Thanks so much everyone for your messages...really appreciated. Had a lovely day today. My family had a party for my cousins sons 1st birthday. Loads of food and drink there but not once did i feel like wanted to eat. Have till 12pm tonight to have my last meal so will have some slim fast soup about 9 ish. I feel ok, but i do feel nervous and anxious about tomorrow i won't lie. Was a very teary family that i left today and my mum and dad wrote me a letter and bought me some gorgeous perfume as a little gift but the words my mum has written are happy but i feel her pain so much. She grabbed me to say goodbye and started to cry and it was just so awful. My sister cried when she hugged me too and i feel soooooooo emotional. I don't mean to sound morbid but i am concerned for them if something was to happen to me. I think later i will write a letter to them all and just say my piece worse case and hope to dear god they never have to read it. My boyfriend is so good , in fact i have great support but its time like this it makes me realise how much i am loved and how much they would rather me be big all my life and not put them thru this but i have to for myself . If something does happen then i did this thru my own choice, no one else. I'm not being negative but i really hurt today...its quite painful and part me of me feels selfish for doing this. I have a lovely home, Job, boyfriend, family, no money worries and a whole life ahead of me but i want to be rid of this body that makes me feel so down and i have to, have to do this. I can't wait for it to be over and get on with my life and succeed at this. I have to be at the hospital at 4.30pm and will find out what time i'm due in Theatre. I do hope its not a long weight. Sorry if i sound down, if you could hear my voice you'd realise i wasn't. I'm just concerned for the people around me only normal i suppose. Anyway thanks for all your support guys and i'll text some of u once i am able too or get my boyfriend too depending on how drugged up i am ha ha . Oh i sound so morbid !! This is the wobbles i think most of u will understand. Feels better to write it down. Can't wait to be back on here and tell u all how i am. Love always Livvy xxxx