Why do I feel so embarrased about telling people?

[Sappho]

I just cant shake this feeling that people are going to think I am being over the top extreme and why can't I just "go on a diet". I dont know why I worry so much about what other people think but it gives me doubts in my own mind! I dont think i will tell many people anyway cos I am a private person but just the thought of having to makes me feel embarrased which is daft!

 

[Neen]

I hear where you're coming from, I definately feel embarrassed that I have let things get to the extent where surgery was my answer. People are in general quite derogatory about overweight issues, the majority don't see it as anything other than self inflicted greediness and don't have the empathy for us like they might for other people with addictions.
Peoples possible negative reactions to what you want to do can just feel like yet another put down and knock at your personality.
In the end , it's your life and your body, please don't be embarrassed that you are seeking effective help and saving your life.
You are taking responisbility for yourself and fixing things so you can live longer and be happy, that is something to be proud of xx hugs xx

 

[candie]

You're under no obligation to tell anyone, but might need the support from close family and friends
Even now there are a limited number of people who know about my surgery, as I feel it just isn't their business
Go with your instincts hun x

 

[Dawn36]

Hi Sappho, I have discovered that telling people you soon find out who your friends are! Some are dismissive, but those that really care about me, are so happy that I am doing something to change my life. But I haven't told many people, because I am looking forward to seeing their surprise when they meet the new slim me!

 

[angelwings25]

Hiya Sappho, i've been in the same boat since April this year when this all started. Now i'm 2 weeks away from having the surgery and everyone I know like friends and family all know about it and i was so surprised as to how supportive they all were. At the end of they day they are either going to say good for you or go on a diet (like we havne't tried that already huh!!!). Their opinion is not your concern and you are on the path to getting your life back, that is the way I see it. If they don't like it sod off!!! Be confident because you are doing something about the weight and it will be you laughing when oneday you say "told you so" cuz your slim and healthy!!! Take Care and again, be brave and strong and confident. xxx Laura xxx

 

[zetacatty]

As Laura said, the people who are dismissive aren't really worth bothering about - but if it does bother you just say that your doctor recommended it because of other health issues. They can't really argue with that. Only one of my friends thought it was a waste of NHS money but she was soon put in the picture when she was told how much they'd be saving in the long run! Mxx

 

[costaerer]

hiya, i also feel embarassed, i only told 3 friends my parents and my aunt.
my friends have been gr8, but one of them was like 'why dont you just get the doctor to put you on a really strict diet'

i guess people who lose weight easily dont and never will understand!! but hugs to you nd good luck with ur weight loss xx

 

[Sappho]

Thanks for the positive input. It is good to know I am not the only one. I really want to tell my mum but she is very ill at the mo and cant be put under any stress and I know she will worry. I havent told my dad as I know what his reaction will be (go on a diet lol!) and I cant tell my brothers / sisters without telling my mum. My best friend knows and has been great

 

[Karma67]

Hi Sappho

I too am embarrassed, and scared of negative reactions..I have told my sisters, one friend, and my MIL. I haven't made it common knowledge, as I don't want to be the next subject of the school ground gossip amongst the other mums at my daughter's school!

I haven't told my parents as they live in NZ and we are due to meet up in the S France in August and I want my weight loss to be a surprise!! (After years of comments by my step mother ..who 'means well')

 

[stripeytop]

I hope to have surgery in the next few months. I feel ashamed to admit that I need help. My husband is great but at the moment I don't feel like I want to tell anyone else.
I work in a hotel and really don't want to be answering questions about it. Maybe I will feel different when i've lost some weight.

 

[costaerer]

i think most people are the same on this. i will be honest to admit though,i 'had surgery to help me lose weight'....

no doubt it will be followed by a long list of because's!

 

[kathleen1960]

I think this is a very personal issue, and indeed a very personal journey whereas some people (me) tell everyone and anyone about my upcoming surgery, others keep it private, I would say that it is entirely your choice as to who you do and dont tell,I too am always worried what other people will say about all aspects of my life and really am trying hard not to let it bother me any more after all we dont go round asking other people about their private business. Good luck with your wls journey hun xx

 

[Mark01/05/2009]

http://www.wlsurgery.com/wlsurgery/124380-just-go-diet.html

x

 

[Mark01/05/2009]

Sorry didnt mean to click post......

I can see the point behind not telling people and I didnt tell everyone straight away. But now, the over whelming pride i feel of what I have achieved means no matter what anyones reaction is, they cant hurt me!

You will get to this stage aswell. GL x

 

[likealobster]

I understand the embarrassment and for me it comes from two different thoughts. Firstly there is the shame of 'why can't I just lose it like a normal person'.

But also I think it is important to recognise that this is a personal decision and it is natural to feel exposed when telling people something so intimate. Of course the results of it will be rather public but that doesn't make the decision any less personal! And by telling people you are opening yourself up to people for judgement, whether it is their place to jusdge or not!

 

[Katie_25]

Hiya,

I can understand some people feeling embarrased, as a few have said, it is a personal matter and not something taken lightly. In some people's eye's it may seem quite an extreme thing to do, but it is difficult to understand why we have taken the decision to go down this route unless you have been in the same postition with weight issues yourself.
In my case I told everyone!!! I didn't feel ashamed or embarrased as I was so excited to feel that I may finally get my life back... and I didn't care if people thought I was doing the right thing or not, or felt I was taking the 'easy route', as I had made the right decision for me in order to take control of my life. Luckily in my case all of my family, friends and work colleagues have seen me struggle with my weight over the years and have all been supportive... and if they hadn't, I don't think it would have effected my decision one bit.

 

[chocchucky]

Hi hun like whats already been said it is a personal issue and at the end of the day its ur decision, i have told quite a few people including family, and ive had mixed messages, including one of why carnt you just do it yourself and its a bit drastic. For a while it did make me question whether this is the right thing for me. Yes it is i think there will always be people around who does not know what it feels like to be big, and dont understand anything which is why this forums are so important, as they are full of people at various stages that can support and help you through this.

Stick with it hun and good luck on you journey.
Sharon

 

[Sappho]

Thank you. I have decided if people ask outright I wont lie, but I will keep in on a "need to know" basis otherwise. You are right, it is not an easy thing for people to understand. In my mind I think of a close relative of mine who is an alcoholic, if she could be given an op to turn off her need to drink I am sure she would take it. For me it is the same thing. I waiver between scared and excited, today I am excited lol!

 

[gillabean]

I told all the nurses at work but then wished I hadn't as everyone had an opinion that they just HAD to share with me. On my last day we were talking to one of the gastric surgeons and he asked me what I was having done and I said 'the gastric band'. Now WHY did I say that? I had the bypass on the recommendation of a professional gastric surgeon but it's interesting that I chose to lie to this senior person.

 

[Fashionably Late]

I am not telling anyone other than my husband. I don't have a supportive family and I am also a private person. I am doing this for me and no one else.