sorted. My sister is ipmressed by all the dieticiany stuff that I've been given and they both see that I'm really excited about his next step in my life. I know it's not going to be easy but hopefully it will be a bit easier with them on board now.

Thanks again, guys. I'll tell my parents once it's done. I've got too much going on at uni to tell them right now, don't have the time to sit them down and explain things! :D xxx
 
I'm glad you've got it sorted its do much easier when you have support :) have a look at the books I was talking about they are very good I'm enjoying the read
 
Thanks Mouse. I'm ploughing through 4 essays at the moment, deadline on the 12th. I'll have a look when I finally get time to read something I want instead of high-falutin' rubbish about educational philosophy! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
If anyone ever suffera from insomnia, let me know and I'll send over some reading material! :)
xxx
 
My mum was worried too & I changed my mind. Well 5 years later & about 5 stone added I have had the bypass & it is great :p Very tough to argue with loved ones, but try, try, try to explain how you feel & go with what YOU want. It is your life after all. I have no regrets & my mum is happy for me now. Explain the statistics to her - such a safe operation actually.
 
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