FEELINGS

[janie71]

I dont know about anybody else, but I try to keep my feelings to myself. I have recentley been reffered by my GP for gastric banding(last month). I was at my friends house the other day and mentioned that I had seen my GP about surgery, for my weight. She looked at me and said"I didnt realise you were so unhappy about your weight, I know you have tried and failed with diets but didnt think you felt this bad". I then tell her that I have been on prescribed weight loss pills for the past three years and I am heavier now than when i started. She looked at me stunned. I said to her you know when we went to paris for my husbands 40th and our anniversary I felt physically ill. I dreaded getting on that plane(seat belt) I told my friend that I got it on(seat belt) but just and it dug into me for the full trip but I wouldnt take it of in case I couldnt get it back on. I (we)shouldnt have to feel this way not just about getting on a plane but cinemas, chairs etc.:sigh:

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

hey janie ppl that have not lived what we have lived do NOT understand our termoil the heart break how being over weight cutts us up deep inside, ppl that have not lived a life as a over weight person can never understand. thats why this site is invaluble to its users.

 

[Cowgirl]

Here Here Janie

I know exactly what you mean. I hate sitting in garden chairs the most. Not only do I think the plastic legs are gonna buckle underneath me, but my arse sticks out both sides from under the arms, its humiliating. I think people are thinking "is she gonna fit in the seat" when I go to the pictures and when I get on a plane, on certain flights I can get the belt done up, and then the next time I can't, I don't see why they dont just make the belts bigger, or retractable like a car seatbelt. I also have to put the arm rest up otherwise it diggs into my bum, and then the steward comes along and says "could you put that down for take off?" I'm like, I would if it didn't cut into my arse!!!! And the dinner trays the pull down?!!! Christ, gimme a break!!

Nope, I am also a whiz at keeping it all in. People don't realise how down or sad weight gets you, they just see you as big bubbly Gina who has a good laugh and doesn't seem to let anything bother her. When I was on anti-depressants, if people found out (not that I kept it a secret) they'd say, what are you depressed about?

I'ts because you become a good actor when hiding your feelings, upon leaving the house or coming face to face with people you hold your mask firmly over you face so people don't see your pain.

I have a semi mask now, Im much better since admitting that it was my weight that was making me happy and I decided that I look like what I look like no matter if people guessed my weight or knew what it was. So I started telling people after deciding to have my gastric band fitted, a lot of people were shocked and said "You dont look 19 stone" but whether I looked it or not, I was! The weight is coming off well, 30lb down from starting the pre op diet just over 3 weeks ago has given me a new spring in my step. I know Im reeping the benefits already and I can honestly say even at this early stage, it is the best life choice I have ever made so far!

Good luck with you banding, keep posting and I can't wait to read your story Hunni!

Lots of love

Ginaxxxx

 

[gingernutter]

Oh dear, I know exactly how you feel, I feel the same. I felt so alone with my feelings until I found this site. You can come here and share with us and you know we understand. My life is on hold at the moment. I miss living. I know there is lots to look forward too. Be strong and keep smiling.

 

[Cowgirl]

Ginger,

You're so right. My life felt on hold when I was waiting for surgery.
But remember, you've started your journey already, mentally! Now is the time to make you plans in your head and get ready for the rest of your life! The last month was full of LASTS for me, I went on holiday 2 weeks before surgery and that was my last Fat Holday, last time I was to worry about getting on a plane fitting in the seat or seat belt, last time I had to go on the beach wobbling! Last McDonalds, last KFC, last full roast dinner. And do you know what, because I ws mentally prepared, saying goodbye to those things is nothing compared to the feeling when you start saying goodbye to the fat. As that starts coming off, it's no longer gone until I can't cope and start eating again. it's gone for good this time! When I lost my first stone, I felt, yes! First stone gone forever. Everyday I know I'm losing weight and inches and I will never look the same again!

Can't wait to hear your story. Just remember, your life isn't on hold, your weight is for just a little bit longer!xxxx

 

[wobbles]

Yeah i definitely know what you're all saying. I've always kept my feelings to myself about my weight. As if it was a problem that didn't really exist, except people could see it, i was and am so embarrassed about it. Especially when it comes to sitting in garden seating as Gina pointed out, the cinema, plane seats (the trip from Australia to here last november was horrific), the list goes on. My way was to make a joke about it, but that was only to hide the embarrassment. I was 147kg at my heaviest last month. I weighed myself this morning, and i'm now 130kg. So i've lost 17 kilos, and can't believe it. It's starting to sink it that i have actually had the surgery, and am losing weight and that i won't put it back on.

I do worry about how i'm going to be when i'm at a stable weight, how will i cope blending into the crowd for once, how will i cope getting attention from men, not having my weight to hide behind.

But i've never discussed it with anyone before. I hide my feelings and i even hid my weight from my husband. Since the surgery, i've been asked so many times how much i weigh and how much i need to lose, by strangers and friends (very rude if you ask me), and i've been completely open about it, for the first time in my life. I feel a bit liberated that i don't have to hide how i feel anymore, but i also do feel embarrassed and weak.

Thanks for starting this thread.

 

[hopelesscase]

Do you know up to being recomended for surgery i never talked about my weight to anyone just kept it all bottled up and tried to tuck it out of the way. Avoiding doing things or finding a solution to the problem if one cropped up. But since being recommended for my Bypass and getting the funding i have been so open with everyone even relative strangers. Some of my friends friends have said i never realised yr weight was a problem for you. Well actually i didnt think it was either until being told by a dr when asking for help to loose weight for my health BP that the only thing for me to do was have a bypass. It made me realise just how bad my weight was and i feel by sharing my story with other that hopefully it may help unleash denial in others if you know what i mean. dont know that i have explained that very well.
HC

 

[e.green69]

hi all
i feel the same as you all and im also a good actor and get so low with it all i.e plane seats e.t.c
i am trying my best since band op but i am putting on at the mo..think i need a fill
takecare all
emma

 

[Cowgirl]

hi all
i feel the same as you all and im also a good actor and get so low with it all i.e plane seats e.t.c
i am trying my best since band op but i am putting on at the mo..think i need a fill
takecare all
emma

How many fills have you had Em?

 

[serenitylove]

hi all
i feel the same as you all and im also a good actor and get so low with it all i.e plane seats e.t.c
i am trying my best since band op but i am putting on at the mo..think i need a fill
takecare all
emma

really feeling it with you emma im one fill down and not loosing im hoping fill no 2 will help i know the band works when it right and i just keep clinging on to that chin up hun x

 

[e.green69]

thanks serenity i am really getting fed up now..
hi gina i have had just 1 fill
emmax

 

[Cowgirl]

How often can you have fills?

 

[LancsLass2]

I hate assemblys at my little girls school. I feel that everyone is waiting for the little chair to give way and see me on my arse ( especially when I was pregnant cos obviously I was heavier ) Y primary schools can`t use normal chairs when parents attend rather than making them sit on the childs chairs is beyond me!!

 

[Rising_Sun]

I hate assemblys at my little girls school. I feel that everyone is waiting for the little chair to give way and see me on my arse ( especially when I was pregnant cos obviously I was heavier ) Y primary schools can`t use normal chairs when parents attend rather than making them sit on the childs chairs is beyond me!!

This is the bane of my existence. Just the other day my 5 year old was asking why I never come to assembly and saying it wasn't fair. I couldn't bring myself to tell him I have a problem with the tiny chairs. The first and last time I went I caught sight of the sitting arrangements and filtered to the back where I thought I would stand. A couple of fathers (normal weight) stood with me and when everyone was settled, the shrill voiced head beckoned the 'mum' standing at the back to a free tiny sit on the side near the front. She was sure the fathers wouldn't mind (HA!) With all eyes on me, I took the sit. I don't know how but I did. It was the longest 20 minutes of my life and the most uncomfortable and as you say you I felt people were just waiting for it to buckle. The shame of it all.
xxx

 

[bridiegeorge]

oh i am so pleased i found this site, i dont talk to anybody about my weight. and i notice that my friends that are discussing diets stop as soon as i am there. as if i couldnt be included. plane seats, asking for that bright orange extension for a seat belt ( why does the air stewardess come skipping down the aisle almost swinging the b....y thing above her head, shouting WHO WANTED THE EXTENSION. i am not getting on a plane again until i am certain that i do not need it. going into any restaurant i quickly scan the whole area to see where i wont be in the way. its not their fault but normal sized people have absolutely no idea what it is like, but then why should they, i really hope that this is the turning point for me. i see my dr wed after being told at the hopspital that a band would be a good idea. they didnt really know much about it nor did i., then trawling through i found this site, so feel well armed to discuss with him my options. just have to see if i meet criteria, if not will look into other options. again thanks for all being here, i feel at home already.. Bridie

 

[Cowgirl]

oh i am so pleased i found this site, i dont talk to anybody about my weight. and i notice that my friends that are discussing diets stop as soon as i am there. as if i couldnt be included. plane seats, asking for that bright orange extension for a seat belt ( why does the air stewardess come skipping down the aisle almost swinging the b....y thing above her head, shouting WHO WANTED THE EXTENSION. i am not getting on a plane again until i am certain that i do not need it. going into any restaurant i quickly scan the whole area to see where i wont be in the way. its not their fault but normal sized people have absolutely no idea what it is like, but then why should they, i really hope that this is the turning point for me. i see my dr wed after being told at the hopspital that a band would be a good idea. they didnt really know much about it nor did i., then trawling through i found this site, so feel well armed to discuss with him my options. just have to see if i meet criteria, if not will look into other options. again thanks for all being here, i feel at home already.. Bridie

Good luck with everything on Wednesday Bridie, keep us posted on how you get on!xxx

 

[julieann]

good luck for wednesday bridie

 

[janie71]

Cowgirl,Plus and Bridiegeorge, reading your threads and its like I could have wrote them myself. My children are not little anymore 15,19,20 and I get really upset when I think back at all the things that I havent been able to do with my children. School sports day, you hide in the farest corner but not hidden so your child can see you and help out with drinks so you look busy. Swimming, I have never taken any of my children swimming. I always took them with my sisters and there children so I sat on the side getting them ready and passing them over while I watched them all have fun and wanted so much to be in with them. The list is endless. I am 18 stone 10 and 37 years old and have never said that to anyone not even my husband.

 

[hopelesscase]

Oh bridie i can so relate to that goo luck although you wont need it. Im 4 days post bypass and including my lver shrinking diet that i did for 6 days 12lbs down. I feel fantastic although gripe water has just become a friend.
take care
HC