Weird negative feelings

[emergingbutterfly]

Hi guys.

I know I dont post on here as much as I would like to and up to now most of what I have said has been positive as that was how I was feeling. But to be honest I had a mixed emotionally day on Saturday.

I was getting ready to go to a club and as usual left it to the last minute to decide what to wear. I have loads of really nice "going out" dresses and was planning on wearing one of those but when I tried it on it was ridiculously big. I tried on another and there was just flaps of material around the chest area and the third I tried on just trailed about the floor and none of them were wearable. I felt weird, at first I was pleased and then I started to feel a bit down about it, which surprised me as for years I have wanted to lose weight and now that I am I was disappointed that my clothes dont fit!!!!!! I laid in the bed and cried. The first time since the op. It was only a temporary feeling and it was the only "bad" day I had since the op. I love my bypass and normally I am very excited about losing weight and clothes fitting me etc but this was different. There was also other stuff going on this week with friends etc that upset me so maybe I was crying because of that and the dresses were the final straw.

I think it is because I have been big all my life and I love shopping and have spent literally years trailing the web looking for nice plus sized clothing and some of these dresses have been altered by my mum to suit me and I felt weird not being able to wear these again. I dont feel ready to get rid of them just yet although I know I will have to some day.

For me, it is important to share this as something was going on. Was it because I was scared of the new Michelle or scared of letting go of the old one. Or maybe it was because I had put so much effort into acquiring these dresses in the first place and I had yet to replace these "special" dresses with other ones in smaller sizes. Maybe it is because I am still a size 28/30 ish that it is still difficult to get nice clothes. Or maybe I just got overwhelmed by actually finally getting to the point where I can actually see the weight loss in that the clothes are not just looser when I lose a few pounds but actually physically too big to wear cos I have lost 7 and a half stones.

Whatever went on, I am glad of a place to share it. and apologise for the rabble but I needed to share this.

 

[gillabean]

Hi,

It sounds as if you have answered your own question. I should think that it is a mixture of all of those things. It's a scary thing; changing from the person that you have always seen in the mirror into someone you don't recognise. Making the best of yourself when you are big is a fine art and when we lose lots of weight we are left with the 'real me' and I, for one, don't know who that is!

 

[LisaG]

Oh wow what a mix of feelings. It all sounds perfectly normal to me lovely (even though I'm no where near as far along as you are). I took 2 massive bags of clothes out of my loft last weekend and cried for hours whilst looking through them. Even though I've dropped 4 sizes I was so upset and felt so ashamed that I had all these beautiful clothes and none of them fit me (mine were all too small though...not too big). It's gonna take us all a long time to get used the new 'us's so bear with it and go easy on yourself. Meanwhile get yourself onto ebay for some bargains or do what I do and run all the seams through the sewing machine every few months (will work for a while anyway)

 

[StephieAck]

Aww Im sorry that you had this experience, being upset is never great.
I, like you, have been really quite positive about the whole thing and am usually very happy about finding my clothes are too big on me, until the other day, I was getting dressed and had one of those old familiar "Gawwwwwwd, nothing looks good today and that makes me feel like crap" moments and I really didnt like it and it is the first I have had since the op.
We spent so long feeling really down about what clothing we had to work with before the op that when that feeling happens after the op, when we feel that the weight loss really should change it all, it just hits us.
I personally feel that it is a little bit of reality hitting in, I know that I used to think that 'normal' women (non plus sized) didnt have many days like I did, they loved their wardrobes and always knew what to put together and never had a bad outfit day and then suddenly we are realising that they do and that we will still have these times even when we are slim, and that can be quite a sudden and stark realisation.
Just like Gill, I dont know who the new me is yet, I dont think I will really know that until I am at goal and can actually settle into a style.
Our bodies change so vastly during this journey and mine personally can shift shape overnight and it totally changes the look of some clothes and what looked good on me one day looks horrible the next.
We feel that every single aspect of this journey should bring us joy but in reality, it is a bloody tough journey for our heads to deal with, we are ever changing and our lives, and bodies, are changing day after day and that can be very hard to deal with.
That was a long reply wasnt it lol sorry about that, I was waxing philosophical then lol
Anyway, I hope you are ok now xx
Steph xx

 

[emergingbutterfly]

Aww Im sorry that you had this experience, being upset is never great.
I, like you, have been really quite positive about the whole thing and am usually very happy about finding my clothes are too big on me, until the other day, I was getting dressed and had one of those old familiar "Gawwwwwwd, nothing looks good today and that makes me feel like crap" moments and I really didnt like it and it is the first I have had since the op.
We spent so long feeling really down about what clothing we had to work with before the op that when that feeling happens after the op, when we feel that the weight loss really should change it all, it just hits us.
I personally feel that it is a little bit of reality hitting in, I know that I used to think that 'normal' women (non plus sized) didnt have many days like I did, they loved their wardrobes and always knew what to put together and never had a bad outfit day and then suddenly we are realising that they do and that we will still have these times even when we are slim, and that can be quite a sudden and stark realisation.
Just like Gill, I dont know who the new me is yet, I dont think I will really know that until I am at goal and can actually settle into a style.
Our bodies change so vastly during this journey and mine personally can shift shape overnight and it totally changes the look of some clothes and what looked good on me one day looks horrible the next.
We feel that every single aspect of this journey should bring us joy but in reality, it is a bloody tough journey for our heads to deal with, we are ever changing and our lives, and bodies, are changing day after day and that can be very hard to deal with.
That was a long reply wasnt it lol sorry about that, I was waxing philosophical then lol
Anyway, I hope you are ok now xx
Steph xx

Thanks for replying. Although it is not nice to feel negative it is reassuring that someone else felt the same. I suppose I am feeling a bit ashamed of myself for feeling upset about the clothes when it is what I wanted all my life and since then I have felt ok. I think I am holding on to clothes for too long as I like the feeling of them being loose on me after years of wearing clothes that were always too tight but like you said clothes can look ok one day and the next they dont feel right. I guess it is just one of those things that we get used to and it is part of getting to know the new us. Thanks for replying

 

[emergingbutterfly]

Oh wow what a mix of feelings. It all sounds perfectly normal to me lovely (even though I'm no where near as far along as you are). I took 2 massive bags of clothes out of my loft last weekend and cried for hours whilst looking through them. Even though I've dropped 4 sizes I was so upset and felt so ashamed that I had all these beautiful clothes and none of them fit me (mine were all too small though...not too big). It's gonna take us all a long time to get used the new 'us's so bear with it and go easy on yourself. Meanwhile get yourself onto ebay for some bargains or do what I do and run all the seams through the sewing machine every few months (will work for a while anyway)

Thanks. I suspect my new addiction will be Ebay. Already brought some bits and pieces on there this evening lol

 

[LisaG]

Thanks. I suspect my new addiction will be Ebay. Already brought some bits and pieces on there this evening lol

LOL...would be funny if they were mine - I've been selling loads of clothes from 26 to 32 this week. Ready to put a load more on tomorrow

 

[phatmomma]

EB you could, when you're ready, put your clothes on ebay and let someone else enjoy your good taste n style? With the profits you could buy yourself something ooooh so lush lol xx

 

[Fat Again]

My problem has always been clothes, Im really down and depressed at the moment all because I only have one pair of trousers that fit me, I have to keep washing them at night so I can wear them the next day. I've exhausted every avenue to try and find some new ones that fit, having a 20 inch difference between my hips and waist is a nightmare. I just try to concentrate knowing that it will get better, I hope.

Stay happy, smiling burns calories !

 

[gaelic girl]

Its that good old roller coaster ride Michelle sometimes it feels as if we might not get off it. I think by writing it down and thinking out loud you have answered your own questions our emotions are all over the place at times. You may remember the thread i started about the difficulty i had in choosing clothes now that i was a "normal" size like you i wondered and still do what that is about. Although we all disliked who we were (as in habits and weight etc) pre op thats the only "me" we ever knew and to let that person go that we have known for most of our lives is not easy to do. The new "me" is a stranger but one we will also get used to being eventually we just need time and its early days Michelle. As your name says you are an emerging butterfly and once that butterfly finds her wings she will be full of confidence in the new "me"! Big hugs xx

 

[emergingbutterfly]

Thanks everyone. I am feeling much better since then and digging out more clothes that I have been hoarding for years and I guess it takes time to adjust to being "smaller". I liked the reference you made Gaelic girl to "emerging". Slowly but surely and it is great to have the support on here