Aaarrrggghhhh Family!!

[seawaves]

Some of you may have seen that i have had a row with my brother, a long story short, he says its the worse thing i've ever done (my bypass), i never asked him for his well basically permission to have this done!! The only people i care about & talk to are "the people on that forum!" & i should remember who really matters!!
Well he is 13 years younger than me he spoke to me like my ex use to well i was having none of it, this was over a week ago & we have had no contact since, we used to see/talk to each other everyday so it is making me sad, but i honestly think he is jealous as he weighs maybe 24/25stone.
Anyway today i saw my nan she said how much weight have you lost this week (she knows i weigh Tuesdays) so i said 2lb her reply "oh dear is that all i would have thought you should be losing it alot quicker after what you've had done"
Why can't people just be supportive & not negative all the time!!!!!!!!!! :sigh:

 

[Bev]

Hi Em., it's healthier to lose it steadily anyway and I know how you feel... I have some family members who are exactly the same and for this reason... I don't want them to see me on here or facebook... they seem to want to hold you back at times...

Then I have two sisters who will me on because they are already under 11 stones and I've always been the 'odd one out'...

I'm having funnies with a neighbour right now... she and I have been so friendly sharing plants, gardening times etc and cooking in the past.

Since having had cancer treatment, then diabetic complications and now I'm back and forth to hospitals she isn't speaking to me because I didn't tell her why I went into hospital last week.

I am not saying because it's to do with my WLS and I'd rather say nothing than tell a deliberate untruth.

My way is to just carry on as normal, rise above their tantrums and show them up.

I've been texting my neighbour every day, she has ignored me... now I haven't texted her today, I had a fishing text from her cousin who is also my friend...

It's a work of art.

My advice is to put you first. Do what you want, you are entitled to that and you have been through enough...

I do try and rise above and carry on as normal but I also turn the other cheek and thankfully my cheeks are big enough to do that!

Don't let them wear you down Em., and hang onto us... we all have a lot in common and understand that we sometimes need our space and privacy, plus encouragement... we are all so proud of everything you have achieved thus far and let no one ever make you feel that you can't be yourself...

I have to say... I love my WLS family more than some of my own.

xxx

 

[sugga]

Oh em, how sad it is, its also not fair as this isnt going to change none of us personality wise. Im sure we will all feel more confident and that will be a good thing but why do people have to be so judgemental all the time.

If your bro is as big as you say em, then i think there will be a bit of envy on his part. Its not nice for you and its not how it should be. Huggs xxxx

What a lovely thing to say Bev about your wls family but you are so right.
I dont have the worry of other family members because me and my 7 sisters are not close and dont speak and havent done for years.
If there were to be any comment about my wls it would be from my own children, but im the head of this house and they know that right now im putting my self first and that is that. xxxx

 

[Bev]

Go for it Andrea....

I am a firm believer that I give everything I can to others in the way of love and support... but I still have opinions and won't be undermined... by family, neighbours, 'so called friends' or colleagues.

If I have to 'roar'... then I can do it and the whole house is silent until I have sorted them... I don't tend to get too much hassle needless to the say and if I do, I'm too old to be bothered nowadays with that sort of crap, so I tend to get it sorted out very quickly and everyone is told politely to shut up. Haha... it's true and I'm the first to stop the nonsense... then I rise right above it and just carry on... life's too short to be letting other people make your life miserable.

Love and hugs xxx

 

[cah-ching]

Some of you may have seen that i have had a row with my brother, a long story short, he says its the worse thing i've ever done (my bypass), i never asked him for his well basically permission to have this done!! The only people i care about & talk to are "the people on that forum!" & i should remember who really matters!!
Well he is 13 years younger than me he spoke to me like my ex use to well i was having none of it, this was over a week ago & we have had no contact since, we used to see/talk to each other everyday so it is making me sad, but i honestly think he is jealous as he weighs maybe 24/25stone.
Anyway today i saw my nan she said how much weight have you lost this week (she knows i weigh Tuesdays) so i said 2lb her reply "oh dear is that all i would have thought you should be losing it alot quicker after what you've had done"
Why can't people just be supportive & not negative all the time!!!!!!!!!! :sigh:

FWIW I don't think your Nan's comment was at all negative - so please don't take it that way. I do however think her comment was based on the fact you've done something (which in her eyes and many others') is a drastic way to combat weight loss .... For example if a friend told you he was going to hire in Gordon Ramsey to teach him how to cook a Sunday roast, rather than just buy a cook book - you'd consider it drastic! However what your friend would fail to tell you is; he can't read or he's followed recipes and always gets it wrong and now just wants to take the bull by the horns and learn properly. If you apply my analogy to you I hope you can see where your Nan is coming from. I don't think it's the 2Ib loss you're bothered about it was her reaction .... but she's of a generation where 'stomach stapling' bariatric surgery etc. was unheard of and if it was it was for the very rich. She neither fully understands or comprehends what you've been through in the past to lose weight nor does she understand the operation. So for you to have a 'normal' loss following a 'drastic' procedure is understandable.

So in conclusion - smile and don't worry about it ... she wasn't being nasty and may be you are over-sensitive because of that fool of a brother of yours (I lurked and read your other post but didn't reply to the thread ).

This is YOUR journey and no one elses!

Take care

 

[J-Mo]

Go girls!!! I've said it before & I'll say it again - life is too short!!!

Em, if he is jealous then its up to him to sort himself out as its stems from his own issues. As for your nana, if she's anything like mine was she'll come out with those one liners on a regular basis

I'm a bit pi**ed off at the moment as it seems one of the managers at my work has found out why I'm off & proceeded to tell my whole department!!

This manager is herself obese & someone I considered a friend. Friend or not, when I return on Monday I will be collating as much info as possible then lodging a complaint!! Its not the first time she's done it to someone.

 

[cah-ching]

Hi Em., it's healthier to lose it steadily anyway and I know how you feel... I have some family members who are exactly the same and for this reason... I don't want them to see me on here or facebook... they seem to want to hold you back at times...

Then I have two sisters who will me on because they are already under 11 stones and I've always been the 'odd one out'...

I'm having funnies with a neighbour right now... she and I have been so friendly sharing plants, gardening times etc and cooking in the past.

Since having had cancer treatment, then diabetic complications and now I'm back and forth to hospitals she isn't speaking to me because I didn't tell her why I went into hospital last week.

I am not saying because it's to do with my WLS and I'd rather say nothing than tell a deliberate untruth.

My way is to just carry on as normal, rise above their tantrums and show them up.

I've been texting my neighbour every day, she has ignored me... now I haven't texted her today, I had a fishing text from her cousin who is also my friend...

It's a work of art.

My advice is to put you first. Do what you want, you are entitled to that and you have been through enough...

I do try and rise above and carry on as normal but I also turn the other cheek and thankfully my cheeks are big enough to do that!

Don't let them wear you down Em., and hang onto us... we all have a lot in common and understand that we sometimes need our space and privacy, plus encouragement... we are all so proud of everything you have achieved thus far and let no one ever make you feel that you can't be yourself...

I have to say... I love my WLS family more than some of my own.

xxx

Beverlie,
You are not a liberty to tell ANYONE ANYTHING friends, family, dogs, cats ... no one. Sometimes I do think that people aren't really interested in their friends,when they ask "are you ok?" or "how are you" some times (depending on the friend) they're interested in the 'story'. I think in this case of your neighbour it's the latter ....

OK so you didn't tell her your business - which is fine (!) however your frequent, private trips to hospital is not an excuse to stop talking to you because you didn't tell her ... to the contrary it should be the time for her to rally around you! Regardless of whether you disclose something to her or not. Sorry but I think your 'friend' is a busy-body a bloody cheeky one at that.


I think I've added 4p to this thread ... so I'll shut up now

 

[cah-ching]

Go girls!!! I've said it before & I'll say it again - life is too short!!!

Em, if he is jealous then its up to him to sort himself out as its stems from his own issues. As for your nana, if she's anything like mine was she'll come out with those one liners on a regular basis

I'm a bit pi**ed off at the moment as it seems one of the managers at my work has found out why I'm off & proceeded to tell my whole department!!

This manager is herself obese & someone I considered a friend. Friend or not, when I return on Monday I will be collating as much info as possible then lodging a complaint!! Its not the first time she's done it to someone.

Quite right too ... make sure you put EVERYTHING in writing and have everything confirmed to you in writing.




6p now .....

 

[J-Mo]

Beverlie,
You are not a liberty to tell ANYONE ANYTHING friends, family, dogs, cats ... no one. Sometimes I do think that people aren't really interested in their friends,when they ask "are you ok?" or "how are you" some times (depending on the friend) they're interested in the 'story'. I think in this case of your neighbour it's the latter ....

OK so you didn't tell her your business - which is fine (!) however your frequent, private trips to hospital is not an excuse to stop talking to you because you didn't tell her ... to the contrary it should be the time for her to rally around you! Regardless of whether you disclose something to her or not. Sorry but I think your 'friend' is a busy-body a bloody cheeky one at that.

I think I've added 4p to this thread ... so I'll shut up now

I totally agree. Our journey is our own 'story' & we'll tell whoever WE want, when WE want.

 

[sugga]

Jmo i would be inclined to complain to if i was you.
My best friend works in a call centre and i am so shocked at times with the stuff she tells me.
She is under the doctor with work related stress too.
You show em love what your made of when you return. xxxx

 

[lisa x]

Emma..M-WAH (((hug))))
Families huh...
I think there is more to this than a bit of envy or jealousy..

Yes we all have people that have rubbed us up the wrong way when we talk about WLS..but this is someone you are close to...I think there is more too it.

I think you should sit down and ask why he thinks you have done the "wrong thing"
Is it because he doesn't understand the whole process..?
Is it because he feared you would have died or have complications???
Is it because he wont admit that there is envy in quitting smoking having surgery and losing weight..?

I know you have had it tough the first few weeks..maybe you told him how rough it was...in turn he is doing his protective act looking out for you???

He needs to understand that being on here is possibly the only support some of us have..
The reason you and a lot of us come here ,is to hear the positives..that we aren't alone,or that we need reassurance the we are eating or doing things right(what ever part you at in WLS)
I hope you get this sorted...
Em..think of the positives and what you have done for you and your daughter..and what is to come.. x x

 

[Bev]

You need never worry about me and thank you confirming what I was thinking... I only tell my family, neighbours and some 'friends' what I wish for them to know, I never go beyond my threshold and they can like it or lump it.

I couldn't agree more... very often people are just wanting to know 'the story' rather than how you truly are and for that reason, I am selective in what I say and always will be.

Love and hugs xxx

 

[cah-ching]

You need never worry about me and thank you confirming what I was thinking... I only tell my family, neighbours and some 'friends' what I wish for them to know, I never go beyond my threshold and they can like it or lump it.

I couldn't agree more... very often people are just wanting to know 'the story' rather than how you truly are and for that reason, I am selective in what I say and always will be.

Love and hugs xxx

You and I are very similar then

 

[lisa x]

Hi Em., it's healthier to lose it steadily anyway and I know how you feel... I have some family members who are exactly the same and for this reason... I don't want them to see me on here or facebook... they seem to want to hold you back at times...

Then I have two sisters who will me on because they are already under 11 stones and I've always been the 'odd one out'...

I'm having funnies with a neighbour right now... she and I have been so friendly sharing plants, gardening times etc and cooking in the past.

Since having had cancer treatment, then diabetic complications and now I'm back and forth to hospitals she isn't speaking to me because I didn't tell her why I went into hospital last week.

I am not saying because it's to do with my WLS and I'd rather say nothing than tell a deliberate untruth.

My way is to just carry on as normal, rise above their tantrums and show them up.

I've been texting my neighbour every day, she has ignored me... now I haven't texted her today, I had a fishing text from her cousin who is also my friend...

It's a work of art.

My advice is to put you first. Do what you want, you are entitled to that and you have been through enough...

I do try and rise above and carry on as normal but I also turn the other cheek and thankfully my cheeks are big enough to do that!

Don't let them wear you down Em., and hang onto us... we all have a lot in common and understand that we sometimes need our space and privacy, plus encouragement... we are all so proud of everything you have achieved thus far and let no one ever make you feel that you can't be yourself...

I have to say... I love my WLS family more than some of my own.

xxx

Bev..as you know i too have not gone public about my WLS.
But I am stealing what someone else said on here a while back..
If asked outright I will not lie about it...
If asked what I am going in hospital for I will answer this.
"I am having an operation to help with my diabetes!!"
Most people don't understand how diabetes works so don't ask for you to go any further.
works every time..And I am not lying either.

 

[Bev]

Quite right too...

There will be only a select few that I discuss my private business with in any event Lisa.

I say more to people on here than I have ever done and in my 'real life', those that will know I'm having surgery already know around me... the rest, it's none of their business so I just work it that way.

But on the other hand, it's a reasonable statement as you say if you choose to tell people that you are having surgery to improve your diabetes... it's a personal choice thing and it's also true as you say precious.

Which ever way we look at this, we are having surgery for ourselves not other people and I just don't waste time going through it with those that I don't discuss with....

Everyone has a different view and rightly so it's such an individual issue... but my final word is that we come first before anyone else or what they think...

Love and hugs xxx:flirt2:

 

[Nightwitch]

people who don't fully understand it think this surgery is a miricle weight disappears cure...it's not, we still work hard to lose it and mentally keep ourselves on the right track.

a few pounds a week is good! adn just what we are supposed to do.

keep up the good work

 

[bubblyangie]

Emma,

I totally understand how you feel, Family can react in very negative ways, my mother although I know she cares had never once given me a compliment on my new looks, all i get is negative and because of all the complications it is adding fuel to her fire, so I am really getting it now, full blast, stuff like, you shouldn't have had it done, the doctors don't know what they are doing blah blah blah, I think some of it is out of concern but there is some Jealously there also....

I just turn a deaf ear and limit the time I have with them...

Big Hugs Matey

 

[Grace]

Emma, I think Cah-Ching probably has it right about your nan. Because to be honest, I expected 4 - 5 pounds loss every week after my bypass.

But it doesn't always work like that and we know it; but why should she? She probably only knows what she's read in the papers/ seen on tv. She knows you've had 'drastic surgery' and expects to see 'drastic' and instantaneous weight loss.

Your brother is a different matter. Something's going on there, maybe jealousy, maybe fear, probably a whole raft of emotions. He may not wish to face up to his own weight problems, but you losing steadily is forcing him to? I guess the only way you're going to know is if you sit down and have a heart-to-heart with him?

I know when I saw my brother shortly after my second op, he was very emotional. He thought he was going to lose his closest sister. I also know how precious he is to me. Don't let this become a rift between you love, life's too short. But DON'T be bullied either! You're worth more than that.
Hugs and love
Charis xxx

 

[Linski]

Go girls!!! I've said it before & I'll say it again - life is too short!!!

Em, if he is jealous then its up to him to sort himself out as its stems from his own issues. As for your nana, if she's anything like mine was she'll come out with those one liners on a regular basis

I'm a bit pi**ed off at the moment as it seems one of the managers at my work has found out why I'm off & proceeded to tell my whole department!!

This manager is herself obese & someone I considered a friend. Friend or not, when I return on Monday I will be collating as much info as possible then lodging a complaint!! Its not the first time she's done it to someone.

She is well out of order and where I work would face disciplinary action. Managers should never break confidentiality, go to Hr J-Mo.

Linski xxx

 

[J-Mo]

She is well out of order and where I work would face disciplinary action. Managers should never break confidentiality, go to Hr J-Mo.

Linski xxx

She's already put a couple of us in a very awkward position. A very close friend on our department rang in sick as she was bleeding & suspected she was having a mis-carriage. The manager came straight over to tell us, but we didn't know she was pregnant! We still don't know! So do we console our friend who is going thru trauma even though she hasn't told us or do we do what we currently are & keep stum until she tells us. We don't actually know if she's still pregnant!!

Its a disgrace. Sorry I hi-jacking this thread.

Hope u're feeling better Em