How to deal with emotions now?

[shelleymarie]

I'm looking for some advice on how to deal with your emotions once you are post op? Like most I imagine, when something bad happened before the op I turned to food or a good few glasses of wine to prevent myself from having to deal with or feel my emotions. I've had a falling out with my dad Wednesday and he isn't willing to talk about it so I'm experiencing a lot of emotions I can't ever remember feeling for this long. I've always numbed myself with a big binge of everything bad for me and then managed to push down the emotions until I can move on. Pretty much why I'm in this situation but now obviously I can't do that. I wouldn't want to ruin things even if I could but I still don't know what to do with my emotion. How did other people post op make that adjustment? does it get easier? I don't want to be a weepy mess every time something goes wrong in my life. I know a lot of people use exercise to lift their mood but I've not been cleared for proper exercise yet plus even walking is very difficult for me still (hoping that will improve once more weight comes off), just walking around the garden isn't cutting it at the moment. I know there is no magic wand and I do have to experience my emotions now but I was curious as to how other people coped with the transition and if I can learn something from your experience. Thanks in advance.

 

[lyzzyanne]

I have been a bit up and down without the added father complication!
I think all we can do is look for something else I have decided to turn to my hobbies and spend time doing them I simply can't eat anymore being only 4 days out!!!
I hope you find something soon

 

[JO28172]

Hmmm good post. Be interested to see what comes of this as I bet we all turned to binge eating before. I'm lucky in that I don't let things get me down too much, and usually all is well the next day after a nights sleep but we do need to recognise how to handle stressful times....all I can say if I want to eat eat eat then is has to be jelly...that way I can have a full packet if needs be lol

 

[lyzzyanne]

Jelly makes me want to puke now after having so many pre op!!!! Luckily I can still cope with milk.

 

[mayamoo]

I think if you are emotional now its just because you are tired due to lack of calories and still in recovery ftom a major op - I was weepy and emotional for about a month afterwards, especially as I wasn't loosing weight and was in agony! I just thought what the hell have i done, pre op I was an emotional eater, ate when I was happy, sad, bored, pissed off .. the lot. But my moods have improved greatly, I'm happier and more confident in myself and living the weight falling off - for me it coming off so quickly is enough to keep me on the straight and narrow, I don't trust myself with crap and junk food - I haven't had processed food, bread (other than mrlba toast) cakes, biscuits sweets, etc since January - it was only hard for the first week or so I loitered in the crap food aisle more times than.i care to imagine but I won't buy it, its a slippery slop and this is my fresh start!!
I honestly think it gets easier, but I know for myself I cant even have a little of the junk stuff - it does take s long time to break a habit yet seconds to create it!
Try keeping a diary I logged food thoughts etc down in writing and reading through once in a while hrlps identify danger zones!
Coping techniques now - callingltexting a friend, getting out the house, taking a bath, painting my naols n more! It can be done.. chn up onwards n downwards!!@

 

[shelleymarie]

What's really weird is although in my head I keep thinking about coca cola, Chinese and lager, when it comes to eating I'm actually struggling more than normal. Even my new favourite low fat cottage cheese feels like daggers going down at the moment. It's a very strange feeling indeed. I'd never imagined myself as someone who would be put off eating because I feel down.

I definitely need some new hobbies. Watching TV and reading trashy fiction doesn't really cut it does it? I need something more stimulating to fill my time. Will have a think about it, thank you x

 

[mayamoo]

Diet coke is my kryptonite - it has been the hardest thing to give up!!

 

[JO28172]

What's really weird is although in my head I keep thinking about coca cola, Chinese and lager, when it comes to eating I'm actually struggling more than normal. Even my new favourite low fat cottage cheese feels like daggers going down at the moment. It's a very strange feeling indeed. I'd never imagined myself as someone who would be put off eating because I feel down.

I definitely need some new hobbies. Watching TV and reading trashy fiction doesn't really cut it does it? I need something more stimulating to fill my time. Will have a think about it, thank you x

How about making a start and clearing your baggy clothes drawers....that can be uplifting too

 

[shelleymarie]

I think if you are emotional now its just because you are tired due to lack of calories and still in recovery ftom a major op - I was weepy and emotional for about a month afterwards, especially as I wasn't loosing weight and was in agony! I just thought what the hell have i done, pre op I was an emotional eater, ate when I was happy, sad, bored, pissed off .. the lot. But my moods have improved greatly, I'm happier and more confident in myself and living the weight falling off - for me it coming off so quickly is enough to keep me on the straight and narrow, I don't trust myself with crap and junk food - I haven't had processed food, bread (other than mrlba toast) cakes, biscuits sweets, etc since January - it was only hard for the first week or so I loitered in the crap food aisle more times than.i care to imagine but I won't buy it, its a slippery slop and this is my fresh start!!
I honestly think it gets easier, but I know for myself I cant even have a little of the junk stuff - it does take s long time to break a habit yet seconds to create it!
Try keeping a diary I logged food thoughts etc down in writing and reading through once in a while hrlps identify danger zones!
Coping techniques now - callingltexting a friend, getting out the house, taking a bath, painting my naols n more! It can be done.. chn up onwards n downwards!!@

Yes I believe you are right that I'm probably more emotional because I'm still recovering. It's such an awkward stage, before you are feeling 100% you can't enjoy the progress you are making as much as you could further down the road. The diary idea is a very good one. I will definitely give it a go. Thanks for the support, advice and ideas for keeping busy. I plan to text a friend in a bit but even just talking on here is helping a lot. I suppose talking about feelings instead of eating them is the first step! Thanks again x

 

[mayamoo]

I made a list of everything I was looking forward to about loosing wright and re read it when I was low .. eg not having an arse that if I turned round too quickly could take out a small child, buying a nice new dress, wearing heels - this list helped more than anything!!

 

[shelleymarie]

Diet coke is my kryptonite - it has been the hardest thing to give up!!

Oh don't, I miss it more than anything else. Oh well on a positive note I can drink water/juice now. I found drinking extremely difficult in the beginning so not all is doom and gloom

 

[mayamoo]

See onwards n downwards xx

 

[novamay]

I'm am an emotional eater - happy, sad, frustrated, angry, you name it, I'd eat because of it. Mainly, this was because things did not go my way. One of the things that I've twigged onto now is that I cannot control everything. You have to accept that you can only control how you react to a situation. You can't control others feelings/behaviour and if they wont talk then you cant really force them to. What I now do is take a deep breath or a step back and look at the situation and think what can I control? In this instance with your Dad, what you could do is write him a note or send him a text or email explaining how you feel and saying that you are willing to talk to him about the situation but understand that he may need more time before that happens. If he never talks about it or doesn't speak to you again then that's his decision. You can't make it for him. You would have made the first move by offering this 'olive branch'. What you shouldn't do is beat yourself up about it - and eating to cope would be just that. You do what you can - you can do no more than that.

Hope this helps - Good luck with your Dad...

 

[Karlos]

I'm looking for some advice on how to deal with your emotions once you are post op? Like most I imagine, when something bad happened before the op I turned to food or a good few glasses of wine to prevent myself from having to deal with or feel my emotions. I've had a falling out with my dad Wednesday and he isn't willing to talk about it so I'm experiencing a lot of emotions I can't ever remember feeling for this long. I've always numbed myself with a big binge of everything bad for me and then managed to push down the emotions until I can move on. Pretty much why I'm in this situation but now obviously I can't do that. I wouldn't want to ruin things even if I could but I still don't know what to do with my emotion. How did other people post op make that adjustment? does it get easier? I don't want to be a weepy mess every time something goes wrong in my life. I know a lot of people use exercise to lift their mood but I've not been cleared for proper exercise yet plus even walking is very difficult for me still (hoping that will improve once more weight comes off), just walking around the garden isn't cutting it at the moment. I know there is no magic wand and I do have to experience my emotions now but I was curious as to how other people coped with the transition and if I can learn something from your experience. Thanks in advance.

Our fat stores develop their own hormonal system and as we lose weight these hormones are released into our bloodstream and screw up our heads for a while.

It is really hard in the early days worse for some than others and to be honest if you'd asked me if I regretted having surgery in my first six months out I'd have had to say yes to a degree I did. It takes a wee while for our heads to catch up with the weight loss of our bodies but it does get better, and you're dead right once you can start ramping up the exercise that will make you feel better too.

Once people start telling you how great you look and you get to buy a new set of clothes every three weeks or so you'll also feel better. I was lucky I had the support of all my family and friends and if I felt bad I'd just go to Starbucks and grab a coffee and all was well with the world, but if your symptoms are harder to shift don't leave it too long before you consider professional help. Before the bleating sheep brigade start harping on I'm not saying you need help, merely that I have seen one case where concealing would have helped someone a great deal if they'd got it soon enough

It will get better, that's important so I'll say it again, it will get better so worry not. These feelings are normal and natural but they do pass in time. You have a fantastic life ahead of you just around that next bend, best of luck with it

 

[shelleymarie]

Thank you Novamay. You are so right. It is funny sometimes you need someone else to point it out to you but I can't control how he responds to me, I've done what I've can, I've tried to talk. It's up to him if he wants to, I can't make him. I love him and want things to be ok with him but how he reacts is down to him, not me and how I react to him is down to me not him. Quite confronting when you realise that you blame your self for other people feeling bad but don't accept responsibility for how you are feeling. It's weird to think I've had it twisted and all I've got to do is learn to turn it around. I'm going to have to work hard at training my brain to do that, maybe now my head and body isn't so full of rubbish I can manage that. Thanks again. It's amazing how simple it is when you break it down

 

[shelleymarie]

Our fat stores develop their own hormonal system and as we lose weight these hormones are released into our bloodstream and screw up our heads for a while.

It is really hard in the early days worse for some than others and to be honest if you'd asked me if I regretted having surgery in my first six months out I'd have had to say yes to a degree I did. It takes a wee while for our heads to catch up with the weight loss of our bodies but it does get better, and you're dead right once you can start ramping up the exercise that will make you feel better too.

Once people start telling you how great you look and you get to buy a new set of clothes every three weeks or so you'll also feel better. I was lucky I had the support of all my family and friends and if I felt bad I'd just go to Starbucks and grab a coffee and all was well with the world, but if your symptoms are harder to shift don't leave it too long before you consider professional help. Before the bleating sheep brigade start harping on I'm not saying you need help, merely that I have seen one case where concealing would have helped someone a great deal if they'd got it soon enough

It will get better, that's important so I'll say it again, it will get better so worry not. These feelings are normal and natural but they do pass in time. You have a fantastic life ahead of you just around that next bend, best of luck with it

Thank you Karlos. It really helps to hear that it gets easier. It's amazing just by talking to people on here I'm realising that one way to deal with this is talk about it. I didn't realise about the hormones thing, that explains a lot to be honest. As I've just said to someone else it's all very confronting when you suddenly have to face things and accept responsibility for yourself. All part of it I imagine and hope that the more I face instead of burying my head in the sand like the past will mean the more I will get out of this. I have to say for the first time in a long time I'm thinking about my future and all I've got to look forward too now I've made this step. That gives me a boost to get through this stage in itself. Thanks again.

 

[mayamoo]

Don't think confronting think empowering its probably the first time u have dealt with things and faced issues xx

 

[Karlos]

The future's bright the future's slimmer LOL

For me it was realizing that this thing was for ever, I found that kind of daunting at first. This really is the last chance for those of us that have failed in every diet regime we tried for so many years, and you're so right when you say sauces or failure post op is our responsibility. There are very very few who fail because of some medical reason the rest of us have this fantastic chance to be reborn and to live a life we could only have dreamed of pre op.

Trust me it will get better and suddenly you have a little un-locked for victory and from that point better is no way good enough enough as a term to describe how brilliant your life is going to get. A few weeks of mental struggle is worth it in the end and I hope for you the weeks are short and pass quickly. Grab hold and hold tight your life is going to take off on a ride that few will ever get to experience, I'm kind of jealous but thrilled for you at the same time LOL