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[tray]

i never thought that by posting how i felt about my surgery, it would become such a good debate ,,,lol i was just saying, i have felt disappointed in the fact i am able to eat a lot, i was truly hoping that by having the op, i would be full after eating a small amount,
i am still hungry even after eating protein. yes i do eat good food like chicken and veg and fruit and low fat yogurts and probiotic drinks ..... all i was saying is i dont understand how and why i can still eat a good amount of food,

yes it did get my back up when pre oppers sit and judge me for what im eating, i to was a pre oper, and thought that when i had my op, i would so be able to stick to the rules, and there is no way i will ever eat the bad foods again, but how wrong of me to even think like that, i want to dump dump dump on junk so much that i never want to eat the foods again, but to be honest dumping doesnt stop me eating it, i know even when i am eating the wrong food and that in10 mins my head will be down the toilet being sick i'll still eat it,
no i dont blame my surgeon or anyone but me, i really thought this was going to be my salvation at last, in my fight against the demon of food, i have been fighting since i was 5, but it wasnt meant to be, there isnt anything anyone can tell me about what is good for u and what is bad, but for some reason the bad always wins, maybe deep down i want to fail as i have failed at a lot of things like a lot of us do , am i sabotaging my weight loss, who knows,
i spent many years hiding behind my size, no body ever f***ed with me or would ever say anything to me as i was scarey, so i was told, maybe as the size is going my fears are getting bigger, and maybe im scared of being normal, as i have never known what normal is,
all i know is i want to be able to stop eating, even writing this im sitting here thinking about what i can eat i never feel full,
yes i am going back to luton next week but i have been told by a few luton oppers that its a waste of time, well all i can do i see what they have to say,

if i offeneded anyone then im sorry i was in a bad place and i think people took what i was saying the wrong way

 

[phatmomma]

Tray, as i pointed out in another thread. We do the research and expect sickness, dumping, pain... But we never expect nothing, absolutely zilch on the scales. Nor do we expect to be able to eat bigger portions.....

Go to Luton and speak to them, ask them about the pills that i have just been prescribed. Celevec, they're not the nicest pills. They expand as you chew them in your mouth, get stuck in your teeth but they do work. They do fill you....

Keep your head up girl and lets draw a line under the other posts......

And fair play on you too for sticking around, way to go xxxxx

 

[RoseA]

Tray, I'm so glad you're still here hun - we know you're having a really hard time right now - and it must suck to read about others who are apparently having it easy. It takes a lot of courage to admit you're finding it difficult and we really respect you for that. Tell us how you want us to help you and we'll try our damn best to get you through this. I'm glad you're going to go back to your provider too - be honest with them and tell them you really need some help to make the most of the tool they've given you.

Stick around, and whenever the food demons start to bite, come here and shout for help... Take care xxx

 

[cherry]

you didnt offend me! i had a rant, and me being me it goes as quick as it comes!

i truely hope you can get some help you desperatly need, ad maybe couselling is the way foreward for you tray, dont give up yet swetpea!!

xxx

 

[yorkiegal]

I'm really glad to see you back here Tray.

Self sabotage is a biggie for me too. It always amazes me how I can put so much effort into messing up yet can't put the same effort into doing something positive. I can do it for someone else, no problem at all, but when it comes to me, I wonder if deep down I just don't think I'm worth it.

I'll admit that reading about how dumping syndrome doesn't stop you from eating scares me. Because I fear I will be the same too.

Sometimes it feels like we're split into two people. There's the one who wants to fail. But there's also the one who went through hell to give herself a chance at getting to that healthier weight. The one who lost that first 4 stone. She's still in there somewhere you know. And she deserves to be happy.
Is there any chance that your gp could refer you for some counselling at all? CBT helped me quite a lot although it hasn't 'fixed' me. But it helped to have someone I could sit down with each week and try to figure out the relationship between wanting to self sabotage and the moods or emotions around it.

I know I can be a bit too direct sometimes, especially when it's written down and not face to face. It wasn't my intention to insult or upset you. I recognised a lot of myself in what you were saying and really wanted to just give you a good shake and say Noooooo!!! just as I want to do to myself a lot of the time.

Chin up and I hope you get through this slump and back on track xxx

 

[smilergem]

So glad you are still here Tray )))))
As I said before, I empathise totally, I am eating rubbish, and I have never dumped, which is very sad, I so wished I did, as maybe it would stop me being so stupid.
When my OH moves out next week, am really, really going to try and get myself back on track. I am only hurting myself, and destroying my hopes of a slimmer, healthier life. I WILL do it, I have to, for me xxxxx

 

[Grace]

Tray, I just want to give you the biggest hug! I so feel for you an I didn't say anything much at all on your last thread because I didn't know how to respond to be most helpful. I could see you cheesed off and disappointed you are though and I can totally understand why. Well done for sticking around honey. Bless you, what you're experiencing must feel so rubbish after what you've put yourself through. But stick at it honey and fight for the results you want! And we'll fight along-side you. Let us help and support you, because that's what we're here for.

Grace xxxx

I'm really glad to see you back here Tray.
Self sabotage is a biggie for me too. It always amazes me how I can put so much effort into messing up yet can't put the same effort into doing something positive. I can do it for someone else, no problem at all, but when it comes to me, I wonder if deep down I just don't think I'm worth it.

I'll admit that reading about how dumping syndrome doesn't stop you from eating scares me. Because I fear I will be the same too.

Sometimes it feels like we're split into two people. There's the one who wants to fail. But there's also the one who went through hell to give herself a chance at getting to that healthier weight. The one who lost that first 4 stone. She's still in there somewhere you know. And she deserves to be happy.
Is there any chance that your gp could refer you for some counselling at all? CBT helped me quite a lot although it hasn't 'fixed' me. But it helped to have someone I could sit down with each week and try to figure out the relationship between wanting to self sabotage and the moods or emotions around it.

I know I can be a bit too direct sometimes, especially when it's written down and not face to face. It wasn't my intention to insult or upset you. I recognised a lot of myself in what you were saying and really wanted to just give you a good shake and say Noooooo!!! just as I want to do to myself a lot of the time.

Chin up and I hope you get through this slump and back on track xxx

Yorkiegal, I just wanted to say to you: everyone's journey and experience s different. I dump (still) I'm delighted to say, and for me the experience is absolutely unpleasant enough to keep me on track. 4 Quality Stret chocolates and what they did to me/how tey mad me feel at Christmas has kept me off chocolate since! And we're more than half-way through February!
That isn't to detract or disagree with what Tray is saying; just to say, your experience may not be like that. I'm a great believer in crossing the bridges as you come to them not beforehand. Don't let negativity creep in even before your surgery. Believe your surgery is going to work for you and you for it. You've waited a long time, pushed hard and worked hard to get to where you are now: make up your mind that you are going to be a success. Then if/when you hit problems, deal with them then- not before!

Hugs, Grace xxx

So glad you are still here Tray )))))
As I said before, I empathise totally, I am eating rubbish, and I have never dumped, which is very sad, I so wished I did, as maybe it would stop me being so stupid.
When my OH moves out next week, am really, really going to try and get myself back on track. I am only hurting myself, and destroying my hopes of a slimmer, healthier life. I WILL do it, I have to, for me xxxxx

You have gone through so much Jan, and you are and have always been a massive inspiration to me. I believe in you and that you CAN DO THIS!!! I hope I can be the support you, that you have been to me.

Love n hugs
Grace xxx

 

[dottychic]

Pleased to see you are still with us Its such a shame they cant flick a switch in our heads isnt it? Maybe swap brain cells with someone who has always eaten a good diet and never had a weight problem! Im afraid its just down to us pffffffttt!! Its not easy hun and no-one with any knowledge of the surgery we go through would say it is we just have to so the best we can. Any help is good help and maybe Lutons team will help you more than they have helped others. Its got to be worth trying, and youve always got us lot to try and help you too Good Luck with getting a bit of control back XX

 

[keeley86]

glad your back with us today! you can get through this! were always here for you - you didnt upset me hun at all! i just felt that you asked for every1s opinions and you didnt like what you read so you threw it back in our face, but then thats up to you how you take the advice!
we meant well in everything we said or i did anyway i cant speak for every1 else!
let us know what your team have to say at luton and even if they are rubbish like youve been told they are... dont give up! get to that gp and asked to be referred to a different hospital! like others have said, i wouldnt want you to put back on what youve allready lost! and if your gp isnt much help either - try that "pals" see if they can help if your not happy with the service your getting!
in the mean time why not post on the meal diary thread with us, it might help you make the right choices and keep you on track till you can get something done!
them tablets that julie mentioned might be of some help to you aswell, make a note of what there called so you can tell your team at luton.
keep ya chin up! xxxx

 

[daftmoo]

I actually rang up Health in Mind yesterday and refered myself for CBT/counselling to sort out my head issues with food and eating as advised by the L&D at my last appointment. It took alot for me to admit that I may have a problem

 

[DaisyMaesy]

Well done daftmoo for taking that step. You are very brave in admitting you have a problem and are now taking action. Good luck

 

[Bev]

Hello Tray,

So pleased you are staying on the forum and hopefully we can offer some warm support to help you as you try to overcome some of these obstacles.

You are certainly not on your own with this problem and we are all unique with our wls experience, but we do have one huge and important factor in common.

That is the majority of users of this forum are here long term, show great care and understanding for those in need of a shoulder and will embrace & encourage your steps forward.

Sincerely hoping that you can turn this around and keep in touch, we are all learning from each other.

Sending a humungous hug in your direction and at your side.

Love and hugs precious xxx

 

[blueeyes]

Tray, I didn't post on the other thread(s) but I'm glad you're still with us here on the forum! I totally understand where you're coming from. I did TONS of research, for just about a year, and I really feel that I was VERY well prepared and informed about my surgery and what it means for my lifestyle etc. But I too thought that I would be able to eat MUCH less than I do now. For the first few weeks I could indeed eat very little, but now things are different. And I'm not even 3 months out! Some days I have very good restriction and the tiniest of meals fills me, but most days I seem to be able to eat quite a lot. Easy a starter portion at a restaurant, and then some after that or some olives beforehand. Turns out this is still a diet after all. Not with the bad associations that word has for many, but in the sense that I still need to make the right choices at every single meal, and make sure I don't overeat. I don't dump much, which I am pleased about as it's not pleasant at all when it happens. I can eat most things, so have to exercise restraint. Now don't get me wrong, I am VERY HAPPY to do that and I am not complaining but I was under the illusion that my bypass would assist me in avoiding certain foods. Turns out it's all ME! and my decisions who make this weightloss happen. Not so much my bypass.

I am still just as obsessed with food than I was before, in a slightly different manner though. Before I almost didn't care what I ate, so long as I ate! Now I care about nutrition and protein and calories obviously, but the obsession is still there. And it needs to be there, until my new habits are fully formed and I have fully adopted this new lifestyle. I also still enjoy eating out.


I understand it's different for everybody. This is just my view and my experience of my own journey. I love it. I enjoy it. But I am surprised at the amounts I can put away after surgery. And I understand your point of view therefore


You also touched on the mental side of things. This is a BIG part of this journey and one that I maybe wasn't quite as much prepared for. I am working on this. I too have never been normal. Being 27 stone messes with your head big time. But we can totally do this, and this forum, with all it's different views and experiences, is going to help us along the way.

(((hugs)))

 

[tray]

thank you all for you kind words and support,
i have started writing every thing down that i eat, i know it sounds silly, but when i go in the kitchen even tho i know there really isnt much in the way of junk to eat, but i still crave it so bad, before the op, when ever i felt down or angry, food was my comfort, as it was for a lot of us, the trouble is. Ok my stomach has been made smaller, but i still crave the bad foods, and sometimes that craving over takes all the good intentions that i do have, and then when i give in, i feel like oh well, i've screwed up again, i might as well just eat what i want ... and then the circle begins again angry as i have eaten the wrong foods depressed that i cant stop so i eat more coz at the time im eating its making me feel good, until i sit back and think, why the hell did i do that, i didnt even want it but its like the devil and the good telling me to do it and the devil wins 9 out of 10 times...lol

 

[Bev]

Tray we are recording on here daily if it's of any help to you, I understand if you don't but here if we can support in any way.

Love and hugs xxx

 

[keeley86]

hang to every1 on this site - im exactly the same but obviously pre op and i go of rails alot when imnot on here - but if i post on here everytime i fancy something i shouldnt have it helps me stay focused!
did you ring your team hun? any news on that front?

 

[Amrac1]

Tray, what you wrote above - could of been describing me! I may have lost a lot of weight but in my head I havn't. I still expect to wake up and its all a dream.
I think because weight loss is what we have all failed at we want to hurry up the failure if you know what I mean. That way we can get on with our lives. No-one except people like us would understand. I also believe that in my case I have lost the weight that is all people see. What they dont see is the times when I am almost paralysed with fear with eating too little or too much. They dont see what I see in the mirror - which is someone who is 'playing at being thin'. I dont even see the weight loss when I look in the mirror!
No idea what to say in your case. But didnt want to read and run. Also to say thank you for posting your feelings etc because they validate my own.
Take care and much love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Kerry Jo]

I had the opposite thing not believing i was as big as i was. I knew i was heavy but NOT that heavy. I used to avoid mirrors but there was a couple at home that i would stand from a distance and look at my self and think i'm not that big. Comical really just goes to show how powerful our brains actually are. I think Paul Mkenna has it right its all in the way we think xxx

 

[RoseA]

Me too... I knew I was big but I didn't think I looked that bad. When I look at pictures now I'm horrified. I can't believe how dreadfully obese I really was and how awful I looked.

 

[Kerry Jo]

Scary isn't it Rose. I'm glad I'm not the only one. You look amazing now Rose, a completely different person you look so much happier and you looked gorgeous on your holiday snaps xxx