Do gastric by passers feel guilty?

[rybens]

Please do not feel guilty about the decision you're making, at the end of the day for me having a bypass was not my last option it was my ONLY option to loose my weight. Being overweight/obese for more than 15years as I have is an illness, partly in my head as I just can't control my eating habits and also the fact diets works for a short while but then lose their impact on my weight loss. I've had people say to me just lose wight the normal way for gods sake! Well the fact is some of us can't do that and by having a bypass it provides you will an amazing tool to help you lose weight (It is not a miracle cure and you must still work at it). Some have even said I am taking the easy option?!! What !! I said, I am having a major op, going under a general with a BMI of 48, paying for it myself, risking my life and leaving my kids without a mummy (which actually if I hadn't had the op there was a good chance in 10 years time i would be doing that anyway) changing my eating habits for the rest of my life, putting up with the post op pain etc.. I would hardly call it the easy option.. Its the ONLY option for me. So good luck to you and I wish you success in what ever you decide to do. XX

Thank you so much this is just how i was feeling hope the post op pain settles soon xx

 

[rybens]

Thank you all so much, nice to know that the emotions we go through pre and post op are quite a normal part of the process of weight loss surgery xx

 

[rybens]

Hiya, can i just say that i know where you are coming from as i to went through the same thing as you. I could have had the surgery 4 years ago but i kept thinking know i have to do it myself but know when i look back i did not have the surgery because i felt that i was letting people down who wanted me to loose the wheight by loosing it myself. Stupid i know. I had a long chat with my doctor the other day who i am incredibly grateful to who said that the whole of his surgery were willing me to have the surgery and when i first told my family that i was having the surgery they all jumped up and shouted thank god for that. For me it is the best thing i have ever done and it just shows you how wrong you can be about people even those that are close to you and my biggest regret was not having it done 4 years ago. But i have had it done now and 102 pounds down so far and am incredibly happy i hope this helps you in some way. janey

well done you!!:happy096:

 

[quetiapina]

Hi Rybens, I do understand your feelings of guilt and failure to lose weight in conventional ways.

However, have you considered the huge amount of will power we have all had in losing weight, only sadly to put it all back on and more.

We have all messed with our metabolisms, most tried pills, potions, fad diets etc etc. Being obese is the outcome of all of this effort.

Surgery is not an easy option, it is often the last resort for us to lose weight and maintain this weight loss. After all what is a diet - it is a battle with what our bodies naturally want to do - ie conserve fat just in case there is a famine. Imagine if someone said to you, well, you need to cut down the amount of water you are drinking and so you had to monitor each glass, only to still feel thirsty. Not natural is it, in fact quite ridiculous.

For myself, I have never been a stable weight apart from when I was at Uni for the first time (undergrad). I maintained 12 stones by throwing up. I still felt I was fat.

Looking back I can't believe that I felt this way, already having had several diets under my belt. I had my son in my teens b4 uni and have not been happy with my body since - v paranoid re tummy after having a 10lb baby!

I think over the years I have probably lost 30 stone, dieting, regaining etc. doubtless most people here have had the same problems. It is not a will power thing I don't think, and when a person is morbidly obese I think weight loss becomes far far more difficult due to emotional, physical and psychological changes and difficulties.

People who question WLS don't really understand our desperation. Despair. If dieting worked, would we not all be thin? Do people really think that we choose to be morbidly obese? To find it hard to walk, get diabetes, feel self conscious, have embarrassing things happen, get comments from loved ones and strangers.

You have taken a brave step. Be proud of yourself, you are trying to achieve good health and a better quality of life, and are taking well considered steps in order to achieve it. x

 

[rybens]

Thanks jenni and bloody well done on a ten pound baby !! lol

 

[phatgirl]

I have been classed as obese since age seven, went on my first doctor-assisted diet at age 10. I have tried ABSOLUTELY every bloody diet, pill, potion etc in my life trying to find anything that would allow me to lose weight and keep it off. I did make some sort of peace with being a big girl over the years with the help of a loving hubby who thought I was a goddess at any size. It was my sharp decilne in health after I turned 30 and my infertility that finally brought me to wls. I felt bad that I had let my health suffer with the way I ate but I have never for one moment felt guilty about wls! I knew in my heart that the reason I needed wls was medical and not cosmetic so I avoided the guilt on that front. Please remember that if you have a defective organ, it is logical and neccessary to have surgical intervention (heart, liver, kidneys). Think of it as having a defective weight-management organ and the surgery will correct that.

Wishing you the best of luck with your journey!

Nic

 

[Brunetteandred]

It's an emotional roller coaster that is never ending.

I can relate to many of the posts here. Shame & embarrassment probably fit the bill for me than guilt.

But I did it and I thank whatever deity of your choice that I did.

 

[wannaloose18stone]

Noooo guilt here

 

[Marky007]

i am in the same postion as you, just had the tests needed and i felt guilty that i have come to this, and that i felt defeated. But i think i would be more guilty of leaving a family behind through being obese and dying early. How many smokers & alchaholics would have a operation to stop their addiction, most proberly nearly all. So we have been given this life changing operation, where others have nothing only will power. So i am soooooooo lucky there is something for me to help me. I wont be feeling guilty when i can finally walk down the street without pain in the ankles and knees, and get my backside in a seat on a plane again.

 

[rybens]

i am in the same postion as you, just had the tests needed and i felt guilty that i have come to this, and that i felt defeated. But i think i would be more guilty of leaving a family behind through being obese and dying early. How many smokers & alchaholics would have a operation to stop their addiction, most proberly nearly all. So we have been given this life changing operation, where others have nothing only will power. So i am soooooooo lucky there is something for me to help me. I wont be feeling guilty when i can finally walk down the street without pain in the ankles and knees, and get my backside in a seat on a plane again.

yes i know what you mean about the plane seat first year last year i felt really out of place on a plane x

 

[Silversurfer]

I think what started this all off is i was speaking to a mate yesterday , a very thin mate who has lost 5 stone on ww and she kept going on about the risks and said she wasnt being funny but why not try another diet as it would be easyer than going under the knife , thats what made me feel a bit crap i could see it in her that she would never have gone down the surgical route, but we are not all the same and after years of thinking about it im just going through the emotional issues im sure plenty of you may have had before sugery

We all to try to justify what we do in our own way, your friend is justifying her decision to lose weight through self control dieting by downing your desicion to follow a surgical route, have the op and lose the weight, and see who's regained weight in 2 years time, statistically she will have regained all if not more weight than she originally lose ont he self control diet, its a fact, we've all done it been there and got the t shirts !

As for your issue, are you confusing guilt with frustration because they are two different emotions. Before my op i felt very asshamed that i'd got to the stage where i didn't have the strenght to follow a conventional type diet and was now at WLS stage.

 

[Teasdaler]

Im just going through all the tests and meetings at the moment to anable me to have a bypass , iv been on diets forever and need to put a stop to any more weight gain , as dont want to cause problems with my health. My problem is im finding it hard that iv got to this point and feel really guilty that i just didnt have the strenth and will power to do it for me and my family the old traditional way of just dieting . Just wondered if any one had felt this way :sigh:

OH I felt bad bout it all but i knew in long run Im loads better off in long run with it. Trust me, although its scary to think bout it but its totally wprth it

 

[tesmaralda]

I have never felt guilty but did have doubts about giving the conventional diets another go. But when I sat down and thought about things sensibly I realised I was to overweight for any conventionla diet to work successfully long term. Conventional diets make money from people that are morbidly obese like many that undergo surgery as this is where their bread and butter money comes from. They rely on us to diet, then slip back to our old eating habits pile on more weight and then go back and keep yo yoing like this and lining their pockets.

Having the Bypass was the best thing I have ever done my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. I am 6 weeks post op and am still adjust to the eating and portion sizes and food is no longer the centre of my life and my life doesn't revolve around food. I haven't even miss food when been to family BBqs.

So in answer to the question do I feel guilty? The answer is a resounding no I don't I have nothing to feel guilty over.

 

[wannabeanewme]

hiya rybens..
now, I'm not a bypasser but a bander.. but all the emotions and experiences are exactly the same for anyone who is classed as obese, moderatly obese or morbidly obese.
We are all human and we all bleed if we are cut and cruel words do that - however mentally, not physically..
we all start our journey to wls the same - only your eating habits (told honestly to your team) and the decision by your surgeon depends on whether you get a bypass - or a band..

I do not feel any guilt whatsoever for putting myself through this operation, I have battled my weight for over 24yrs - and am only 37yrs old, I have a wonderful loving family and despite that - there are certain members who do not know of the surgery - because I know - family or not.. they would judge me. The main reason I had the operation was after being told by a surgeon regarding a different health issue - which I still have to cope with - that he was willing to operate on me but I'd die. That was jan 08 and I weighed 21st 7lb. And now - merely 17 months later.. and 3stone 3lb lighter.. most of that in the last 9 weeks from start of pre-op diet.. I'm on the losing side, am getting more energy and have given myself an 'extension' to my life with my family and friends..

Never think that you have failed with your life because for whatever reason - you began this wls journey - you are doing something for YOU.. the only person who walks in your shoes is you, deals with health issues - is you.. nobody on this earthly plane has the right to judge you.. only whomever you believe in - will do that..

All the best hunni, we're all behind you
:grouphugg:

 

[fatbutnot4long]

i sometimes feel guilty. alot of my family dont want me to even do it! and they keep asking me to do it the 'normal' way! the thing is i loose 3 maybe 4 stone and then i just loose the will! in really believe that if i could do it the 'normal' way i would. this is by no means the easy way out... its just the tool i need to help me... im on the pre op diet at the moment and im having real trouble... the weight is just not moving past the 1st 10lb! i have to loose 5% to get to the next step! x

 

[quetiapina]

Thanks jenni and bloody well done on a ten pound baby !! lol

Thanks! Bloody is the right word

 

[rybens]

hiya rybens..
now, I'm not a bypasser but a bander.. but all the emotions and experiences are exactly the same for anyone who is classed as obese, moderatly obese or morbidly obese.
We are all human and we all bleed if we are cut and cruel words do that - however mentally, not physically..
we all start our journey to wls the same - only your eating habits (told honestly to your team) and the decision by your surgeon depends on whether you get a bypass - or a band..

I do not feel any guilt whatsoever for putting myself through this operation, I have battled my weight for over 24yrs - and am only 37yrs old, I have a wonderful loving family and despite that - there are certain members who do not know of the surgery - because I know - family or not.. they would judge me. The main reason I had the operation was after being told by a surgeon regarding a different health issue - which I still have to cope with - that he was willing to operate on me but I'd die. That was jan 08 and I weighed 21st 7lb. And now - merely 17 months later.. and 3stone 3lb lighter.. most of that in the last 9 weeks from start of pre-op diet.. I'm on the losing side, am getting more energy and have given myself an 'extension' to my life with my family and friends..

Never think that you have failed with your life because for whatever reason - you began this wls journey - you are doing something for YOU.. the only person who walks in your shoes is you, deals with health issues - is you.. nobody on this earthly plane has the right to judge you.. only whomever you believe in - will do that..

All the best hunni, we're all behind you
:grouphugg:

Thanks babe x

 

[rybens]

i sometimes feel guilty. alot of my family dont want me to even do it! and they keep asking me to do it the 'normal' way! the thing is i loose 3 maybe 4 stone and then i just loose the will! in really believe that if i could do it the 'normal' way i would. this is by no means the easy way out... its just the tool i need to help me... im on the pre op diet at the moment and im having real trouble... the weight is just not moving past the 1st 10lb! i have to loose 5% to get to the next step! x

all different hospitals do things different, what steps have you had to go through and how longs the process been so far? your doing good to have lost keep up the good work hun xx

 

[gaelic girl]

Hi Rybens
I don't feel guilty worried yes but defo not guilty. Like everyonelse it's been a lifetime of battling, shame and embarrasment and being judged by people who have no right to judge me but still they get to me! I know i have a life changing journey ahead of me ( bypass on Aug 7th) but it's one i must take for all of the above reasons and also for my health. Like you Jenny my 1st baby was 10lb 5 oz 24 years ago which just added to he already exsisting problem. Whatever you decide Rybens we are all in this together as people who genuinly understand so i want to wish you luck on your journey xx

 

[rybens]

Hi Rybens
I don't feel guilty worried yes but defo not guilty. Like everyonelse it's been a lifetime of battling, shame and embarrasment and being judged by people who have no right to judge me but still they get to me! I know i have a life changing journey ahead of me ( bypass on Aug 7th) but it's one i must take for all of the above reasons and also for my health. Like you Jenny my 1st baby was 10lb 5 oz 24 years ago which just added to he already exsisting problem. Whatever you decide Rybens we are all in this together as people who genuinly understand so i want to wish you luck on your journey xx

Thank you and good look for the 7th wow a new you very soon x how long has the process taken so far ? x