Leaking like the Titanic..

[sicknote]

Hi love, i do hope your feeling better now? i will be praying for a resolve asap for you x I have only been going through problems for year & half and i feel like its broken me so thinking of you always x Had a new tube fitted friday.....got home 2 hours later it popped! very painful expericance and scary, went A&E and they put a urinary tube in it till they could get a proper tube! i havent eaten since friday.....Only today did a surgeon consent to helping me, having a tube change tommorow so thats 6 days that i have lost on feeding :O( xx there all walking round with there brollys up and no one wants to bite the bullet and just fit a new tube as there unsure of my anatomy!!!! There are so many people having this surgery i feel strongly that all doctors should be trained in how to deal with it in times of need instead of passing the buck and letting people like me and you suffer xxx lots of love to you xxxx

 

[scooter81]

Hi Bab and ouchie! I hope that this new tube being fitted today does the trick and designed to last long enough to build you up buttercup

i agree wholeheartedly, things need to take a turn or change so when problems like yours occur theres a plan of action in place to try resolve as effectively as possible reducing the stress benig impacted, but more importantly get it right and get it right first time. I like the way you say 'only a year and a half' Its not been 12 months for me and Im fed up?? Like you nobody wants to bite the bullet, and i guess the problem is they dont know how to deal with it. I just hope that out of my misery, sadness and suffering, someone else can be spared the heartache and pain.


Ive put myself back on puree diet, though I did have a very smallpancake and a half yesterday that nearly crippled me. Ill try em again in a year i guess! Still no good.


Im taking 3 anti sickness pills 4 times a day, staggered out to be able to keep fluids down and bits of food. Ive had to knock the cyclizine on the head as it makes me lightheaded and 'high' however its a shame bc it was quite effective, however cant be tripping at work!


Ive got my gastroscopy appointment, 4th March 2:10pm. Had the yellow consent forms with the risks.. leaks, perferation, bleeding.. will be cross matched for blood etc.. and Im bricking it. I know when the leak was at its most violent after endoscopy the volumes increased per drain by 50% from 300ml to 630ml respectively. Im panicking that yes we will get the bottom of things and itll be something either really dumb, or something really bad or itll make me really bad and Ill end up right back where I was 12 months ago.


I had a friend at work ask me how i was feeling, its been nearly year now since my op. Couldnt answer. Do you give the polite answer they want to hear or the honest one that makes them want to buckle inside and retract the question?? Before I could reply i was asked by them when they were taking my band out bc they didnt think I needed to lose much weight now as I looked to them 'very thin' and 'border line ill'. they even commented on how my collar bones pertrude. It took me by surprise.


Explained band cant be taken out as I have no band, explained the procedure and mentioned Im having some problems and they were mortified.


Tired of feeling tired and poopy.. (sorry another rant here guys) Ive hit rock bottom right now, and the only way out of it is clawing my way back up. just have to sit back watch and wait and learn and move on. 2 weeks time Itll be my surgiversary. Am I looking forward to it? no.. feel bad because I feel like such an ungrateful cow. just wished I could see into the future a month ahead so i have those results and can relax.


On another note, from the 25th February (date of my op) the sick days I accrued start falling off so I qualify for sick pay again should i need it.. woohoooo!! It also means theyll have less to hold against me for future reference Every cloud and its silver lining and all..


My hair has grown like a clowns.. weve progressed from dennis the menace.. I feel more like a circus freak sideshow act.. in fact im taking up juggling and unicycling.. my younger brother is calling me "tracey beaker" my older brother "orphan annie" such loving family.. so I get the idiots jibes of.. when u going to the dumping ground Tracey?? and the other fool quips "tomorrow! tomorrow!" Love hate relationship and all that.. certainly brought us closer together and given them another target to aim at


I hope things improve for us both PDQ.. I hope your enjoying that yummy enteral milkshake..mmmmm !!! Oh u can also flush vitamins through that baby as well if u need to.


Rest assured you are as with everyone else, in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you x

 

[wannabeminime]

:sigh: I was hoping for better news Scooter, when i saw you'd posted. All i can say is that i hope the endoscopy goes really well, and that things have repaired enough for them to give you a stretch or similar. xx

 

[sicknote]

Hi love, I didn't realise it had not been a year yet, i think its because i had noted all your posts sub-contiously and made the assumption...but you know what they say about assumptions pmsl x My Father had noro-virus 2 weeks ago and he's still complaining of a sore tummy! I give him the one eye brow raise when he begins with how bruised and sick he feels, he soon pipes down and says obviously nothing compared to you lol, i do love making him squirm hahhahahh, mum says he's been doing the smss sick.man.slipper.shuffle hahhaha.

Had new tube fitted today and halfway through my first feed :O) feeling alot better for it, Didn;d realise how much it was helping until i went without it for 6 days.

I also got a severe case of tonsilits,ear ache and fever :O( on the most disgusting anti-biotics susspension man ever invented :yuk: so going to see if i can get that changed tommoro tastes like paint stripper! i wanted the bannana one like when we were kids lol, not white spirit! massive shock esp when my other half tasted it and said mmmmm tastes like orange!! so had my 10ml he was a lying sod!!

I'm sorry that your feeling down today :O( i know when your up your really up and when your down its rock bottom theres no inbetween when coping with what you are going through x Did you take offence to your collegues comments or was you reassured that they are just concerned for your welfare?

When i started getting comments like that i took it bad but when i look back it was a flashing becon that i should have acted on, I have put on a stone now and have a little bit of booby back Yippeee lol getting alot of encouraging comments know from people telling me i dont look so gaunt in the face, so to joe public i look okay now, not that i should have really cared what they thought x

I dont understand much about the surgery you have had done, althoug i will now be a goggle surfer on it, but couldnt you get a kind of revision or help to make life easier?

I agree with you about it might be something simple or something bad and you just want to know now so you can get on and deal with it! i too felt that way, except i was faced with people thinking it was in my head which was a huge challenge to try and explain that i couldn't make my body have sweating,tremors and low blood sugar! but i was told by one friend "well you could be so scared of eating that your haveing an anxiety attack" Er no! i love food hence the need for surgery lol so not going to be panicky about eating food. difficult to explain to "normal" people that we still like food we just cant eat it anymore :O( i'l be glad when this is all over,

Agree with you on the drugs situation too, for many years my lupus doctor has prescribed one drug or another and it made me high as a kite!! when you have 2 small children i think its irrisponsable to be high and looking after babys, so never continued to take the drugs, now all the doctors moaning at me that i dont take the prescribed drugs for the specific condition......they obviously not a stay at home mummy!!!! Took Codine,tramadol,paracetamol tonight, off my face at the moment but my mum washed and put children to bed so i could rest once they were asleep she went home and my parter came in an hour later.

I wish i could take all this hurt away from you as i know how bad it can be, Are you on anti-depressents? its a recognised condition that if you have had chronic (long term) Acute (serious) health complaints then your seritonin levels drop down or deplete completely x I was put on them 5 weeks ago as i felt suicidal with all the sickness and no light at the end of the tunnel in sight, obviously since then i found out the cause of problems and a solution is in sight but having the pick me up as helped too xx

Much love to you thinking of you always xxxx

 

[chrisa]

Eh well girl heres me feeling bit sorry for myself playing around with 3 or 4 lbs up and down and facing redundancy and no job lined up yet, but really pales into significance when I read your posts, I am really saddened and concerned for you both. I hope something is sorted very soon for you both. I agree that doctors should know about bariatric surgery, my gp knows little or nothing, Last year when I had to see another doc she was rubbing her hands as she new a little bout bariatrics but actually knew some of the surgeons at Srh she was very excitable to learn the ins and outs but still struggled to help really but did suggest buscopan which has really helped me an awful lot. For that suggestion alone I was truly greatful. God bless you both and may your spirits be lifted as you read this message. Take care lovely ladies xx You said also bout workmates asking bout your health, well our head who obviously is part n parcel of making us redundant stoppe dme the other day and asked if i was ok to which I replied well not really but, but its not what you wnat to hear so suppose I am ok, she apologised and said she really must stop saying that because it doid sound silly, think she has hardly spoken to or acknowledged me since that day, very sad we are just another number. We will plod onwards ladies onwards and upwards xx

 

[wannabeminime]

Sicknote, pleased to hear you've gained weight!! And got some boobies back, hubbie must be pleased! Fingers crossed your improvement continues xx

 

[scooter81]

Hey all, hope alls well and youve all had a good week

Sicknote- Hope your dads feeling better. Theres alot of nasty bugs and stuff going round again. Loads of people off work with it at the moment. Get rid of it, then it circulates again. Touch wood, Ive been germ and sickness free thats kept me from work since Christmas so were doing well! almost a year, not quite. Wildest craziest scariest year ever in my life. Its also been the biggest learning curve on many levels.

Glad the new feed tube is going well and you can feel the benefits. Youll soon be weightlifting or TNA Wrestling with that stuff building you up

Things like this that make you realise wht a god send your family is. I know mine however we may disagree or agree, mean the world to me. Weve always been close and Id do anything for them. Having felt the fear of having them taken away from me makes me appreciate them even more and determined to love them with every ounce of my being and make sure that they know that. I end every telephone call with my parents (we talk at least twice a day) with "I love you" and every text in between is the same. The same applies to my siblings - Im one of 5 and we all talk every day by phone, email, text, facebook if we dont "see" each other. We were close before, but now were even closer.

Can you not take the antibiotics through the tube?? Just flush 100ml-150ml room temp sterile water through after before reconvening the feed?? Thats how I managed to take the Dalivit and other rank stuff when I came home with the tube.

My colleagues comments didnt get taken badly in the sense of offending me. But like you said, made me a little more conscious of how things are. Made me more determined to remain persistant with trying to eat and whats more eat the right good quality food and fluid intake up. The antisickness has masked the feeling abit, however it doesnt go away.

I go to work and the few people that sit around me always ask every morning 'how are u? u ok?' I nod smile say yes even if Im not. They know Im not, but they just leave me be. I had to laugh though, I felt great today. Had one colleague tell me I looked like hell, should I be in work, do I not think Id be better at home and in bed?? Jeeesh.. I was feeling great! I mean, I Havnt been sick once and have eaten well - 1/3 cereal bar for breakfast, a couple spoons of mash potato, table spoon of minced beef in onion gravy for lunch and tonight for tea at my moms Ive managed to eat a few spoons of small pasta shells (congiatele or whatever it is) with a spoon of bolognese. Its the first time Ive eaten pasta and kept it down and dam did it taste good. In fact it was soooo good Ive been back in the kitchen and had another helping since 5pm. so far so good.

Wahey for boobies! Mine right now are like Id envisage a 140 year olds to be. Like football socks with a golf ball. Not very nice imagery I know, but the good thing is I can tuck them in my pants if need be keep em warm

I dont know what kind of revisions are available as they remove around 80% of your stomach and take it out. As far as Im aware Im stuck with it. I certainly dont want them messing with other bits such as the colon etc but if it gets to that stage Ill reconsider, get a 2nd 3rd and 4th opinion.

Im not on anti-depressants. I dont really want to start goign down that avenue. I know its nothing to be ashamed of, as I have been previously, however I just want to see what happens and try to do things alone. Im getting better about talking things out and discussing how I feel etc.. and dealing better than I was. In an odd way looking forward to yet dreading gastroscopy. Its the make or break. Just over 2 weeks now, theyll fly by I hope and we can take it from there.

Im glad things are looking up for you, your feeling better and your being well looked after by your mom and family

Becky - Im hoping things are alot better than they were so they can sort it. Certainly cant be any worse can they?? Well Id hope not!!

Chrisa - Your in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope things work out with the job front. Youll hopefuly continue to move on to the bigger and better things in life you deserve. Your an amazing tower of strength, and i thank you for that. x x

On an odd surprising note - I got 5 valentines cards this year compared to my usual big fat 0. Ive also had to contact Royal Mail and hire a pick up truck and forklift to pick up the influx of post they couldnt get through my door.. haha! not been a good week and Im so greatful the weekends here Shopping tomorrow with my baby brother (hes 16) and then out for lunch date (god please let me eat and not be sick.. how attractive that is!) and then home to do some gluing with my nieces and nephews

Hoping you all stay safe and have a great weekend, love to all x x

 

[borogirl]

Brill update. You are very inspiring x

 

[chrisa]

Hi Scooter so pleased you are feeling more upbeat again, you are fighting back you will crack this, same problem here with tha boobs, took them in hahax My daughter thinks its hillarious, tummy not too bad but anything remotely fitted looks like my bottom of my tummy is smiling at me not a good look. I am at a similar point to where I was in the 80's before I had my 2 kids. Top half n waist are size smaller than hips n bum, difficult getting things to fit especially if its a dress. My daughter gets married 2 weeks yesterday in Edinburgh. She booked it bout 2 1/2 weeks ago. Thye are guna stay up there we are travelling up for the day. I went last week to look for a nice dress 16 dresses later rook 2 to the till one for an interview and one for the wedding, left themn ther till had nutha look round spotted similar dress different colour so swapped one for a purple one for the wedding. Got both for £40 in BHS. Good bargain with out breaking my ever decreasing bank account haha x Guna go again today and look for a fastinator small one big ones look silly on me I like hats but not seen nice one I like. Guna be wearing purple n black, guna get a black wool wrap to go over dress n jacket as well cos Edinburgh a bloody cold windy place at the best of times, I m sure to be frozen. But it goives me something else to look forward to. Heres to our big plans which God has for us, may we be able to follow them and continue on our way through these up and downhill struggles of what we call our lives. THinking of ya xx Stay strong lovely xx

 

[scooter81]

I got one of these control vest things from M&S for about a fiver, and they make me look like I have something up top now! I only tuck them in when I goto bed

oooh wedding! Excited for you, and I bet you look and feel bloody amazing in your frock

I dont know what plans he ultimately has for me, but it feels like Im being tested endlessly, and just at the point I think.. you know what.. I give up I find an energy/ self morale/ high voltage shock to keep fighting the good fight. Just wish I could be a bit more persistant, fight it steady and maintain the stamina instead of being lulled into false security to have another 10 rounds where I get smashed to oblivion.

This week Ive feel Ive turned a corner. Ive talked more about everything thats happened, whats happening and where its heading and I feel thats helped. I try do things on my own and sometimes I know it makes me my own worse enemy but I cant help it. its just me and who I am, and I know its ok to ask and accept help but sometimes I believe its solely my fight to fight without hurting someone else.

I had a lunch date today which went well. We went to a pub for dinner, and he knows nothing about my surgery which brings another dilema. At what point am I obligated to say anything about it? Is it wrong or lying of i dont?? So whilst stewing over things, he says hes not really hungry just nervous. Should we eat there, or just finish our drinks and go do something else? Relief! Opted for finishing drinks, and went into town for a wander round. Had a good few hours doing nothing

Some days I have a self confidence I never imagined Id have. With the same token I have a whole new bunch of insecurities. I guess you guys can all familiarise with this. Just reluctant to run and jump into anything. Just feel I need to get things fixed health wise to be able to move on dedicate the time, effort and energy I need into something more constructive and positive.

Quite funny as theres a little cafe I goto every weekend - I go into town before 9am, get the things I need from the market, right into the shops I need to and pile in the cafe 9:30 - 9:45am ish for a cup of tea before going home. Ive been in that cafe this week with a few people; my ex, a friend, someone I had a few dates with, this guy and my brother. Goodness knows what they think! I say this because the girl who brings the tea over even commented - Id been going there for years on my own. One week 5 different people. She goes "fair play to you love!". No harm in enjoying the company of others is there? Im not attached, not looking, not waiting, just trying to live life and enjoy living it. Simple things and all that..

I know tomorrows a different day, Ill take it as it comes. Its all i can do. Whatever happens tomorrow, it will be a good day; I mean lunch at my moms for starters! Im staying here again tonight with my nieces and nephews who have been driving me nuts, but I wouldnt change that for anything! Talking of, the little imps had me awake before 6am this morning, so I took them all downstairs fed, washed, watered, dressed and took them to the shop for a newspaper. I hope they sleep till at least 7 tomorrow. Neeeeeeed a lie in. lol Soon be back to work on Monday! Now for bed.. night all

Much Love to you and yours, take care x x

 

[chrisa]

HI Scooter so pleased yoiu feel like you ahve turned a corner. YOu are very upo beat again and positive. It is a rough ride you have been having yet you still have your seat belt fastened cos its not over yet but it will be when the time is right. Keep on fighting and pushing thoise boundaries, out of all the people I have ever met htink you are the strongest, I love to read your posts, my problems don't even appear on the radar. xxTake care lovely xx

 

[scooter81]

... its not over yet but it will be when the time is right. Keep on fighting and pushing thoise boundaries, out of all the people I have ever met htink you are the strongest, I love to read your posts, my problems don't even appear on the radar. xxTake care lovely xx

Thankyou.. its gotta be up soon hasnt it? Whilst I got breath in my body and steam to do it, I will continue to fight. Its case of you just have to.

Ok Im getting seriously fed up of fighting, but you have to and its like some kind of reserve tank of fighting fuel just appears and keeps you ticking along until youve topped up again. To be fair the way I think of it all is this.. havnt been through alllll this doody to just give up. Would of meant the last year was a total waste of time, and the thought of that alone makes me feel sick.

Gotta keep going, will keep going because soon Im claiming the full bounty of rewards for my family and I, and I WILL get my happy ever after. At this Point Id love to skip a few chapters, but yeah you kow the rest..

Talking of seat belts and rollercoasters, when can we go on fairground rides again generally?? Thinking of going somewhere such as Alton Towers/ Drayton Manor Park and zoo with the nieces and nephews easter and would be nice to be able to go on something. I was too big before

 

[chrisa]

Think you should be ok to go now, no probs get yourself there and have the ride of your life girl every big roller coaster there is apparently there is anew rollercoaster just been opened. x

 

[scooter81]

Cheers x better tape me Specs to my head!

 

[sicknote]

Hi ladies :O)

Sorry not been on here for a while, just been feeling a little pants with all thats been going on havent even had the energy to type x how are you feeling now?

hope your all well xxx

 

[chrisa]

Lovely to her from you we understand just relax take it easy and let your body have some valuable recovery time which it is badly in need of. xx Take care xx

 

[scooter81]

Hi! Hope your picking up well, I'm good thanks. Busy at work with annual billing, focusing on relationship and nursing my tapeworms desire to eat! I don't think I have a tapeworm but not sure as its like a buttons been pressed and I can eat! Well last 3 days at least

I've yammed down what I can when I can and have noted an increase in daily intake : today for example I've eaten half box (25g box) cornflakes, a kiwi fruit, my cabbage brocolli and carrots for lunch AND! Some gammon and tinned tomato for tea AND! Yes! There's more!! A fortimel (courtesy of tartanlady) ANDDDDDD! I've also feasted on some del monte fruit puree high in fibre thingy which was very nomalicious feel like a right greedy jabber but its still less combined than a preop breakfast!

Last few days had loads energy, been rollerblading aka tumbling.making most of it. Apparently still not enough but its a big step.

Knocked anti sickness on head - metoclopamide - took it sunday my face went numb, my neck and left side. Terrified me! Also stopped cyclizine as made me incredibly light headed plus I've been on them for over 12 weeks and leaflets say don't take longer so yeah.. Not been as sick few days but feel really sick. Rather feel it than be it.

I'm a year post op on 25th feb and today I can honestly say I'm glad I did this. Tomorrow, well I don't know! Just been great to have couple of days or "normality" whatever that is (I don't know anymore) and not feel like a freak or dissapointment if it ends tomorrow so be it, its been good while its lasted

 

[wannabeminime]

Pleased to hear you're eating more, long may it continue xx

 

[chrisa]

yES my words exactly long may it continue xx

 

[scooter81]

Still steadily munching away.. Not large amount but maybe 3tablespoons at a time around 5 times a day feel energised and so much better!