Encouragement to lose weight....

[phatmomma]

This is a bit of a funny one. I've read in weight loss for dummies how people can feel threatened when you suddenly start to lose weight and there is a danger of you no longer being the 'biggest' in the group....

I have always been the 'fat' one in the family and my sister a lovely shape 14 and around 12 stone. However because of her pcos and bad habits she has put about 3 stone + on in the last couple of years. As i get closer to the losers bench my mom has been trying to spur my sister on by asking if she wants ME to be thinner than her! My sisters response was a resounding NO!

I've spoken with my OH about this before it arose, i knew she wouldn't like it. Not sure how i like being held up as a 'fat example' or incentive....

How on earth do i cope with this if ever it happens, i don't want to alienate my sister but again it cannot be helped. Should i not mention weight losses or anything wls associated around her?

 

[cah-ching]

Hiya,

You're mom really isn't being kind to you. WHat a horrid comparison or way to think.

I know that my family will say I've lost too much weight once I hit around the 16St mark. That happened to be doing CD and it was annoying and really disheartened me. I still was fat .. 5 stones overweight and evidently bigger than my two (always have been) slim sisters. It's a horrid situation so I know how you feel :hug99:

I guess all you can do is dig deep no matter what. x

Regarding your sister ... your weight loss should be celebrated. You should talk about your acheivement. It seems that you've been the underdog for ages now to the point where your mother feels it right to think that you losing weight and being slimmer than your sister is a fate worse than death .... which I think is bang out of order.

You may find that they will fall out with you or at least won't be as warm. They will pick up on other faults to blame for them not wanting to be around you so much when all it is is that you are losing weight finding yourself and they're a tad jealous.

Sorry to be negative ... I'm just a bit annoyed (boiling piss to be exact )that you think you have to step on egg-shells around your mom and sister when it's patently clear they have not spared your feelings.

 

[ravelling]

I'm having this problem with a close colleague at work. When I started losing weight she was the 'weight-loss champion' and had lost 4 stones. Then she put it all back and more on, while I continued to lose weight.
All my other colleagues are very supportive - I've told them about my surgery plans - but she is hostile and I've overheard her telling another colleague that I'm 'cheating'.

I don't know what the answer is. It just seems as though you can't win.

 

[phatmomma]

Sorry Cahching, i may have misled you. My mom can't wait for me to lose weight, she has worried about me for a long time... But she knows one thing to spur my sister on will the thought of being the fat sister for a change.....

I'm treading on no egg shells, i intend to revel as much in my weight loss as i've had to hide in my tent like tops...

I'm waiting with baited breath to see who offers to help with the kids when i go into hospital for my op (in the summer). Just watching them really whilst my OH visits me, they've been ok about other appt's but lets wait n see...

 

[cah-ching]

I'm having this problem with a close colleague at work. When I started losing weight she was the 'weight-loss champion' and had lost 4 stones. Then she put it all back and more on, while I continued to lose weight.
All my other colleagues are very supportive - I've told them about my surgery plans - but she is hostile and I've overheard her telling another colleague that I'm 'cheating'.

I don't know what the answer is. It just seems as though you can't win.

Your work colleague is a bint .... in fact she's more than a bint ... she's a 'know nothing silly bint' who the hell does she think she is?

Jealousy knows no bounds.

It's ironic because I'm suffering with depression right now; I was washing the dishes this afternoon and said to myself "when things like this [depression] you find out who your friends are" and by jove I have. I realise people aren't interested when things get rough, men go running and there is oft no one there to give comfort or encouragement. I see parallels with Weight Loss / Weight Loss Surgery .... you will find out who your friends are and how much misinformation there is out there ...

:hug99:

 

[tesmaralda]

Julie I have had comments of a similar nature, but from my mom about her own weight. The last I saw her she never commented on my weight loss so I made a point of bringinf up what size I was in. Her response was well I should really be a size 18 but there is no way on this planet that you will ever be in smaller clothes than me.

Guess we'll just have to see won't we x x x

 

[cah-ching]

Sorry Cahching, i may have misled you. My mom can't wait for me to lose weight, she has worried about me for a long time... But she knows one thing to spur my sister on will the thought of being the fat sister for a change.....

I'm treading on no egg shells, i intend to revel as much in my weight loss as i've had to hide in my tent like tops...

I'm waiting with baited breath to see who offers to help with the kids when i go into hospital for my op (in the summer). Just watching them really whilst my OH visits me, they've been ok about other appt's but lets wait n see...

May be I misunderstood! SOrry

Well lets hope your sis is supportive! Also NO walking on eggshells or I will come to Bilston myself and :whoopass:

 

[cah-ching]

Julie I have had comments of a similar nature, but from my mom about her own weight. The last I saw her she never commented on my weight loss so I made a point of bringinf up what size I was in. Her response was well I should really be a size 18 but there is no way on this planet that you will ever be in smaller clothes than me.

Guess we'll just have to see won't we x x x

My goodness. Your own mother said that?!! WHat size clothes are you and she in now?

 

[tesmaralda]

My goodness. Your own mother said that?!! WHat size clothes are you and she in now?

I am somewhere between a 16 and 18, as to what size she's in now I would say still forcing herslef into size 16s. If you read my blog on minis you may well already know that me and my mom don't really get on.

 

[ravelling]

Your reply made me smile

I guess it is jealousy - she's extolling the virtues of 'loving your fat' at the moment. I can't say I ever got that accepting of my size.
You're right, though, it does show who your friends are.

 

[jaxx]

I'm having similar issues with my sister. She's 8 years older than me and has always been the one who's more independant and forthright and has always said she doesn't care that she's fat, other people will just have to live with it. I sort of adopted the same approach for a while but I realised it wasn't the real me and that I really was disgusted with myself for being so fat. So I had a bypass. Now that I'm losing weight my sister has finally accepted that she doesn't like being the weight she is (she's also diabetic because of her obesity) and is also seeking weight loss surgery. I think she also doesn't want to be the 'fat' one. I was always bigger than her and being shorter she didn't look too fat compared to me. But now I'm losing weight she's worried she'll be left behind.

Mum is really happy that she's finally accepted her true feelings towards herself and is going to do something about it, but she would never use my success to point out my sister's failures when it comes to weight loss.

 

[cah-ching]

This is such an interesting thread! Thanks guys :grouphugg:

 

[Rache]

it's a difficult thing to discuss I believe as what spurs one person on may be uncomfortable for another. I know I am the fattest in my office and I know I am the fattest in my family and when I went on my jollies last year I was definately the fattest female on the boat. Like Julie I think it will be interesting to see the reactions of my family and friends as I begin to melt away, some are aware of my journey so far and others haven't a clue I'm kinda looking forward to waiting and seeing how it all pans out.

 

[phatmomma]

it's a difficult thing to discuss I believe as what spurs one person on may be uncomfortable for another. I know I am the fattest in my office and I know I am the fattest in my family and when I went on my jollies last year I was definately the fattest female on the boat. Like Julie I think it will be interesting to see the reactions of my family and friends as I begin to melt away, some are aware of my journey so far and others haven't a clue I'm kinda looking forward to waiting and seeing how it all pans out.

I agree with you Rache, am not sure if my mom has told my brothers and only a few at work know i'm having surgery! Will be interesting as i can go weeks without seeing certain members of staff because of shift rotation. I'm anticipating a lot of questions and a lot of people staring when i have my lunch break lol x

 

[wannabeslimagain]

Julie I was reading through this hun and I have to meet your kids and soon so that they know me well and come the summer I will have them while Trev comes to the hospital, so don't worry about that hun I am there for ya mate xxxx

 

[Dawn36]

This is an interesting post. My daughter wants to treat me to a photoshoot makeover and wanted to do it this month when I would only be 7 weeks post op. So I asked her to postpone it until the summer when I would be happier to see pictures of myself. She reluctantly agreed. Later she announced that she would now have to go on a diet, otherwise she will be the fat one in the pictures!

 

[lamornamiss]

This is an interesting post. My daughter wants to treat me to a photoshoot makeover and wanted to do it this month when I would only be 7 weeks post op. So I asked her to postpone it until the summer when I would be happier to see pictures of myself. She reluctantly agreed. Later she announced that she would now have to go on a diet, otherwise she will be the fat one in the pictures!

Don't you just love kids lol

I think I may have the same problem later in the year.
My daughter is getting married in November (I'm due for surgery at the end of May) she is about a size 18 at the moment. So I can see members of my family saying I'm upstaging her (I have a lot of family issues). I have asked her to come to the gym with me later but she says she's too busy. She also drinks a lot of full sugar fizzy pop.I have told her that if she gives that up she can lose some weight but she doesn't want to.
I'm having surgery for my health at the end of the day. Not so I can be slimmer than anyone else. If they don't like it then tough.

 

[phatmomma]

Julie I was reading through this hun and I have to meet your kids and soon so that they know me well and come the summer I will have them while Trev comes to the hospital, so don't worry about that hun I am there for ya mate xxxx

Lisa you like Wendy and a few others on here are going to not only be my friend for life but also my families friend for life. I look forward to you meeting my kids, but not so you can babysit lol... Did you see what my Abby put under your comment on facebook? She said '' i've never met you Lisa but i'm sure you're a lovely person'' and she was right...you are!

ps, can we be shopping buddies too? lol xxx

 

[phatmomma]

Don't you just love kids lol

I think I may have the same problem later in the year.
My daughter is getting married in November (I'm due for surgery at the end of May) she is about a size 18 at the moment. So I can see members of my family saying I'm upstaging her (I have a lot of family issues). I have asked her to come to the gym with me later but she says she's too busy. She also drinks a lot of full sugar fizzy pop.I have told her that if she gives that up she can lose some weight but she doesn't want to.
I'm having surgery for my health at the end of the day. Not so I can be slimmer than anyone else. If they don't like it then tough.

Wendy i know you won't upstage your daughter on her wedding day, but that's no reason not to make the most of your new self when the day is here! wls is not an easy option and you should revel in the new you!

 

[lamornamiss]

Wendy i know you won't upstage your daughter on her wedding day, but that's no reason not to make the most of your new self when the day is here! wls is not an easy option and you should revel in the new you!

I will be buying something nice for the wedding (being mother of the bride) and if others think I should wear a sack STUFF THEM (You know from my messages and phone call a little bit of what I'm going through but I'm feeling much more positive at the moment)

Hey and don't forget to add me to your shopping buddies list will ya