We could hear mom and dad talking about the fracas in the kitchen and as far as I can remember they were concluding Gladys was jealsous of moms job and the fact Doug picked her up and dropped her off at home and continued to call late a night. Doug could not read or write I found out a few years later, mom was teaching him to do both. He had borrowed some money to rent his 'garage' and basicaly relied upon mom for everything. Within a year he had moved to new premises which were modern and much bigger.
Just before the street row mom,dad,doug and Gladys had stopped going out on a saturday. This was good for a reason I had not told anyone. Dennis (Dougs son) who minded us would take me into the kitchen, lights off and lie on top of me moving up and down. I didn't like it as I felt as though he was squashing the breath out of me. I had no idea what he was doing but knew I didn;t like it. He would say a boggy man would come and get me if I told anyone. I have no doubt had the fall out not happened he would have taken things further. The most I can remember was he used to pull his willy out and rub it up against my legs. For some reason all this dissappeared from my memory for a long while. More about this later.
Mom and dad had always argued, well actually thats wrong mom would always be yelling at dad, he would pack his stuff on her say so.walk the streets for hours and then come klnocking at 1am in the morning. I would always be the one waiting up and looking throught he window, stomach in knots, tears flowing and my heart breaking for him. He would turn up frozen to the bone with sadness written all over his face. He was a rotter we were told day in day out. He rarely bit back and to this day I don't know if he was frightened of her or did it to try and keep the peace for us children. Mom wouldn't just yell she would bellow with so much anger in her voice and venom in face. She would pick up a milk bottle or poker and threaten him with it if he didn't get out. This became a weekly occurrance.
She was by now consuming around half a pint of sherry a night and this was like stoking a fire. We all sat just waiing for her to start on dad. Saturday was my favourite day of the week. Mom was always in a good mood, she would go and have her hair done at an exclusive salon in town and stop off a beaties on the way and buy herself a new classy expensive outfit. It was always an exquisit dress sometimes with a coat to match. For work she used to say but every saturday she would wear the new outfit, go out and not come back untill around 11. This increased to around 1am within a few weeks. I was totally devoted to her and I used to walk with her to meet her lift but she would never let me go futher than the school. She used to say she was playing bingo with the oaps from by where she worked. Dad wasn't bothered as it meant he could have a bit of peace and would be in bed by the time she returned, I always waited up. I remember one time the clock ticked 4.30 am and I was beside myself she hadn't coem home. I woke my dad and we sat together waiting, worrying, wondering. Around 8am she strolled in and said 'oh what you doing up you silly girl, I had a bit to drink and fell asleep.' i just wrapped my arms around her sobbing I thought she was in an accident , even dead. Dad just looked at her and went to bed , he never said a word. I learned from then on not to worry about her so much if she was late on a saturday. I always waited up though even if it was 5am when she returned.
One saturday as I left her at the school Dennis (Dougs son) was waiting for me in the doorway of a shop. He jumped out and said your mothers a whore and you are fat and ugly. He got me round the throat and said tell her to leave my dad alone. I was petrified I was around 11 at the time. I didn't tell my dad when I got back I was too frightened of causing a row. Later on my brother Graham came running in the house and said ' Dennis tried to run me over'. he was visibly shaking. Dennis was around 19 by now and a big fellow. Dad was livid, he went down to his house and knocked the door. As Dennis answered he door dad grabbed him and pushed a screwdriver against his throat. 'You so much as look at my lad again and I'll do time for you'. This was a first I had never ever seen my dad angry. Mom came home a decent time and dad told her what had happened, I dont recall her reaction.
She continued to work and our home was reaping the rewards with new furniture etc. She had little time for the children really from this time on. I craved her love, I always have. Even then she would scold me more than the others. She often cruelly referred to my weight. Her favourite saying was I'll knock that fat of you! She continued to drink her half pint of sherry and become aggressive once she had downed it.
The following monday was to set the trend for many years to come. As I was walking out of the school gates Galdys and Dennis were waiting for me. I had little confidence anyway and was a little on the chunky side to say the least. I would comfort eat through all the rows, the absence of my mother, my increasing chores. My eldest brother was a bully who nicknamed me fat guts. He would get my younger brother to punch my little developing boobs in a proper boxing type match until they were balck and blue. I would retreat to my room sobbing day after day.
'Well if it isn't the fat daughter of the whore' Oi fatty where's you mother still prostituting, yes you Linda Grainger we talking to you'. Crowds gathered and my two friends walked off and left me. Dennis kicked my heels all the way home and she shouted abuse for all to hear. It was the longest journey of my life. The inevitable happened the next day and I was taken the mickey out of.
My siblings had similar encounters but never so intense. I guess being fat made me an easy target. Every time I put my head out of the front door because they lived 6 doors away they would shout ' fat guts, look at you you need to diet, you big fat pig' at every opportunity.
All mom would say is you ignore them and hold your head up high, you have done nothing wrong. She would tackle Doug and he would go and read the riot act and for a week or so it would ease. Trouble was I lived my life in a state of nerves for along time and at 13/14 it was a lot to handle. I frequently played truant purely to escape the threat of outside school abuse.
Doug aslo had a daughter Glenys who was the same age as Janet my young sister. From knee high she was taught to shout obscenities to us at every opportunity.
One summers day my sister Janet who was as volatile as my mom walked in and announced ' The police will be here in a minute I've just broke Glenys's leg'. I nearly S*** myself with nerves! I rushed next door and rang mom at the office. She was calm and said ok I will be home in a minute. When I got back the door knocked and there stood two plain clothes detectives. OMG I was hyperventilating with fright. Cutting it short, they took Jan to court and she was convicted of GBH. She was only 13 at the time. She was put on some form of probation and it was left to me to take her too and fro. Mom had none of it, she wouldn't be seen at a probationers office for goodness sake!
I used to spend most saturday nights after that at next doors as Nicky was my best friend. Her mom and dad knew what went on in a sense as they heard the shouting and screaming. It ws nice to have a dry nights sleep as my younger brother wet the bed each night up until he was around 16. Not suprising really. As mom began to increase he drinking the fights and rows, screaming,shouting intensified. Me my young brother and sister would lie huddled together trying to block the screaming out. I remember being freezing cold when fights were occurring, in particular my hands and feet. To this day I still go ice cold when frightened.
I had made friends with a lady across thre road, Mrs cook.
Mom had no idea as she wouldn't have approved. She would have said she was a nosey parker who wanted to know our business. Mrs C liked me and she was kind to me. When I was 15 she said she knew someone who needed a baby sitter every saturday. I jumped at the chance and during the first night I was I thought looking after 2 little ones. We sat huddled on the settee, me reading to them when I heard a baby cry. Whats that I said? It's Beblie, the baby said the 5 year old. I had not been told there was a baby in the house. I went upstairs to take a look and had the shock of my life. There lay this beautiful 5 month old with a bottle laid by her side full of coca cola. She had a dirty grey nappy on and a pair of her dad pants on top. She had both legs in plaster of paris. Snot all around her face and her beautiful mousey hair was matted. I picked her up and my heart melted. I changed her nappy and her little bottom was like liver it was so sore. This little girl touched me like no-one had ever done before. It was love at first sight. This little bundle changed my journey through this life forever.
I took her the following week to meet my mom and she just loved her. Se was clearly neglected and was born with a disability. She was born with club feet and dislocated hips. Her hands worked backwards and they said she would never walk. I went to visit her straight from school every single night and would bring her home with me while I rushed to do my chores. By now I was like your modern day Cinderella. Absolutly every meal was planned. shopped and cooked for by me. The washing up would follow, iron everyones stuff for the next day, hoover, make beds. It was around this time the verbal cruelty started by my mom. She would alternate from dad to me. He didn't lift a finger to stop it, 'While she onto you she's leaving me alone cock he would say. I was taking my GCSE's but just didn't want to be there. I wanted to look after this poor neglected baby, She loved me so, she would jump with delight a the sight of me. The truancy increased and I spent every minute I could with Bev. Mom kitted her out with new clothes and a double pushchair so I could take her out. Mom and dad had bonded with her just has I had really. Her mom asked if we could have Bev for the weekend while she went to Blackpool. She never came back for her. I left school without any qualifications and took on the role of carer to Bev and housekeeper for our family of 7. My love and devotion for Beverley made this all worthwhile for me in so many ways. Unfortunatly, mom's drinking had increased due to her doing illegal things and for years to come I worried myself sick she would go to prison. She was lucky not to have done, its complicated and I hope you will not judge her too harshly, I loved her unconditionally! Her cruelty towards me increased as did her drinking as her life spirralled out of control.
To be continued.....
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