Deflating the balloon that is Me!

[mrsstreet]

So I am booked for my band with Mr Kelly in Wessex Nuffield in Southampton through healthier weight on the 15th April, I'm very excited and terrified all at once.

I've struggled with my weight for ever, just putting more and more and more on. I lost 5 stone with lighterlife back in 06 only to put it all back on. I'm a huge big balloon of a girl, with crippling anxieties that make me a huge huge shell of the girl I think is still somewhere inside me.

I am appaulled at myself for being this way. I have a phenomenal husband who supports me in everything I ever want, he's really into his fitness and eating right, people must think he's mental to be with me.... but luckily he couldn't help who he fell for right? I want to be a better wife for him too, it's been 10 years together and my weight has held us both back, plus we haven't gotten pregnant yet - hmmm the fact that I'm so massively obese must have something to do with that too! We've missed out on countless holidays or I've ruined them by crying and refusing to get in the pool (God, I'm a catch eh?)

I must admit, after reading some posts on here, I'm worried it wont work or I'll sabotage myself, I had never considered it before reading some folks posts. I'm not judging anyone at all, I just really hope I don't revert to my bad eating after spending so much to change my life.... This really is the last chance for me.

I then read posts by some of you amazing amazing people and I am so inspired by your loss and think, that's what I want to be! Thats what I want for me!

I am super anxious.... this is a relevantly recent thing, I never suffered with any anxiety, but now I get it at the drop of a hat, I'm terrified I'll die on a plane for all to see (and everyone will point and laugh at the fatty dying in the aisle) I'm terrified I will die during my surgery, I'm terrified of the anaestetic (had a few bad reactions before where I couldn't breathe after) I'm terrified that I'll vomit, I'm terrified that I will have a heart attack at any given moment due to my weight, but I'm still going through with this, so I know how much I want this. I also know most of these anxieties will dissapate as the weight reduces.

So I'm going to keep a diary, for me.... and if you chose to read then I'm honoured and thank you in advance

 

[slaz]

Welcome mrsstreet and good luck with your surgery on the 15th, not long now and you will already be on a pre-op diet which apart from liver shrinkage is a kick start at the beginning of what for most of us is a new life. You clearly are already getting support from this forum, I know from my point of view it is a source of great encouragement and inspiration. I will look forward to reading your diary. Slaz x

 

[borogirl]

Hi mrsstreet I can really relate. My hubby has been great, slim and fit. I was a 24-26 ( never bought a 26 but 24 was tight). My 22s are now hanging off me, I had my bypass 22 Feb.
I haven't gone cycling, and still won't get into a pool in this country but I can see light at the end of the tunnel. We are lucky to have husbands who love us regardless.
I was exceptionally anxious even going into the theatre and I wish I had addressed this before hand, and taken something to calm me down as I was shocking!
Just keep looking forward and best of luck x

 

[top_kat]

that girl is still inside you and you will find her again If you're determined enough.

I had my band with HW 7 months ago, I was a plus size 34 and even into a 36 just prior to the surgery. It is hard work, a lot of focus, will power And sheer determination but it can be done. I still have a long way to go but am approaching an 8 stone loss. I'm now into a size 20 and can fit not an 18 but not brave enough to be in hat "fitted" feeling yet., there are times I am fully reminded that the band doesn't stop the bad eating habits and that it doesn't take much to fall into them, but I've also learned more control, better choices and generally doing better all round

Shout if you ever want to chat more than happy to be in touch x..

 

[flutterby1966]

It's true you can cheat the band, but you'd only be cheating yourself. It's more about changing your attitude to what and how you eat, in my opinion, rather than cutting it out altogether. If you cut out altogether you may feel like you are depriving yourself, have a bit, think you have cheated, then self sabotage. All part of the viscious circle of self destruction. Personally, I don't really have any trigger foods any longer. If I fancy it, i do have it, albeit in far smaller portions than beforehand ... And it's always planned into my days/weeks overall consumption.

It really can work for you ... Onwards and downwards ... Pop that balloon mrsstreet ... And remember a problem shared and all that ... You are among likeminded people

 

[mrsstreet]

Thank you so much for your replies! Yes I have a much clearer head today, must've been this pre op diet making me a little doubtful yesterday. I mean there's people who use the band as a tool and people who don't and well Flutterby and TopKat you certainly are ladies I would like to take after where the band is concerned for sure.

I am very excited to have a new tool to help me succeed and about it allowing me to change every part of my life in turn. I have my pre op assessment on Friday, and me and hubby were planning on stocking up on certain liquids I've read on here and realised we only have a few more days really!!! Best get a wriggle on!

So I've ordered my PJ's..... that was hard to find some size 26 pjs actually!

I've only actually got 3 days off work. I was kind of told, most people go back within a week. My boss is really supportive but I work in a company of two and I need to be there. It really will be a case of just reacting to emails for 2 days then I have a weekend off.

So.... I like having things to aim towards and my husband has just entered into a marathon for October (we really are polar opposites) and I was thinking about entering a 5k which is part of the same event. I have never run... Is it possible to shift a large amount of weight to get me running and that I wont come last?

I really want to do it for a local childrens hospice, but I don't want to let them down.

 

[top_kat]

No, most people don't go back within a week. You are recommended to have a minimum of a week off if you're in a low impact "office" job, but if it is more manual work or includes lifting then 2 weeks are recommended. I think you will find that only 3 days is REALLY pushing it. In fact, I think its expecting a lot at that point. And be prepared for taking some additional time because pushing yourself too early, isn't good.

As for the running, I still have a fair few stone to go, but having lost 8 I've also started running recently. I still find it hard going as I still have weight to shift, but I never thought that I would be doing so in this length of time. However, don't push it. It can be tiring in the early days post surgery and while you get to a place that you're comfortable with and losing. Restriction can take a while, losing can too. I think you need to see how you're going, and then to plan accordingly, but setting realistic goals through this process, in achievements, weight loss or anything else is the way to go.

 

[mrsstreet]

Thanks TopKat, I feel a little worried now as it was my provider who told me and it's too late to change. I will just need to do the bare minimum for a day and a half and then take another 5 days off.

With regards to the running, you've told me exactly what I was thinking. I need something to aim towards but I know that realistically starting from absolute scratch even after my healing period, that October is probably too soon. Race for Life next year then!

I really am very up and down at the moment, it must be anxiety and also lack of food for comfort on the pre op diet. I feel really excited at my new life ahead but I keep seeing posts of people who havent used the band as a tool and scared I will let myself down. I just need to keep going and not compare anyone else to me especially before I've had it done.

Well I think I'm going to go to bingo with the hubby tonight, as all their seems to be on TV is cooking programmes at the mo and I'm not there yet!!

 

[top_kat]

mrsstreet - one thing I will say to you is to focus on your own path, your own journey and your own reasons for doing this. One thing that can really do more harm than good is comparing yourself to other people and their own journeys. If people are achieving more than we are, we feel as if we are failing (despite the fact that we could be totally achieving the suggested or what is expected) - we have a tendency to compare and then think we aren't doing well enough . . .this isn't good.

There will always be people who do not use these tools that we are given in the ways that we should. I am also wholly aware with myself for example, that there are habits that I have not yet gotten out of - I know for example that "just one" still doesn't mean just one, although it means far less than it always used to.

A lot of this, is having a healthy approach to the choices that you make, setting yourself realistic expectations and working towards smaller goals to help you along the way. but doing what you need to for you and not comparing yourself with how others are doing. If you stick to the fact that you should be having a loss of 1-2lb a week, are realistic with where you're going, stick with the guidelines you're provided with, eat right, exercise, then it will work . . .try to use this time to focus on the positive.

It is natural to worry - and it is natural to be scared that it isn't going to work - but we have the ability to make it work. List your motivations for doing this, what you're hoping to achieve and keep a log of your mini targets and goals and when you achieve them.

Track your measurements as well as weight as this can help too . . .but focus on the positive

 

[mrsstreet]

Thank you so much for your replies. I really am honoured to get some of your pearls of wisdom as you are doing amazing and whilst I wont compare my journey to yours, I really hope mine will be as successful!!

 

[mrsstreet]

Pre Op done! Boom, now just to wait incase there are any issues with my bloods but fingers crossed I'm all good for the 15th!

I have a stinking headache today, must be the pre op diet and the clinic nurse said lots of keytones in my urine sample (tmi) but at least my glycogen is on its way out!!

 

[top_kat]

The headache does tend to kick in around day 3/4 and yes, its down to the ketones. But, it means its doing its job! The time will fly by, but its a good time to start getting in the right frame of mind to the limitations that will be there post surgery . . .

 

[tubbytutor]

If I read this thread properly you must be due to have the surgery on Monday.

I too have had many doubts and worries and it has been good to hear advice from top Kat - she knows her stuff. I keep whining to my family about whether I should do it or not. Today my husband 'snapped' and said, well what else can you do?? Valid point I thought!!

Good luck for Monday. I booked my date for 17th May. What choice do I have?

 

[mrsstreet]

Thank you! Yes Monday is the day, I'm flipping between anxiety and excitement every minute. But I am so excited to have a new start and to be honest I like there is nothing else I can do.... So I know what you mean.

I always think about me and my weight etc but my husband explained recently how it affects him too and so he's also really excited he can experience new things with me.

Yes top kats advice is fantastic as her journey is inspirational!!

I am getting everything ready now, I've bought some liquids for after and I'm just focusing on coming home eeeeek

X

 

[mrsstreet]

No sleep last night.... I am freaking the heck out!!!! Not about op, not about safety.... About me having a panic attack before and after in recovery! I'm an idiot but I am freaking!!!!

 

[SleeveGirl]

Good luck with your op hun - try and relax and get some sleep this eve (I know it's hard to relax!) Looking forward to hearing how you got on xx

 

[mrsstreet]

Thanks sleevegirl!!! I have now used my hibiscrub so just one more and I'm ready for surgery.... Very dry on my skin mind but it keeps me and the m germ free do totally worth it.

My bag is packed, I'm terrified if how I will behave. I think they will only have to look at me to suggest a pre med may be in order.

Had a lovely chat with the mother tonight, we had a chat about all the great things to come.

 

[SleeveGirl]

You definitely have great things to come hun Take care x

 

[mrsstreet]

Weirdly manic this morning... I head off for hospital at 11, slept way better and feel full if nervous energy but not panic!!

I am so looking forward to having an inbuilt friend to help me dump the junk!!

I've only lost 10lb on pre op diet... Which I think is a lot less than some others but it still takes me under the next stone mark and this time it's gone for good!!!

 

[SleeveGirl]

10lb is great!! Good luck for today x