Who would I "have" to tell I've had a bypass? Or a sleeve (if applicable)?

[PenelopePink]

Hi all - hope you are enjoying your weekend so far!

I'm in the process of deciding between bypass and sleeve.

One thing I've been wondering about, is, realistically, who would I have to tell?

My parents live abroad, in Australia. I am not going to tell them before I have it done (my mother really worries) and I may tell them when I next see them, but I might not, depending. Are your eating habits so different that you'd have to mention it, or (assuming its a good 6 months after the op) does it just seem that you are eating reduced meals and stopping when full and exercising a lot of self-dicipline? I'd be staying in their house, so they would notice me eating less. Is it so much less that they'd worry I had an eating disorder and therefore it would be easier to just tell them what I had done, or is it something you could remain a bit coy or avasive about?

Close friends - I have a group of really close friends who I see 2 or 3 times a week (they are sort of parent friends, so we all get together and the kids play etc) but we also have a "dinner party circle" as we all get along so well that once every few months somebody hosts a dinner at their house and there is plenty of food, booze and much hilarity. When I see them during the week its for coffee and (sometimes) cake (though you don't have to eat cake or anything, often I don't as I'm often on a diet) but then the dinner party bit...I assume if there is a dinner party in my first 6 months it would be suss as I'd be on soft foods...but I could cry ill and then just wing it in my 2nd 6 months? Or would this be very stealth and stressful and would it just be better to tell them, considering they will see me shrink rapidly?

I'm assuming more distant friends and new aquaintences etc would not need to know and might just assume you have a bird like appetite (if they didn't know you before!) or are just very diciplined.

Its not that it needs to be some massive secret necessarily but I don't want to be known as that chick who had the bypass. I don't want it to define me. But I want to have it clear in my mind who I would have to tell, and who I could choose to tell only if I wanted to. Interested to hear your opinions and experiences of this for both the bypass AND the sleeve if you have any knowledge to impart! Thanks lovelies x

 

[Raynebubble]

it would be best to tell them i think as for a start it is advised you dont drink for a year... also it will take you a lot longer to eat foods... and there will be foods you cannot tolerate anymore. ive only just had a bypass op a week ago.... so i may not be much help.
good luck x

 

[PenelopePink]

Yeah I think you might be right - with the friends bit - I probably wouldn't tell them before but once I'm recovered and back on the scene I will confess it! Then when they see me shrink they will know why and if we have a dinner party I can warn the host what I need...

 

[Raynebubble]

Yeah I think you might be right - with the friends bit - I probably wouldn't tell them before but once I'm recovered and back on the scene I will confess it! Then when they see me shrink they will know why and if we have a dinner party I can warn the host what I need...

that would be the better idea.... but i dont know what its like 6 months down the line, so you may not even have to tell your friends back in Australia... but tell your friends here as you will need some support along the way xx

 

[MissDiet]

Hey hun.

I had my bypass 3 months ago. Maybe im a little different to most people as so far i can eat anything. I also got rather merry on thursday as it was works xmas do!

Its a tough choice to make. All i try to do is stay away from high fat and tough foods like steak. I also drink fresh fruit juice to give me a little boost. I do however only eat about 1 third of a plate so thats rather noticeble. But apart from that its all good

Xx

 

[alison1979]

it would be best to tell them i think as for a start it is advised you dont drink for a year... also it will take you a lot longer to eat foods... and there will be foods you cannot tolerate anymore. ive only just had a bypass op a week ago.... so i may not be much help.
good luck x

i think you should tell them as well, its best they know and then other things cant crop up as to whats wrong etc, as for the drinking at srh and i think they are all different to check with your hospital, but we can drink after 4 months, so entertaining will be fine from then drinking wise but food wise tell them close to you then they know why and dont think they food it naff lol:553: hope u sort out what you are doing hun x

 

[PenelopePink]

Thanks! This is all very reassuring!

 

[mariew]

I think ou may need to tell your dinner party friends as a bypasser eats a lot less, other than that it's up to you. x

 

[happyhilary]

Hi, I'm 9 months out from my bypass and only 5 of my family knew I was going in for my op . Like you I didn't want to be labled or hear the horror stories ! But after about a month I did tell a couple of close friends as I had lost weight and they asked how I had done it ! Yes I could have said I was eating differently which wasn't a lie but it just felt wrong so I confessed ! And if people that I know ask now I do tell them.
Because my eating is so poor and I look pale/ grey I think anyone who was close to me would worry I was ill. sometimes I can eat half a jacket potato , sometimes it's 2 egg yolks . So if I was going out to eat I would have to tell the people I was with !
You may be surprised at how supportive your friends are . Everyone I have told hasn't said anything negative.
While I was on holiday my husband and I stopped at a pavement cafe I had a very small lunch and after 10 minutes started to dump. Hubby knew I was about to "have a turn" ! As I look like near death !
He had to help me to a taxi rank and once back to the villa I went to bed for 6 hours.
so had I have been with someone who didn't know about the bypass I wonder how they would have coped. Also my daughter ,daughter in law and other immediate family now know that should I need urgent medical care they know to inform the medical staff.
Sorry if this sounds all negative but I think it's important to hear good & bad ! Also what I didn't consider was that of I kept it secret my hubby and kids would have to lie if they were asked which diet I was on etc ?! And it just goes on and on !
Anyway I'm sure your overcome any problems that arise and your be a success story that I'll want to read x

 

[Clairey1975]

Hello everyone, I've been Reading this thread with great interest as I've have also been wondering who to tell and when!! Already I've got myself into a pickle with the childminder who had my little boy when I went for Pre op and I let slip I was having tests! So I'm sure she now thinks I'm really poorly so will have to tell her!

We do have one mum at school who has always been big, we have even dieted together in the past, then all of a sudden she Dropped six dress sizes and claims its smaller portions and exercise, but everyone talks about her and says "she's clearly had surgery" (they are probably jealous!) so I think I am going to be honest with people if they show an interest and ask... And not lie because that can get muddly!

I wish you lots of luck and look forward to reading how u get on, I'm having my bypass next Friday 16th. X x

 

[Miss DeeDee]

I have just had my by pass - I too was deciding between the sleeve and bypass, but the surgeon advised against the sleeve as it is supposed to give you horrid heart burn for a long time, anyway i went with his advice (after all i wasnt that great at my own weight management) and had the by pass on the 29th nov, Have only told immediate family so far and they are on pain of death not to tell anyone, and my two closest friends, My friends are very supportive but want to keep going over the ins and outs all the time, and i just want to be ''normal'', i think i will tell people once i am back to normal, but some people have been so mean to me that i am just not telling them, MIL for instance i guess its very personal to us, and i hate making the kids not say what has happened but i just think its my personal stuff and for me to decide who does and who doesnt know - not sure if that helps at all. x

 

[Minoots]

I have told most people that I know pretty well that I have been monitored for the past year with the operation in mind. My personal feeling is that if people are aware, they will not put you in situations of 'come on, just one more' or 'are you ill - you're not eating anything' etc. Rather that they would be a help.

It is also nice to know that I can chat about any parts of the process with people and not think about what I have to say or not to say. After all this is a major thing that is happening to me and in a way my family and friends are all sharing it with me as well.

Just my personal opinion xxx

 

[Fashionably Late]

I've told no one except my husband and no one has guessed. Though I do live in a gym and work out like a maniac.

 

[nakipa]

I have been debating on who to tell about my surgery either before or after it happens in January 2012 and have read the above posts with interest. I decided that I wouldnt tell anyone before and then see what kind of reactions I got before making a decision on who to tell after. I talked it over with my husband because I need him to back me up. I have one really close trustworthy friend who I know would never tell anyone and who I talk to about everything and so I decided today to tell her so that I would have someone to talk to about it after the event.

OMG she was really shocked and although she didnt try and disuade me she would have liked to talk me out of it. She just couldnt understand why I would want to have it done and why I couldnt just diet.

Once you tell someone then the genie is out of the bottle and there is no way to get it back in again. I know this person I told will not say anything and it was a bit of a tester for me to tell her this morning but I know that I will not be telling anyone else until after the event at least because I dont want to have to keep justifying myself to people. It would be ok if you could just say 'I am doing this and that's an end to it' but people want to the know the ins and outs of the ducks bum!

xx

 

[Miss DeeDee]

I have been debating on who to tell about my surgery either before or after it happens in January 2012 and have read the above posts with interest. I decided that I wouldnt tell anyone before and then see what kind of reactions I got before making a decision on who to tell after. I talked it over with my husband because I need him to back me up. I have one really close trustworthy friend who I know would never tell anyone and who I talk to about everything and so I decided today to tell her so that I would have someone to talk to about it after the event.

OMG she was really shocked and although she didnt try and disuade me she would have liked to talk me out of it. She just couldnt understand why I would want to have it done and why I couldnt just diet.

Once you tell someone then the genie is out of the bottle and there is no way to get it back in again. I know this person I told will not say anything and it was a bit of a tester for me to tell her this morning but I know that I will not be telling anyone else until after the event at least because I dont want to have to keep justifying myself to people. It would be ok if you could just say 'I am doing this and that's an end to it' but people want to the know the ins and outs of the ducks bum!

xx

Exactly - the two close friends I have told, want to go on and on about it - every time i see them - and frankly - I just want to get on with my life - its done - I am living with it - i want them to just give me a break, In fact I wish I hadnt told them - just so we can be friends who chat about everything- not just the bypass

 

[NOMOREyoyo]

Exactly - the two close friends I have told, want to go on and on about it - every time i see them - and frankly - I just want to get on with my life - its done - I am living with it - i want them to just give me a break, In fact I wish I hadnt told them - just so we can be friends who chat about everything- not just the bypass

My mums a bit like this at the moment, every single thing is about the procedure, if I'm tired, heartburn, etcetc. I ended up telling her this morning I wasnt miserable, I was sick of having to talk about how I feel etc etc - thankfully she understood so hopefully wont harp on about WLS quite as much xxx

 

[Newmelani]

I'm quite the opposite. I told everyone and have gotten some amazing support. Yes, there are a few people who try to talk you out of it. But, I think it's made my confidence about having surgery even stronger. I talk about it a lot, but I talk a lot about everything... LOL. Good luck to you. I think you'll be surprised. I'm sure most people will be supportive!