Keeping it a secret...

[slp2014]

Is anyone in a situation like me? Where you know your partner and family would be disapproving of the band?

My family and partner are aware that I am dieting and that I do go through phases of trying 'fad' diets... I could quite easily say the milk diet/ purée stages are just a fad?

I understand I will probably get negative responses to this post, but speaking to my family re. Gastric banding is a no no.

I could quite easily hide the wounds from my partner he wouldn't notice...

How easy is it to hide the smaller portion sizes?

 

[lauren25]

I personally think you shouldn't hide it from your partner, you will initially need some help and most certainly emotional support.

How would you explain being in hospital ect?
If they love you, they will support your choice.

I was also concerned about family knowing but when I told them I said during my little speech that I was only telling certain people because I didn't want negative influences of people's opinions in my life and that I need support and encouragement. I also said I know people have their own opinions on it but it's my choice and I need support ect!

Actually I don't know what I was worried about it was all fine!

Sent from my iPhone using WLSurgery

 

[Mandijayne]

I would find it very difficult to have kept it from my partner. In fact I couldn't have done it without him and my mum. My partner wasn't keen on the idea if surgery but has supported my decision from the start. With regards to the portion sizes I belie bit would be hard to hide. Initially when you are on purée and soft stages it's very small quantities and probably very noticeably different to what you were eating before and to any fad diets. Once you hit the solids then it will depend on how efficient your band is and on fills etc. some people are able to eat more than others. I have an empty band just over 3 months out and can only manage toddler size meals. I would imagine it to be noticeable long term.

I agree with Lauren that sitting down and discussing it with him and telling him it's not his opinion you want but his support as you have made up your mind and are determined to go ahead with it. X

 

[mad midwife]

My husband was initially against me having my gastric bypass, but took him to meet the surgeon which helped a bit, now I'm half the weight I used to be and have a bmi of 20 he is so pleased I had it done as I am able to be active and healthy

 

[Chrisyd]

I had the bypass, rather than the band, but can't imagine how I could have managed not telling my husband. Not least because I wouldn't have been able to get home from the hospital or managed in the first few days. And my op was straightforward and I didn't have any problems. Some people will never understand, others may be more understanding than you think. Initially, my husband didn't want me to have the operation - but when I spoke honestly to him about how I felt - he already knew how hard I had tried over the years - and how life changing this would be for both of us - he has been with me all of the way. Think about how difficult it would be to discuss this after the op - and where will you get your support if your op is not straightforward. I don't mean to be negative - hope everything goes well

 

[Kar8858]

Hi, i totally agree, i think you would struggle hiding your operations wounds from him, unless you didnt see him for two weeks after surgery he would notice, im six days out and cant bend down properly, cant lift, cant roll over in bed properly without a few strange noises, oh and no driving. Then you would also have scars once your tummy heals. There is no way i could have physically hid my op from my husband, and ive had very little pain and no complications at all.
I know its hard but you must be honest, if it means that much to you he will support you surely. my husband said i didnt need to do it he loves me but i had to do it for me, he has been fantastic.
Good luck

 

[Willow4]

Really sit down and think this through. I haven't told no one but my husband, and hes been great about it, very supportive.

Unless your husband works away alot, I really cart see how you are going to keep this from him anyway.
Think how he would feel after your operation, sad angry that you couldn't confide in him.

Also if you have the band, how are you going to explain the port, hospital fills etc, plus appointments. What happens if something goes wrong. No I think you need to tell your husband, he might surprise you and be ok about it.

 

[los in it]

I urge you to really think about telling your partner / family this is a life changing thing you're planning to do which like throwing a pebble in a lake will cause a ripple whatever you do. A handful of those close to me know the rest I am planning on telling in a couple of weeks as I know I will be supported by them, by me telling them at this late stage is mostly to stop the worry over a length of time plus no one can tell how long things take to work themselves out and why put them and myself through that
least of all once you tell a fib it just keeps having layers apon layer added to it its I think not worth it

 

[Banderbird]

You will not be able to hide surgery from your husband, I think it's a shame that you feel you can't tell the one person in your life who is meant to be your soulmate and best friend.

Why would he not support you?

OK, you can get to the hospital yourself, but how will you get home? You are pretty much knocked for six straight after the surgery, you sleep a lot and have to rest for a few days.

It takes a week to really feel better, it's not just about having a few incision wounds. You are very sore and may also have wind pain, which can be quite severe.

Even once you've healed and you're back on normal foods, you can't easily hide small portions and how slowly you have to eat. There is also the sliming and being sick as you learn how to cope with the band - I've had a few meals out in the past where I've had to run to the loo several times.

If I go out for meals with friends I've not told, I'm careful to pick slider foods or just have a small starter.

As for your family, it won't be easy keeping it from them either, but it won't be as difficult as hiding it from the person you live with.

I've told my immediate family (otherwise family meals would be awkward!) and my closest friends - but no-one at work knows, and not all of my friends. I have one who is particularly judgemental and I will never tell her!

 

[Salliebeth]

I think this is a great shame for you. I had a sleeve on 3 jan 2014, My hubby was uncomfortable with my decision for surgery to start with, but he has been the best support!! I was uncomfortable telling friends and work colleagues to start with as I didn't know peoples views about WLS and didn't want to deal with any negative views. I had to tell work (I'm a nurse so needed time off after the op- and knew the girls I work with wouldn't buy any fibs about my diet post op!!). And I couldn't of wished for more support and encouragement from everyone!!! I have lost 7stone 4 pounds so far, and everyone is SO complementary!!! I have even started telling people I don't really know ie: mums in the school playground, who have commented to me how much weight I have lost, and how good I am looking, and what diet I have been following, and I have been open and honest, and have only have positive comments ( what they say behind my back I'm not sure- but to be honest I don't care!!!! I'm happy and that's all that matters!!!!). Even a friend of my 9 year old son today commented I looked different, I said it was proberbly because I was in my work uniform, which he doesn't usually see me in, and he said " no, it's because you have lost a lot of weight!!!"
I really hope you can discuss this with your hubby and family, and if they love you, they should support you! I think it will be very difficult to hide it especially if you have problems post op, I was really lucky and didn't have any! I think it would also be difficult to hide the small portions - as they will be a way of life post op - forever!! I really wish you all the best, people's reactions may pleasantly surprise you!!
Take care, love salliebeth xxx

 

[slp2014]

I guess it's down to embarrassment, and not being able to control my own weight. I don't have masses amounts to lose, just 4 stone. I've lost 3stone in the past with slimming world but once I hit my goal I rewarded myself... With food!! Grr!

Hence my reasons for the band. I know I can lose the weight but I need that mechanism to help me keep in control x

I am going to broach the subject with my partner tonight, eek!!

 

[Xenia67]

I wish you all the best. My husband is against me having it, saying I see it as a quick fix, which I find insulting. But I expect he is fed up with my diets and failures. It took me a while to broach the subject and when I did he did not like it, but I have stuck to my guns and taking him to the consultation next month. Thinking of you x

 

[Willow4]

Good luck for tonight, let us know how it went. I wish you all the best for the future.

 

[Chrisyd]

I guess it's down to embarrassment, and not being able to control my own weight. I don't have masses amounts to lose, just 4 stone. I've lost 3stone in the past with slimming world but once I hit my goal I rewarded myself... With food!! Grr!

Hence my reasons for the band. I know I can lose the weight but I need that mechanism to help me keep in control x

I am going to broach the subject with my partner tonight, eek!!

I do understand how you feel - I told very few people, then the news got around. Most people were positive and one was negative. But six weeks on I am standing proud for taking control of the situation with my bypass. Hope it goes well. Let us know x

 

[slp2014]

Thank you all for the support I will let you know if I'm still alive later lol x

I'm sure he may just have a moan about the cost cause I'm not eligible on the nhs xx

 

[ThinnerJemima]

Hide from family. Yep, over two years down the line, they still think my diet is spectacular :8855:

Hide from your partner, only if you are either a Nun or have been married soooooooooooo long you never intend to do IT again. Er.... scars, throwing up, bleeding etc etc etc

 

[slp2014]

He's basically given me until Xmas to see how much weight I can lose by myself and if I'm not successful then he will pay for my operation in full

He doesn't want me to go down the operation route :/ cause he doesn't think I'm big at all

 

[Bear]

Awww thats good though. He loves you just how you are, but will support you. That's good news.

Its really hard when it's only us that has an issue with our weight. I'm in a similar position to you in that I really don't have a huge amount to lose in obesity terms, but to me it's 4 stone which I cannot keep off! I don't want anyone to know, but, the first person I told after doing all my research was my husband, as ultimately he's gonna have as hard a job as me with getting used to this. On top of this, I've just told my two closest friends, as I need them to help me out with childcare post operatively. They were the best support once I'd explained how I'd felt all these years. The only thing they were upset about was that I hadn't shared my thoughts with them earlier.
With regards to anyone else - nope, don't plan on telling a soul. I'm the youngest of 5 (all very thin). I only see one sibling regularly so the weight loss will come as a shock when I see the others again! But, at my age they've been used to either seeing 'thin me', 'fat me' or 'fatter me'.
When I have to eat alongside people - I'll think of something! Think I may have permanent toothache! lol

The only issue I have is how to tell my children!!! Still haven't solved that one yet!

 

[Willow4]

Really pleased he took it like he has, and he loves you like you are. But in the end its how we feel, good luck with your diet. Please keep us informed.

 

[kurstywursty]

Really pleased you were able to tell your hubby. None of my family know, or his. My best friend who is also banded knows because I wanted to talk to her about it. But my band is a big secret. I don't see anything wrong with that. Everyone is different. A bit down the road I may feel differently about the secrecy but for now it's my business and for the time being it will stay that way