Bypass - right decision??

[jo86]

So last night me and my boyfriend where talking and got onto the subject of the Op. I was trying to spell out the risks to him that summat might go wrong i may be very ill or even die and that he would have to be prepared but he said:

"no you'll be fine you'll outlive me you'll have to the kids need you!!"

Well i was in tears he said it to comfort me but being a mother there is nothing worse than the feeling of not being there for your kids. I know this is the best option for all of us and my boyfriend would support me in anything i choose and i have thought these things but hearing someone else say it really made it more real and frightening!!

Its hard coz im doing it for my kids also but now have the feeling of being selfish if i do leave them without a mother!

The bariatric nurse said im healthy even tho i'm at the weight i am and she says it will be an easy op for the surgeons.

I now have things like should i try at least to postpone and try losing weight the natural way? In all honesty i would have done it if i could by now, this has been playing on my mind all day.

 

[zns]

Honestly the chances of you dying from the op lower than the risk you take crossing the street. You will die younger if you dont have the op.

Most people go through all the same emotions that you are it really is natural. Just hang in there.

 

[jo86]

I know but i wanted him to know the risks of worse case scenario and when i heard that sentence out loud that made me scared for my kids. I am well aware its more likely that they'll lose me if i don't have it but this is how i'm feeling at the moment x

 

[keeley86]

you have to sit and weigh up the pros and cons luv... with or witout a bypass! im sure a slim energetic mum is better than a fat mum! but then again my mums always been fat and its never stopped her!

as people say you have to know that this is your last option, if this is your only chance of living a normal healthy life for a long time then go for it but if you think you can do it yourself and keep it off then do it yourself!
just because your healthy for an over weight person now doesnt mean you will be next year because it will eventually take its toll! - the desicion must be yours and its got to be what you want for yourself! xxxx

 

[keeley86]

how did your sons christening go? hope you had a good day! xxx

 

[Grace]

Jo although you are healthy now, if you think back to the seminar at SRH, they spelt out the health risks of obesity and said that WLS gains you extra years of life.
As well as this, WLS also gives you a greater quality of life and this not just for you, but for your partner and children,as you will feel more fit and have more energy to do more, be more active etc.

Personally I believe that the risks are far outweighed by the benefits of WLS. I am already, even at just 8 weeks post-op, feeling far fitter and more active and energetic than I have done for years.

In the end, only you can make the decision. We all have to make our minds up. But I seem to remember that although the risk rate quoted sounds high, it is the same % risk as for having your gall bladder removed. People go through that surgery all the time and come through unscathed. Probably if you needed to have it done, you wouldn't think twice about the possible risks.

I hope I have my facts right, but if I do, does that help put your fears into perspective?

 

[jo86]

you have to sit and weigh up the pros and cons luv... with or witout a bypass! im sure a slim energetic mum is better than a fat mum! but then again my mums always been fat and its never stopped her!

as people say you have to know that this is your last option, if this is your only chance of living a normal healthy life for a long time then go for it but if you think you can do it yourself and keep it off then do it yourself!
just because your healthy for an over weight person now doesnt mean you will be next year because it will eventually take its toll! - the desicion must be yours and its got to be what you want for yourself! xxxx

Oh i don't feel healthy and i know i will develop the diabetes/heart problems and other things soon enough she was saying as i have none of them issues i am a very low risk operation!!

And your right i can't do this on my own i needed to tell people i didn't know but know what i'm going thru as this isn't a conversation i want with family or friends. Feel quite embarassed too like i am being daft

 

[jo86]

Jo although you are healthy now, if you think back to the seminar at SRH, they spelt out the health risks of obesity and said that WLS gains you extra years of life.
As well as this, WLS also gives you a greater quality of life and this not just for you, but for your partner and children,as you will feel more fit and have more energy to do more, be more active etc.

Personally I believe that the risks are far outweighed by the benefits of WLS. I am already, even at just 8 weeks post-op, feeling far fitter and more active and energetic than I have done for years.

In the end, only you can make the decision. We all have to make our minds up. But I seem to remember that although the risk rate quoted sounds high, it is the same % risk as for having your gall bladder removed. People go through that surgery all the time and come through unscathed. Probably if you needed to have it done, you wouldn't think twice about the possible risks.

I hope I have my facts right, but if I do, does that help put your fears into perspective?

I don't think that because she said im healthy i shouldn't it just that she said i was low risk so basically i kno i should be ok but thats how silly im being!! When you compare it to the gallbladder op it really does make it sound less frightening. x

KEELEY IT was my son and daughters christening it went really well apart from the weather it was a great day x

 

[jo86]

Charis i forgot to add...i'm soo happy you are receiving the benefits and that you are doing well after the op x

 

[keeley86]

awwww sounds great - youl have to show us some piccies! did ya save me some cake? lol

i know how ya feel tho when you think of the risks and the pain you go thru you think is it worth it - but think of it this way luv - how brill will it be to be able to walk in primark and pick nice clothes up in size 10 - 12 - i always see somat nice in the shop and theyv never got my size - the only clothes that most shops have got in my size are horrible or expensive! or both! i cant wait to fill my wardrobe!
the surgery will be even less risky when youve lostg abit pre op too - thats why they give you the goals a think. to make sure your ready and commited to surgery and to make the surgery itself safer

 

[Donna R]

Hi Jo,

Well i am 4 days post op..

30 mins before my op the surgeon again told me all the risks, i have a 6 year old daughter this is the last thing you want to hear when your just about to go in.

But i believe things happen for a reason and when your born you are stamped with the day you will die ( i have lost too many ppl in my life) f your times up your gonna be a gonner any way.

Maybe i am selfish but i come through the other side and im sure you will too, I think you have ther same chance has been knovked over by a bus...

Hope this helps

Donna xx

 

[Fat Again]

It's really hard to accept the risks, but its worth it. On the morning of my surgery I drove away from my house with my 1 year old son waving goodbye out of the window. I was a wreck and cried so hard, I really had convinced myself it could of been the last time I saw him.

Nearly a year on, it was the best thing I could of done, my life with my son is 100% better, I now feel like Im a proper mum and can enjoy my life and his life to the full.

 

[Dell]

I hope that the way you feel is normal because I had those exact same fears.

I came home from my preop and cried for the rest of the day, told husband I was writing him and the children notes and preparing for my funeral Just In Case.

He told me to "get a feckin grip woman" which really did reassure me actually as he was the one initially who was against the op because of the risks of mortality

I was told by my surgeon recently that its more risky to have a hip replacement than a bypass!

You would not be human if you didn't have concerns, but please try not to let it putyou off, you will be extending your life for years by having the op
xxx

 

[yorkshirelass74]

Jo
when i had my op, i had an 11 yr old daughter, a 6 yr old son and a 6 month old baby, i owe it to them to be the best mum that i can be, and i couldnt do it at the weight i was, i was tired, embarrassed, lethargic and snappy, some days i didnt even want to leave the house so didnt, the kids would have the day off school on those days.
I have tried for about 20 yrs every diet you could ever ever imagine, the diet industry made a lot of money out of me, but i just couldnt do it, 2 stone was the most weight i ever lost. I couldnt have done it without this bypass. The surgeon also told me that although i was heavy, as i was fit it would be a straight forward op and it was, no complications, and i can honestly say hand on heart, i would have the op again tomorrow. There hasnt been a day gone by that i have regretted it, i have taken the ball and boy am i going to run with it, head on in to life, i have spent too long hoping that no one notices me in a crowd and doesnt stare.
Good luck hun with whatever you decide
lots of love
xxxx

 

[hsmel]

Jo - I was extremely nervous and had the same reservations as you. That was over a year ago. I put off my op and decided I was being stupid and that if I really wanted to lose weight then I could do it myself. That was an even more stupid decision!

One year on I was actually half a stone heavier than I had been at my initial consultation when I first considered the op. This proved to me that I just did not have the willpower myself and unless I wanted to continue putting on another half to a stone a year I needed to do this for myself. Once I made that decision (along with the help of a friend on here who has done very well) - I organised it straight away. That gave me no time to keep thinking of the things that could go wrong and I focussed on the positive that was going to come out of me being a slimmer healthier person. I had my op on 21st September (literally less than 3 weeks from making that decision) and I have not regretted it at all. There may be times in the future that are hard, I do not expect to have the 'perfect' bypass . . but there again why shouldnt I? Keep positive, think of the benefits that FAR outweigh the small risk of the op itself and then make the decision that is right for you. I genuinely wish I had gone ahead a year ago!!

I hope that you make the right decision for yourself and your family whatever it is - and keep in touch with us on the forum - everyone has been a great support to me (whether they know it or not!) as I am an avid reader of everyones postings!!!

 

[lisa x]

My Oh cant believe I haven't been offered this op years ago(long story lol)...he is very positive and very supportive...he feels he may be gaining his woman back!!!!
His answer/thoughts to this is simple...in 5 years time I will be housebound...
I am gaining a stone a year and stuck in an insulin carb cycle just to get some control of my diabetes..

My 10 year old is aware of this op...she realises that I could be so much healthier and life would be better for her (and my 6yr old son)
I am more worried about complications after than dying to be honest...but even the guys on here who have had complications all say...I would do it again!!!!I think that speaks volumes...

I think we all have these fears hun...I am yet to speak to a WLS patient that hasn't had the same thoughts...
I know its harder on us mums...

 

[zns]

I really did feel the same, I did my will and everything x

 

[gaelic girl]

I travelled 220 miles for my op and my 14 year old daughter refused to come with us such was her fear( although she didn't say as much)Leaving her with my sister in law instead of having her there was awful but it did help to make me believe that nothing would go wrong and i would see her again. I couldn't/didn't leave letters as for me personally that meant i was admitting something would go wrong. What you are feeling is completely natural as it really is an emotional journey but oh such a brilliant end result. Just wanted to send a big hug to wush you well xx

 

[phatmomma]

J-Mo, having been where you are i know exactly what you are doing now! You are waiting for us all to convince you that this is the right thing for you....

Believe me it is, i regret the last 23 yrs of my life when i've not done things with my kids. Swimming/fun fairs, just a simple trip to the park! Okay for a few weeks you'll not be the mom they know. But 12 months down the line you won't be mom who won't go anywhere or do anything, you'll be the mom chasing the family to get ready for a great day out.

Seriously, my girls were 12 & 11 and i'd have rather they'd buried me after attempting my wls dream than in ten years weighing in at 22 stone and having the embarassment of a casket to heavy to be carried...

Chin up girl, as your old fella said ''Don't be daft you'll be fine'', and you will. Just follow the rules and do as your told xxx

 

[jo86]

J-Mo, having been where you are i know exactly what you are doing now! You are waiting for us all to convince you that this is the right thing for you....

Believe me it is, i regret the last 23 yrs of my life when i've not done things with my kids. Swimming/fun fairs, just a simple trip to the park! Okay for a few weeks you'll not be the mom they know. But 12 months down the line you won't be mom who won't go anywhere or do anything, you'll be the mom chasing the family to get ready for a great day out.

Seriously, my girls were 12 & 11 and i'd have rather they'd buried me after attempting my wls dream than in ten years weighing in at 22 stone and having the embarassment of a casket to heavy to be carried...

Chin up girl, as your old fella said ''Don't be daft you'll be fine'', and you will. Just follow the rules and do as your told xxx

Lol im not J-mo i think she just had her op!! im just Jo

Thanks all for the comments tho. i am going ahead with it i feel silly but i think i did want re-assurance from others in the same boat x