How has your relationship changed since WLS?

[LizzieBee]

Hi all!
I have been 'hungrily' reading everyone's journeys before, during & after their surgery and have noticed that some have experienced great changes in their relationships. I have a lovely, supportive man but understand that 'we' will need more care once the weight loss begins - any advice or thoughts would be welcome!
Many thanks
Liz x

 

[grom]

Hi all!
I have been 'hungrily' reading everyone's journeys before, during & after their surgery and have noticed that some have experienced great changes in their relationships. I have a lovely, supportive man but understand that 'we' will need more care once the weight loss begins - any advice or thoughts would be welcome!
Many thanks
Liz x

Hi Lizzie
I have been wonering that too. My hubby said something really weird last night. He said 'will you still love me when you're slim?' He was half jokingbut he must be feeling a bit threatened by it all. WEIRD!

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

Hi Lizzie
I have been wonering that too. My hubby said something really weird last night. He said 'will you still love me when you're slim?' He was half jokingbut he must be feeling a bit threatened by it all. WEIRD!

this is a good question, i have been very lucky as my hubby has supported me right through my journey, but things do change in life, i am still me now after weight loss, but some men that are insecure and only known there partner on the larger side can become jellous as you will get more male attention which is flattering of course, i want to socialise more ect since ive lost weight and im lucky that doesnt bother my partner, but i know a few ladies that there partner hasnt liked the idea of these changes and some sadly have split up, it all depends on the relationship really and how you can both cope with the changes weight loss brings.

 

[Alia]

Previous to my first wls I had lost around 5 stone with slimming world and my husband at the time felt totally threated by it and was n't able to handle the more confident me and we split for a while, he came back and I lost my track with slimming world and all the weight went back on.

My husband now seems to be quite excited by my weight loss but he does occasionally say your not going to become really skinny are you, chance would be a fine thing!!

I have friends though who's relationships have ended after a big weight loss as their husbands felt threatened and become very jealous with the increased male attention they recieve. Sadly some men like to keep their women fat, its a form of control and even feed their women up to make them fatter. Very sad indeed.

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

Sadly some men like to keep their women fat, its a form of control and even feed their women up to make them fatter. Very sad indeed.[/quote]


yes i totally agree, as it makes them feel more secure, so other men wont look at you in a sexy attractive way, who needs a man like that anyway, if mine had of reacted like that to my weight loss then it would of been bye bye to him, no man would ever stop me loosing weight for his own selfish insecurities.

 

[LizzieBee]

Hi Lizzie
I have been wonering that too. My hubby said something really weird last night. He said 'will you still love me when you're slim?' He was half jokingbut he must be feeling a bit threatened by it all. WEIRD!

Hi Grom
I guess we all need a little reassurance from time to time! Just noticed that your surgery is tomorrow - you lucky thing! I wish you all the best and look forward to hearing about your experience & all about your weightloss! :hug99:

 

[weight loss hopeful]

My partner has been very supportive. He trusts me totally so never gets jealous (as I am quite flirty normally). All is fine so far with us, i hope it will continue too x

 

[Brunetteandred]

My OH knew me when I was big then smaller (after LL weight loss) and now big again. He is worried that I will get more male attention, but I have reassured him that I am not about to run off.

The problem is that he is also overweight too and could do with losing a couple of stone (he is a Type 2 diabetic).

I think some men's self-esteem comes into play when we make decisions and change. I think it probably in some poeple's nature to rail against change they have no control over.

 

[callysplace]

I was single before having the op, as I have been overweight all my life I have made poor choices with the men in my life as I always felt grateful (sounds horrid dont it) for the attention.....so that made me an open target for all manor of plebs out there.

Sadly I cant say that much has changed since the op, I have made some terribe choices :cry: but Im learning by my mistakes. I can now say no to someone, something I have never been able to do before.
So heres to a single new year, feeling a lot happier with myself in a long time!!

(Im going to hold out for Daniel Craig )

 

[LizzieBee]

My OH knew me when I was big then smaller (after LL weight loss) and now big again. He is worried that I will get more male attention, but I have reassured him that I am not about to run off.

The problem is that he is also overweight too and could do with losing a couple of stone (he is a Type 2 diabetic).

I think some men's self-esteem comes into play when we make decisions and change. I think it probably in some poeple's nature to rail against change they have no control over.

Men like to fix things and I think WLS is something they (think they) can't really help us with so they feel helpless - nothing worse than a helpless man in their eyes!

Something I have learned from our years together is that my OH will support me as I would like - but he does need a few pointers - I guess I shouldn't expect him to have that female intuition!

Lxxx

 

[LizzieBee]

I was single before having the op, as I have been overweight all my life I have made poor choices with the men in my life as I always felt grateful (sounds horrid dont it) for the attention.....so that made me an open target for all manor of plebs out there.

Sadly I cant say that much has changed since the op, I have made some terribe choices :cry: but Im learning by my mistakes. I can now say no to someone, something I have never been able to do before.
So heres to a single new year, feeling a lot happier with myself in a long time!!

(Im going to hold out for Daniel Craig )

Wow! I can so relate to the 'grateful for the attention' comment! But that goes back to before I was overweight (okay, so I need to go back to my teens for that one!), I had terrible self-esteem and made some ridiculous choices.

Here's to 2009 being your year of plentiful offers and wise choices! :happy036:

(Phwoooooooooooar! Daniel Craig! Sorry, I just had a moment there!)

Lxxx

 

[phatgirl]

I guess I am one of the lucky ones because my relationship hasn't changed since my surgery at all. In fact because my partner was with me day and night for over 2 weeks after the surgery, he feels like he was part of the whole thing. We have always been really close but sharing this journey has been a good thing.

He does however complain a little bit that my bum is shrinking, only when I am at my top weight do I remotely have a bum! I told him that when I get to a healthy weight if he still misses my bum then he can buy me bum implants so I can look like Jennifer Lopez!!!! hehehe, I don't think that will happen! He is really supportive of whatever will keep me healthy and possibly give us a baby.

 

[tesmaralda]

am hoping that my hubby will be the same as ever he has been supportive whether i was losing weight, piling it on, going out with friends and he is fully behind me 100% with this hes even saying it will be good for him as he will diet to help me and might even go in for wls himself(he has type 2 diabeties). But who knows what the future holds. lol

 

[Brunetteandred]

I have made poor choices with the men in my life as I always felt grateful (sounds horrid dont it) for the attention.....so that made me an open target for all manor of plebs out there.

My father used to say 'I like 'em big; they are more grateful.'

It was only when I became an adult that I understood what he said. He was a philandering sh!t. I never liked him anyway.

Fat people are often never taken seriously and in turn, settle for second-best. Like it's 'our lot in life'.

I watched a programme callled 'Super Obese' the other day and a lady on there rather movingly said 'I want people to see that there is a person inside here who is worth knowing'.

Said it all for me really.

 

[weight loss hopeful]

My father used to say 'I like 'em big; they are more grateful.'

It was only when I became an adult that I understood what he said. He was a philandering sh!t. I never liked him anyway.

Fat people are often never taken seriously and in turn, settle for second-best. Like it's 'our lot in life'.

I watched a programme callled 'Super Obese' the other day and a lady on there rather movingly said 'I want people to see that there is a person inside here who is worth knowing'.

Said it all for me really.

That must have been hard growing up with those kind of comments.

The 'I want people to see that there is a person inside here who is worth knowing'. statement is sooooo true. There a lot more people out there who are fattist than any other form of racism etc. Its a total disgrace.

Take Care R x

 

[LizzieBee]

My father used to say 'I like 'em big; they are more grateful.'

It was only when I became an adult that I understood what he said. He was a philandering sh!t. I never liked him anyway.

Fat people are often never taken seriously and in turn, settle for second-best. Like it's 'our lot in life'.

I watched a programme callled 'Super Obese' the other day and a lady on there rather movingly said 'I want people to see that there is a person inside here who is worth knowing'.

Said it all for me really.

It is so true that 'we' have to shine more brightly to be valued by some. You can see it the first glance.

It is quite something to be able to say you don't like your Dad, you're a powerful woman! :girlpower:

 

[shelbell]

My advice would be to communicate. Talk about your relationship before the op and discuss any possible issues that might arise. Hubby and I have had our moments post op (just as we did pre-op) and the thing that has helped more than anything is talking. I've changed so much as a person aswell as losing weight. I am so much more confident and less needy, which has affected him too.

 

[tammy]

Hi Liz, i haven't really noticed any change in my relationship. my hubbie feels he has the old happy and confident me back which makes him so proud and happy. i think all relationships go through ups and downs and WLS for me hasn't impacted on my relationships. x

 

[LizzieBee]

My advice would be to communicate. Talk about your relationship before the op and discuss any possible issues that might arise. Hubby and I have had our moments post op (just as we did pre-op) and the thing that has helped more than anything is talking. I've changed so much as a person aswell as losing weight. I am so much more confident and less needy, which has affected him too.

Thanks, Shell - do you think that you being less need made him more needy? I must confess me and my weight have been such a taboo subject for so long that talking about it is quite new for us.
Lxx

 

[LizzieBee]

Hi Liz, i haven't really noticed any change in my relationship. my hubbie feels he has the old happy and confident me back which makes him so proud and happy. i think all relationships go through ups and downs and WLS for me hasn't impacted on my relationships. x

Thanks, Tammy - that's wonderful! Got to say :wow: amazing weight loss! You must feel very proud.
Lxx