Dont think can do this....

[novamay]

I had my second psych appointment last night. I froze up. I couldn't talk to him. He kept asking what was going through my mind, how was I feeling, what was making me upset? but all I could think was 'nothing, there's absolutely bloody nothing in my mind'.

I don't know what he wants me to say. I can't answer the questions he's asking, because I dont know the answers, or they won't come to me. I've racked my brains trying to recall any event in the past but can't find anything to pinpoint weight gain - other than being greedy (I used to go to my grans for tea, then come home and eat another tea). I've always been fat and I don't know any other way. I don't know what else he wants me to say.

I can't do this anymore. I'm supposed to go back in July but I don't think I will. I'm thinking this is the end of my weight loss surgery journey because I don't think the surgeon will put me through without the pscych's agreement.

 

[Fizzy donna]

Don't panic my app with my psycho was awful ! We didn't get on at all and she was completely obstructive with everything I was saying !! Only had to see her once thank goodness . I really thought that was the end of my surgery after leaving but her report was never mentioned by the surgeon so for me didn't play a part . Not everyone is able to open up to strangers and they have to understand that so think about going to the next one . don't give up if the surgery is what u really want good luck x

 

[suepat10]

Please don't worry at all.

I'm no expert (I seem to put that in most of my posts) but the way I see it is that the psych is asking to see if there is an underlying cause that needs sorting out first. It doesn't mean there HAS to be anything.

When you see him next explain to thim that you may have seemed a bit tense because you couldn't think of anything - and that you've ben thinking since and still can't xx

 

[daftmoo]

please dont think about what he might want to hear, just tell him the truth as you've just told us

 

[JED]

I was asked the same question my answer was ive been big all my life there was no other answer

 

[wizzbang]

He may not have been looking for reasons for you to justify why you should have the surgery.
He may have been making sure that you were mentally healthy enough to have surgery, which you are.
Hope you know what I mean.
I don't think you should worry. Just go to your next appointment and be yourself.
Lynne x

 

[Kevin1708]

Thank Heavens I didn’t have to see a Pysc . . . what would he have made of me ... ?
Remember, honestly is the best policy . . . just tell him how you feel now ~ the worst thing you can do is try to say what you think he wants to hear. He might decide that surgery is not for you at this time and if he does then so be it – things do happen for a reason these steps are there for a reason. xxx

 

[Big an Bouncy]

You may of hit the nail on the head by mentioning your nan for me,it could be the comfort of being fed at your nans then going home and being offered more food from your mum.Are/were your mum and nan overweight?Its a circle of love/feeding,I had it then you carry on eating to surround yourself with 'love'.Dont be intimidated by him he is trying to get to the bottom of your problem with food.You think you are greedy I think you have been conditioned to regard food as a reward.In the most loving and caring way ofcourse!Maz x

 

[starr]

i think maz is spot on,,my childhood was very tough, and food was def confused with love ,how can you give 11 kids all they need with no income,the only thing they could give was food,i found myself falling into the same patteren,with my kids but changed it very early on ,id reward my kids with sweets ,but soon realised they preferred a walk in the park to feed the ducks to a choc bar,or swimming , or just a cuddle , dont be hard on yourself love ,and good luck,dont give up x

 

[novamay]

Thanks everyone for your responses and advice. Maz - you've hit the nail on the head.... mam, gran, dad and majority of my relatives were/are overweight! I have written a bit about the session and what I have been thinking since then - really just to get it off my chest and to try and make sense of the 'why do you think...' the pscyh kept asking me.

We started off talking about how I feel I put myself second to others (something I'd admitted to doing at the first session). Why did I do this? Why did I not feel that I was just as important as anyone else? I said it was the way I was raised. My maternal grandmother was very much a ‘do for others’ kind of person. My mother the same. Other people, including us kids, were put first. She never ‘treated’ her self to anything other than food - possibly through lack of funds. She was constantly on and off diets when I was growing up and she used to have ‘stashes’ of crisps and biscuits when she was off diets; and I know she would eat secretively as I was often included - my mother and I were very close.

I always felt that there was no restriction on food, that I could and did help myself to anything I wanted out of the cupboards and fridge when I was growing up. Talking to my sister last night she said that she had a different experience. She said that she always felt that she couldn’t go help herself to food – that the treat cupboard was out of bounds and that she was frightened to ask for anything. My sister explained that she always felt that I was my mother’s favourite and she was jealous of this. That was a bit of an eye-opener!

I also sometimes used to eat my sisters leftovers. It was at a time when the TV was full of adverts for starving African babies and we were made to feel guilty if we left food on our plates. We also didn't have much money growing up - my dad was a miner but he also used to spend a lot of money on alcohol - he would drink most days after his shift. Mum probably didn't have much money to spend on groceries or housekeeping so that's why she didn't have much left over to 'treat' herself I guess, or maybe she didn't feel that she was important enough (I guess I'll never know as she passed away when I was 23). Food was relatively cheap and readily available, so that could be why it became her treat and ultimately mine.

It was probably part of being a parent also – that you want to see your children to be well nourished. My mother was a person who liked people to be happy, and would feed you to make you feel better. A sweet treat to take away the pain. My grandmother could have fed the third world with the contents of her larder. Everytime we went to see her (she lived next door so that was very convenient) the first thing she would ask is ‘have you had your tea’. And, being by nature a person who does not like to disappoint others, I couldn’t say ‘no’; I felt it would be rude to refuse. So, I would have a cooked tea, cakes, biscuits, whatever was offered at my grandmothers; then go home and have a cooked tea again.

So in summary, all I had known as I was growing up was that food was considered as antidote to all ills; that it was a way of giving love and comfort; a special treat; something to be hidden away or conversely something to be shared with favoured recipients; and something to be consumed in great quantities.

So why couldn’t I just say this at the appointment?

 

[SARAH S]

Hey don't beat yourself up over this...talking to these people isn't easy for most if us.

Lets face it, if we could get to the bottom of the reasons we eat the way we do, we wouldn't need surgery at all, would we?

Its just not easy to open up to strangers, on here you feel comfortable amongst your peers..we're all experiencing the same thing in one way or another.

 

[penelope1008]

Why don't you copy this over to a word document and if anything else needs to be added add it print it off ready for next visit. It's tough to open up to strangers about things that you have hidden for so long. This way you can read it out and once started perhaps it will give you the confidence to explore things further.

 

[Karlos]

I feel for you I really do. The absolute key with these assessments is to be yourself, be open, and above all be honest. If you try to second guess the questions and say what you think they want to hear then two things might happen

They are trained to look for honesty and consistency in your answers. They will quickly work out if you are not being honest or consistent and this might work against you.

You might get through the test ok but simply not be ready for surgery yet. I've seen several people who were simply no way on earth ready for WLS, people who should never have been operated on, who simply could not cope with the rigours of post op life.

It may well be that right now you're just not ready for it, or it might be that you are a great candidate, or you might as others have said just need a tiny bit of help to identify the reasons you gained weight so that you are armed with the right mindset that is needed to make the positive changes to your lifestyle that will give you the chance of making this a lifelong success.

Ask for another appointment and be completely honest with them. They will either tell you that you are ready, or that you need a little time and help to get you ready. I'm sure it wasn't as bad as it seemed to you and that in the end you will get what's right for you

Very best of luck with this and keep us informed xxx