Ot sort of can u help child eating dissorders

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

hi everyone, this is 1 if the hardest threads ive ever posted, but im in turmoil, my little boy ryan hes 8 years old now, i think maybe has a eating dissorder but im unsure of what type, hes showing "signs" of it. this has been going on over the last 12-18 months which ive not made an issue of, its hard to type on here for people to understand, im sat here in tears while typing this post, he goes through phases of eating ok, then has a bad attitude towards food, am i to blame ? because ive had wls ? hes ok for a few months eats the food hes given ect, i dont know if hes the "cockly" type he keeps saying to me bits the feeling of bits of foods in his mouth make him gagg if they not cooked crispy/or soft enuff, hes 8 now and well smaller than other kids in his school class, an example is he was eating 1 slice of toast with cheese for a few weeks for breakfast then gagging on it and refusing to eat it after a while, he goes through this process with food then gags at the table its not good, says certain parts of the food isnt "cooked" corectly, i asked him do u do this with the dinner ladies at school ? he was horrified and said NO dont u ask them questions as i eat my lunch all up, this is a process of whats happening hes ok for a while then it all starts again, is this because im banded and been honest with what ive had done surgically and he knows when i vomit its because i have a band ,and while he knows all about a healthy balanced diet and moderation foods, more than most kids of his age, i dont know what to do is this because of me or just a thing in his mind i honestly cant answer that. is he mimicking my behaviour or is this a problem ? please help any comments appreciated as i lost my temper today at lunch, he was gaging so i took the plate off him and threw his whole meal in the bin, 1st time ive done that im lost ! i feel this is my fault ? i only have him the 1 child so i do not have a comparison to make.

 

[thinkbethin]

Hi Liz, I really don't have much advice but please don't feel like it's your fault because that way Ryan will play up more. Maybe if he's saying things aren't cooked enough you could get him to help you cook so then he has a choice as to when it's enough for him. I'm not saying he's actually playing up but kids are brill at making parents feel guilty.I have 3 age 17, 19 and 21 and they still do it. Does he tell you what he'd like to eat or do you decide?? No critisism but maybe he will eat it if he's decided what he has. Good luck Liz and I guess you've already tried all that but let me know how you get on. xxGaynorxx

 

[helen144]

Hi Liz

awwwwwwww you poor thing, i bet this is driving you insane, of course your son is more aware of healthy foods and weight issues than the average person as his life will have had so much involvement in this as do all of my 4 children.
I think all children have funny ways with food all mine do, i think perhaps this is as a result of your surgery and maybe he now associates being healthy and healthy eating with a the need to feel sick, if you have mentioned it at home, im not saying in anyway its your fault because i too will not hide this from my children and in fact i have already discussed this with them, that i may be sick or feel sick when eating.
It maybe that he is just been a fussy bugger or attention seeking in some way, try completley ignoring this behaviour as if he gets no attention from doing it there will be no point doing it.
Try speaking to school as well and find out whether they have noticed changes in his eating habits or behaviour at school, they should have a school nurse who you could contact or maybe get in touch with the health visitor for advice.

please please do not blame yourself children are hard to understand and they have funny ways which sometimes occurs for no reason, this could also be a pssing phase that he may grow out of, just try not to show any emotion about this behaviour and try not to get into the trap of pandering to his everyneed where food is concerned because i would think this will lead to unhealthy eating habits in later life, i would make it clear this is what you are having to eat i have made it for you it is cooked if you dont want it throw it away, say it nicely with no pressure and ignore any strange behaviour.

I would definately speak to school, without him knowing if you have major concerns take him to the gps or you go and see the gp on yourown to discuss your concerns.

thinking of you , take care

Helen xxxxxxxxx

Being a mother is the hardest job in the world, please dont blame yourself!!!!

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[Sambucca]

Sorry I wasnt around to answer this last night Liz when you were feeling upset.

As Helen said above, being a mum is the hardest job in the world. There isnt a rule book and no two kids are the same. Do you just have the one child Liz?

Im by no means an expert Liz, so can only tell you what I would try if it were my child, before asking for help from the GP. So, do you ask him what he wants for his meals or do you cook whatever the rest of the family are having? its hard as Helen said not to "pander" to the kids, but as long as he is eating something is better than feeling sick when he is forced to eat what you give him. Do you think it is copycat behaviour - or do you think he genuinely feels sick when he eats certain things?

Also, at 8 he is probably old enough to start helping you make dinner. Maybe getting him involved a bit more might encourage him to eat.

You could also tell him you are worried about him, and ask him if he will make a list of foods that he knows he can manage without feeling sick. Tell him he has to have at least one fruit and vegetable on the list. Depending on what he will eat, you may be able to hide other vegetables within his meal without him knowing.

My husband is the worlds fussiest eater. He doesnt eat fruit or veg. Rarely eats a normal plated dinner with the rest of the family. He tells me of when he was a child and his mum forced him to sit at the table till his meal was finished - sometimes for hours and until the food was stone cold - as she thought he was being naughty, but it honestly made him feel sick. Because of this I never force my kids to eat anything they tell me they dont like. All kids are fussy, but if he's getting to the point that he is heaving and wretching with certain foods then they are best avoided for a while.

Sorry, that turned in to a bit of a ramble hun. Try not to get upset about things.

 

[tesmaralda]

Hi Liz, is it the same foods that make him react this way,or is it the same sort of foods that you have trouble with. Sometime kids do things because they are worried about us and express themselves in all manner of ways. I know that my daughter won't eat any kind of fruit or veg she says she don't like the texture, The once I made her eat peas, told her to eat them with her mash and she threw up in the rest of her dinner so it was inedible. The drs have never been worried about it when I have mentioned it on many occassions.

 

[LizzieBee]

:hug99:Hi Liz :hug99:

Please try to take a breath, you are aware that there may be an issue brewing and are acting on it.

I think his reaction to your question about his school dinners suggests that his 'food fussing' may be something he has seen that 'works' you. Kids are very quick to realise what to say and do for maximum effect. He perhaps is eats differently depending on who he is with and is quite capabe of eating 'normally'. A real disorder would affect all his eating to some extent. I know that any food issues ring big alarm bells in my head too - I really don't want my three daughters growing up with an unhealthy food relationship and I suspect you are the same.

Behaviour copying is something that children do when they are with people they admire. I did wonder if there was someone else he felt very close to? Maybe they could help with some real positivity around eating.

There is a delicate balance between sorting out an issue and turning into a bigger issue. I am not sure if the website beat : Welcome to beat could be of any help to you? Health visitors are a very under-used service, they can be a place to start and you could phone them very informally for a chat without your son needing to be aware.

If not there is NHS Direct or your GP. You can always involve your son later if they think that would be necessary.

I hope you have a warm Sunday with your family. You are quite obviously a very loving, caring Mum.

Liz xxx

 

[serenitylove]

poor you liz hugs x i agree with alot thats been said children are the master manipulators but i think you need to discreetly speak to the dinner ladies and find out what his eating habbits are at school ,if he is eating everything as he says at school i think the problem is more one of control than an eating disorder as such. you have changed alot in last 2 years it may be it has unsettled him kids do odd things, it may be his way of getting what he wants, health visitors can be good for advice but they only treat kids upto 5 school nurses are available and can also be very helpfull your dr surgery will put you in touch with your local one but it may be worth getting you gp to check him over if he knows you have been told nothings wrong it might help .if it is some sort of eating disorder there are good child pyscologists to help sort thru things with you, i was bulimic from my early teens and although he is younger most eating problems like that are kept as hidden as possible you dont want anyone to know the fact he is doing it in front of you might be a good sign he doesnt have a problem in that way x good luck and hope you get it sorted

 

[Brunetteandred]

Some great advice here, nothing I can add except I didn't want to read and run. :hug99:

 

[Pandora_150]

Liz2008, I am a psyc student and I have had gone looked in the DSM-IV-TR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) as I remembered reading about a case study similar to your childs. There are two eating disorders which can affect children. These are called: ​

Pica (child eating non-nutritional substances such as paint, insects, sand, pebbles...)

Rumination Disorder (repeated regurgitation and re-chewing of food) ​

As far as I can tell your son does not fit either of these criteria. However, if the behaviour of your son is reoccurring or is effecting his ability to absorb nutrients and grow appropriately then you really should go and see your GP. They will be able to refer you onto an appropriate child specialist who may be able to offer advice to both you and your son.

Don't blame yourself. Children often develop certain 'quirks' and this does not necessarily mean that you caused them! What it sounds like to me is that he is being overly controlled by his 'dinner ladies' and as such is trying to take back that control at home. He has no choice over what to eat at school therefore he is over-controlling the food at home because that is where he is 'allowed' to do it.

This is my opinion, as I am not a professional at this. Hopefully someday I will. But until then I really would advise you to speak to your GP about this behaviour. If it is upsetting you it is most likely upsetting your son.

Also, if your son is upset then he can always talk to Childline about what is going on. The number is 0800 1111. I am a strong advocate of this service as your son will be able to speak to a trained counsellor about whatever he likes and without fear of judgment or consequence. It may help him to get to the bottom of what is causing this behaviour.​

Please don't get upset by this. These types of problems can arise from any household at any age. It does not mean you are responsible for the onset of this behaviour. It really does sound like you have kept your son well informed of the procedure you have gone through, the reasons why you have chosen this and most importantly about a balanced diet!

I hope all goes well and this helps.​

xxx​

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

thankyou ladies for all your kind replies, today i asked him what he would like for lunch and he said a sundays lunch with chicken, i made this and he eats most veg which is good, i told him to tell me what items he wanted on his plate, so i only put on what he requested, he ate a bit olf each item, no gagging ect, i said eat what you want and leave what you cant manage, which he did. so im happy with that for today so far.

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

Sorry I wasnt around to answer this last night Liz when you were feeling upset.

As Helen said above, being a mum is the hardest job in the world. There isnt a rule book and no two kids are the same. Do you just have the one child Liz?

Im by no means an expert Liz, so can only tell you what I would try if it were my child, before asking for help from the GP. So, do you ask him what he wants for his meals or do you cook whatever the rest of the family are having? its hard as Helen said not to "pander" to the kids, but as long as he is eating something is better than feeling sick when he is forced to eat what you give him. Do you think it is copycat behaviour - or do you think he genuinely feels sick when he eats certain things?

Also, at 8 he is probably old enough to start helping you make dinner. Maybe getting him involved a bit more might encourage him to eat.

You could also tell him you are worried about him, and ask him if he will make a list of foods that he knows he can manage without feeling sick. Tell him he has to have at least one fruit and vegetable on the list. Depending on what he will eat, you may be able to hide other vegetables within his meal without him knowing.

My husband is the worlds fussiest eater. He doesnt eat fruit or veg. Rarely eats a normal plated dinner with the rest of the family. He tells me of when he was a child and his mum forced him to sit at the table till his meal was finished - sometimes for hours and until the food was stone cold - as she thought he was being naughty, but it honestly made him feel sick. Because of this I never force my kids to eat anything they tell me they dont like. All kids are fussy, but if he's getting to the point that he is heaving and wretching with certain foods then they are best avoided for a while.

Sorry, that turned in to a bit of a ramble hun. Try not to get upset about things.

hi sam, yes hes my only child, hes aware that im not happy about this situation, it comes and goes in phases this behaviour, as hes ok for months then starts doing it again for no apparent reason, today has been ok so far as i let him choose lunch and what he wanted to have on his plate. He loves veg, brockli, cauli, cabbage ect, but wont eat any kind of fruit because he doesnt like the feel of it in his mouth. Ive never made him finish a meal as i believe thats wrong, most days he chooses what he would like to have and leaves the rest when hes full. I shall keep you informed how this situation develops, it usually stops after a week or so then hes fine again until a certain food sets him off again.

 

[cherylxx]

hi liz,
not much i can add but just wanted to say from what u have said i would say u are doing the right things.
just one thing i would say and that is i presume since ur weightloss u have made noticable improvements not only to the way u look and feel but also to ur health.... im wondering if maybe ur son sees it as gagging/being sick has been responsible for the benefits u have made?
just trying to think in a childs world, they take things so literally and on face value u are looking and feeling better because sometimes u are sick.
i am by no means a professional, just another mother.
sounds like u are doing everything right though hun, just continue to let him help decide on meals and monitor his behaviour.

 

[charliegirl]

Hi Liz sorry this is happening for you and glad that your son has eaten ok today....dont blame yourself hun but I know being a mum goes hand in hand with guilt about a million and one things...hope you get it sorted soon..xx

 

[quetiapina]

Hi Liz, I hope that you are feeling a bit better now. Before I was medically retired I was a advisory teacher. My job was to advise teachers and parents on all forms of behaviour ( not just the hideously behaved but also where certain behaviour is causing concern).

I think that the advice is very good that you have been given. I to have the one child ( now 20) and he's certainly manipulated me plenty over the years! Anyway, for what it is worth, here is what I would be advising:

1) Keep a diary of when and how his phases of food fuss starts. Over the period of this phase, what will he eat, how does is his reaction to foods he does not like at this time change. Don't tell him about this.

2) Get in touch with School Dinner ladies immediately and ask them for their observations. If they have not observed as so busy, ask the school to ensure an eye is kept on him.

3) When food problems start you mention gagging or wretching. This can be down to anxiety. Find out from the school if there are any tests coming up, is his play pattern different ( Dinnerladies are a mine of information), has he got worries re. other children, is he being picked on at all. How is his educational progress.

4) At mealtimes, after you have given him a limited choice of items ( e.g. from this list of 4 things, choose what you want).

5). Eat with him when possible. Have a chat with him about nice things eg what has he done at school, fave teacher, best friends, what would he spend a million pounds on, things like that. Listen out for any worries. Don't bring them up at table but store away to ask in another situation so he doesn't further relate stress to food. Also I always tend to start a conversation on the child's stresses not with a question but a statement. E.g. instead of Do you find you don't get on with Miss Smith/ Peter down the road/finding it hard to keep up with the class/ classes not stretching enough, is it worrying you? I start with," It seems like your having a few problems with...lets talk about it". Turn off TV, anything else that is a distraction. If he isn't forthcoming and you are still worried bring up a few things you think maybe relevant from your own youth and how things were ok again.

5). At the dinner table, your boy has made his choices from the limited list, cooked, plate in front of him. Let him get on with it. Ignore initial protestations by continuing with "Nice things chat", this takes away emphasis from the food. After a while and if he's not eaten anything, be very factual and say it looks like we make a compromise what you eat here honey.

6). Ask HIM how much he thinks his body needs. If woefully small amount then say well, lets compromise and you put a bit back over to the "Must be Eaten" pile.

7). Don't push, but don't be pulled either. If after a reasonable time has passed and he has eaten nothing just comment mildly that he hadn't reached the compromise and what a shame this is. Offer him a range of yoghurts - he gets one for afters. When he HAS eaten the compromise food, then maybe give a more exciting afters.

Please don't fear, it is not your fault. If in some way some of the behaviours he has picked up from you (like needing to puke), there are reasons behind it that are certainly not your fault. The fact that it goes in phases shows that everything is ok, and then it's not ok. This would suggest that there is something behind the "not ok" phase so some of the above info might be helpful. It could just be he's feeling the need for attention or some problems that seem big to him. Giving attention away from the table will help and fun conversations at the table.

Hope this is of some use Liz, please try not to worry. It is not the end of the world if he eats poorly for a while, he will live, and will hopefully grow out of this behaviour in the long term. The most important thing for you is not to reinforce it accidentally by visibly worrying and offering him different foods. Even if you are worried ( and we all would be with our children), don't let it show and don't let him manipulate the situation.

Hope you have good luck in dealing with this problem Liz x

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

thankyou for your advice jenni.

 

[prinny]

I am sorry to hear about your troubles Liz, You have been given lots of good advice. I work with challanging young people with disabilities many of whom have extreme issues with food. I agree with quetiapina, anxiety can have a big impact on eating and my first port of call would be to see if he is upset about something when he is having a troubled stage with his eating. Children deal with stress in different ways, some self harm ( I have to admit my daughter has done this), others play up and be naughty . with your banding (not saying it's your fault) this may be the way he deals with lifes stress as he has picked up on your behaviour. Your obviously a good mum and have picked up on his behaviour, but your bound to see it more as he is your only child and pride and joy the stress it's causing you will be making you focus on it and upset you. Try not to worry Liz, I was quite astounded to meet a young person at work who for years has lived off ONLY monster munch and gravy and is fit and otherwise healthy!. If you try and stay chilled ignore the issues and like quentiapina said take the emphasis off food I am sure you will get through it.
Glad to see he was eating well at the minute, keep that picture in your mind when he next has an episode.xxxxxxxxx

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

i just want to say a BIG thankyou for everyones support and i really appreciate everyones comments. Today is over and its been ok, i feel alot more positive than i did 24 hours ago.
Thanks again to you all.

liz x

 

[hopelesscase]

hi liz hope yr day has been ok.
Its amaizing how much advice you have been given and im here with more. several of the children i work with have sensory intregration problems and a couple of them in particular have oral sensory problems and what you describe your son doing is them to a T. they can tolorat things one day and not another.one boy in particular goes in cycles only eating crispy stuff for weeks and then not being able to tolorate anything crispy at all and suddenly only eating spicy stuff. he cant tolorate boiled or mashed potato but can eat roast and jackets but only if certain people have cooked them.
although i work primarily with children with learning difficulties this young lad doesnt have any he just has problems with his sensory processing
here is a link for a book it may be worth having a read. the one thing we always say is run with the need at the time. its more important that your son eats something than getting so hung up on your reaction and eating nothing.

Like the others have said our kids dont come with a hand book but mums gut instinct is usually right.

take care and try not to over analise him enjoy him
carole
The Out-of-sync Child: Recognizing ... - Google Book Search

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

hi liz hope yr day has been ok.
Its amaizing how much advice you have been given and im here with more. several of the children i work with have sensory intregration problems and a couple of them in particular have oral sensory problems and what you describe your son doing is them to a T. they can tolorat things one day and not another.one boy in particular goes in cycles only eating crispy stuff for weeks and then not being able to tolorate anything crispy at all and suddenly only eating spicy stuff. he cant tolorate boiled or mashed potato but can eat roast and jackets but only if certain people have cooked them.
although i work primarily with children with learning difficulties this young lad doesnt have any he just has problems with his sensory processing
here is a link for a book it may be worth having a read. the one thing we always say is run with the need at the time. its more important that your son eats something than getting so hung up on your reaction and eating nothing.

Like the others have said our kids dont come with a hand book but mums gut instinct is usually right.

take care and try not to over analise him enjoy him
carole
The Out-of-sync Child: Recognizing ... - Google Book Search

thankyou for your reply, what your describing is exactly the way my son is, his eating today is ok, but he insisted i put his yorkshire pudding on a seperate side plate, as he doesnt like them touching the rest of the food and only gravy on certain items on his plate, its silly things like this that becomes annoying, thankyou for the link i will take a look at it.

liz

 

[thinkbethin]

Hi Liz, glad you're having a better day with Ryan. Things will work out Liz its just going to take time. Good luck xxGaynorxx