Brave! I'm not brave!

[gingernutter]

Why do people call me "brave" for having a gastric by-pass? When they say this I can sometimes hear the disapproval in their voice. The decision to have surgery wasn't a brave one as it was a necessary decision to help me live a longer and healthier life. Already the doctors have assured me that I have already extended my life expectancy due to my positive results.

No one here wants to have surgery for the sake of it, we have surgery as it is necessity to aid us on our weight loss journey and in the long run it will save the NHS a great deal of money. I am grateful that we have the opportunity to have this surgery. I wish the journey wasn't so hard as far as funding is concerned as lack of NHS funding is sometimes eliminates some of the most needy patients who do not other wise have the means to fund their own surgery. What happens to them??? I posed this matter to the local obesity department representatives in my area....they couldn't give me a comforting response to my concerns. I wish the PCT's would follow the NICE guidelines otherwise what the point in the guidelines??

 

[margaretmc]

Hi Sarah
You don`t have to explain the reason why you had surgery . The people that say your brave is just thinking we are inferior that we can`t just stick to a diet and loose the weight . All I can say is to hell with them We have tried all the other ways to loose weight and it was a waste of time and money . So this is the last resort in my eyes . As you said it will save money in the long run with tablets and all the rest . You take care and enjoy your journey hun .
Margaret xx

 

[gillabean]

Me too. I hate people calling me brave, it is patronising and meant to sound superior, ggrrrrrrrrrrr. I have found that people feel they have the right to have, and voice, a strong opinion on my decision to have WLS, whereas last year when I had a hip replaced no-one had an opinion. I now don't talk about my upcoming operation at all, unless it's with friends or family.

 

[Mark01/05/2009]

I disagree. I think you to have to be brave to have WLS. To be brave is defined as "possessing or displaying courage; able to face and deal with danger or fear" And anyone that has WLS definately displays courage by risking (even though its a small risk) their life for a cause. Yes the cause is worth the risk, but you stil have to be brave to take the risk.

I reckon their are plenty of people who dont have WLS when they should, because they arent brave enough............

 

[wannabeslimagain]

ahhhh a flip of the coin and both very valid points. I agree Mark yes you do have to be brave to put yourself at risk but what I think the ladies meant were people who are ignorant of the facts and try to patronise you with their empty meaningless words of praise, it is amazing how one comment can be so loaded and i hate those kind of people who think their words fall on deaf ears, we were or are overweight not uneducated and thick, but yes Mark we are all brave wonderful people.

 

[Mark01/05/2009]

I agree - we are all brave and wonderful xxx

 

[salski]

We have the last laugh though..healthy happy longer lives

 

[wannabeslimagain]

oh yes very much so Salski the last laugh will always be ours to enjoy hee hee

 

[margaretmc]

I disagree. I think you to have to be brave to have WLS. To be brave is defined as "possessing or displaying courage; able to face and deal with danger or fear" And anyone that has WLS definately displays courage by risking (even though its a small risk) their life for a cause. Yes the cause is worth the risk, but you stil have to be brave to take the risk.

I reckon their are plenty of people who dont have WLS when they should, because they arent brave enough............

I think your a lovely young fella Mark such a wise head on young shoulders hun . And then people put down young ones most of the young ones I`v met are really lovely and show respect fair play . Take care .
Margaret xx

 

[Mark01/05/2009]

Us young - uns aint so bad. I dont class myself as young anymore, 21 now, thats over 2 decades - i will blink and soon be 50 ;-) x

 

[bungle1999]

I think when people have called me brave they are often saying it genuinely. They, thankfully for them, do not have to consider such serious surgery just to extend their lives BUT they are still able to recognise that the surgery involves alot of emotions, general anaesthetic and major changes to a lifestyle. So yes i agree with Mark, we are brave and if someone tells you you are brave, they might just, (albeit using the words you would not choose), be acknowledging their recognition of what a monumental undertaking you have begun.

 

[wannabeslimagain]

This is also a very valid point, well said bungle

 

[Roch]

I think we are def brave to have such major surgery that is going to change our lives drastically in so many ways, but i so wish i had the courage to of had surgery yrs back but nerves made me back out and now i am an old gal and have wasted all my life being fat and just existing and not living. I have missed out on so much that the average person takes for granted and i at 41 are yet to experience but hopefully after my surgery in Jan that will soon change.

Apart from the MM crew there are only 6 people who know bout my surgery and i am scared to tell others as i am not sure of their response, i wish i was brave enough to be proud of the op that is going to save my life and change my life dramatically.

My pct have just started funding wls the past 2 yrs and they are very hard to grant funding, the past 8 weeks they have suddenly decided to freeze all applications for funding for wls and it was sods law this was the time my funding app was going in. Luckily they decided in my case i was an exceptional case and the director approved my funding within mins and not even going to panel which always happens at my pct.
I think they did the figures with me and realised if they dont fund me it will cost them a whole lot more in the next couple of yrs so in my case it was "money talks".
I know there are lots of people whose applications are now on hold for the mo and they have decided that the Nice guidelines are 2 low and they are going to make it a whole lot harder to get funding if and when they decide to have wls funding panels again.
I 2 wonder what will happen to all the people whose funding has been turned down, dont they realise that offering wls will save them money in the long run !!

 

[katstofat]

i have been toldim brave by some freinds and i always say not brave desparate which i feel was the stronger feeling, but they said i was brave as they would be to scared to go through it. i know these people were genuin in wat they said as the are good freinds have given me wonderfull suport all through my journey, but if acompleat stranger said it , someone who didnt know me and the hell ive gone through for years , yes i mightthink they were being patronising but ive not been in that situation.............kath x

 

[gingernutter]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.

At my heaviest I had to sometimes tolerate peoples silly suggestions... such as... have you tried this diet or that diet!!! They often use to make me feel like an even bigger failure then I already am. I didn't need anyone to remind me or high light the fact that I am over weight and out of control with my eating.

OH NO!!! I never thought of going on a diet before!!!!! I hate people patronising me in this way. They try to seem helpful and caring with their suggestions on how I should live my life. I hate people treating me as if I needed their advise and guidance on how to lose weight. lets face it... after years of weight management we are probably all experts on how to lose weight (if only we could).

I understand that "most" people mean well with their suggestions but I sometimes find their input to my life "insensitive".

 

[Porpo]

Hi,

I know what you mean, why do some people think they have a right to discuss your weight? My Dad is really big (32 stone ish) and people regularily say things to me about it - has he tried this diet or that diet and want to tell me that he is very big. I feel like saying "OMG I didnt notice". I've only told close family about my bypass because I didnt want to keep having to justify why Ive done it. The thing is once you start losing a lot of weight people feel like they can ask you how much you've lost and how you've done it so I'll have to deal with that when it happens.

I think we are brave though and it's a scary thing to do, most people have absolutely no idea what we have to go through to get the op and physically from the op. People are insensitive and I dont know why they even think they have the right to make a comment on our weight.

x

 

[hopelesscase]

I disagree. I think you to have to be brave to have WLS. To be brave is defined as "possessing or displaying courage; able to face and deal with danger or fear" And anyone that has WLS definately displays courage by risking (even though its a small risk) their life for a cause. Yes the cause is worth the risk, but you stil have to be brave to take the risk.

I reckon their are plenty of people who dont have WLS when they should, because they arent brave enough............

mark i sooo wanted to rep you but i have to spread the love first.

i think you have hit the nail on the head that people come out with the statment that we are brave because they couldnt do it themselves.

 

[quetiapina]

I think you are brave Ginger - because you fought so hard to get the funding for such a long time, and despite getting so frustrated, you kept on. Good for you. x

 

[Caroline101061]

I think we are totally brave! Just think about what we have done/are going to do - giving up eating 'normally', denying ourselves some foods that we loved forever - well thats how outsiders perceive the operation and the results. In reality, its not that huge a change once you get used to it or has my brain changed!! LOL. Of course its a brave thing to do - the easy thing to do would be nothing. Remember its elective surgery and having surgery of any description requires an element of bravery whether you need it or not!

 

[dreamofbeingslim]

I have told quite alot of people that I am hoping to have a gastric bypass and apart from my twin sister and mum who are really worried about it everyone has been totally supportive. My sister and my mum are supportive don't get me wrong but they are scared. I think people are negative because they don't understand what we have been through to get to the point of needing the surgery. I wish it was as simple as just going on a diet but its not especially when you have the amount of weight to loose that I have. I don't or won't when the time comes class myself as brave it is the means to and end. If I don't do this my life is going to deteriorate big time. Since my 40th in August I feel I have aged no end, I am in agony with my hips today and have been all night. Enough of me winging on have a good day everyone.