Honesty

[Jacwat]

Hi Everyone
I am just at the beginning of the process, waiting for my 1st appointment. I have not told anyone, except my husband. What has everyone else done, have you told people or do you think it is possible to keep it to yourself about the surgery? I would be interested in your thoughts. Thanks x

 

[chrisa]

Well My hubby new from the start then my mam n dad cos we don't drive and its a good few mile away. Then my sisters and my children further down the line of course after about a year. I had to tell work because I needed time off for appointments. Other than that no one till the op was over then I told people. Its a very personal thing the waiting is the hardest but I think its beneficial as it gives you time for your head to go through the range of emotions it is my opinion and mine only that after discussing this issue with many people those people that are fortunate to be able to have their op with in a few weeks of planning it struggle more than us because they haven't had time to go through all the emotions we have, it is still difficult for us but the time does help, being able to ask questions and talk to others doe shelp get things straight in your head. x

 

[Jacwat]

Thanks Chrisa, I just dont think I could cope with people judging me, its hard enough! I am at Snderland too, how long have you waited? x

 

[slaz]

Hi Jakwat, some people tell everyone and usually get support. Others choose to tell a select few.
I chose to tell no one except my wife on the basis that it is nobody else's business. I had my surgery in March 2113 and have never needed to tell anyone or tell any lies, surgery is an aid to leading a healthier life, it is what you do or don't put in your mouth that effects your weight.
We all need to make our own decisions but remember that you can always choose to tell but you can never untell and it is clear reading previous threads on here that indiscretions by friends and family are not uncommon.
You will always get support here when you need it, good luck with your appointment.

 

[los in it]

Hi Jacwat
ive only told my senior and manager at work(so I can book time off for appointments ect) and 1 sister .like Christa said its a personal thing and I need to work through this without having to think that everyone is watching/questioning why im doing this and maybe putting me off(they wouldn't do!) as the progress can be long and I need to understand what is going on its best for me for the time been to keep it under lock and key.
I plan to tell family and friends much nearer the time .
im starting the LSD this week so maybe 2 weeks before the op I will tell my family then everyone else

 

[terrilou]

Hi Jacwat,

When I first got referred, the only person, except for family that I told, was my Manager at work. Last November, I changed my job and told my new Manager there as well as the Administrator that works along side me. Once I got my surgery date though, I was so excited, I just kept telling people. I've been really lucky though, everyone has been lovely. I have a lot of support of people around me.

The person who is the least supportive is my Sister, but that I think is only because I've always been the bigger of the 2 of us and she has put weight on over the last few years. She is happy for me, but she doesn't say much, like the rest of my family will always tell me how good I look.

Its a personal thing and I did set out to only tell family, but things changed and I'm happy that I did tell other people.

Good luck. xx

 

[yvonne83]

Hi

My husband knows of my intentions and supports me wholeheartedly, I dont think I'll tell anyone else unless I have to until much nearer the time, if even then!

I wouldn't be telling everyone I'd started a new diet or exercise regime but I imagine if I do get the surgery and it works then people will talk then if I haven't told anyone - depends if that would bother you or not, I suppose?

Good luck whatever you decide, interesting question - I think I need to give this more thought!

 

[Butterfly_lady]

I only told my partner, no one else knows and I see no reason for them to know, I'd not broadcast my personal business whatever I was having done

 

[Blondie43]

I've told my husband, mam, sister, daughter and best friend. I might tell other friends when I have the op done.
I also told my boss, who was great, but don't intend to tell anyone else at work as they can be quite opinionated!

 

[Yvessa]

I told everyone - I had a lot of support. Think about what you need - will it cause you extra stress to hide things, or will it make you feel better? THis is a tough journey, and you need support around you that you can trust. It doesn't matter how many people there are to support you, but the quality of that support.

 

[chrisa]

Thanks Chrisa, I just dont think I could cope with people judging me, its hard enough! I am at Snderland too, how long have you waited? x

I waited almost 2 yrs I was bypassed Aug 20th 2011. Its my 3 year opiversary tomorrow. People still judge even now I see people looking at me and thinking she had the op and is still a size 20 but hey this is my slim. I have never been small some people do manage to get right way down it wasn't to be for me. I do look smaller than that but its been clever with clothes that helps.
Good look with your journey xxx

 

[Chrisyd]

Hi Everyone
I am just at the beginning of the process, waiting for my 1st appointment. I have not told anyone, except my husband. What has everyone else done, have you told people or do you think it is possible to keep it to yourself about the surgery? I would be interested in your thoughts. Thanks x

I think it is different for all of us. During the first part of the process (about a year) I only talked to my husband. Once I had decided to go through with wls, I told my parents, later on my sisters. Then my boss (who is also a friend) and two close work colleagues and my two closest friends (one of whom did not approve). One of my work colleagues blurted out my wls intention to the whole department a week before my operation.I was really worried about the response, but everyone was really supportive of me and my decision. As for the rest of the people I know, I will tell them if asked, but if they don't, my weight loss will remain a mystery lol. As for my students, I will tell them to read Stephen King's 'Thinner' (which is about a gypsy curse)

 

[Madcatwoman]

I told everyone, and had no negative comments. I thought it would stop people wondering when I had time off for the op, and came back significantly lighter, eating tiny amounts! But I work in a hospital lab and all my colleagues are sympathetic. It is a very individual thing x

 

[Butterfly_lady]

I'd not tell people if I had an operation for ingrowing toenail or piles or hernia or whatever so I didn't feel the need to tell them about the bypass, do whats right for you hunni, tell the world or tell no one

 

[Willow4]

Only just on my journey, but I don't want anyone to know.
My Husbands very supportive, because of my other hospital appointments, he gets time of work to take me, but so far for my WLS its been on an evening.
plus the lovely people on this site, and my husband, these are the only people I need.

 

[A.Positive]

I told my husband, my oldest child who was 10 at the time, my mum and twin sister. I soon wished I hadn't told my mum and sister but hey ho. LOL!

I was too nervous to tell anyone else. Or perhaps I was scared of their opinions? Either way I didn't tell anyone until I was strong enough to do so. Now most people know and I don't care what they think.

 

[Kar8858]

I have told my husband, parents and brother. If i had a hysterectomy i wouldnt be telling people, if i have had two toes removed i wouldnt tell people so no im not telling people ive had most of my stomach removed. Its my business but if anyone asked me if i have then i will be honest.
People who havent struggled since a kid with their weight cant understand it so theres no point trying to explain to hear "cant you just go on a diet". Yeh course i can, for about 6 months then i will pile it back on.
Thats my view anyway

 

[kurstywursty]

I have told my husband, aunt and best friend who also has a band. For some reason I just don't want to discuss it. Which is unusual for me as I'm normally an open book. My husband has really annoyed me by telling his grown up kids and our friend that I am going in for a "wee procedure". I have told him I am now in a position that I need to lie which does not sit well with me. I have had endometriosis for years and am in and out for hospital appointments so that is what they think the op is for..mad as hell

 

[Jacwat]

Thanks everyone. My friends and family know how hard I have been trying and getting nowhere :cry:I did tell a close friend of mine and was a bit hurt by her response saying that she didnt think NHS would fund. I asked her would she resent a Anorexic getting NHS treatment? I am very early in the process but just not sure who I need to tell, in particular my Manager etc. I suppose I will know when the time is right. Why are people so judgemental?:sigh:

 

[kurstywursty]

Your NHS funding for the op will save thousands in the years to come..potential for diabetes, joint ops, obesity related cancers and on and on. The answer to anyone who makes negative comments Xxx