I am currently on a different, unrelated forum which is currently discussing obesity, and someone asking for person experiences, so this is what i have shared. I felt i wnted to share with you all also.
I have been tossing up whether to reply to this, knwoing that what i say will inevitably open me up for ridicule, critisism, and generally make me very vulnerable.
However, i've decided to post, and be completley honest in the hope of maybe showing people that all fat people aren't that way because they're simply lazy slobs, which is something i very regularly get called.
I started gaining weight when i was 8, or at least that's what i was told. I remember very little of my life, and i've recently discovered that this is in part due to being sexually abused as a very young child.
From a young age, i learnt two very unhealthy habits. One being to turn to food for comfort and the other being to dissociate from reality.
My mother tried to bribe me to lose weight when i was 10, and has ever since humiliated me for the fact that i was not skinny like her. Both of my parents were within healthy weight range.
Due to my abuse, i suffered a lot with emotional problems, and always turned to food as that is what made me feel better, or at least stopped me feeling bad. I turned to food, like some turn to drugs, and others turn to alcohol or religion.
I have moved house 29 times in 28 years, so needless to say i moved around a lot as a child, went from school to school and never had the chance to make real connections with people or make close meaningful, long lasting friendships. My food was my only friend, my best friend who was always there for me, no matter what.
I was bullied a lot at school, which made me feel bad, so i ate to stop feeling bad.
When i was 16, my father committed suicide, and my mother abandoned me, which resulted in me suffering with severe depression for the following 9 years. During which time i put on a lot of weight. Was diagnosed with depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, and have recently been diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder.
I have tried every single diet under the sun, that is no exageration. And yes i've had some success, losing up to 4 stone each time, only to put it all back on, and then some. I have however, ALWAYS had a very active lifestyle, played a lot of sport (grew up in Australia) and enjoyed being active.
I was referred for weight loss surgery in January last year, and in October, i had a gastric bypass, after much scrutinising, testing etc. It was not an easy option, and it certainly is not the easy way out, as i have experienced, it is extremely difficult. I started at 23 stone, and in 12 weeks i've lost 4 stone. As i said, it has not been easy, very hard in fact, but my goal is to get to a healthy weight range. Not because i want to wear size 10 jeans, or look good, or be accepted by a very harsh society, but so i can see my son grow up, get married, have babies, be happy and grow old.
All in all, yes i made poor food choices, i over ate frequently, i consumed more than i burned off, but the reason certainly isn't because i'm lazy or a greedy slob. The reason is that instead of choosing to take drugs, or drink copious amounts of alcohol, or join a strange religious cult when i was searching for some solace, or comfort in life, i turned to food, it was my drug of choice, and i have had to very quickly learn how to use food in a way that benefits me, rather than using it in a way that is self destructive.
Unlike other addictions where once you're weaned off, you don't do them anymore, i still need to eat to survive, which makes my addiction 100 times more difficult to recover from and i'm expecting it's going to be a very long and hard road to travel.
It would be nice if people in general could see people's addiction to food as that, an addiction, an illness, and the results of this addiction is obesity. I'm not talking about people who need to lose a couple of stone cause they pigged out over christmas, i'm talking about people with real, serious, long term weight issues that are more than often down to emotional problems. I know this because due to my surgery i have contact with hundreds of other people who've also turned to surgery, and would like to turn to surgery as their last hope.
Just as anorexia and bulimia are emotional/mental illnesses which are reflected in the persons relationship with food, so is obesity and i hope that one day people who are obese are treated with more kindness, support, understanding, encouragement and empathy, rather than distain, contempt, rudeness, discrimination, ridicule, humiliation etc etc.
I suffered from, and still suffer from an addiction, and i hope to recover from that, and it would be nice to think i'm supported in that journey, just as alcoholics and drug addicts are, but i know the truth is that people in society will always just see me as a fat, lazy, greedy slob, who doesn't deserve to inhabit this planet, because i'm not pleasant on the eye.
Thanks for reading.
I have been tossing up whether to reply to this, knwoing that what i say will inevitably open me up for ridicule, critisism, and generally make me very vulnerable.
However, i've decided to post, and be completley honest in the hope of maybe showing people that all fat people aren't that way because they're simply lazy slobs, which is something i very regularly get called.
I started gaining weight when i was 8, or at least that's what i was told. I remember very little of my life, and i've recently discovered that this is in part due to being sexually abused as a very young child.
From a young age, i learnt two very unhealthy habits. One being to turn to food for comfort and the other being to dissociate from reality.
My mother tried to bribe me to lose weight when i was 10, and has ever since humiliated me for the fact that i was not skinny like her. Both of my parents were within healthy weight range.
Due to my abuse, i suffered a lot with emotional problems, and always turned to food as that is what made me feel better, or at least stopped me feeling bad. I turned to food, like some turn to drugs, and others turn to alcohol or religion.
I have moved house 29 times in 28 years, so needless to say i moved around a lot as a child, went from school to school and never had the chance to make real connections with people or make close meaningful, long lasting friendships. My food was my only friend, my best friend who was always there for me, no matter what.
I was bullied a lot at school, which made me feel bad, so i ate to stop feeling bad.
When i was 16, my father committed suicide, and my mother abandoned me, which resulted in me suffering with severe depression for the following 9 years. During which time i put on a lot of weight. Was diagnosed with depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, and have recently been diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder.
I have tried every single diet under the sun, that is no exageration. And yes i've had some success, losing up to 4 stone each time, only to put it all back on, and then some. I have however, ALWAYS had a very active lifestyle, played a lot of sport (grew up in Australia) and enjoyed being active.
I was referred for weight loss surgery in January last year, and in October, i had a gastric bypass, after much scrutinising, testing etc. It was not an easy option, and it certainly is not the easy way out, as i have experienced, it is extremely difficult. I started at 23 stone, and in 12 weeks i've lost 4 stone. As i said, it has not been easy, very hard in fact, but my goal is to get to a healthy weight range. Not because i want to wear size 10 jeans, or look good, or be accepted by a very harsh society, but so i can see my son grow up, get married, have babies, be happy and grow old.
All in all, yes i made poor food choices, i over ate frequently, i consumed more than i burned off, but the reason certainly isn't because i'm lazy or a greedy slob. The reason is that instead of choosing to take drugs, or drink copious amounts of alcohol, or join a strange religious cult when i was searching for some solace, or comfort in life, i turned to food, it was my drug of choice, and i have had to very quickly learn how to use food in a way that benefits me, rather than using it in a way that is self destructive.
Unlike other addictions where once you're weaned off, you don't do them anymore, i still need to eat to survive, which makes my addiction 100 times more difficult to recover from and i'm expecting it's going to be a very long and hard road to travel.
It would be nice if people in general could see people's addiction to food as that, an addiction, an illness, and the results of this addiction is obesity. I'm not talking about people who need to lose a couple of stone cause they pigged out over christmas, i'm talking about people with real, serious, long term weight issues that are more than often down to emotional problems. I know this because due to my surgery i have contact with hundreds of other people who've also turned to surgery, and would like to turn to surgery as their last hope.
Just as anorexia and bulimia are emotional/mental illnesses which are reflected in the persons relationship with food, so is obesity and i hope that one day people who are obese are treated with more kindness, support, understanding, encouragement and empathy, rather than distain, contempt, rudeness, discrimination, ridicule, humiliation etc etc.
I suffered from, and still suffer from an addiction, and i hope to recover from that, and it would be nice to think i'm supported in that journey, just as alcoholics and drug addicts are, but i know the truth is that people in society will always just see me as a fat, lazy, greedy slob, who doesn't deserve to inhabit this planet, because i'm not pleasant on the eye.
Thanks for reading.
