Just referred

[Sunshine99]

Wow....well done to the ones i can see have been succsessful with their surgeries! What an achievement! And @Kellylou , I hope things are going well for you? Id be interested as to what goes on, on surgery day. And what feelings are like once you come round from the surgery. Im not nervous about the surgery itself...just afterwards...as i live on my own, And not much in regards of support. Will i need help with laundry, cleaning, ect. Like a carer for a few weeks, or do most people manage stuff like that ok after surgery? I currenly don't work (hope that changes, as i lose the weight) ..so time off work isn't a problem. I've been on sickness benefit for 6 years now....due to health related issues...linked with obesity. So fed up (pun intended! Lol) of being on benefits. I want to contribute to society, And be healthy. I feel like my weight issue / food issues, has held me back so much. Don't get me wrong, im not expecting my weightloss surgery to solve all my issues....not all my problems are weight related. But i feel 85% of them are. As ive never been 'normal' weight as an adult, its hard to imagine how being a healthy weight would feel. All i have to go on is ...i can't wait to get back to 17st....which is still 'obese'! I don't want to just 'accept' my size! Im pleased for those that follow these 'size acceptance groups' if they really are genuinly happy with there weight, thats their choice. In a way, i kinda wish i could just accept my size and health issues, but i can't. Life is so mush harder when your obese. Socially, physically, And mentally. I've also wrestled in my head about what people would say if i told 'a normal weight person' ive had surgery to lose weight....would they think i was 'weak and lacked discipline with food, so i must lack disciplind in other areas of my life'. But do you know what....ive got to that stage in my life now (regards of negative comments on gaining, or losing weight) that its not about weight gain or loss, size of my clothes ( even though id love to get into a nice pair of size 14 jeans!) Its about the state of my health, diabetes, asthma, sleep apnea, excess sweating, carpel tunnel in my hands, And just lately ...blurry vision ( due to diabetes, probably). So im quite scared at moment of things getting worse. Luckily, I can walk quite well, As long as its not too hot, or in a really busy place. I don't want to get to a stage where i lose the ability to walk, use my hands, or go blind! So people who have been fortunate enough to be relativly healthy throughout there life, have no clue as to what a struggle it is for the obese to shed the weight & keep it off. Sorry for the long post. Just trying to find people going through similar thoughts & worries with their weightloss journey. Well by for now, And hope your all doing well. Sunshine99

 

[Tracey]

Hi
I've been the same regarding work I've been off work for 4 years due to my health....
Today I've applied for 2 jobs !!
I feel confident enough to try now
I've lost 4st 8lbs and my diabetes has gone and off tablets for blood pressure and colestral...
This will be the best thing you do good luck xxx

 

[Kellylou]

Sorry, realized you sent your post in May! You probably know more than me by now. Please let me know how things are going. Hope things are going well for you. X

Hi sunshine!
I had my endoscopy last week, was unpleasant but I did it and to be honest that was one of my biggest fears!
I'm meeting with the surgeon on 18th August so fingers crossed everything goes ok and I can be assessed by the mdt then finally get a date!
I'm so ready for this change to happen I've waited a long time always thinking I can lose the weight but never do, I'm looking forward to just being comfortable I work with little ones and hate the fact I can't sit on the floor with my legs crossed (I really want to but not look like a Weeble wobble when I get up lol).
It's lovely to hear someone is at the same hospital and practically at the same point of the process! Hope everything is going well with you, I look forward to reading about your journey too x

 

[Sunshine99]

@Tracey , well i was doing well losing weight in October time last year, so i applied for my first job in 6 years (there was no pressure from the DWP to do so at the time, this was off my own steam). Well, the job was next door to where i lived, to which was a bonus, but more importantly it was working with Adults with Mental Health problems (ironically, some with eating disorders). Which ive been interested in studying in, or working towards volunteer work in, in that area for quite some time. To my surprize i did get the job!...subject to them recieving my DBS. So i could'nt start until id recieved my DBS. That's when things started to go wrong, i waited....waited...and....waited, It took 3 months! And within them 3 months....id gained 2st back, that id lost....not only that, Id fallen down my stairs and fractured my rib ( how the hell i fractured my rib, with all that fat surrounding it...il never know!). Unfortunatly, i had to turn the job down, i just wasn't fit enough. It would have been quite a physical job, up and down stairs throughout the day (to which i though would help with me getting more weight off). Plus when i applied for the job...the weather wasn'nt too hot, (as hot weather affects me terribly...excess sweating and dizziness). The employer was a bit cheesed off, but understanding, And said maybe once i sort my physical health out, I may re-apply should another job arrise. So hopefully that's something i can look into, in the future, when im fit and healthy. . Tracey 4st 8lbs! Thats amazing, Well Done , And good luck with the job hunting. @Kellylou , Yeah I've had 2 of them dreadful endoscopy's before (did'nt want to tell you they are horrible, before you went for it...as you may have got on better with it than i did). I have a feeling you may get your date, before mine. But you never know...we may end up in hospital the same time! Yeah, I bet its demanding working with little one! You'll enjoy your job much better once the weight starts to come off. Good luck with your journey to a healthier you. Keep us updated with your progress, And il do same. Bye for now, Sunshine99

 

[Sunshine99]

Hi @kelly

Hi sunshine!
I had my endoscopy last week, was unpleasant but I did it and to be honest that was one of my biggest fears!
I'm meeting with the surgeon on 18th August so fingers crossed everything goes ok and I can be assessed by the mdt then finally get a date!
I'm so ready for this change to happen I've waited a long time always thinking I can lose the weight but never do, I'm looking forward to just being comfortable I work with little ones and hate the fact I can't sit on the floor with my legs crossed (I really want to but not look like a Weeble wobble when I get up lol).
It's lovely to hear someone is at the same hospital and practically at the same point of the process! Hope everything is going well with you, I look forward to reading about your journey too x

, Hi, hope things are going well for you. Just thought I'd let you know that the consultant i saw on the 1st of this month was called David Locker, And that I'm having my endoscopy on the 2nd August at 1.30.... (Hopefully, my last ever endoscopy il ever have to have!)...i had an awful time the last two times i had them (caused me to have really bad migraines afterwards. Unsure who my surgeon will be...think i remember from previously when i was going to have surgery....the name Mr Wong been mentioned.
Well up until i moved just recently, i was doing quite well with weightloss, but ive been all out of sync since ive moved (ive had no real routine, And im a lover of routine...slightist glitch...and i fall to pieces!..lol)
When i saw David Locker, I was 18-8 on there scales, i know ivd gained a few pounds since moving (he was impressed overall though, that from when i last saw him 20 months ago i was nearly 2st lighter than then, i told him...that since then ..id been back up to 22st twice!)
So now I'm all moved in my new place, and settled...i need to get back to trying to lose some weight before i see David Locker again. As if i go back with a gain...its not going to look good for me. .
So i started back 'on track' yesterday with trying not to binge, And portion control. I weighed 18-11 this morning. So id like to try and get a stone off before i see Mr Locker again (unsure when that will be).
Im trying to avoid the sugar, as thats my biggest let down. And, want to ween myself off it altogether before i start the Liver Shrinking Diet, with the hope il cope better if i get my act together now. .
Well...im getting quite excited this time round now, as i know 100% im going ahead with it this time. Ive never joined any forums before. And, i have to say...it's great to read people's victory's and struggles, knowing they 'get it'...they understand! Rarther than someone who's 1 or 2 stone over weight, claiming thay understand you...when in reality they've probably never had a serious 'obesity' issue in their lifes, And, in my opinion could never understand! ( most do mean well though).
Hope you journey is going well? And...at least you got the endoscopy out of the way!
Sunshine99

 

[Kellylou]

Hi sunshine,
Yes it was David locker I saw too, I thought he was great very informative, non-judgemental and reassuring! I'm seeing the surgeon on the 18th and its Mr Wong, as far as I'm aware after you've seen him it goes to the mdt and then it's the wait! I'm not too sure as this is the first time for me as I've always ignored my weight!
As of Monday I'm trying to lose at least a stone before seeing the surgeon so they can see how serious I'm taking this.
Hopefully we'll be on this journey together and be able to encourage and support one another x

 

[Sunshine99]

Hi all, struggled a bit today with not binging....i caved in about 6.30pm. Had'nt eaten all day (through choice). Won't go into detail about my binge...but in comparison to my normal binges...it was just a snack really!
And, in the past it was every other day, now it tends to be once a week.
But i do realize, i do need to start altering my eating habits a.s.a.p.
These are my kind of excuses i give myself, when things are'nt going so well:

1) (subconsciously) Well im always going to be obese....so whats the point

2) I blame the hot weather, as i have no energy to cook, or prepare healthy stuff

3) ...(this is a major bug bare of mine) My leggings last only a couple of weeks before i have to replace them, because of chaffing between the legs! So can limit my motivation to excercise. Even though i do enjoy excercise.
Jeans are more hardwearing, but not suitible for gym or hot weather.

4) 'Bordom', I have lot of ailments, due to obesity (although, i can walk well), so most of my hobbies and interests i struggle with....i love acrylic painting...but struggle with Carpel tunnel in my hands, And just lately my sights got blurry too. My social life is non-existant, as ive always hid myself away ...because of cruel and judgemental people in the past. I have 2 very good friends, one is a very depressed and negative person to be around most of the time, he has mental health problems, but i stand by him...because ive known him 14 years, and he hasn't always been like that. The other friend i met at a 'bootcamp' we both attended. We share the same battle and struggles with weight....thats what our friendship is built on! (She's offered to take me to hospital for my op, when it arrives) But apart from them two friends in my life. I have no other solid friendships. Family, have all past away (obesity related, every one), but even when they was alive, i was never close to them....in a way...they was part of the problem. I don't blame my family on my weight issue, because they all had the same problem around food, the differance between me and them though was, i never had my head in the sand...blaming 'oh it's in out genes' 'we're just a big family'...yes we we're a big family...because we ate too flipping much! As an obese 14 year old, with no control on portion sizes, or healthy eating in general, And clearly my family had no knowledge of healthy eating either...(even the 'health advice' given out in the 80's and 90's turned out to be wrong advice, 'low fat'...loaded with sugars! No wonder certain people like us failed at losing weigh) . ..i feel like i was set up to fail from a young age.
I am in no way seeking sympathy, just telling my story. (Sympathy won't solve the weight issue)
Now i know Jamie Oliver, can be an annoying f*****, but he has got a point, tackling childhood obesity before there adults...is so important.
My god ...i did'nt realize how huch i can go on...! I get carried away whilst typing on my ipad.
Takes me ages to type, suppose in a way...this could solve my number 4! Lol
@Kellylou , yes David Locker was really nice, I bet you can't wait til the 18th...hope it goes well for you. God , its getting so near now....suppose we'll both have to knuckle down and get some weigh off before we're back at hospital! Have you done the 24hr urine sample yet? Ive not done mine yet....just wondered if you have. It would be great if we went in on same day for surgery. We could have a ...lol. (I very much doubt we'l have the energy) .

Night all, enjoy the rest of your evening, Sunshine99.

 

[Sunshine99]

Hi all, just wondered how i go about setting up a 'poetry forum' ?? As I'm new here, i don't quite understand how id do it. Im on an apple i-pad just incase that has any relevence.
As I've been in long term therapy , part of what he suggests is ...writing down stuff...well i have been writing stuff down...some dark...some humorous, when i write stuff down in private...it tends to come out as poetry! Im not normally into poetry...but im going with it...as this is a process of trying to improve myself.
Ive also noticed...there are quite a few good posters/writers amonst you all, so would be interested as to what other people come up with poetry wise... whilst going through your ups and downs in your journey's.
Here's one i wrote...when i used to go to slimming world :

 

[Sunshine99]

 

[Kellylou]

Hi all, struggled a bit today with not binging....i caved in about 6.30pm. Had'nt eaten all day (through choice). Won't go into detail about my binge...but in comparison to my normal binges...it was just a snack really!
And, in the past it was every other day, now it tends to be once a week.
But i do realize, i do need to start altering my eating habits a.s.a.p.
These are my kind of excuses i give myself, when things are'nt going so well:

1) (subconsciously) Well im always going to be obese....so whats the point

2) I blame the hot weather, as i have no energy to cook, or prepare healthy stuff

3) ...(this is a major bug bare of mine) My leggings last only a couple of weeks before i have to replace them, because of chaffing between the legs! So can limit my motivation to excercise. Even though i do enjoy excercise.
Jeans are more hardwearing, but not suitible for gym or hot weather.

4) 'Bordom', I have lot of ailments, due to obesity (although, i can walk well), so most of my hobbies and interests i struggle with....i love acrylic painting...but struggle with Carpel tunnel in my hands, And just lately my sights got blurry too. My social life is non-existant, as ive always hid myself away ...because of cruel and judgemental people in the past. I have 2 very good friends, one is a very depressed and negative person to be around most of the time, he has mental health problems, but i stand by him...because ive known him 14 years, and he hasn't always been like that. The other friend i met at a 'bootcamp' we both attended. We share the same battle and struggles with weight....thats what our friendship is built on! (She's offered to take me to hospital for my op, when it arrives) But apart from them two friends in my life. I have no other solid friendships. Family, have all past away (obesity related, every one), but even when they was alive, i was never close to them....in a way...they was part of the problem. I don't blame my family on my weight issue, because they all had the same problem around food, the differance between me and them though was, i never had my head in the sand...blaming 'oh it's in out genes' 'we're just a big family'...yes we we're a big family...because we ate too flipping much! As an obese 14 year old, with no control on portion sizes, or healthy eating in general, And clearly my family had no knowledge of healthy eating either...(even the 'health advice' given out in the 80's and 90's turned out to be wrong advice, 'low fat'...loaded with sugars! No wonder certain people like us failed at losing weigh) . ..i feel like i was set up to fail from a young age.
I am in no way seeking sympathy, just telling my story. (Sympathy won't solve the weight issue)
Now i know Jamie Oliver, can be an annoying f*****, but he has got a point, tackling childhood obesity before there adults...is so important.
My god ...i did'nt realize how huch i can go on...! I get carried away whilst typing on my ipad.
Takes me ages to type, suppose in a way...this could solve my number 4! Lol
@Kellylou , yes David Locker was really nice, I bet you can't wait til the 18th...hope it goes well for you. God , its getting so near now....suppose we'll both have to knuckle down and get some weigh off before we're back at hospital! Have you done the 24hr urine sample yet? Ive not done mine yet....just wondered if you have. It would be great if we went in on same day for surgery. We could have a ...lol. (I very much doubt we'l have the energy) .

Night all, enjoy the rest of your evening, Sunshine99.

Hi sunshine, yes I did my my urine test the day before my endoscopy then took it that morning! It was a Sunday too so didn't have to worry about decanting at work lol xx

 

[Sunshine99]

@Kellylou ,I use patient transport from Scarborough to York you see, as i struggle on puplic transport and don't drive. So maybe they'll give me my 'big carton' when i go for my endoscopy ...to return it as soon as i can. I remember though...finding it rarther amusing when i went last time....people sat in the waiting room with big brown paper bags, thats they'd just been given...with the 'big carton' in, I just thought of big bags of take-a-way food! .
Starting my healthy eating on Monday! Off back to the gym, And my 4am walks to Filey ( i love walking early morning) . Have a nice day. Toni ( my real name)

 

[Sunshine99]

Morning all!
Well yesterday while reading quite a few inspirational stories on this site, I admittedly sat on my comfy sofa with a mug of and a packet of Fox's chocolate biscuits and a family size galaxy!...Feeling quite fed up and a bit sorry for myself...(nearly crying).
I was eating them biscuits and chocolate to try and make myself feel better i suppose. Suppose it did work for a bit...til the packets was empty 10 min later...then 30 min later...im checking my FitBit watch to check the time.....to see if it was 4.30 yet....when the chippy opens, for my medium fish and chips. On the way to the chippy...(puffing and panting...and getting quite sweaty all the way there...at end of my street). ...id tell myself...right im just going to have medium fish and chips...without getting my added gravy as usual....me thinking i was been good. (which in hindsight...is crazy...id just demolished more than a days worth of calories in 10 min) ...So id been far from good that day . Anyhow ...on way back home i pass a Sainsbury's....there was a poster outside...(a big poster! Hard to miss) Advertizing tiny individual cheesecakes... 2 for £1.50. I look and think for a few seconds...and then decide ..oh just this once won't hurt, I'l treat myself! ( the power of advertizing....and my weakness, bad mix). So gets home...key in door..put my 'goodies' on a table, whilst i get out of my clothes and into my pj's (as im not intending to go out anymore that day, may as well get ready for bed) Gets comfy on my sofa again with my fish & chips, And both the cheesecakes, as saves going back into the kitchen to get the cheesecakes after id finished my fish and chips! (feeling a tiny bit chuffed, as i turned down my usual gravy.. Lol).
I had started off healthy yesterday....herbal tea...egg omlette for brekkie, Dinner was a 200g lean turkey with spinach. After that it went down hill .
My binges are by far...a lot better than the ever used to be,... but they're still bad. Still more than what a normal person would call a 'binge'.
I was doing well...before i moved flats 4 weeks ago. But since then...ive had more and more days like yesterday. (I love my new flat, was a good move)
After, id eaten all that food...and started to feel annoyed, angry and pissed off with myself....And, been in agony with my stomach, feeling nauseous, tired, (IBS symptoms)....id have given anything to just rewind them few hours, to when my stomach did'nt feel full and bloated, And did'nt feel quite so worthless.

So...folks...i got weighed on my scales this morning, 18st 11lbs,...3lbs heavier than when i first saw my consultant about 3 weeks ago! (Surprised, im not any heavier actually, as ive not done any excercise since ive moved)

So, after reading a lot of your very inspirational stories (there amazing by the way) ... It's got me motivated to start my lifestyle changes from TODAY!
Il keep you all posted on my lifestyle changes , diet, weight, excersice routine.
As really want this surgery...and weightloss....more than anything, ...yes..more than my binges!

Thank-you, to you all. For posting your stories,
It's given me inspiration to get myself motivated again.
Toni

 

[Sunshine99]

Hi
I've been the same regarding work I've been off work for 4 years due to my health....
Today I've applied for 2 jobs !!
I feel confident enough to try now
I've lost 4st 8lbs and my diabetes has gone and off tablets for blood pressure and colestral...
This will be the best thing you do good luck xxx

@Tracey , hope thing are going ok with you. Hows the job search coming along? Any news? Toni

 

[starryeyed]

Hi toni well done on starting a fresh today - you can do it

 

[Sunshine99]

Hi toni well done on starting a fresh today - you can do it

Thank-you
I did a lot of thinking late last night.
And asked myself, Is it really worth that 'temporary' satisfaction that a binge gives me, in return for all my health problems, The obvious answer is no.
When i think im hungry....im not...not really. I've never probably experienced 'real' hunger. Never letting myself get to that stage, because the slightest uncomfy feeling i get....i panic and eat, not wanting to feel that 'unusual empty feeling'. When in reality...it would probably pass, till im 'really genuinly hungry'
I think i have to learn to be 'temporary uncomfortable' sometimes, to overcome my urges to binge (well thats what my counsellor told me last week anyhow).

It's always fascinated me, why some people can't stop eating, And others at the other end of the spectrum (Anorexia), fear food and won't eat. Both in my opinion are a serious Mental Health problem. Binge Eaters...been about controlling emotions...Anorexia is also is about control too. And when i have watched documentary's like my 600lb life on the telly in the past (not got tv at mo), I do wonder why they won't section a 'super morbidly obese' person ( shoud they agree, to treatment and help), ...but section people with severe anorexia. Both are life threatening in differant ways.

Anyhow....im off to make a herbal tea!
Have a nice day,
Toni

 

[countrywench]

Hi Toni
There isn't one person on here who hasn't been where you are .. We all have so your not alone by a long shot ..

I would go and buy a half dozen on those sweet packets when they were on offer .. The £1 ones ? Maltesers , minstrels , crunchie nuggets , revels , you know the ones that says a sharing bag . Sharing bag my arse ! Well I would tip them into a carrier bag , mix them all up and sit and work my way through them all .. Never feeling sick or guilty .. Then more than likely I would hit the cheese and biscuits , snaffling them down and never counting how many I'd eaten ... All this watching TV or reading a book .. Not even really tasting what I'd eaten , just opening my mouth , crunching and swallowing ..
The trays of profiteroles in co op ? The triangle towers ? Well that would be mine to crawl away secretly with and enjoy when hubby was at work , also large tubs of Ben and Jerrys .. Omg , I could eat 2 tubs and not bat an eye ..
This is how I ended up at 25 1/2 stone ..

The first thing that has to be done before you can even begin your new journey is this ...
You have to admit and come to terms with being an addict .. We are all addicts .. Addicted to carbs and the highs we get from eating them .. Whether it's savoury or sweet, those carbs are our drugs and like any addict we have to admit to it , we have to get them out of our system ..
Be truthful to yourself , if you lie to yourself and say ' no she's wrong , I can stop anytime I like ' ( like I did ) then you are just fooling yourself .. Food is a serious addiction like any drug on the street .. The easiest to get hold of , the easiest to take and no one takes notice .. The whole industry is based on feeding our addiction .. You said yourself the advert for the cheesecakes got hold of you .. You couldn't help yourself .. It's that easy to give in ..
Believe me I fight myself each and every day .. It's all in my head .. It's not hunger that drives me, it's a need for these high dependant carb foods . I had no idea how addictive they were until I started looking at them .. Read up on them and the dopamine affect they give the brain .. Educate yourself before you start this . It will open your eyes , like mine were . I was shocked to find how addicted I was ..
When I started my pre op diet , which cuts out all carbs by the way , I dropped like a stone within 12 hours . Cold turkey just like an addict .. I don't want to have to do that again in my life .. It's not nice ..
I havnt touched chocolate since April 1st . And as you read I was a massive chocoholic. I'm scared one taste of it will drag me back into bad eating and awaken my addiction. So I choose not to touch it .. Crisps , chips , pasta etc is not in my life now due the high carbs .. We don't need carbs to survive ..

Do something for me for a couple of days .. Go and buy a fresh fruit salad box , I get mine in the co op , 2 for £3 , quiet large boxes as well .. Then get a big pot of the full fat Greek yogurt , the low fat isn't very nice and I only eat the full fats as those fats are good for us .. Sit down and eat it together , dipping your fruit in the yogurt .. It so bloody good and tasty , seriously .. Very satisfying and filling .. Much much nicer than a bar or packet of chocolates you'll find .. The Greek yogurt reminds me of double cream for some reason ! Must be the texture ..

Only you can do this .. You are the only one in charge of your life and what you put in your mouth .. No one can do this for you .. But like I said the first step is admitting to yourself .. Food is either going to rule your life and eventually make you ill , or you're going to rule your food ..
We are all here for you , we've all been there so we all understand Hun .. We all know how bloody hard the beginning of this journey is ..
One tip is .. Throw everything out of your freezer , fridge and cupboards that is carb related .. Now I know how horrifying that sounds , but it's essential .. It's like a cleansing affect .. Once I started I felt bloody good about doing it , almost cathartic in a way .. Getting rid of demons that will make sure you fail .. Yes it's a waste of food and money , but it won't do you any good to keep that stuff in arms reach .. Dont drink any fizzy drinks anymore either .. Even the sugar free ones .. Most contain aspartame which has been linked to weight gain .. Fresh water is all your body needs and will be thankful for it ..
Im so sorry I sound like a complete nag , but I've gotten so passionate about this lately , I want to shout it from the rooftop . .. I AM FINALLY IN CONTROL OF WHAT I EAT !!!!!
It's a real liberating feeling

All the luck in the world
Mindy
Xxxx

 

[starryeyed]

Thank-you
I did a lot of thinking late last night.
And asked myself, Is it really worth that 'temporary' satisfaction that a binge gives me, in return for all my health problems, The obvious answer is no.
When i think im hungry....im not...not really. I've never probably experienced 'real' hunger. Never letting myself get to that stage, because the slightest uncomfy feeling i get....i panic and eat, not wanting to feel that 'unusual empty feeling'. When in reality...it would probably pass, till im 'really genuinly hungry'
I think i have to learn to be 'temporary uncomfortable' sometimes, to overcome my urges to binge (well thats what my counsellor told me last week anyhow).

It's always fascinated me, why some people can't stop eating, And others at the other end of the spectrum (Anorexia), fear food and won't eat. Both in my opinion are a serious Mental Health problem. Binge Eaters...been about controlling emotions...Anorexia is also is about control too. And when i have watched documentary's like my 600lb life on the telly in the past (not got tv at mo), I do wonder why they won't section a 'super morbidly obese' person ( shoud they agree, to treatment and help), ...but section people with severe anorexia. Both are life threatening in differant ways.

Anyhow....im off to make a herbal tea!
Have a nice day,
Toni

I used to binge so badly and actually the thought of it now makes me feel sick but it's like you can't help yourself. I used to fight and fight the urge all day until 3pm then after work I'd stop off in m&s buy a tub of sour cream dip and 2 baguettes of garlic bread and buy a load of chocolates or crisp on top. Defitently is triggered to my emotions as now I'm fearful of eating too much so will have to keep an eye on that xx

 

[starryeyed]

Also yay @countrywench is back - I've missed your words of wisdom xxx

 

[Tracey]

Same here xx

 

[Sunshine99]

Hi Toni
There isn't one person on here who hasn't been where you are .. We all have so your not alone by a long shot ..

I would go and buy a half dozen on those sweet packets when they were on offer .. The £1 ones ? Maltesers , minstrels , crunchie nuggets , revels , you know the ones that says a sharing bag . Sharing bag my arse ! Well I would tip them into a carrier bag , mix them all up and sit and work my way through them all .. Never feeling sick or guilty .. Then more than likely I would hit the cheese and biscuits , snaffling them down and never counting how many I'd eaten ... All this watching TV or reading a book .. Not even really tasting what I'd eaten , just opening my mouth , crunching and swallowing ..
The trays of profiteroles in co op ? The triangle towers ? Well that would be mine to crawl away secretly with and enjoy when hubby was at work , also large tubs of Ben and Jerrys .. Omg , I could eat 2 tubs and not bat an eye ..
This is how I ended up at 25 1/2 stone ..

The first thing that has to be done before you can even begin your new journey is this ...
You have to admit and come to terms with being an addict .. We are all addicts .. Addicted to carbs and the highs we get from eating them .. Whether it's savoury or sweet, those carbs are our drugs and like any addict we have to admit to it , we have to get them out of our system ..
Be truthful to yourself , if you lie to yourself and say ' no she's wrong , I can stop anytime I like ' ( like I did ) then you are just fooling yourself .. Food is a serious addiction like any drug on the street .. The easiest to get hold of , the easiest to take and no one takes notice .. The whole industry is based on feeding our addiction .. You said yourself the advert for the cheesecakes got hold of you .. You couldn't help yourself .. It's that easy to give in ..
Believe me I fight myself each and every day .. It's all in my head .. It's not hunger that drives me, it's a need for these high dependant carb foods . I had no idea how addictive they were until I started looking at them .. Read up on them and the dopamine affect they give the brain .. Educate yourself before you start this . It will open your eyes , like mine were . I was shocked to find how addicted I was ..
When I started my pre op diet , which cuts out all carbs by the way , I dropped like a stone within 12 hours . Cold turkey just like an addict .. I don't want to have to do that again in my life .. It's not nice ..
I havnt touched chocolate since April 1st . And as you read I was a massive chocoholic. I'm scared one taste of it will drag me back into bad eating and awaken my addiction. So I choose not to touch it .. Crisps , chips , pasta etc is not in my life now due the high carbs .. We don't need carbs to survive ..

Do something for me for a couple of days .. Go and buy a fresh fruit salad box , I get mine in the co op , 2 for £3 , quiet large boxes as well .. Then get a big pot of the full fat Greek yogurt , the low fat isn't very nice and I only eat the full fats as those fats are good for us .. Sit down and eat it together , dipping your fruit in the yogurt .. It so bloody good and tasty , seriously .. Very satisfying and filling .. Much much nicer than a bar or packet of chocolates you'll find .. The Greek yogurt reminds me of double cream for some reason ! Must be the texture ..

Only you can do this .. You are the only one in charge of your life and what you put in your mouth .. No one can do this for you .. But like I said the first step is admitting to yourself .. Food is either going to rule your life and eventually make you ill , or you're going to rule your food ..
We are all here for you , we've all been there so we all understand Hun .. We all know how bloody hard the beginning of this journey is ..
One tip is .. Throw everything out of your freezer , fridge and cupboards that is carb related .. Now I know how horrifying that sounds , but it's essential .. It's like a cleansing affect .. Once I started I felt bloody good about doing it , almost cathartic in a way .. Getting rid of demons that will make sure you fail .. Yes it's a waste of food and money , but it won't do you any good to keep that stuff in arms reach .. Dont drink any fizzy drinks anymore either .. Even the sugar free ones .. Most contain aspartame which has been linked to weight gain .. Fresh water is all your body needs and will be thankful for it ..
Im so sorry I sound like a complete nag , but I've gotten so passionate about this lately , I want to shout it from the rooftop . .. I AM FINALLY IN CONTROL OF WHAT I EAT !!!!!
It's a real liberating feeling

All the luck in the world
Mindy
Xxxx

Hi Mindy, i feel like ive been at the 'admitting' im an addict stage forever....trouble is changing them bad habits permanantly! I don't like fizzy drinks...never have done luckily. Im a big tea drinker or water. I did used to be a 'binge drinker' with alcohol though, dry white wine, or vodka and diet coke (only time i drank coke, was if there was vodka in it). But haven't drank alcohol in nearly 2 years.
I once joined a 'bootcamp' (excersize's on the beach at 6.15am!). And learned a lot about sugars and their addictiveness, they had this 30day 'blitz' programme. I only managed 10 days! Was still good for me at that time. I still went to their bootcamp sessions and loved it! (Then they put their prices up, could'nt afford it). Full fat greek yogurt was one of my staple foods whilst i was attending bootcamp, along with organic jumbo rolled oats from Tesco. That was about 2 and a half years ago now. When im eating healthy, ever since leaving bootcamp i always follow there plan...Its very simelar to the Paleo diet (caveman diet). Id feel miles better after been on it...longest ive ever managed though is about a month...maybe a bit more. Then it may be them £1 offers you mentioned ....oh il just treat myself...then before i know it...im battling my binging demons again, buying bread, cakes, ect. I think my knowledge of what to eat for a healthy lifestyle is there, It's just implementing them on an ongoing level that's so damn hard. But as you said....it down to me...and me only!
I've been in counselling for a year and a half now, I feel that has help an awful lot. I've been choosing to spend part of my Dla on my counselling, As the NHS only offered 10 session. And i think it will take more than 10 sessions, to unravel years of messed up eating. Though i was very gratefull for them 10 sessions at the time.
So im 100% committed to make every effort to change my life for the better.
I liked you post though, i liked you honesty in it, i liked you passion in it!
Well done, on your weighloss so far, that's fantastic!
And, thanks for your post.
Enjoy your evening, Toni