Was just popping on the site for a catch up and your post caught my eye. It sounds very familiar to what happened to me. Although I had a bypass rather than a band, I had a very small pouch and found eating uncomfortable. I decided to have a glass of wine around 4 months after surgery. Despite my team advising not to drink until a year out. Drinking on a empty much smaller stomach felt different, to be honest I loved it and that one glass gradually increased over time, not just in how much I drank but how often. In just 2 years I ended up on 4 bottles of red wine a day. I stopped eating all together, I was sick all the time, I stopped taking care of myself, I didn't do anything but lay in bed with the curtains drawn and drank. If I didn't have a drink I would shake, sweat and hallucinate. It happened very fast and it was all about feelings. Before my op I was definitely a food addict. I would eat and eat, in private, to try and fill a massive void in my life. Because I paid for my op I didn't have to have an appointment with a psychiatrist who might have spotted that I needed to address these issues before surgery. If this sounds like a scary story, it is, it was terrifying. Some how I managed to hold on to a
few friends (including some lovely people from this wonderful site) that I didn't leave me despite me pushing everyone away, my home just and some of my family. I'm busy trying to make amends now but I will never be able to make up for the worry I put my parents through. In the end my very expensive habit also cost my dad a lot of money - I'd spent everything I had, that my mum had and gotten myself in considerable debt and had the bailiffs at the door for not paying my credit cards. He had to buy me my wine whilst I waited for a place in a rehab because if I just stopped I could have had seizure and died. He had to come round to see me everyday and give me something that was killing me. My liver was that close to failing. The good news is I'm 11 months sober now. Despite how far I fell, with the help of my family, friends, rehab and most importantly AA, I've stopped drinking, a day at a time. My liver function is now normal but I've been left with several deficiencies that may of happened due to my bypass but was definitely made worse for not eating for so long.
It very much sounds like you have developed a habit. You might not be where I was but please don't think it can't happen to you because it can. I have a feeling that you aware of that and why you've reached out for help. From what you've said you are drinking you can just stop physically (although if you are drinking more than that, don't just stop suddenly as it can be fatal, check with a doctor first) but mentally you might need some support. My advice is to go to your doctor. There will be a local drug and alcohol programme in your area. You don't have to necessarily give up drinking if you don't want to. Though I think if the thought of giving up scares you then you might need too but don't do it alone. These programmes can help you determine the reasons behind your drinking and come up with a very manageable reduction plan if that's the way you want to go. I can't recommend AA enough too. I only went because it was a way to show the board who decided I was ready for rehab and serious about changing. I thought it was for religious people who didn't take their responsibility for their actions but I was so wrong. It has nothing to do with religion (although if you are religious that is fine too) it's about having people who understand you, support you. It actually turned out being the most together bunch of people I've ever met. It teaches you a way of coping with life own it's own terms without alcohol. It's not about how much you drink, it is about why. So I recommend going to a meeting and just seeing if it is for you. If it's not you've not lost anything. You will hear stories that will shock you and some that you might think why are they here? and everything in between. There is every type of person you can imagine there, from doctors to homeless, to little old ladies to teenagers to housewives. The rich and the poor. Addiction doesn't discriminate. It's safe and completely anonymous and an opportunity to make some very good friends that won't encourage you to drink. Something that some people in your life will do if you decide to stop. Not a lot of people who don't have a drink problem will not understand the need not to have one. Alcoholism (addiction) is a deadly mental illness and not a lack of self control. It is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You don't choose it any more that would depression or any other illness, mental or physical. In fact a lot of people describe it as an allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Guilt and shame is just another excuse to drink. People with drinks problems don't need another reason or excuse to drink. There is a solution. Another piece of good news is you don't have to have alcohol to survive, you can live a perfectly healthy, happy life without it - where as when you have an addiction to food you have to eat to live and I think that makes it a harder addiction to manage and I can still struggle with that now but the programme of AA can be used to help overcome any type of addiction.
I hope me sharing my story has helped in some way. It may have lead you to realise you are ok but I think you are struggling and needing to have a drink everyday or to not feel or as a replacement for something isn't the "norm" and like I said if the thought of stopping scares or worries you then it is most likely time to get some help. Again like I said there is a lot of help out there and if you want to talk about it further or ask any questions then post them here or send me a private message and I'd be happy to help any way I can. I've been meaning to come back to this site and give back some support for that I have recieved here, about my surgery and my addiction and also if just one person benefits from my story then that can only be a good thing. It might not be you but someone might be reading this that can relate. I invite them to contact me too if they want to. It's important to know you are not alone and not a failure. When I've talked about my drinking on here before I've had several members contact me saying they have struggled too. It is quite a common problem for people to start drinking too much after wls. The sooner you get on top of the problem the less likely you will end up like me. I know it is a scary thought but it is a life threatening illness. I've managed to get my life back (and then some, for the first time in my life I actually lots of reasons to be happy, including meeting the love of my life in rehab! we are still together, both sober and very happy) but not everyone I met in rehab has been so lucky. 3 people I met and made friends with in there has died since because of their addictions. 1 to drugs and the other 2 to alcoholism. Like I say scary but true. It is also true that you can overcome your problem no matter how small or big it is. One more bit of good news is alcohol is full of empty calories, if you stop or cut down your weight gain should slow or stop. Especially as you say it can make you hungry for fatty or surgery foods after a drink or the next day. Alcohol has loads of sugar in it. When I stopped at first I ate a lot of sweets for a while to help replace that but I gradually stopped that too. The sweets were a good temporary substitute for cravings that eventually went away. I no longer have them or desire to drink at all. It doesn't go away straight away but it will with the help of a programme.
Take care and good luck x
