upset and hurt

[pinkprincess77]

I've been with my boy friend 3 years now and currently we only see each other friday to sunday which is hard. Anyway he as been against me having the bypass since day one.

Yesterday he came to my house and I could tell there qas something wrong straight away he wasnt his usual self. He won't give me a cuddle or 'a proper kiss'. I've kept asking him what was wrong and he kept saying nothing.

This morning I explained that he was giving me the feeling thay he didnt really want to be here and he didnt reply. So I said I take it you don't, then is it because of my bypass.

Then he finally opened up and told me it is because I went ahead with it. He explained that we dont have any hobbies and the one thing we enjoyed together was trying new foods and going out for a drink on a weekend. He also said that he feels that he's lost half of me and its a awful feeling.

He also added that my dad and his mum had also said that they thought that I shouldnt have it done either because I had already done well losing so much weight pre op.

I'm so mixed up I know that I've hurt him because I went against his wishes but I did this for me. People that have never had a weight problem don't understand and just say carry on what you're doing they havent got a clue. I'm hurt because I love him sooooo much and I know that he's such a loving caring person but I just don't know what to say other than I did this for me, I want to be happy, healthier and have confidence. I have explained that I will still be able to go out to eat eventually just smaller healthier portions.

I'm sorry this post is so long but I just need to vent. X

 

[Fading Grace]

Oh Hun *Hugs*
I really feel for you. I know it can be hard on other people when we have these operations if they prefer us to be a certain way, but as you said, you did this for you and your health and those who truly love you should support you 100%.
Men can sometimes get worried because they think that as soon as you become a skinny Minnie you will run off with someone else, so it's just insecurity on their part.
I'm sure that once you have healed, you and your boyfriend can share your love of getting and drinking again. I'm a year out and I can eat and drink anything that I like,
I just keep my potion sizes healthy and monitor myself
I hope that you can work things out with your BF but if he doesn't support 100% then maybe it's just not meant to be

 

[tealovingsleever]

Sending you hugs. What a selfish bugger he is. There is so much more to life than food. Can you find some hobbies you both like?

 

[Lincs Lass]

Hugest hugs coming your way xx

I agree he's being selfish. You have NOTHING to feel guilty about. You have had the operation to improve your health and very possibly lengthen your life. He needs to see this isn't the end of anything, it's the beginning of a whole new world of opportunities.

I would also be hurt and probably offended that conversations have gone on behind my back! You are right - people who haven't had weight/eating problems don't understand - but they can blooming well try to!!

Bless you xx

 

[fjsinc]

I really feel for you. If you want to, reassure him that in a short time you life will be near enough back to normal. I went on holiday at 12 weeks post op and ate out and tried new food everyday. He needs to realise that there is more to life than food and drink! I'm lucky as my husband has been behind me every step of the way. Maybe you could tell him that a new thing you can enjoy together is to get fit and enjoy a more active life together, this is the attitude my husband has taken (he's lost a stone because he's taken on a protein rich diet and increased his exercise).

 

[pinkprincess77]

I think hes just finding it hard seeing me in pain too and there's nothing he can do to help. I'm sure with time he will comw round to things. I do also know that he is very insecure (cheating ex's) and he does probably feel a little threatened that when I've lost weight I may do the same.

That is the last thing on my mind he is the best thing that as every happened to me. Although he doesnt like what I've done he's looking after my son and been and got me some shopping this morning. He genuinely isn't a selfish person I think he's just finding it hard to adjust to. It also doesn't help that im super emotional due to lack of sleep.

Like many of you have said we could find hobbies. Also just because I've had a bypass doesn't mean I cant eat for the rest of my life lol.

Thank you everyone for listening to me and all of your support throughout my journey. I dont think I could have made it through this without you all. Much love to you all xxx

 

[tealovingsleever]

If he's generally a good'un then just reassure him these early stages don't last forever. I go out for meals with my other half, I just don't eat much and he finishes off my meal

 

[kjb]

If he is not part of the cure,then he is definitely part of the problem,is he a fat feeder,has he some weird fetish,how can he say such awful things when he know's your health will only improve ,which would lead you both to doing a lot more things together,sounds to me like you are better off without him,although you probably don't think so right now:grouphugg:

 

[Yvessa]

Any change can unsettle a strong relationship. And the bypass is not just any change - overnight your priorities are different and you will become more confident. And you will have to come to terms with a new you because you won't be the same person. Some things won't go away though. Equally though what's done is done and he has a choice between accepting you as you are or leaving. There's no point giving you a hard time over your choice now!

 

[pinkprincess77]

If he is not part of the cure,then he is definitely part of the problem,is he a fat feeder,has he some weird fetish,how can he say such awful things when he know's your health will only improve ,which would lead you both to doing a lot more things together,sounds to me like you are better off without him,although you probably don't think so right now:grouphugg:

i don't think he's a feeder. I think its because I went from 19st 12lb to 15st 1lb without surgery and he was 100% supportive and refused to eat infront of me whilst I was on the lsd because he didnt want to make it harder for me. He told me he was proud of me for what I had achieved and was 100% happy with me the way I was because there was already a vast improvement. I think once the pain subsides, I begin to see the scales go down he will see the happier more confident me coming out and he will come round. If not then we will have to talk more x

 

[borogirl]

Hi my hubby was so scared for me and also insecure but he has been supportive post op. once he sees that life does go back to normal (eating out) and other benefits then he will come round. You didn't have an option long term other than to have this op.
I hope you both work things out x

 

[pinkprincess77]

We're getting there I think he's come to realise what's do is done. X

 

[Karlos]

I'm glad he seems to have come to his senses. Reading your first post I thought what a selfish tosser this guy is. Always remember you did this for a healthier, better life that is free from the illnesses associated with being obese. You are entitled to have a normal healthy life either with your fella or without him. You have done absolutely nothing wrong and nothing to feel bad about. You have been reborn and now have the chance to live a fantastic life where food no longer is boss. Good luck and I'm sure he'll come round to your thinking in the end, if not then maybe he's just not what you deserve going forward xxx

 

[pinkprincess77]

I'm glad he seems to have come to his senses. Reading your first post I thought what a selfish tosser this guy is. Always remember you did this for a healthier, better life that is free from the illnesses associated with being obese. You are entitled to have a normal healthy life either with your fella or without him. You have done absolutely nothing wrong and nothing to feel bad about. You have been reborn and now have the chance to live a fantastic life where food no longer is boss. Good luck and I'm sure he'll come round to your thinking in the end, if not then maybe he's just not what you deserve going forward xxx

I know he will Karlos. Although it hurt and upset me hearing how he felt, it as helped to get things out in the open.

I have explained that eventually we will be able to go out to eat again eventually. I will just have smaller and healthier portions. I feel like a new person and I'm looking forward to the new me. I am 99% certain we will be fine. In fact he booked and paid for us a holiday abroad last night. He knows he takes me as I am otherwise he can walk because I am my own person and I will not take crap for anyone xxx

 

[Andy1968]

I've been with my boy friend 3 years now and currently we only see each other friday to sunday which is hard. Anyway he as been against me having the bypass since day one.

Yesterday he came to my house and I could tell there qas something wrong straight away he wasnt his usual self. He won't give me a cuddle or 'a proper kiss'. I've kept asking him what was wrong and he kept saying nothing.

This morning I explained that he was giving me the feeling thay he didnt really want to be here and he didnt reply. So I said I take it you don't, then is it because of my bypass.

Then he finally opened up and told me it is because I went ahead with it. He explained that we dont have any hobbies and the one thing we enjoyed together was trying new foods and going out for a drink on a weekend. He also said that he feels that he's lost half of me and its a awful feeling.

He also added that my dad and his mum had also said that they thought that I shouldnt have it done either because I had already done well losing so much weight pre op.

I'm so mixed up I know that I've hurt him because I went against his wishes but I did this for me. People that have never had a weight problem don't understand and just say carry on what you're doing they havent got a clue. I'm hurt because I love him sooooo much and I know that he's such a loving caring person but I just don't know what to say other than I did this for me, I want to be happy, healthier and have confidence. I have explained that I will still be able to go out to eat eventually just smaller healthier portions.

I'm sorry this post is so long but I just need to vent. X

This is all that matters...

 

[icey]

Give him a wee while he will come round hun, we are all creatures of habit and change can be daunting....Enjoy your holiday :O)
Karen x

 

[pinkprincess77]

Give him a wee while he will come round hun, we are all creatures of habit and change can be daunting....Enjoy your holiday :O)
Karen x

I know he will. He really is a lovely bloke. I think the main factor of all this is that he is scared of losing me he's very insecure. I'm going no where I know when I have a good thing. Looking forward to the holiday. Thanks Karen x

 

[natashoorrr]

This is what happened to me and my bf. we got comfy and to be quite honest we got boring! The only thing wed do together is go out to eat. He wasn't happy about me going for the bypass. It was because quite frankly he knows when I lose the weight I will want to do more and be more confident and he is scared he will lose me. So he is pushing me away instead of being supportive.

What you need to work out is would you be happy with him and the weight you are knowing he only loves you this way or will you be happier slimmer and if he can't handle that then you can do better. Why should you have to chose anyway? 5 yrs down the line if you can't get the op will you resent him?

 

[pinkprincess77]

This is what happened to me and my bf. we got comfy and to be quite honest we got boring! The only thing wed do together is go out to eat. He wasn't happy about me going for the bypass. It was because quite frankly he knows when I lose the weight I will want to do more and be more confident and he is scared he will lose me. So he is pushing me away instead of being supportive.

What you need to work out is would you be happy with him and the weight you are knowing he only loves you this way or will you be happier slimmer and if he can't handle that then you can do better. Why should you have to chose anyway? 5 yrs down the line if you can't get the op will you resent him?

I was 19st 12 lbs when I met him. He just said the usual it's whats on the inside that counts lol. I was honest from the off and said I was in the process of being referred for wls. In the mean time I managed to get to 15st 1lb with no intervention. He was really proud of me and was very supportive. He thought that I would be able to lose the rest of my excess weight thw same way.

I knew that surgery was my last chance of help. I know that once I don't have pain and he sees the new more confident me he'll come to my way of thinking. I dont think he thought I would have gone through with it, but once I've set my mind on something I wont back down even though I was scared sensless lol

 

[icey]

Thats what matters hun, you cant go through life being miserable and living your life for him. I`m sure he will be fine once he sees your happy :O) x