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had my sleeve in june so upset

mummy2309

New Member
and ive lost 9 stone really happy about that but also have lost of marriage too, my husband couldn't handle my weight loss and the reasons i had my op, he cant get over the fact i could of died on the table, im so tired of telling him i was a walking heart attack stroke waiting to happen,
id hit 28.8 stone so was a big big girl, he was happy i didnt go out anymore or didnt have any confidence, now i have and im getting looks and comments from people he doesnt like it, saying how good i look and must be so proud of myself,
im tired of telling him i love him but its no good anymore hes not listening, what do i do,
i had my op for me and my children so i could see them grow up, we have been together for nearly 15 years so its a long time to throw it all away
has anyone else find this, that you lose weight and lose the person in your life
 

clare-revised

Eyes on the prize
Congratulations on your losses so far.....
Your hubby sounds like he's feeling rather uneasy with literally 'the change in dynamics' with regard to your size & what he associates with that????
We all have someone who has 'the best hair' or 'the most money' intertwined in our lives, along with our 'biggest & smallest' friends.... when the dynamics change, it takes some a little longer to accept changes & move with them.
It's still early days for you both....6 months post-op which you're still prob getting your head round as well!
Xxxxx
 

los in it

Well-Known Member
I agree with Claire, when your place in the minds of others shifts it hard for them as some (not saying your husband is like this I don't know him) its hard to handle some take without realising this ,great comfort in the status quo but for you ,you have had time to think about changing your life made plans for the new life ahead and then taken the leap of faith others around you have not had the same amount of time to "catch up" with you....does that make sense? all you can do is to keep on keeping on and hope he will understand that
 

soumya

New Member
Dear Friend,

You are so courageous :) please be proud of yourself that you risked your life to make it better. Obesity helps no one, no love is enough when you cannot love yourself and your body. Like you said you were walking with a risk of heart attack and stroke any moment, so you have definitely saved yourself from that bit.

I know losing a loved one like this is hard but what is more important to keep continuing what you have started, please do not get depressed and start eating. Depression makes one go fat.

You took the right decision! If your husband loves you he will definitely understand sooner or later.

lots of love
 

Val

Committed Weight Loser
Sadly..Yes..My daughter and Son in Law separated finally yesterday after an upsetting Christmas and new year for us all..
Clare had lost over 8 stone and now has also lost her 15 year relationship with a man who we all love very much...but she is happy

This is a sad fact of weight loss..maybe that why I waited until I wads older and deeply in love with my husband before I was able to face a band and hopefully loose a lot of weight :/
 

angiemason

New Member
Sorry to hear about your hubby , hopefully it will sort itself out once hes got used to the idea and also sees youre not paying attention to all the men who are paying you attention. It has taken my hubby a bit of getting used to it but I include him in the compliments like when someone says Wow you look lovely you must be so proud I say to them I am and so is john too he's got a new woman and didn't even have to get rid of the old one :) take care I truly hope things work out and well done on your fabulous loss so far xx
 

Tangled

New Member
Really sorry to hear this and it has crossed my mind. My hubby has only ever known me big and he keeps saying by the end of this year you will be a totally different person x
 

HelenAngelfish

Well-Known Member
I’m sorry to hear you are going through this.

You have done amazingly well to lose 9 stone and everyone around you will adjust to your transformation soon enough.

When I was 32st I managed to get to 18st and my (now ex) husband didn’t like it, he became controlling and I feel it was only then I saw his true colours. If I am honest, looking back, I think we only married each other for comfort and reliability, not love – Me as well as him – Maybe I thought, he is the only one who wants me, so why not. Not only did my world change, but his did too. It was only in our final argument; he told he married me because I was larger and he doesn’t feel attracted me (at 18 stone).

I wouldn’t want to comment on your marriage, as only you know your husband and your marriage. Hopefully, things will sort themselves out! Only you know if you and your husband truly love each other and I’m a great believer in true love conquers all, and what’s meant to be will always find a way!

Stay strong and focused, whatever your future holds remain proud of yourself and hold your head high! xx
<3
 

femfrankie

Shrinking For Sophie
Big ((((((((hugs)))))))) mummy.
I'm lucky in that I met and fell in love with my hubby when I was going through a skinny phase & He has seen me morph through all shapes and sizes through our 33years of marriage so I can only imagine what you are going through right now. Only you know your marriage and hubby. Hopefully he will see sense at the end of the day and thank his lucky stars that after all the effort he is the one who is lucky enough to actually be married to you. Xxxx
 

mummy2309

New Member
aww thanks everyone, im hoping things will sort them selfs out with who know what gods plan is
imjust going with it now im happy thati have lost the weight and hoping that my depression/bipolar doesnt make me eat all the wrong foods and get back to square one
 

janeyf

Member
Dear Emma,

Sorry love I've only just logged in.

You have done so amazingly well, please don't let this bring you down and ruin all the pride you have in yourself. Yes it must be a big transformation for him but what he has got to ask himself is would be prefer that you died at a very early age and he was left to bring up a young family on his own without you ??
He really needs to grow up and be very thankful that you have been brave enough to risk your life as you did during surgery but thank God you came through it and will go on to be a healthy, young woman with the rest of your lives together.
I really don't get this self-pity that partners have for themselves. They should rellish the new gorgeous you, get stuck in to your new lives and let the love grow even stronger than it ever was.

Right. Off me soap box. See you later at the meeting xx
 

Salliebeth

New Member
I am so sorry for you mummy that you are going through such a tough time!
But a huge well done on your weight loss, that is fantastic!!! I had a sleeve 10 days ago, and I know that one of my hubby's fears (apart from the complications of surgery) is that when I become thinner I will leave him - "and find someone more attractive/fun ect........" (He is also big, but he is tall and does carry it very well, although he is taking oralistat from the GP). And like I have told him, we have been together since I was 16 - 22years!!! And he has seen me at my best and my worst - not just weight related issues, but silly things like when I am chucking up cause I have a bug, looking really rough the morning after the night before ect.......and during 2 labours!!! I couldn't think of letting anyone else see me in these states, so he is stuck with me - I have had my surgery to make me healthier, and hopefully live longer with him and our 2 children!!
Hope all works out for you xxxx. Sending lots of hugs xxxx
 

rudders

New Member
I totally agree with janeyf.
Well done on your loss, if my partner wasn't rejoicing in every stone I lost I would immediately ditch his 16st lol
Easy to say but tough to do xxx
 

princess4d4

Active Member
congrats on the weight loss as for the hubby he may need time to come to terms with it all i think we forget it is not only life changing for us for for our partners and families even if they seem fine with it etc they wont be same as we aren't you could maybe see how it goes for a couple more months and if still the same maybe have some counselling or mediation but hope it wont come to that and remember we are all here to support if you feel low and yourself slipping back to old ways
 

blade

New Member
Mummy it probley takes time for him to come around dont be disheartened all i can say that he should love you for who you are people change and body changes.
thats my thoughts tho
 
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