Hi again everyone(needcadviice

[alphanerdage]

Wish I was just saying hi, but I'm very hurt by my girlfriend. We live together but she seems to be very distant and ignorant of my children. Almost mean. I have 3 kids who come every other weekend. They are my heart and soul. She's just a down to nice, quiet lady (typically). She has a niece she treats very lovingly, but shares none of that with my kids.

I've tried talking to her about it before. She says she doesn't notice it, but it is there, and real, and seems to be getting worse.

Without her, I would be homeless again I have no car. I already suffer depression. I feel drained and my positivity is shrinking. I'm very sad.

She's a great lady. They're wonderful kids. I don't understand.

Mike

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[Yvessa]

She's probably insecure and worried about how they affect your relationship. Does she want kids?

 

[Ruthiep]

As someone who has recently (hopefully!) sorted out a long standing bad relationship with one of my daughters, I would recommend asking your girlfriend if she would agree to sit down with you and your kids and have an frank and open discussion about her relationship with them. If she baulks at the idea then she can hardly continue to deny it's happening.

 

[angiemason]

Hi Mike could it be a type of jealousy ( i don't mean green eyed monster type ) she has you all to herself for two weeks then all of a sudden she has lost your attention...i have two step children and i do try very hard and visa versa my hubby has to put up with mine it does get easier but you must agree with each other the rules and boundaries of behaviour etc and agree not to fall out with each other over them it's so easy to do a parent gets very protective when someone else tells their child off even if they're right i hope you manage to get it sorted out Mike and i'm sure if she's as lovely a lady as you say then she will have the talk with you x

 

[genevive57]

hi mike,
i'm so sorry to hear about your relationship difficulties my love. could it be that your girlfriend feels 'threatened' by the close and loving relationship you have with your kids? what is your relationship like with her neice? perhaps a social activity with you n your girlfriend, your kids and her neice may 'break the ice' and be an opportunity to start building more suportive and appropriate relationships with each other.
i appreciate you are worried about becoming homeless if the relationship with your girlfriend breaks down but, this can't be used as an emotional lever for continuing with a relationship that is not fulfilling or supportive for you - or for her.
i hope things work out for you hunny and i'm certain you will get loadsa support from people on this site.
jan xx

 

[alphanerdage]

Thank you all again for the wonderful and generous advice. I'll add a few details I forgot.

My children are ages 7, 3 and 2. They are 3 of the loveliest and kindest kids you could ever know. Not brats. Very respectful. They're mother does a fantastic job.

I am not an absentee parent. I take fatherhood seriously. I love my children and spend as much time with them
Possible.

Which makes this all so difficult. I don't want to pick a side. I want a cohesive family.

Thanks again. Ciao.
Mikey

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[Raynebubble]

you do need to sit down and have a long chat with her... maybe the weekends when you have your children you all do something together as a family, hope fully thsi way your gf will bond with your children and vise versa... it is a difficult situation to be in and i have been there... but it can all work out... but if you feel that your gf doesnt want to get involved... then either try and spend quality time with your kids alone.. or you may have to call it a day with your gf... these things do take time... i hope it works out hun xx