Op 4 weeks away and I can't stop crying about it :(

[needtofeelnormal]

I went for wls a couple of years ago and then changed my mind and tried (and failed) to lose weight. I then decided to go back and try again and had a sleeve on 23rd August 2014.

I was so positive during the two week liver diet and didn't find it anywhere near as difficult as I thought it was going to be, because I had a goal to aim for and new the importance of shrinking my liver before surgery.

I didn't have any fear regarding the actual surgery and the anaesthetic because I've had several surgeries and at bigger weights than this one.

When I woke up, I was in pain but the nurses gave me morphine and within 15 minutes, the pain was virtually gone.

The day after surgery, I refused the pain meds because I didn't need them - I was even able to lay on my stomach, with a drain in and go to sleep!

My main problem was after the surgery and once I'd got home. I suddenly realised I was facing another two weeks of liquids and I was already fed up of soup and yogurt. I felt like I'd made a mistake because I would never be able to eat the way I had before and watching the rest of my family eat their food, I developed a craving, not for junk, but for normal food that needs chewing, like ribs and chicken and even pork pies!

But as the weight began to come off, I realised that in a couple of months, I WILL be able to eat normal food, just in smaller quantities. I've also discovered that before, I never took the time to savour my food and instead, ordered take aways and gorged on ice cream and cakes whilst watching tv.

I am now nearly two stone down. My bra is too big, my wedding ring is very loose and my jeans are hanging on my hips. I'm now 18st 13lb and I can't remember the last time I was in the 18st range!

I could never have lost this weight without the surgery and I'm looking forward to eating normal food with the occasional treat, just in smaller quantities and with me taking the time to savour and enjoy what I'm eating.

If you're anything like me, you ate too much of the wrong food and didn't/couldn't curb your 'greediness'.

The surgery forces you to eat less but you still have to be strong and make sure the food you DO eat, is healthy and low in fat and sugar, but watching the weight come off is a HUGE incentive.

Hi purplepansyem, thanks for sharing your story. You were able to lie on your stomach the day after the op? Wow, this is encouraging one of my minor concerns is that I am going to have to keep my toddlers at arms length for fear it will hurt or damage my new pouch ha ha xx

Well done on your weight loss. I keep thinking if I bail out of this now ... a year down the line I'll be getting back in the queue ... xx

 

[needtofeelnormal]

Hi needtofeelnormal I'm actually still in hospital as I'm typing, I had my gastric bypass on Tuesday 2nd I was the first op of the day. You are completely normal although I don't have children I have recently been reunited with a large extended family and I was panicking all over the shop before my operation. At some stages I went completely numb and robotic.
One thing I did do is write a 'just in case' letter that I could shred when I got home, it put my mind at ease in case anything went wrong.
I know it's hard but focus on the positives, the healthy life you'll have with your children etc. Personally I only had gas pains as I woke up from the operation since its just been the incisions that have been uncomfortable. If you need to talk let me know xx

Hi Skydreamer. So pleased your op has gone well and you're feeling ok. Do you know when you'll be getting home? Thanks for your reply to my post. xx

 

[skydreamer]

I'm going home today hun, Friday. It's been a strange little journey so far, yesterday I had a bit of foamy vomit which apparently is completely normal. It didn't hurt one bit it was literally like being a baby again no wretch or force just a little burp open mouth and 'oops there it is'.
My husband said it was like watching a newborn sick up.
Since Wednesday I've only been on paracetamol and ibuprofen for pain.

How are you feeling recently? Have your feelings improved at all? xx

 

[needtofeelnormal]

I'm going home today hun, Friday. It's been a strange little journey so far, yesterday I had a bit of foamy vomit which apparently is completely normal. It didn't hurt one bit it was literally like being a baby again no wretch or force just a little burp open mouth and 'oops there it is'.
My husband said it was like watching a newborn sick up.
Since Wednesday I've only been on paracetamol and ibuprofen for pain.

How are you feeling recently? Have your feelings improved at all? xx

Skydreamer - that's great news and I guess being 'baby sick' is better than projectile vomiting eh how long have they said this goes on for? What have you been eating in the hospital? Stupid question - but does it hurt to eat the puree? I imagine I will just feel weird inside ... like I've been all 're-wired' lol.

I'm having a couple of really bad days. My husband (who's of slim build no matter what he eats **rolling of the eyes**) said he can't understand why I just can't stop over eating in order to eliminate the need for the operation - to which I haven't been able to stop crying about since!! I told him that's something a 'fat person' will only ever understand as to why that's easier said than done! If only it were that easy eh!

I guess my emotional and ongoing outburst is because I am frustrated that I can't do just that. He commented on my car door always having sweet wrappers in it and why don't I just stop eating in the car? I told him it's because I don't eat breakfast and often don't have time for lunch ... so when I go for petrol I just buy a bar of chocolate or a bag of sweets cos I am literally starving. His response was that of a confused one .... he said when he goes into a petrol station shop he doesn't even notice there is 'food' items there and wouldn't dream of purchasing anything but his fuel (isn't that amazing that some people can do that - not acknowledge the fact there is food right there in front of them!). The sad thing is, I didn't tell him I only go for fuel so I can buy a bar of chocolate ... that when I am filling the tank up I am using my x-ray vision to see what they have got going along that counter ... and when I enter the shop, every bar of chocolate is shouting my name ... that I can't choose what I want so end up buying 2 or maybe even 3 .... then feel embarrassed as the cashier is scanning them all in and thinking she's thinking 'FAT COW!' ... that I race back to the car and I eat one after another and don't even feel sick ....

It's so pathetic eh .... :cry:

 

[needtofeelnormal]

It's normal. I had my bypass only 10 months after band and have a shed load of problems with it.

I would still rather be thin and hopefully better able to get my body to deal with diabetes and reduce my risk of future cancers. Being obese takes years off your life, this surgery will give you the chance to get it back.

What problems have you had Thinnerjemima? All better now I hope xxx

 

[robina]

hey hun, totally normal to feel the way you are

i wrote letters to loved ones, wrote up my daughters medical history and what to do in an emergency for my sister and i wrote a letter to myself to be opened at a year post op
i cried at every last thing with my daughter, i think i cried on the hour every hour the day before the op. i even bought gifts for my daughter in case i didnt make it

i wont lie, i was in pain after the op, i came round screaming but thats because one port had been stapled wonky into a dint and crease in my lower stomach area that pulled at the slightest movement

it healed up thou and that pain disappearred

yes i had some vomiting in the early days, not pleasent but its short lived

eating never hurt thou, just got full very fast at the beginning, now not so much and i know my limits.
i dont have any problems with food, i can eat everything just in small portions

ive lost 133lb and am nearly 8 months out. ive gone from a size 32 to a 22

at my biggest i was walking with a stick because of arthritis..... im only 32! i ditched that damn stick a few months ago. i can walk now and i often walk carrying my favorite 28kg weight....... my daughter
on holiday we went to a theme park where she made me get on rides with her. i might have ended the day feeling sick as a dog from all the spinning but it was bloody worth it for the memorys we made together

only you know for sure if this is what you want but trust me once your out the other side and that weights coming off youll be glad you took the leap

 

[ThinnerJemima]

I'm very much an exception to the norm I can't eat and only drink hot latte, so as I have malnutrition I have a feeding tube in my tummy. I had lost 142% of my expected weight lost at one point. On the up now though . But, I would still do this all again .

Your other half will never understand. I think we have a fat mentality. I still think fat. When food shopping for my other half it's been a battle that I've been facing recently not to over purchase things. Oh yes, and the can't you just stop eating comment from a thin person. No. Simple as that. No. The surgery will help you enormously to be able to say no.

Try to stop worrying (easier said than done), just think of the positives you will be able to do afterwards. It's going to be rough for a few months there is no denying it, but after a few months when you've settled and you have a new normal, the bad bits will fade into a distant memory.

 

[needtofeelnormal]

I'm very much an exception to the norm I can't eat and only drink hot latte, so as I have malnutrition I have a feeding tube in my tummy. I had lost 142% of my expected weight lost at one point. On the up now though . But, I would still do this all again .

Omg ThinnerJemima ... How has that happened to you? Will you need the feeding tube forever? This must be a nightmare for you, the thought of not being able to eat as we do as 'fat people' is bad enough but to not be able to eat at all ... was it a bypass you had? Are youputting weight back on now? X x

 

[mouse57]

Hi needtofeelnormal I haven't had mine don yet but I think you will find that we all worry about having surgery,however if you were to look at all kinds of medical proceeders you will find the good and the bad. Having a baby for example, the most natural thing in the world but look at how many time it hoes wrong but we all have read about it but we have all gone a head with it and had babies. You need to try to concentrate on the positive operations and the god outcomes and I'm suer you will be ok and don't beat your self up about worrying it's all part of survival

 

[skydreamer]

Skydreamer - that's great news and I guess being 'baby sick' is better than projectile vomiting eh how long have they said this goes on for? What have you been eating in the hospital? Stupid question - but does it hurt to eat the puree? I imagine I will just feel weird inside ... like I've been all 're-wired' lol.

I'm having a couple of really bad days. My husband (who's of slim build no matter what he eats **rolling of the eyes**) said he can't understand why I just can't stop over eating in order to eliminate the need for the operation - to which I haven't been able to stop crying about since!! I told him that's something a 'fat person' will only ever understand as to why that's easier said than done! If only it were that easy eh!

I guess my emotional and ongoing outburst is because I am frustrated that I can't do just that. He commented on my car door always having sweet wrappers in it and why don't I just stop eating in the car? I told him it's because I don't eat breakfast and often don't have time for lunch ... so when I go for petrol I just buy a bar of chocolate or a bag of sweets cos I am literally starving. His response was that of a confused one .... he said when he goes into a petrol station shop he doesn't even notice there is 'food' items there and wouldn't dream of purchasing anything but his fuel (isn't that amazing that some people can do that - not acknowledge the fact there is food right there in front of them!). The sad thing is, I didn't tell him I only go for fuel so I can buy a bar of chocolate ... that when I am filling the tank up I am using my x-ray vision to see what they have got going along that counter ... and when I enter the shop, every bar of chocolate is shouting my name ... that I can't choose what I want so end up buying 2 or maybe even 3 .... then feel embarrassed as the cashier is scanning them all in and thinking she's thinking 'FAT COW!' ... that I race back to the car and I eat one after another and don't even feel sick ....

It's so pathetic eh .... :cry:

First of all to say you are so far from pathetic my lovely. I'm sorry I haven't been online for a while. I have been home since Friday 5th (Afternoon) so almost 8 days. I'm hardly taking any pain relief now, the glue on my incisions is flaking off nicely and the only thing I'm still being very careful with is lifting and moving around. If you're anything like me you will feel tired, I swear I could sleep for Britain at the minute.

With the liver shrinking diet before your op, really be selfish, really dedicate you time to it whichever way you do it, milk and yog or the food. So of course look after your kids, your obviously a good mum but look after you. This operation, the lead up to the operation is going to be about you and making your life better, who else it effects is secondary. Sounds really selfish, I know but you need to start thinking this way, because then things will honestly start feeling better.

As regards justifying your current eating habits, I understand them, I've bought carrier bags full of crap and finished them in one sitting and I couldn't tell you what it tasted of. I taste food now, the operation lets you taste food again.

I don't feel pain swallowing and to be honest I haven't felt much internal pain only when I first woke up with the wind but once I was able to move it went. Trick is to move as soon and as much as you can really reduces the wind, and peppermint tea or a tea with peppermint in. And I'm on a staged diet for 6 weeks, I've done one week of liquids, im now on thick liquids (stuff that runs off spoons), as long as you take little sips and take everything easy you'll be fine.

I just wish your husband could understand how difficult this was for you, how it is for anyone having to go through what we all have.
If it was as simple as eat less exercise more then kate moss would have a run for her money, and the surgeons would be poor. Silly question but have you tried discussing how you feel with him or taking him to a hospital appointment with you?

Anyway I'm sorry to witter on, I hope I can help xx

 

[skydreamer]

Plus I haven't been sick again since I was in hospital on Thursday 4th

 

[needtofeelnormal]

Silly question but have you tried discussing how you feel with him or taking him to a hospital appointment with you?

Anyway I'm sorry to witter on, I hope I can help xx

Hi Skydreamer

I'm so pleased to hear you're doing well. Has the pain relief been in the form of tablets? Wasn't sure if newbies could take pills or if they needed to be soluble. What kind of aftercare have you been receiving?

I have broke my heart to my Husband several times trying to explain how I feel or how I've got into the position of needing WLS. I guess he tries to understand ... but obviously just doesn't lol.

I have my op in 2 weeks and it all just feels a bit surreal .... I'm still eating normal but with every meal feeling a little sad as I know it's one down ...

When you say your being really careful with lifting - do you have kids? What did the doctor advise on lifting & driving?

 

[mouse57]

Hi needtofeelnormal I had a call from the diet department and I said that before I started the diet I was getting all the meals, sweets,etc that I like having them so I could say goodby and she said that was a very good idea why don't you do that. If your having you op in two weeks are you not on the liver shrinking diet, I've started mine with real food and I have to say I'm not hungry, I have had to get myself organised but it's been ok so far and since Wednesday I've lost two pound so it's working. Good luck

 

[skydreamer]

Hi Skydreamer

I'm so pleased to hear you're doing well. Has the pain relief been in the form of tablets? Wasn't sure if newbies could take pills or if they needed to be soluble. What kind of aftercare have you been receiving?

I have broke my heart to my Husband several times trying to explain how I feel or how I've got into the position of needing WLS. I guess he tries to understand ... but obviously just doesn't lol.

I have my op in 2 weeks and it all just feels a bit surreal .... I'm still eating normal but with every meal feeling a little sad as I know it's one down ...

When you say your being really careful with lifting - do you have kids? What did the doctor advise on lifting & driving?

I've been able to take tablets since I came out of the operation, but I did get soluble and liquids just in case as everyone is different.
The hospital wouldn't let me leave until they were sure I was fit to leave, i.e. physio checked I could use stairs, dietitcians knew what I was eating and consultants had checked my war wounds.

As re: being careful lifting they say to lift no more than kettle for two to three weeks because of the incisions - they need time to heal and bound back together. I haven't got kiddies just a very needie cat and a husband who was away for the weekend

As re: your hubby some people just will not get it, some people even see surgery even see surgery as the easy way out? LOL!! I don't see how being tortured by the one thing that keeps me alive and the only thing that will keep me alive is surgery is easy?! I call those people IGNORANT!

Just come here for understanding, and help. I'm still newbie and only finding me feet but will help where I can. xx

 

[mouse57]

Sky dreamer you are so right people don't understand, but I do think men, hubbies included can say things without thinking most don't mean to be cutting but the still open mouths without thinking. This is a very good diet group but it's not the same having support from your loved one. Perhaps Needtofeelnormals other half is frightened about what is about to happen or and I don't mean this in a rude way he is just not as loving/supported as he should/could be. I have a very supported hubby but we have discussed every aspect of this journey and I'm doing it for me and not him and that's what it should be about because we are the important people here. What we have all decided to do has not been an easy choice, it's not a cop out, it's not laziness and it certainly is not the easy option. It's not about just stoping eating and that will fix everything because if it was that easy we would not be going through this. I think Mr Needtofeelnormal needs to read some of our stories to help him understand and show it's not just woman that are struggling but men as well

 

[PokeyKoala]

Needtofeelnormal - just to reassure you that when you are on the other side of the op and recovered you will probably still feel pretty normal - albeit THINNER and HEALTHIER.

I would eat meals with a heavy heart thinking, well I will never eat that again but actually there is not ONE thing that I have not had again since my op. OK, so the portions might have been a LOT smaller. But I had a mouthful of sticky toffee pudding at a dinner party the other day, and I am still here to tell the tale. I used to love crisp sarnies, I had half a crisp "thin" as a treat a few weeks back - it didn't send my weight spiralling backwards.

I keep a good healthy low fat, low sugar diet 90% of the time but I have the odd little treat here and there and because they are treats and normally just a mouthful, they are wonderful. They remind me of how far I have come and I still have a little way to go too.

Food grief is normal and part of the process, but when you find yourself really living again on the other side of the op, you really wont feel deprived as you have so much more to gain.

Keep trying with your husband, but he may be one of those guys who doesn't really understand until he sees the benefits of you being healthy and happy and he might just be worried about you having the op. I have a close friend who was similar - she just could not understand why I was doing it. She has since told me it was the best thing I could have done for myself.

Hopefully it will be for you too.