What do I do?

[rak]

I visited the consultant yesterday and he asked me if i've told my family about my plans for gastric balloon. I tried to discuss it with my husband yesterday evening but i wasn't succesful. He wants me to loose the weight and say's he'll support me but not by the method i'm choosing. He could also lose some weight, so I asked him if he would join me in WW classes and he's refused.

I was feeling really positive after visitng the consultant but now I feel really down and guilty about costs( although i have specifically saved for this). I haven't told any of my family or close friends because of fear of the same response.

I'm still thinking about going ahead with the procedure but not telling anyone. Although i'll need someone to take me home after the procedure which i'd like to have carried out in 2 wks time.

Does anybody have any words of wisdom for me?

 

[amy_m]

Do what is right for you and only you.

I asked my partner is he happy that am having a bypass he turned round and told me that he is happy coz I'm happy and not to do it for anyone else but myself. I felt very hurt until he made me see that you can only do this your you and not anyone else. (I have an issue where I don't feel good enough for him coz of my size) I'm over the moon with his response as he really does love me as me.

You had saved all that money for this and it's not cheap so you obviously want it.

What does your heart say ????

X

 

[TwinkleTwinkle]

What are your hubbys reasons for his objections? Is it cost or the surgery? Does he know everything you do about the procedure? It is the least invasive & life altering procedure available so does he know that. If he is not willing to discuss & learn from it I guess you will have to go it alone, but you won't regret it honey ... life is not a rehearsal & should be lived to the full while you are here xxx

 

[Caren]

oh honey didnt u mention it to him before the consultation? its very hard to do it without support, but how much do you want it? I have no support either, although i dont have a partner anyway. But there comes a time when you have to something for you. Would he be prepared to look on this site and see how it all works and how happy it makes people? and see the before and after pics? And at the end of the day, its a balloon, you're not having surgery. Only you can decide mate, good luck xxx

 

[SARAH S]

Weight loss surgery, of any kind, is not an easy option although many people think its a cheats way to deal with the problem.

You will need support after the surgery and the obvious choice would be your husband.. Try to find out from him why he is opposed to it. It maybe that he has heard the scare stories and worried for you.

Perhaps you could let him see some of the positive posts on here and that might help him feel better about it.

Whether he needs to loose weight or not is not the issue here and he must decide for himself how he wants to deal with his weight just as he should allow you to deal with yours.

This forum is an excellent source of information and support and we are always here for you....if you truly want to do this, and you've shown that by all the saving, have done all the necessary research etc then whoever supports you is of no consequence... Good luck, I wish you all best in your new exciting life to come

 

[penelope1008]

Whilst family support & love is great to have you have to live with the daily challenge wls can be it is great but a learning curve that is a challenge not the easy answer most think it is. I agree with everyone else do it for you as it is you who has the surgery & you who has to meet those challenges, if they can't love & support you there are plenty of us here who can stand in for them. Yes they may be worried about the fact it's surgery but to have you in their lives for a lot longer as a happier healthier person is as important.

 

[wizzbang]

I am very intollerant of anybody who puts obsticles in front of me. You need to make your own decisions, its your life and your body. Why wouldn't he want you to have it and in particular when he says he wouldnt support you if you had the balloon does he mean that he just won't acknowledge your needs after the surgery, won't acknowledge your weight loss, won't acknowledge your wont help you shop for your dietry requirements or prepare them........... Selfish, jealous and egotistical spring to mind. Tell him you are doing it and if he doesnt like it he can lump it.
But then thats me, and I wont let anybody tell me what I should and shouldnt do.
If the surgeon thinks you need surgery, an expert in his field, which your husband isnt, then have the surgery.
Regarding your journey home from the hospital, get a taxi or get a friend to bring you back. Do it on your own if he wont support you. 'You go girl!!!@
Sorry to be so blunt.
Lynne x

 

[wizzbang]

Also, tell him that although he wont support you in your weight loss decision you will happily still support him if he decides to do anything about his own weight problem.
Lynne x

 

[Caren]

Also, tell him that although he wont support you in your weight loss decision you will happily still support him if he decides to do anything about his own weight problem.
Lynne x

love it, do it

im 50 and have been told what to do all my life. Not on this though, this is mine, not theirs!

 

[Fuffs]

My partner is not happy about me wanting a bypass....But recently decided that he has watched how hard this ourney is for me and came to the surgeon appointment with me. Help to inform your hubby and it may help to get him on side. However, I was going to do this whether my partner agreed or not. You have to ask yourself if you have the grit and determination to do it without him. Good luck chick xxx

 

[mariew]

Mine wasn't supportive at first either, he just said he wants me to be happy. As time has gone on though I have educated him about it and also shown him peoples phot's and read the more inspiring posts. I am being bypassed on the 19th and he is now fully behind me. Persevere hun. This isn't a stranger with an opinion that doesn't count. This is the man who you love, and loves you. xx

 

[Tatiana]

Listening to your story thete's a hint of him not wanting you to do anything about your weight so he doesn't have to adfress his weight issues. It's one thing to refuse to support you through surgery but, if he's not prepared to even go to weight loss classes with you, then he doesn't you to improve your life in case it exposes his flaws.

I am sure there are people around you who will provide the support you need right now - and remember, friends see a lot more than you realise they do!

Tatiana

 

[Fuffs]

Some men are also insecure at the idea of their partner getting slim and getting confident. He might think you will then not be happy with him and how he is x

 

[Nicola1]

I was lucky in that my husband supported me with the balloon, I think that was because another member of my family had a bypass and has had problems ever since, I think he thought this was the least invasive option around, he came with me to the consultation and I was surprised at how many questions he had in his head, I was even a little embarrassed, and it all boiled down to him being worried Incase something bad happened.
Remember you have been thinking about this for ages and have come to terms with needing that extra support from medical intervention going through all the pro's and cons whereas he hasn't had that chance.
He may also be negative cause it's forcing him to realise his weight issue and I think we can all agree when someone else highlighted our weight issues when we weren't ready to admit to them we got defensive too
You can only do it for you as others have said, but I for one do not regret having the balloon at all
Good luck in what you decide, we will be here for you x

 

[rak]

Thank you all so much for your advice & support I've been thinking about your comments all weekend and you are all right. :cry:

I was xmas shopping in cardiff yesterday and for once I longed to be able to buy some of the stunning dresses on display and feel i could look nice. Especially as this seasons colours are my favourite.

So with your help I've made my decison and I've decided i'm going to book the appointment on Monday.

I will present all the facts to my husband and show him this forum. I'll try to understand why he's opposing it (i hadn't really consider that maybe he doesn't have all the facts :ashamed0005. I know the perfect way to get his full attention. I'll also ensure he really understands how I feel inside and my drivers & the benefits gained for doing this.

If he still doesn't agree then i've no other option to go it alone and I hope in time he'll come around.
I'll let you know how I get on ltomorrow lol. xxx

:thankyou:

 

[Fuffs]

Good luck chick Just dont show him this thread lol

I really hope he comes around to the idea and supports you. I am glad you know the best way to get his attention