Friends

[shelleymarie]

Did anyone else find that their friends have moved on without them? What I mean by that is since starting to feeling so much better the last week or so I've tried reaching out to friends to try and arrange getting together. I've realised that whilst at my fattest I had taken a back seat in their life's, not their fault at all but mine. I've decline invites out to bars because I felt self concious and also anything that involved activity as I could barely walk. Now I'm realising they just don't ask any more, I see that they've been done things like parties etc and I can't blame them for not inviting me. It's not like I've said yes lately. Did this happen to anyone else? if so did you manage to fix things? I have tried inviting some to do things but of course they have filled the gap I left and have busy life's that don't include me now. It makes me really sad that I've done another things to sabotage my life and make it as miserable as possible. Just need to find a way to make a improvement to this part of my life too. Any advice gratefully received thank you.

 

[Jackiesnewstart]

I have suffered with depression for several years to the extent that I have isolated myself from friends and family
This has led to my weigt gain and why I am here now, all I can say is friends may have moved on with certain things but true friends will welcome you back and prob tell you they have missed you too, Good luck

 

[newday]

Jeeze! I know what that feels like. And as you said, it's not really their fault as I declined invites out on many occasions. Was never in the mood. Felt that I couldn't go through the trauma of finding clothes that may or may not have met my friends' approval. Continuously watching what I eat and watching others watching what I eat and many other insecurities that pop up on a night out. When I started to lose weight before the pre-op I would catch wind of funny stories from the night out the week before that I was not invited to. That cut me deep! I knew it was due to my own self inflicted isolation but still wondered why they hadn't asked. However, I reflected and asked what I would do if I was in their position. There is only so many times you can invite someone out before you have to admit the message is that they do NOT want to come out and play. Soooo, I organised a night out. It was good too! Nothing major. A wine bar that served amazing tapas. I could keep my portions small. I researched calories before going out and had a blast. I explained that I didn't go out much but will try to make more of an effort. This was excepted by friends and colleagues. The always ask 'you up for a night out?' and when I say not this week; there is no drama, no paranoia, no sighs just 'maybe next time.' It's worth a try. Xxx

 

[Yvessa]

I had to make the first moves. I would always know about nights out but didn't dare invite myself. But made a point of going along to a few. Now everyone asks. You have to show youre ready to join in again.

 

[tartanlady]

I agree with Jackie I moved away rarely go out due to pain and not managing to walk far dont see anyone except my mum who happens to live next door but I did inflict it on myself am hoping when I get my op and start feeling more confident I can find a way to make new friends.

 

[shelleymarie]

Thanks everyone. I had tried to make the first approach which was met with people wanting to see me but being busy for a month or so. Anyway after reading this advice this morning I knew my college friends were getting together for a girly night in a weeks time. I called my friend and ask how she was and told her how I was. I was really honest with her how I felt I'd pushed people away but now realised that it was because I was in a bad place but the surgery is giving me my life back. I said I was sorry that I'd done that. She was really understanding and said she was sure people would love to see me more again and invited me to her girly night, which was great because it gives me the opportunity to show them that I'm ok and still the person they were friends with but hopefully a better version or at least becoming a better version of myself. Thanks again

 

[newday]

Oh I'm so pleased!!! Have a great time. New you - new life! Xxx

 

[Yvessa]

Oh well done! Have a fab night out. Now to decide what to wear

 

[shelleymarie]

Definitely. Think I will have to get something new

 

[Yvessa]

However will you cope? Lol. I am going out on Friday and looking forward to wearing jeans with a nice top.

 

[shelleymarie]

Lol indeed. Hope you have a good night too

 

[Yvessa]

You too hun!

 

[Bellydancer57]

Hope you both have a great time. I managed to keep my friends but I took early retirement from a very full on career so had to plan a 'new life' as they were all at work. I went on courses(things I never dreamt I would be interested in), joined my very trendy women's institute, discovered Knit & Natter at a local one bar, Vintage make up & tea parties, Clandestine Cake Club, National Trust , aqua aerobics, the list is endless that now I have lots of new friends & not much free time LOL still make time for my old friends, family etc. Now I've lost weight I am pain free & my mobility has returned. I love going out with them. True friends will always be there but here is a big wide world out there so don't be fraud to make new friends.

 

[Yvessa]

Had the most amazing time and got lots of lovely compliments! Thoroughly enjoyed it - stuck to j2h2o. And had a subway healthy sub.

 

[Bellydancer57]

Fantastic. Have a great weekend too.