Give fear a big hug!

[phatgirl]

I was reading a blog today from one of my fav American bypass post-ops. She was talking about how the fear of failure post-op is actually a good tool to stay on the path. She said that she never says 'pounds gone forever' because there is always a way to regain. She was talking about the 'will this work' fear we all have. The point being was that we ask the wrong question, it should be 'will I make this work for me'.

So what I wanted to share with all you is that I plan to make friends with the fear. Fear, pull up a chair and stay a while. Fear, I want you to make yourself at home here & everytime I think 'just this once, I'll eat more' or 'that isn't sooo bad since I am only eating a few bites' you smack me and say 'do you want to go back to the old ways when you were fat and unhappy?'.

The strange thing I realized while reading the blog is how we all have 'gotten through' some pretty awful stuff in the past, all those crazy fad diets, pills that made us sick, starving oursleves. We were able to 'get through it' because there was an end in sight. But with wls, there IS NO END. This life is forever, we can't just 'get through it' or it will just become another diet. This has to be forever, a true lifestyle change.

So hug your fear, make friends with it and let it help you along your way.

Nic

 

[Caroline101061]

Oh wise girl! So true - it is forever and people do well to remember that when they make the decision to have the operation for a bypass.

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

i agree i love the permancy wls brings, i like the fact its forever and a life style change instead of another stupid diet that always used to make me fatter in the end.

great thread nic x

 

[Caroline101061]

I have to say that there was a lady who posted on here yesterday about how she managed to drink 2 bottles of wine during an evening out and eat lots of slider foods (she had a band) with some sort of pride - I didnt say anything at the time but the more I think about it, the angrier I am - its hardly an example to other people or something to crow about - why put yourself through all that and then go bonkers?

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

I have to say that there was a lady who posted on here yesterday about how she managed to drink 2 bottles of wine during an evening out and eat lots of slider foods (she had a band) with some sort of pride - I didnt say anything at the time but the more I think about it, the angrier I am - its hardly an example to other people or something to crow about - why put yourself through all that and then go bonkers?

if you read the post correctly she said this was occasionally, i have slider foods occasionally and alcohol to, and i am also a bander, things now and then as long as its not everyday is ok if incorperated with a healthy diet.

shouldnt you be posting these comments in the appropriate thread and ask baby jane to defend her self instead of putting it here.

 

[Caroline101061]

Had I remembered who it was then I would have done so - Im not scared of telling people things to their face so to speak. Nothing wrong with having the occasional cheat or drink but 2 bottles in a single sitting - come on Liz, even you have to admit thats extreme

 

[phatgirl]

Let's not judge, okay? People have to do what feels right to them as the wls journey is personal. We all do things from time to time that others would never in a million years do but that is what makes us individuals and keeps us from boring the cr$p out of each other. We all bring something different to the table. No use getting angry with how someone else uses or abuses their wls tools. Just make sure it strengthens your resolve not to behave in a way that you would be letting yourself down.

That was the point behind this post, to remind us that we should keep the fear of failure close so that we don't sabotage ourselves with our old, fat behaviour.

Nic

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

Had I remembered who it was then I would have done so - Im not scared of telling people things to their face so to speak. Nothing wrong with having the occasional cheat or drink but 2 bottles in a single sitting - come on Liz, even you have to admit thats extreme

so are you telling me banders shouldnt have a good night out now and then ? if so thats crazy, i have a dam good drink every saturday and ive still went on to lose over 7st, we have had wls not signed up to be a nun lol, so no 2 bottles of wine isnt exreme for a bander as long as its just occasionally and the individual is aware of the calory intake. if people are sensible and want to have a blow out on the booze now and then, then i say good on them just because i have a band it doesnt mean that you cant have a life as well.


PS sorry for hijacking the thread nic x

 

[Caroline101061]

Im not saying that anyone shouldnt have fun but when someone asks for advice about drinking for the first time post surgery and someone else says 'I had two bottles of wine in one sitting' - its not good advice and I personally think that drinking two bottles of wine alone in one sitting is not good for anyone be they a WLS person or not - its binge drinking. Go on - argue with that

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

Im not saying that anyone shouldnt have fun but when someone asks for advice about drinking for the first time post surgery and someone else says 'I had two bottles of wine in one sitting' - its not good advice and I personally think that drinking two bottles of wine alone in one sitting is not good for anyone be they a WLS person or not - its binge drinking. Go on - argue with that

yup its binge drinking, so what each to there own, you obviously are offended by that so we shall agree to disagree.

 

[scrunchiemunchie]

The strange thing I realized while reading the blog is how we all have 'gotten through' some pretty awful stuff in the past, all those crazy fad diets, pills that made us sick, starving oursleves. We were able to 'get through it' because there was an end in sight. But with wls, there IS NO END. This life is forever, we can't just 'get through it' or it will just become another diet. This has to be forever, a true lifestyle change.

So hug your fear, make friends with it and let it help you along your way.


I couldn't agree more!!! I am sure we are all worried that the past will rear its ugly head again....all we can do is embrase the hear and now and treat our new 'us' with a little respect!

 

[baby jayne]

Oops!!!

Hi

Looks like I may of offended someone...well let me first say that what I do is my business and that if I reply to a post that also is up to me, I try to help as much as possible.
I don't usually explain myself but feel on this occasion I will.

I went out with my Family for the first time in months and was out for 9 hours. We went out in the afternoon for a few drinks and a meal at Dinner followed by a really good chat after. Now 2 bottles of wine total 1.5 litres over 9 hours equates to 1 glass per hour...I don't think thats binge drinking at all. The next time I will be going out is September when I go on holiday and it was the first time I had drank for a good while.
I ate slider foods so that I didn't get drunk because I know that drinking on an empty stomach would have done that...that is constructive advice!!

The person I gave advice to is not 5 years old so therefore I don't think I have lead them to a life of binge drinking and food cheating as please they do have their "own mind"!!

So now that I have explained that please remember this is a forum that will have lots of advice you may or may not agree with. You are obviously tea total...get a life!!

 

[baby jayne]

Nic this is an excellent thread and I am sorry but felt I had to reply to that post about me hun.

 

[baby jayne]

Thanks

:thankyou::thankyou: Liz for defending me. x

 

[phatgirl]

Okay so this thread has gotten away from me and I really would like to draw a line under it all. Please if you don't mind, let us just move on. What one person thinks of another's behaviour is moot, this thread is about fear and the use of it as a tool to stay on the path of healthy living that is required for wls success. So unless your comments are about that, I would really appreciate if you would take it elsewhere. I hope that nobody is offended by my request, I was just hoping that this would be a constructive place to talk about how to be successful long-term post-wls.

Thanks everyone!

Nic

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

baby jane thats ok i felt it was right to speak out.

hi nic i appoligise for highjacking the thread ive said all im going to say on the subject regarding booze.

ok minis can we have some more positive posts here please as this thread is great one xxx

 

[baby jayne]

I agree with the thread you started Nic, Since I have been able to eat "normal" foods and people know I have had surgery especially at work I wouldn't be seen anywhere near the snack machine ever again!! It isn't just that I wouldn't want the items in there anymore it's the fear of failure that everyone knows that I have had the Op and I would look a right let down to myself and a fool at work wouldn't I!!
I have gone on diets before and failed but how would you look gaining weight after weightloss surgery? (don't mean if a band failed)

So now I feel that keeping "fear" near whether it is humiliation fear or just fear of not wanting to fail and go back to that life I hated and am still only just moving away from, I do always want to feel fear as it reminds me of the journey I have started and is working for me.

 

[Janeywanttoloosealot]

Can i just say that i experienced fear for the first time since i had my bypass in March. I experienced head hunger and i did not realise how strong head hunger was until the other day. No matter what i ate i never felt satisfied, i thought blimey my appetite has come back with a vengence but it was head hunger and it was so strong it was very very strong. Does this get better as time goes on do you think? janey:sigh::sigh::sigh:

 

[phatgirl]

Hi Jayne, head hunger doesn't go away but you start to recognize it so in a sense what used to fool pre-op will now feel very different from actual hunger. That is how it has worked for me, I still get the head hunger but instead of obeying and shoving the food in, I go wait, I can't be hungry...

It is a process of learning, knowing your body and being able to feel the difference between head & pouch. Most bypassers in the first year don't feel hunger much, maybe a couple of times per day unless you are very active. So it gives you some time to tell the difference. When you suspect it is head hunger, drink something right away, taking sips as fast as is comfortable. If you still feel 'hungry' a few minutes later then that confirms it as head hunger. The slight stretching of the pouch with fluid will quell pouch hunger for up to 20 minutes.

Don't worry it gets easier!

Nic

 

[shelbell]

Would thoroughly recommend the book Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway (Susan Jeffers) to anyone. Amazing book, life changing to read.